The Saturday Morning Park Run: A gloriously uplifting and page-turning book that will make you feel happy!

by Jules Wake

  ‘Can you open the door for me, please?’ I handed over my keys to Poppy.

  She flounced up to the front door and Ava woke briefly as I hoisted her onto my hip, gave me a sweet, sleepy smile that grabbed at my heart, and dropped her head onto my chest. I dropped a kiss on her tangled curls and hugged her, following Poppy up the path.

  ‘She’s such a baby.’ Poppy’s lip curled and as soon as she’d opened the door she marched away down the hall, leaving me to close it with my hip. I watched her go with a heavy sigh. I didn’t have the energy to rebuke her.

  I climbed the stairs carrying Ava, who was no lightweight, into her bedroom. She roused briefly as I put her down on the bed, undressing her and putting on her pyjamas before tucking her in.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and bent to kiss her rosy cheeks. Affectionate as ever, her arms snaked around my neck like a small, determined python and she tugged me down, snuggling into my neck. I smiled. She was an easy child and I relaxed, enjoying the warmth of her arms and her soft snuffly breaths against my skin. If only life were this simple and we could stay here in the lamplit dusky light.

  ‘Night, night Ava da Pava.’ The long-forgotten nickname slipped out. Gosh, I’d called her that when she was about three. I swallowed back a lump.

  ‘Night, night, Claire Bear,’ she whispered, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks as if she could barely keep her eyes open. Stroking her ever matted curls, I watched as she slipped into sleep, her rosebud mouth slackening and tiny snores whistling from her nose. My heart expanded at the sight of her, unguarded and innocent, and part of me wanted to scoop her up, hold her tight and make sure she’d always be safe.

  ‘Oh God, Alice, I hope I’m doing this right. I think Ava’s happy,’ I whispered in my own personal prayer. ‘She’s so sunny. Easy. Sometimes she reminds me of you.’ Giving Ava one last careful kiss, I stood up slowly and whispered, ‘Night, night little one,’ before I crept out of the room.

  As I came down the stairs with my mobile in my hand, I could hear the television. For some reason, this week Poppy had taken to turning the volume right up. I suspected she did it to annoy me and to drown out the noises of me tidying up the kitchen or cooking or tapping away at my laptop.

  I winced at the on-screen shouting. Probably Hollyoaks. It was a new treat for her while I put Ava to bed. A compromise on my part because I wasn’t entirely convinced it was suitable but I’d needed something that made her feel she was being treated in a more grown-up way than her sister.

  When I walked into the room, she was curled up on one end of the new sofa and studiously ignored me. Well, two could play at that game. I was too knackered to care. I’d be in bed not long after her, once I’d cleared out a few emails that I hadn’t got to today, but first I had to make myself something to eat.

  ‘Are we going to phone Mummy or not?’ The challenge rang in her voice, daring me to say no.

  ‘Well, Ava is asleep now. Why don’t we leave it until the morning, then you can both join in?’

  ‘Ava’s just a baby. I want to speak to Alice.’ Poppy slid off the sofa and lifted her chin with the defiant belligerence I was becoming used to.

  I didn’t have the energy to fight. Instead I hauled my phone out of my bag and made the call using WhatsApp. The phone rang and rang and rang. Poppy stared hard at the screen, her body rigid.

  Please pick up, Alice. Please.

  But Alice didn’t pick up.

  ‘She’s probably in bed,’ I said as gently as I could, feeling guilty because I could have handled this better. The rings finally stopped. ‘It’s after midnight there. Why don’t we phone in the morning?’ I reached out to try and hug her but Poppy swung away from me, her hands clenched in tight little fists.

  Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I let her go and watched as she threw herself onto the sofa and turned the television back on. She reminded me of a hedgehog, prickly and unapproachable, and I decided to give her some time and space. Instead, I busied myself making something to eat.

  Almost swaying with tiredness and hunger – I hadn’t stopped today – I stood in front of the grill waiting for the cheese to bubble. I was already falling into bad habits, working through my lunch hour. I sniffed and sighed. Perfect comfort food. Cheese and Marmite on toast.

  ‘Please may I have some?’

  Startled, I turned to find Poppy beside me. Her face was white and strained.

  ‘Of course. Are you hungry?’

  ‘They give you little-kids’ portions at After-school Club. Like, a tiny sausage and a spoonful of beans.’

  ‘You should have said you were still hungry.’

  Her mouth flattened and she shrugged.

  It was as close to an apology as I was going to get.

  ‘You can have one of these and I’ll make some more. Can you eat two?’

  She nodded.

  We both ate the first slice of cheese on toast standing up and I moaned. Nothing quite beats the combination of toast, melted cheese, and Marmite. Poppy gave me an uncertain smile. I raised my eyebrows at her. My stomach let out an unladylike rumble of confirmation.

  ‘Excuse me. I missed lunch.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘You must be really, really hungry.’ She looked down at her slice of toast, catching her lip between her teeth before asking, ‘Do you want this?’

  ‘No, no, you have it.’ I took another bite of my own toast. ‘I’ll make some more. You can help slice up the cheese.’

  ‘You should take a packed lunch,’ Poppy said. ‘It’s bad if you don’t eat. You’ll get too thin again.’

  I glanced at her, surprised. It almost sounded like she cared.

  ‘You’re right.’ Except, the mornings were still a rush, no matter how organised I was or how early I tried to get everyone up. Ava was painfully slow when she didn’t want to do something. Like get out of bed or get dressed. No matter what tactics I employed, I had to keep on top of her every minute, chivvying her along. Even Hilda was out of ideas.

  Together we made another round of cheese on toast and then sat on the sofa in front of the television to eat it.

  ‘Claire?’ Poppy’s voice had that leading tone indicating a question was coming.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Mum’s been away for a long time.’

  I stiffened but tried not to show it.

  ‘She has, but hopefully the road will be repaired soon.’ God, I hated lying to her. I could kill Alice.

  ‘School are worried.’

  ‘Are they?’ I tried to sound nonchalant. Shit. We’d got away with it thus far. I’d hoped by flying under the radar and keeping up with the paperwork, responding to notes, filling in the girls’ homework diaries, and doing all the right things, that the school might not notice Alice’s prolonged absence. A couple of times in the middle of the night I’d been haunted by imaginary tabloid-style headlines: Callous Mum of Two Abandons Children to Holiday in Luxury Indian Resort.

  ‘Do you think…’ She paused and turned to me, staring at me with a steady, solemn gaze. Something had been preying on her mind. ‘Do you think she’ll come back?’

  ‘Of course, she will,’ I said, my heart leaping into my mouth. ‘Absolutely.’

  She lifted her shoulders and her eyes held mine but she gnawed at her lip before lifting her thumb to chew at the nail. I’d noticed her doing it over the last few days. ‘What would happen… if… what if you didn’t want me and Ava to stay anymore?’

  ‘Oh, Poppy.’ I put my arm around her. ‘As long as your mum is away, I’ll look after you.’

  ‘George Dawkins at school says we’d have to go into care.’ I realised that since we’d sat down, she’d sidled closer and was now almost thigh to thigh with me.

  ‘Well, George Dawkins can bog off, because there’s no way you two are going anywhere while I have anything to do with it.’

  Poppy snorted a little at my vehemence and unexpected language.

  ‘You,’ I said, my voice fierce with unshed tears, ‘are
staying right here, with me.’ I put my arm around her and pulled her close. Poor kid. Both she and Ava had had their lives turned upside down and had taken it really well. Alice and I were very different in our approaches. With a flash of realisation, I understood. Poppy needed some surety, some guarantee. I lifted her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. ‘You’re both staying here with me until your mum comes home.’

  ‘Promise?’ Her muffled voice came from my chest where she’d buried her head.

  ‘Promise.’ I stroked her hair, trying to soothe her, feeling her rigid body huddled against mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  True to form, Ava hadn’t cleaned her teeth and her plait had already started to come undone.

  We’d tried calling Alice twice this morning but time was running out and if I was going to get my train, we needed to leave the house in the next ten minutes. Ava had taken not being able to speak to Alice quite philosophically. Poppy had disappeared downstairs, not saying a word.

  ‘Ava, bathroom, now,’ I said. ‘We’re leaving in five minutes and if you’re not ready…’ She beamed at me, waiting for the empty threat, her big blue eyes guileless.

  ‘I’m nearly, nearly, nearly ready. Just need to put my dolls back to bed. They’re very tired.’

  So was I. Ava had made a midnight incursion into my bed and done an Exocet heat-seeking missile thing and plastered herself to me. One of us had then slept soundly; the other hadn’t. I was knackered. It was a measure of how unsettled Ava was; unlike Poppy, she wasn’t able to verbalise it and I wondered if she even realised it herself. In many ways, she was a simple, sunny character.

  ‘They can sleep while you’re at school. Bathroom.’ I pointed to the frosted glass door, dredging up the French word Dad had always used when Alice and I were kids and he wanted us to get into the car. ‘Immédiatement.’ Watching her go, I darted into my room and yanked on my trainers in preparation for my quick hike from school to the station and ran down stairs. It was all about precision timing these days but we were into a good routine. Today was a big day. Tonight was the volunteers’ meeting and the good news for the girls was that Hilda was picking them up from school at three-fifteen, so no After-school Club today.

  At least I could rely on Poppy to be organised and when I walked into the kitchen, there she was at the table, her uniform neat, her school bag packed and… she gave me a tentative smile and held out a Tupperware box. ‘I made you lunch.’

  My heart went into freefall as I stopped dead, staring at the plastic box and sudden tears pricked my eyes. ‘Oh, Poppy.’

  I took the box, my eyes on her narrow, pointed pixie face as her chin lifted in wary defence awaiting my response. I swept her into a hug, feeling her thin frame. ‘Thank you.’ I sniffed, my voice distinctly wobbly. ‘You didn’t have to do that. I’m supposed to be looking after you.’

  ‘It’s only a cheese sandwich and I put in a Twix and an apple and a cherry tomato.’ She shot me a cautious smile as if still uncertain of my reaction.

  ‘I love you, Poppy Harrison.’ I gave her a fierce kiss on the forehead. ‘That’s the nicest thing anyone has done for me for a long time.’ I paused. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t get through to your mum this morning. We’ll try again another time.’ I’d sent a stinking text to Alice saying she needed to speak to the girls.

  ‘S’okay,’ she muttered looking down at her feet. ‘Is that Ava ready yet?’

  ‘That Ava had better be.’ I grabbed my laptop rucksack containing my heels and my handbag and went into the hall, scooping Ava’s duffle coat from the peg.

  ‘Ava, we’re going.’ A second later, she clattered down the stairs, her white knee socks baggy around her ankles and her hair somehow even more rumpled than before. Sometimes I wondered if her DNA contained scarecrow genes.

  ‘Right, remember that Hilda is picking you up from school tonight.’ I stood in the hall by the newel post.

  ‘Yes. And it’s the volunteer meeting.’

  ‘An’ we can come.’ Ava danced around my feet as I checked we had book bags, PE kits, lunches, and water bottles.

  ‘And help,’ added Poppy with a little officious nod of her head.

  ‘You can come,’ I agreed, although I was a bit worried about Ava having too late a night and being more of a hindrance than a help, but since Hilda had been instrumental in setting up the parkrun, it wouldn’t have been fair to ask her to babysit. Poppy had been given clipboard duties and I knew I could rely on her to fulfil them with her usual careful diligence.

  ‘An’ when is Hilda coming for a sleepover?’

  ‘On Friday. Tomorrow.’ Oh God, it was tomorrow. Friday was tomorrow.

  ‘And you’re going out with Ash,’ said Poppy, her big eyes strained.

  ‘Yes. We’re just going for dinner,’ I said in a calm voice, ignoring the quick flash of excitement at the thought of seeing him on my own, in a restaurant, on a date.

  ‘And Hilda’s staying here.’ There was deep suspicion in her eyes as they anxiously tacked across my face.

  ‘Yes, but only because if we’re late, she can go to bed whenever she wants. It wouldn’t be fair to keep her up.’

  ‘But you are coming home,’ insisted Poppy, holding my gaze with determined doggedness.

  ‘I’m definitely coming home, yes.’ I hoped I didn’t betray the tiny flicker of thought that I might not come home straight away.

  The rest of the day whizzed by with infuriating speed when I had so much to do at work and had to leave early, and although I could feel my stress levels starting to rise, they were tempered by growing excitement. Tonight’s meeting was Phase II of the parkrun programme, bringing us one step closer to making it a reality. Since that life-affirming moment when I passed the finish line in Tring, setting up the parkrun had become a mission, driving me through each week with purpose and resolve. Although I had the girls, my job, Hilda, and a tentative feel-your-way friendship with Ash, the run was the goal that was shaping all our lives. We were all completely invested and the excitement as all five of us, and of course Bill, gathered that evening in my hallway was almost tangible.

  ‘Have we got everything?’ I asked, looking around at my assembled troops. Poppy nodded as she clutched a handful of pens in one hand, her arms nursing half a dozen clipboards I’d borrowed from work. Perhaps I was being a little over optimistic as I didn’t think more than a handful of people, if that, were going to turn up.

  I checked my bag one last time: mobile, notepad, pen, and the usual selection of drinks and snacks to keep Ava going in case she got bored.

  ‘All set.’

  ‘Don’t forget Elaine next door,’ reminded Ava.

  As if I could. As soon as we opened the front door, Elaine yelled, ‘Yoo-hoo!’ from her own front garden. I think she’d been lurking behind her door for the last half hour. After effusive hellos, she struck up a conversation with Hilda and I fell into step next to Ash, now having acquired Poppy’s stationery as she was desperate to hold Bill’s lead.

  ‘Evening,’ he said in a low for-your-ears-only voice. ‘How are you? How’s your week been? What’s it like being back?’

  ‘Good. Busy.’

  He studied my face. ‘Not too busy.’

  I sighed. The familiar sensation that something bad was about to happen had surfaced a couple of times this week. ‘I’m coping.’ He raised that familiar eyebrow. ‘The girls are fed and clothed and I’ve picked them up on time. Just about.’

  ‘And really?’

  ‘I’m trying really hard to be aware of my stress points. This week I said no to a crazy deadline.’

  ‘Well done.’

  I shrugged, not ready to admit that being back at work wasn’t giving me the same sense of purpose or of being an important cog in a big, important wheel that it once had.

  ‘If anything, it’s the girls I’m worrying about. Especially Poppy. She really hates After-school Club and some horrible child told her she’d get put into care.’

  ‘What a
shit.’

  ‘I know. I think I reassured her but poor kid. It’s so unsettling not knowing when her mum is coming back. I feel so damned inadequate.’ Without saying anything, his hand sought out mine and gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. That unspoken touch offering support and solidarity almost made me cry. Instead, I squeezed his hand back. ‘It helps having all this stuff going on outside of work. Having something to focus on like the parkrun, which throws up something new every day. It helps me switch off from work. I haven’t got time to worry about my job once I get home. I’d far rather think about what we’re doing and the goal… how great it’s going to be when we get it all set up.’

  ‘I know exactly what you mean. Instead of worrying about when I’ll hear back from a job application, I do a bit on the parkrun. I’ve worked out how we’ll manage the finishing funnel, the tokens, and the timekeeping and I’ve had a couple of chats with Darren. We’re getting there.’ His job was working out all the procedures and processes to make it all happen.

  ‘It’s all starting to come together.’ I squeezed his hand back. ‘I’m missing my daily runs.’

  ‘I miss them too.’

  We stared at each other for a moment, my eyes dropping to his lips. With a rueful smile, he looked around at our potential audience and bumped my hand against his hip in a quick private promise. Although we’d exchanged plenty of messages this week, it wasn’t the same as the daily contact that we’d got used to.

  ‘I’m worried I’m going to lose all the fitness I’ve built up. I was doing so well with my training.’ I’d actually got up 5k. ‘But… I can’t leave the girls alone in the house in the morning and we’re getting up at half six as it is.’

  ‘We could go out on Saturday. I’m sure Hilda wouldn’t mind babysitting.’ He gave me a quick grin. ‘Or perhaps you could ask Elaine.’

  I widened my eyes. ‘She does like to talk.’