Taming Val

by Trevion Burns

  Now it was too late. He was so far passed ‘involved’ that it wasn’t even fathomable. He was taken, consumed, damn near inconsolable. It had only been a few days since their argument, but he hadn’t slept a wink. He’d grown too used to having her in his arms, that the simple act of closing his eyes without her there seemed an impossible task.

  Reggie had blasted him with the sickening reminder of why he could never have Zoey. Ever. He’d kept her at a distance because he’d had to.

  Now he knew he could never go back. He could never go back to pretending that she meant nothing to him. At the same time, he knew giving in to her would mean smashing down the last remaining wall that he’d left up to guard his heart. To guard the truth. And she could never know the truth.

  He cursed under his breath. Who the hell was he kidding? She already had smashed through that wall.

  He was hers.

  He just wasn’t sure how he could be hers, and protect her from the truth at the same time.

  His mind continued to race as he stepped into the Romanovsky house, hardly aware that his limbs were moving until he was walking into the dining room, unwrapping his scarf as he took in the sight of Gary, Roman, Leo and his dad all sitting at the table. Somewhere in the distance, he could here Bette clanking around in the kitchen.

  One face was poignantly absent.

  “Where’s Zo?” he asked.

  All three of his brothers looked up at him.

  Leo’s face was blank.

  Roman’s eyebrows clenched.

  Gary’s lip curled. “Why do you care?” he demanded.

  Val couldn’t blame Gary. For ten long years he’d been doing a stand up job of ignoring Zoey’s existence completely, now he needed an explanation whenever he walked into a room and she wasn’t there? He had to remind himself that no one in the family knew about he and Zoey’s little arrangement. Gary’s reaction to Val asking where Zoey was had been sour, borderline lethal. Val could only imagine what Gary’s reaction would be if he knew they were actually sleeping together—that they had been for weeks. Gary would end his life if he knew, Val had no doubt. Even if they were only having sex for the sake of getting her pregnant.

  Val smiled at that foolish thought.

  Before their blowout, it had been happening more and more. Nights where they didn’t have sex, at all, but still came… together. Nights where they would just go down on each other, or stroke each other to completion, and that would be that. They’d finish each other off, and go to bed. Together. The night before their big blowout over Reggie King, they hadn’t even cum, they’d just made out all night like two horny teenagers.

  Did that not defeat their purpose entirely?

  Val didn’t know what their purpose was anymore.

  He didn’t have a right to know why she wasn’t there, but he sure felt like he did.

  Was she on a date?

  Was she with Reggie?

  His stomach went sick.

  By the time Val snapped back to attention, having gone to a completely different world without realizing it, every eye in the room was on him, including his father’s.

  “Bro what is going on with you?” Leo asked, looking at Val from under his eyes while taking on a very Dr. Phil tone of voice. “You good?”

  “I’m fine,” Val said, clearing his throat. “Just relieved that I’m not going to have to sit here and listen to Zoey while she calls us her brothers all night long. I needed a break from that.”

  The confused eyes stayed confused, watching as he sat down.

  Val couldn’t blame them. Nothing about what he’d just said had rung true. He decided it best to just shut the hell up while he was, well, behind.

  “Some strange shit going down in this family lately,” Gary grumbled, immediately catching eyes with Roman, who widened his own blue eyes in return. It had been a week since they’d been hit with that bombshell at the fertility clinic, but Gary hadn’t forgotten. He knew Roman hadn’t either.

  Minutes passed, and they all picked quietly at their bread and soup. The air in the room was thick, rife with awkwardness. For fifteen quiet minutes they slurped their soup, waiting anxiously for Bette to come join them with the main course, talking their heads off with questions and adoration like she always did.

  But Roman couldn’t wait another minute. “You remember that time…” he started.

  Every eye at the table jumped to him, awash with relief. They’d all been waiting for someone to break the weird, uncomfortable silence that had somehow accumulated and, though they never imagined Roman would be the one to break it, they were thankful when he did.

  “Remember when I was ten and had that ulcer? I needed a blood transfusion, but none of you were the same blood type?”

  Roman hadn’t even looked up at anyone when asking the question, but they all still nodded, remembering that day well. It had been terrifying and frustrating, watching Roman come so close to death, and not being able to do anything to help him. They’d been lucky to find a nurse with the same blood type who’d been willing to make a quick donation, or Roman might not be sitting there with them that evening.

  Back then the doctors had insisted that, while extremely rare, it was possible for members of the same family to not have matching blood types.

  Extremely rare.

  Extremely rare. Roman had heard those two words in his head, over and over, night after night. His voice trembled as he heard them, again. “Pop, why were you a patient at a fertility clinic the year I was born?”

  Gary immediately dropped the spoon in his hand. “Oh Jesus,” he mumbled.

  Val and Leo’s curious eyes shot from Gary to Roman, and back again. They were confused by Roman’s question, and wondering what Gary knew that they didn’t.

  Tony swallowed down the food he’d just put in his mouth, with effort. Knowing the question was directed at him, he suddenly looked sick. “Excuse me?” he asked.

  “You heard me,” Roman said, sharply. He was staring a hole into the bread basket in the middle of the table, too afraid to meet his father’s eyes, but there was still a determination there. He was going to get answers if it was the last thing he did. “WHY--”

  Gary jolted as Roman raised his voice.

  Roman continued. “Were you a patient at a fucking fertility clinic, the year that I was born?”

  Tony reached for Roman, but Roman left his seat and crossed the room, going to the window. His breathing was deep, wild, as if he were on the verge of losing complete control. Roman had taken Gary’s advice. He’d kept his mouth shut for as long as he could stand. He hadn’t slept a wink in that time, and he couldn’t wait another day.

  Tony stared at his oldest son’s back, his first son, and stood from his seat as tears came to his eyes. “Why are you asking me that?”

  Roman turned to him, and the explosion that had been right on the horizon finally came to life from between his downturned lips. “Are you my biological father?”

  Val and Leo finally came to Gary’s level, and went completely still in their seats. The question had shocked them, scared them, and chilled them to the bone. They couldn’t even find the courage to look at each other. Their eyes were riveted to Tony and Roman.

  “Of course I’m your father, Roman. I held you in my arms the day you were born. I raised you. You’re my son.” Tony’s voice trembled with agony, and the tears gleaming in his eyes confirmed it.

  Gary, Leo and Val all watched with their mouths hanging open. They had never seen Tony cry. Not ever.

  “That’s not what I asked you!” Roman screamed, tears bubbling over the edge of his own eyes. They were naked with anguish, as blue and as wet and as limitless as the ocean itself. “I asked you… if you’re my biological father.”

  Tony sputtered, then clamped his mouth shut when he realized he was sputtering. He ached to reach for Roman, but he couldn’t move. The tears he’d been fighting ran wildly down his cheeks, one after the other. He wasn’t sure if they would ever stop.


  “Answer me!” Roman screamed, his voice so high that it shook the walls.

  “What in the world is going on?” Bette demanded, hurrying into the room with an apron and oven mitts on. The moment she saw the picture before her, Tony and Roman both in tears, with Roman looking capable of murder, she had her answer. “Oh no,” she said, softly.

  Val was now watching his mother in shock, and he didn’t look away until Tony spoke.

  “No,” Tony answered, before his face collapsed in tears, as if that one word had ripped his heart clear out. “No, Rome. I’m so sorry.”

  A stillness filled the room that made it hard to breathe, and the silence went on for ages. Roman grabbed his coat from the back of his chair without a word, and stormed out.

  “Roman,” Bette begged as she raced out of the room after him, followed closely by Tony and the boys.

  Roman navigated the long walk to the front door with a cool stride. Shrugging on his jacket, he didn’t bother wiping the tears flying out of his shocked eyes, and he snatched his arm back when someone tried to grab him from behind.

  “Don’t touch me,” he spat, turning and coming face to face with his mother. Seeing the terror in her eyes, the unfiltered pain, only made the pain he was feeling that much stronger. “Don’t you fucking touch me.”

  Bette faltered, stunned at his words. She could hear the footsteps of her husband and sons coming to a stop behind her. It was as if Roman’s harsh words had frozen them all where they stood. She couldn’t even find the heart to tell him not to speak to her that way, she couldn’t find the words, because she’d never had to use them with Roman. “Roman, honey… Please just…” She jolted when he pulled open the front door, and she reached for him, stopping short when he chilled her with his cold eyes once more.

  “I said don’t touch me. And don’t follow me.” He caught every eye in the room before stepping out into the frigid air, ignoring their desperate pleas for him to stay.

  They all lingered in the foyer as he slammed the door shut, no one saying a word until they heard his car start, and roar away.

  Gary looked at his father, then his mother, then back again. This went on forever until he finally found the strength to speak.

  “What the fuck?”

  ***

  Minutes later all of the shocked Romanovskys, sans Roman, were huddled together in the living area that had gone largely unused in the massive estate. Val, Leo and Gary all sat on one couch, with their parents looking stricken and guilty on the couch across from them. Bette rang her fingers anxiously, fighting tears. Tony’s tears had finally dried, but his face was still wracked with grief.

  “He’s still not answering,” Gary said, pulling his phone from his ear.

  Val jammed his eyes shut from his spot next to Gary, where he was leaning forward on his knees with his hands clasped tight in front of his lips. He craned his head towards his youngest brother, attempting to maintain a calm tone of voice. He couldn’t. His voice shook, and his irritation was noticeably present as he spoke. “He’s not going to answer, Gar. Did you not see what just fucking happened? Were you not here?”

  “Hey,” Leo suddenly said, glaring at his parents. “We’re gonna need an explanation. What the hell is going on here? Honestly? How is it possible that this is happening?”

  “Is Roman really not our brother?” Gary asked.

  Tony’s head shot to Gary. “Of course he’s your brother. Don’t ever let those words leave your mouth, again.”

  “How could you say that?” Bette sniffled. “Would you say Zoey isn’t your sister? Of course you wouldn’t.”

  “Val would,” Leo said, accusingly, while throwing Val a look.

  And, just like that, something shifted in Val, something that he knew he would never be able to shift back. He had a sudden urge to flee from the house, but the need to hear what his parents had to say about Roman outweighed that, just barely.

  Gary frowned, hating having made his mother cry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that… I’m just shocked.”

  “Explanation,” Leo said, his frustration having driven him to speak in single word demands. “Now.”

  Tony and Bette’s eyes met, and they both took a deep, trembling breath.

  ***

  Hours later a knock sounded at Zoey’s door just as she was on the verge of finishing up a freelance ad she’d been working on. She tried to quickly finish, but when the knocks intensified, she hurried to the door and opened it with a frown, shocked to be met with the sight of Val.

  Her heart instantly squeezed in her chest. She hadn’t spoken to him in days, and it had been harder than she’d imagined. She’d come close to calling him too many times to count, but her pride hadn’t allowed her to follow through. It was funny to her. She and Val had gone almost a decade, barely speaking, but now two days without him felt like pure torture.

  His nose and eyes were red and swollen. When those eyes met hers, they tinged even deeper, matching the fiery pain she felt spreading inside her body at the mere sight of him.

  He looked wrecked in every possible way. So much so that she immediately forgot about the tears, the anger, the fighting, the resentment. She forgot about it all.

  “Oh my god, Val, what’s wrong? What happened?”

  His chest heaved as if he’d been running, and he took several breaths before speaking. “There’s a reason I never called you my sister.”

  “Baby you’re shaking! Come inside,” she demanded, taking his arm and pulling him into the foyer. He immediately wrapped her in his arms, burying his head in her neck while squeezing her body to his.

  “There’s a reason,” he whispered into her neck, before kissing it softly. Her skin was warm, and slightly salty. The taste hit his tongue and he was insatiable, suckling at the skin hungrily as he kissed a tender line up her neck to her ear, which he took between his lips. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw you, Zo…”

  Zoey immediately stepped away from him, in shock.

  Val’s chest was heaving again, watching as she slowly backed away from him.

  Zoey placed a hand over her pounding heart. “Why… what? Val, what’s bringing this on?”

  Val was barely listening. “I know how much it meant to you to hear me call you that. And I know Gary, and Rome, and even Leo… they might’ve, but I never did. It’s because I never once saw you as a sister, and I don’t see you that way now.”

  “Are you trying to hurt me still, or…” she didn’t understand what was happening.

  “Baby, I’m never out to hurt you. I’m not saying this to be hurtful. I’m telling you the truth.” His voice shook with fear and adrenaline. Some distant voice in his head screamed for him to stop, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was done. “You’re the love of my life. The only love of my life. The woman who ruined me for all other women… from the moment I saw you. That’s who you are to me, that’s what you have always been, and will always be to me. Since I was seventeen, Zo.” Val covered his heart with his hands. “I fought it so hard because I was sure it would go away, but every time you touched me, or talked to me, or… smiled at me.” He waved his hand in frustration as tears came to his own eyes. They shot to his feet in shame, which only made the moisture about to boil over glisten even brighter under the moonlight seeping in through her curtains. “Zoey, I rejected you when people called you my sister, because it hurt me. It was the most painful reminder… that I could never have you, and I loved you so fucking much. Somewhere deep down I knew it was selfish, because while I put that guard up to protect myself, I was shredding you. So, yeah, I still climbed into your bed and held you when you cried, because… I didn’t know how not to.”

  Tears finally bubbled up in her eyes as all of the anger, doubt, and confusion that had been gripping her since the day she’d met him finally began to make sense.

  Val sighed. “Then I left for Cornell, and the anger set in. I was finally accepting that we would never be, and I got really angry. I took it out on
you. I fucked anything that moved. I stopped looking at you. Not because I hated you, but because it was the only way I knew how to move on from a woman I was convinced I could never have.”

  She swiped the tears from her eyes.

  “Please don’t cry, Zo.”

  “I’m just… this is a lot to take in Val.” She let her eyes search his face, not blind to the adoration swimming in his own eyes. The relief. If what he was saying was true, this was something he’d been holding onto for ten long years. He was swimming with relief. She wished she felt the same, but she had so many questions. “If this is true… you should have told me. You should have told me right from the start, Val. I would have never…” She didn’t know how to finish that sentence. She didn’t know what would be true, or what would be her speaking out of emotion. She was too afraid to speak another word.

  It was all hitting her at lightening speed. Zoey’s breath caught in her throat as the weight of the truth finally hit her. How had she never seen it? The first night he’d been inside her, he’d been overcome with emotion. He hadn’t been able to control himself. She knew that night had been more than fucking. Val had been making love to her.

  “When you offered to carry my child, I struggled with that, Zo. Then I convinced myself I could handle it.” He covered his heart as she continued to be completely unresponsive. “I convinced myself that I was past those feelings for you, that I’d worked them out. I convinced myself that it was just some teenage crush, a product of naivety and out of control hormones, but that was foolish. The second you let me inside, I understood just how fucking foolish that was.”

  “Val…” Now Zoey was struggling. “You should have told me. Why couldn’t you have told me this ten years ago?”

  “My brother’s called you sister. My parents called you daughter. You lived in my house. If I’d told anyone how madly in love with you I was, god knows what would have happened. They would’ve shipped you off somewhere. They would have shipped me off somewhere.”

  It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, either. He yearned to tell Zoey the real reason that he’d never told her how much he loved her. Flashing back to what Reggie had said to him just a few days before, his world shifted, and he wasn’t lost on the massive risk he was taking to lay himself bare to her like this. He knew he should leave her apartment right that second, and tell her everything he’d just said was a mistake. He should leave right now, disappear, and re-train his brain. Re-train himself to erase her from his psyche once more.