by Jules Wake
Once I’d handed in my notice, things started to change at a pace, and not just at work. I’d had a very uncomfortable meeting with the headteacher at the school on Tuesday when I explained that Alice wasn’t coming home any time soon. Inevitably, social services had to be involved; she had no choice and I understood that, but she was also very supportive. ‘Both Poppy and Ava’s teachers have commented how much more settled the girls have been in recent weeks and how much progress they’ve made, particularly Ava. I will, of course, make this known to social services. Don’t worry. The school will back you and it’s always in the best interests of the children to keep family together.’
‘Thank you,’ I whispered gratefully, worried I might cry. ‘I’m going to apply for a Special Guardianship Order. But I’d be grateful if you didn’t say anything to Poppy or Ava at the moment. They still think their mum is stranded… I’m going to have to tell them the truth.’
At which point the headteacher began to cry, which really disconcerted me. ‘It’s so sad. I don’t know your sister very well… we did try to have her in a couple of times but she… was quite evasive.’
‘Alice doesn’t like authority.’
‘Yes. I can see that now. There were a few concerns about the girls’ lack of progress, especially Poppy. She’s a very bright girl and she needs stretching. I realise now that perhaps your sister wasn’t coping. It’s not easy being a single mother.’
‘No,’ I agreed dryly, resolving to phone Farquhar as soon as I got home. I’d been trying to put off the application for the Special Guardianship Order for as long as possible but now I realised that both the girls and I needed a sense of permanence in our lives and that I was going to have to sit them down very soon and tell them the truth.
I left the head’s office and went to collect the girls from outside their classrooms.
‘Why are you here?’ asked Poppy, her tone a touch belligerent. ‘Where’s Hilda?’
‘I worked from home this afternoon and I thought I’d pick you up for a change. Hilda’s gone to a tea dance and then she’s walking Bill.’ I didn’t want to let her know that I’d been to see the head. She’d only worry and then start asking questions. Poppy wasn’t stupid.
Ava held my hand and chattered sunnily about her day, giving inconsequential details about who’d been weather monitor, how many meatballs she’d had for lunch, and what colour skipping rope she had at breaktime. ‘And I got another sticker for reading today.’
‘That’s brilliant, sweetie. We’ll do some more this evening. Hold up, Poppy,’ I called to the older girl who’d put quite a distance between us. ‘Wait for us.’
Poppy turned around, sent a ferocious glare my way, and then threw herself against a wall, folding her arms across her chest with all the sneering arrogance of a fully-fledged teenager.
Because she’d done as I asked, albeit with a bagful of attitude, I decided to leave well alone and not push her to find out what was wrong. She’d been difficult since the weekend and I wondered if it was hormones starting to make themselves felt; she was eleven, so the timing was bang on the button.
We caught up with her and then she decided she would trail behind us. By the time Ava and I reached the road on the other side of the park, with my house in view, she was four metres behind us, walking deliberately slowly.
I clenched my fists and tried to be patient, knowing that my own anxiety was starting to rise at the thought of having to face Ash in the next couple of hours as he’d be coming to pick up Bill as per our usual arrangement.
Hilda arrived back not much later than us and, thankfully, the sight of Bill’s shaggy head seemed to cheer Poppy up until teatime.
‘What’s wrong with her?’ asked Hilda in a quiet aside as we stacked the dishwasher together. ‘And since when hasn’t she liked tomatoes?’
‘Hormones, I think.’
‘Hmm, I was always quite glad I had a boy.’
‘I remember Alice being hell on wheels’—I winced—‘from about fourteen to sixteen… and then she got pregnant. My poor parents. She’s been hormonal ever since.’
‘Have you heard from them?’
‘Yes.’ I raised my eyes heavenwards. ‘They’re in denial. I had a long email from Mum. She believes Alice is having a protracted holiday and will be home soon.’
‘And no word from her.’
‘No.’
‘I didn’t like to ask how it went with the head, pas devant les enfants.’
‘We’ve hit crunch time. She’s going to inform social services and I’ll have to have a meeting with them so I need to get the ball rolling with Farquhar to apply through the court for the Special Guardianship Order. I’m going to call him later.’
‘Hmph. You two seem like bosom buddies all of a sudden.’
‘He’s very kindly helping me – free of charge, for which I’m very grateful. Farquhar isn’t as bad as you painted him and he does care about you.’
‘Hmm. The boy wants to see a couple of bungalows this weekend. Says he’s coming to the parkrun and why don’t we view the one on Long Acre Road and one on Abernathy Road – actually, that one’s a ground-floor maisonette but it’s all right. It’s a conversion, so has the high ceilings that I prefer and a bit of grandeur about it. I’d be happy entertaining in a place like that. I don’t want to live in a soulless box. And what’s this I hear about a dog-sitter? Ash tells me Bill’s having a trial tomorrow.’
I winced and glanced over at Poppy who was once again stabbing at her mobile and viciously scrolling.
‘Ash and I are cooling off a bit,’ I said in a quiet undertone.
‘Cooling off?’ Hilda’s fierce whisper attracted Poppy’s attention. ‘What on earth does that mean?’
‘Shh.’ I grabbed her arm and steered her into the lounge.
‘What?’
‘I don’t want the girls to know.’
‘To know what?’
‘That Ash isn’t going to be around as much.’
‘Whyever not?’
‘I told you, we’ve decided to… to be friends.’
Hilda snorted rudely. ‘There’s enough heat between the two of you to start an inferno. I think the pair of you should just have sex and be done with it. I’m surprised your ruddy knickers haven’t caught fire; when the two of you are in the same room they’re practically smouldering.’
‘Hilda!’
‘Well, you know what I mean.’
‘Sadly, I do and that’s part of the problem. There’s plenty of chemistry but no substance.’
‘What poppycock.’ She slammed her coffee down on one of the little side tables, ignoring the liquid slopping over the sides. ‘I’ve never heard so much rubbish in my life and I’ve heard a lot, I can tell you. My second husband could… well, that’s for another time. Why on earth would you want to do that?
‘Hilda, Ash is building his career. In no time he’ll be back to being Ashwin Laghari, International Arms Dealer, not Ash who’s got a dog, two kids in tow, an honorary grandma and a formerly high-flying girlfriend. He’s going to move on and I don’t want to be left burnt out in his wake.’
‘Claire, that’s absurd. The two of you are… well, I wouldn’t say perfect – that’s too twee for you two – but you make a great team. I suppose that is what “perfect for each other” means. You’re both always on the same page. I don’t understand.’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘Ash will be back to his workaholic ways in no time. We were on the same page when we were both like that.’
‘Hmph. Well, I think you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face.’
‘It’s called self-preservation.’
When Ash turned up half an hour later, Hilda lifted a snooty nose and said she and Ava were going to play with the ducks in the bath.
‘What’s she in a snit about?’ asked Ash, placing his laptop bag on the kitchen table and crouching to accept Bill’s happy welcome while also giving Poppy a warm hello. ‘Hey pipsqueak, how was the maths homework?’
‘I got them all right.’ She beamed at him, the happy grin lifting her pale face. It was the most animated she’d been since I picked her up from school. ‘Ten out of ten.’
‘Phew!’ He wiped his forearm across his forehead in mock relief.
Darn, who was going to help with her maths and science homework in future?
Poppy handed him Bill’s lead. ‘See you tomorrow, Bill.’ She bent and ruffled his ears.
Ash and I both froze, our eyes meeting over the top of her head.
‘Actually, Poppy, Bill’s not coming tomorrow.’
Poppy glanced up at his face, curious at first and then alarmed. ‘Why? What’s happened?’
‘I’m sorry, Pops, but Bill’s getting very confused about where he lives and because he’s a rescue dog, he’s getting a bit anxious. This is best for him.’ He explained that from next week, dependent on tomorrow’s trial, Bill would be going to a dog-sitter who would take him out for a nice long walk every day.
‘But when can I see him?’ Poppy asked with an anguished cry.
Ash swallowed but, to give him credit, he didn’t look my way. Even so, I felt horribly guilty. This was my fault but it was protecting all of us in the long run.
‘You can still see him at the parkrun every Saturday.’
‘But…’ Poppy’s lip quivered. ‘Why are adults always so mean? You tell lies. You don’t stay. And you pretend. Why won’t you just tell the truth?’ She stood up and stormed out of the room and slammed her bedroom door so hard that the whole house shook.
‘Well that went well,’ said Ash, glaring at me.
‘She’s been in a difficult mood since Saturday,’ I said. It seemed the slightest thing triggered her instant flare ups and champion-standard door slamming these days.
‘What, since you dumped me?’
‘Ash,’ I threw my head back and huffed out a long sigh. ‘I didn’t dump you. I’m just making things easier for you.’
‘Or for you, perhaps.’
‘How do you figure that?’
He pushed a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t know. Not having to explain to them when I have to let you all down. I forgot about taking them to the cinema. I feel really bad about that and you didn’t mention it.’
‘Exactly,’ I said crisply. ‘No point upsetting everyone.’
‘Were they very disappointed?’
‘Poppy more so than Ava. I told them you paid for the tickets and that it was your treat even though you couldn’t come along. You also bought them Maltesers and Minstrels. You owe me £4.60.’
He winced. ‘I’m sorry.’ His eyes showed genuine regret. ‘I get your point now. And now I feel like a real shit, especially as I’m going to ask one last favour and then I really will stay out of your hair. This Thursday, I have a really big meeting with the board. An all-dayer. I’m leaving early and I’ll be back late. Can I ask you to have Bill all day Thursday and overnight until Friday? I shouldn’t ask, should I? It’s not fair on Poppy, is it?’ Guilt softened his eyes. ‘Everything you said. You’re right. Shit. I’m sorry, Claire.’
Tears welled up in my eyes and I swallowed hard. ‘You see.’
‘I do. I’m sorry. I’ll find an alternative arrangement.’
I was touched that he was so worried about Poppy’s feelings.
‘Don’t worry. We’ll get over it. Children are very resilient. And no doubt she’ll use every bargaining chip she has to get me to let Bill sleep on her bed.’
‘You sure?’
I nodded, trying hard not to give in to temptation and meet his eyes. Instead, I gave him a perfunctory smile. Being in the same room was too much like temptation. I wanted to lean in to that broad chest and let him fold his arms around me. It would have been so much easier to give in and keep seeing him but I knew it would only prolong the heartache at a later stage.
Thank goodness we didn’t sleep together again.
And then I wished I hadn’t let that thought come to fruition because now I’d have a lifetime of regret. I would never get to sleep with Ashwin Laghari again.
‘Is it okay if I drop him off at seven?’
‘What?’ My mind was still caught up in the fantasy of his golden chest and those predatory tiger eyes. ‘Sorry, yes. He can walk to school with us and then I’ll bring him back here, get the later train to work and then Hilda can come in at two.’
‘Thanks Claire. I want to kiss you… but I guess that’s out of the question now.’
My heart clenched. ‘’Fraid… so.’ I had to force the words past the huge lump in my throat.
‘Right, well I’ll be off then. See you Thursday.’
He gave me a glum smile, called to Bill, and left.
I watched him stride down the front garden, the dog at his heels. He didn’t look back once, thank goodness. Not that he could have seen my tears from that distance.
Chapter Thirty-Five
On Thursday morning, Poppy was overly bright and cheerful during breakfast, as if she was trying to make amends for the last few days’ sulks without actually saying sorry. I recognised the tactic. It was the exact same one I’d used with my mother.
‘Go up and clean your teeth, both of you. I can see Ash and Bill.’ I waved through the kitchen window. Poppy, instead of going upstairs, diverted to the front door to welcome Bill.
‘Morning,’ I said to Ash over Poppy’s crouched body where she was fussing with her pal. ‘Poppy, teeth. You can see Bill in a minute and he’s coming on the school run this morning.’
‘Okay,’ she huffed and dashed up the stairs.
‘Thanks for this, Claire. I really appreciate it.’
‘No prob—’ I made the mistake of looking at him properly and the words died in my mouth. Oh my, Ashwin Laghari, firing on all cylinders. All that sexy charisma slammed into me and I felt like I’d taken a hit.
‘N-nice suit,’ I managed. Silhouetted against the sun, his broad shoulders filled the doorway and the perfectly tailored suit emphasised what was under it a little too well.
‘Thanks.’ The warm, almost shy, smile made my knees go weak and my pulse take off at an untenable pace. Would I ever get over that initial lightning bolt of lust and attraction every time I saw him?
‘Good luck today,’ I said, trying to sound brisk and businesslike. ‘I hope it goes well. What time are you on?’
‘I’m presenting the budget to the board at eleven but we’re starting the meeting at nine.’
‘I’m sure they’ll be extremely impressed with their new financial director.’ Unable to help myself, I reached out and touched his arm. ‘Knock ’em dead, Ash. I know you’ll be brilliant.’
‘Thanks, Claire. I’d better go. Be good, Bill.’ He turned and then paused with his back to me. I swallowed, studying the line of his suit.
With a sudden turn he faced me again, leaned forward and pulled me towards him. The kiss surprised me and I was just getting used to the idea when he stepped away, shot me a crooked smile, and said, ‘Gotta go. Think of me.’
And then the bastard strode down the front path without a backward glance, leaving me touching my lips and sighing like some forties ingenue. Inside, I was all fired and ready for action and he’d just left me hanging.
I stepped out of the front door as he swung into the Porsche and spotted Elaine next door, who crossed her hands over her heart and gave me a big smile. ‘So romantic.’
‘Hmph,’ I grunted, wanting nothing more than to slam the door. Instead I shut it very firmly and carefully. Bloody man. What did he go and do that for?
‘You can’t bring Bill onto school property.’ Poppy stood barring my way on the path at the school gate.
‘Oh, that’s right. I’ll just tie him up here.’
‘No!’ Poppy almost sounded panicked.
‘It’s all right. He’ll be okay for a minute.’
‘I’ll take Ava.’ I smiled at her uncharacteristic bossiness; she was definitely growing up. ‘I can take her to her classroom. I don’t mind.’<
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‘Fine. Yes, if you want to.’
‘You’d better go. You don’t want to be late for your train.’ She almost turned me around and packed me off.
Thanks to her consideration, I caught the train before the one I had planned and had a lovely chat with Bryan, who was also running late, and consequently was only a little later than usual to work. The morning had gone so smoothly that it never occurred to me something wasn’t right.
Alarm bells began to ring when I received an automated text from the school advising me that my child was absent and I should ring to explain the absence. I’d had one before and it had been an error. Ava’s teacher hadn’t marked her in. Since I was about to go into a meeting, I very nearly ignored it, knowing that I’d dropped off both girls myself but some sixth sense made me stop.
‘I’ll be there in a minute,’ I said to Dave. ‘I just need to make a quick call.’
‘Hi, it’s Claire Harrison. I had a text saying one of the girls is absent,’ I said, as soon as the call connected.
‘Yes, Miss Harrison. Thanks for calling. We just need to know why Poppy isn’t in school.’
‘But she is. I dropped her off myself.’
The lady on the other end of the line tutted. ‘Well, she’s been marked absent in the register. I’ll just send someone down to let the teacher know and change the register.’
I could hear muffled voices, as if she’d put her hand over the receiver, despite which I heard her asking one of her colleagues to go down to Mrs Philips’s class and see if Poppy Harrison was present. I tapped my fingers on the table, a little irritated. Kind as she was, I felt like she was fussing. I knew Poppy was there because I’d taken her.
Then she came back to me. ‘I’m sure it’s just an error but we always check. Do you want to hang on a minute until Mrs Turner gets back?’
I waited, giving a thumbs up to Dave who’d popped his head out of the meeting room mouthing, ‘Do you want coffee?’
