by Jules Wake
‘Erm, Miss Harrison,’ the school secretary’s voice sounded strained, ‘can I call you back?’
I sat up, jolted into alertness by the unexpected words. ‘Why? What’s happened? Where’s Poppy?’
‘She’s not in class but some of them have gone to the church… and we’re just checking as she might be with that group. We’re just trying to get hold of the TA who’s with them.’
‘But she must be there. I dropped her…’ Poppy’s face, as she helpfully pushed me away, popped into my head along with the careful calculation in her eyes.
‘I dropped her and Ava at the gate. I had a dog with me. They walked up the path together. Ava’s there, isn’t she?’
‘I’ll… I’ll just check. Do you want to stay on the line?’ She put me on hold and I put my phone down, staring at it.
Poppy had to be at school. Where else would she be?
Finally, a new voice spoke down the phone. ‘Hello, Miss Harrison? This is Mrs Cummings, the headteacher; we met on Tuesday. I’m sorry about this but the teacher hasn’t seen Poppy today. She’s not in class or on the trip.’
‘Well, where is she then? She must be somewhere in the school? Have you checked everywhere?’ But where else would Poppy be? She was a conformist sort of child, not the kind that would run away or hide in school. ‘She must be there.’ She had to be because if she wasn’t… where was she? I stopped and leaned over the table, my forehead touching the surface.
Calm down, Claire. She’ll be there.
‘Poppy must be there. I saw her walk into the grounds of the school.’
‘Is there any chance she might have gone home? Does she have her own key? Sometimes children who are unsettled… have you told her about her mum yet?’
‘No, not yet. And she doesn’t have a key.’
‘Are you at home?’
‘No, I’m at work.’
‘Do you have a friend or neighbour who could go there and check, to see if she is there. Oh… hold on a minute.’
More muffled talking.
Please let them have made a mistake. Please let them have found her.
‘It turns out that one of the girls in her class did see her in the playground this morning but hasn’t seen her since. We’re going to conduct a thorough search of the school and check our CCTV footage. In the meantime, perhaps you could get someone to check on the house?’
I nodded numbly, before realising she couldn’t see me. ‘Yes. Erm… I’ll do that straight away.’ But what if she wasn’t there and she wasn’t in school? What then? What did I do?
‘I’m afraid if she’s not there, we’ll have to call the police.’
This can’t be happening.
Where is she?
Hi Sweetie. Please text me. Let me know you’re safe. Love you xxxxxxxxx
What else could I say? But if she texted back I could go from there.
I stared at the screen, willing to see the dots to indicate that Poppy was typing.
Please Poppy. Let me know you’re okay.
Nothing.
With shaking fingers, I called Hilda and explained the situation.
‘Can you go to the house? The school says Poppy isn’t there. They’re searching the building but just in case she went home…’
‘Don’t worry. She’s a sensible girl.’
‘But why isn’t she there? And where would she go?’ My voice squeaked and Karen, who was walking past, stopped in the doorway with a quizzical frown. ‘It’s not like she has any… Actually, Hilda, when you’re in the house, can you check in her bedroom? In the top drawer beside her bed, there’s a little beaded purse covered in ladybirds. Can you see if it’s there?’
Poppy had always been good with money. She was a regular little hoarder of her pocket money and birthday money.
‘I’ll call you as soon as I’ve checked the house. But don’t go borrowing trouble.’ I tucked my phone in my pocket, praying that Poppy would be at home.
‘Everything all right?’ asked Karen.
I stared up at her, the enormity of it sinking in. ‘No. One of my nieces has gone missing.’
I snatched up my mobile fifteen minutes later, most of which had been spent pacing and feeling sick while Karen kept offering me coffee and glasses of water. ‘Hilda? Is she there?’
‘Sorry, Claire, she isn’t and’—Hilda’s voice dropped—‘the purse is missing.’
‘Oh God.’ I clutched my head with my other hand. ‘Where could she have gone?’ It just wasn’t like Poppy. She wasn’t a street-savvy kid. She didn’t catch buses to places. She wasn’t one of those kids who hankered to go into the city. She was a homebird, happy with her books and her own space. Where would she have gone? The library. The park. Those were the only places she went to on her own. It wasn’t as if she was used to using public transport. You could walk everywhere in Churchstone.
‘Have you let Ash know?’
‘No.’ Even to myself I sounded defensive.
‘I think you should.’ Her calm, even tone made me answer with less belligerence.
‘What can he do?’
‘He’s close to Poppy. She talks to him when they walk Bill. He might have an idea. Besides, he’d want to know.’
She was right; Ash would want to know. He deserved to know. Guilt punched hard with the realisation that I was the one pushing him out of our funny little family and also the sudden awareness that I was doing it because I was scared. Scared that he would move on when I’d fallen hard.
‘In the meantime, I could round up a few people and we could search the park. She might have gone there; it’s a familiar place. Somewhere she might go if she’s feeling upset or sad.’ Though her voice was strong, I could tell Hilda was as worried as I was but I knew she wouldn’t want me worrying about her, about her age, or whether she should be doing this. It would be insulting to her so instead of saying, please sit down and take care of yourself, I said, ‘That’s a good idea. If you give Janie and Penny a ring, they might be able to help and round up some people to search for her. Try the library, as well.’
Deep breath, Claire.
‘I’ll call Ash. Then I’ll let the school know she’s not at home.’ I glanced at my watch. It was nearly eleven o’clock; he was already in his meeting and he was about to do his big presentation. He probably wouldn’t answer. Maybe a text would be better.
My fingers were too fumbly for a text. I called him, overwhelmed by the rush of relief when I heard his voice.
‘Ash! I didn’t think you’d answer.’
‘Hang on,’ I heard voices in the background and then a door close. ‘You wouldn’t call unless it was important. What’s wrong?’
‘It’s Poppy. She’s gone missing—’
‘Missing?’
‘Yes, I dropped her off at the school gate this morning but she isn’t at school. Hilda’s at the house. Her purse is missing. She had about thirty pounds. I don’t know what to do. I know she talks to you. Have you any idea… has she said anything?’
‘No… nothing in particular. I know she’s been fretting about Alice not being in touch. Remember, she used my phone hoping that Alice might pick up a call from a strange number.’
‘Thirty pounds isn’t going to get her to India.’
‘If she is in India…’ Ash said slowly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Hang on a minute. I’ll call you straight back. I need to check something.’
‘Check what?’
He hung up.
I threw my head back in frustration but he called back almost immediately.
‘Alice isn’t in India.’
‘What?’
‘I just called her number. It’s not an overseas ringtone. Where are you?’ There was sudden urgency in his voice.
‘I’m at work but I’m going to go home right now.’
‘Stay there; I’m coming to get you.’
‘But—’
‘I’ll see you in ten minutes. Be out front?’
&nbs
p; ‘But your presen—’
‘Claire, give me some fucking credit.’ And with that he cut me off.
The Porsche screeched to a halt outside Cunningham, Wilding and Taylor. Karen gave me a hug and then squeezed both my hands. ‘Let me know when you find her. And if there’s anything I can do.’
‘W-Will do,’ I said, desperately trying not to cry.
When I scrambled into the low-slung seat, Ash unpeeled his hands and opened his arms. ‘Sorry I yelled.’
‘Oh Ash…’ I did my best to hold it together while he held me against his chest. ‘I d-don’t know w-where she could be. And she’s so y-young and… and…’
His hand cupped the back of my head, rubbing a soothing hand down my back, pressing a kiss onto my forehead.
I hauled in a snotty, tearful breath. ‘Sorry… it’s just… I feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. Or what made her run away. Is this my fault? Is it about Bill?’
Ash kissed my face again and put his hands on my upper arms, as if to anchor me.
‘It’s okay, Claire. I’ve got an idea where she might have gone and none of this is your fault. I’m pretty sure it’s all down to your bloody sister. I’ve never met her and I want to wring her neck.’
I pulled back and looked into his face, my eyes blurred with tears. With a knuckle, he brushed away a tear. ‘We’ll find her.’
‘Where do you think she is?’
‘Harrogate, is my guess. Are you friends with your sister on Facebook?’
‘No, she blocked me a long time ago.’
‘Poppy is. I think she’s gone to find Alice.’
‘Oh.’ His words hit hard. Even though I knew Poppy was a young girl so of course she wanted her mum, it still hurt. ‘She’s spent an awful lot of time poring over her phone these last few days. And acting up.’
‘Does your sister have friends in Harrogate?’
I pulled a face. ‘I’m not sure. Maybe. Possibly some old school friends. We grew up there. My parents live there. Why Harrogate?’
‘Poppy asked me how far away it was.’
I sat back in my seat. ‘That would make sense.’ I bit my lip. ‘My parents’ place. That’s where Alice would go. They’re not back for a while yet. She knows where they keep the spare key. Yeah, that’s where Alice would go.’
‘So that’s where we’re headed. We’ll find her, Claire.’ He laid a hand on my clenched fingers.
‘Do you think I need to let the police know? They called me and asked me to meet them at the house. I said I’d be there in an hour.’
‘Harrogate’s only half an hour away. It would take you longer to get back to Churchstone by train. And this is a guess. Is there any point saying anything? I can get you back home in an hour.’
‘It’s a good guess. Poppy’s not an adventurous or particularly bold child. Going somewhere that’s slightly familiar – she’s been to her grandparents’ hundreds of times – that makes much more sense.’ I sucked in a harsh breath. ‘But how would she get there? And how would she know?’
‘Bus. There’s a bus that leaves the market square every two hours. There was one at ten past nine this morning. She could have easily looked it up on the internet. She’s a smart cookie.’
‘Yes, but not street smart. What if someone… offered her a lift or something?’
‘Don’t think like that. It’s highly unlikely.’
Despite his words, I did think like that for the next half hour.
‘Take the next right. And then left.’
We finally pulled up on the leafy street outside my parents’ rambling detached 1930s home. They’d lived here for over thirty years and had planted the wisteria that now climbed up the front porch and curled around the window of the master bedroom on the first floor. I leapt out of the car and raced up the gravel drive, ringing the doorbell like a crazy woman, Ash hot on my heels.
The house seemed empty and for a moment I thought we’d come on a fool’s errand but then the door peeled open and Alice peered out. She was all mascara-smudged eyes, tousled hair, and she was wearing a cotton kimono-style dressing-gown.
She blinked in the sunlight.
‘Alice!’ Until she opened the door, I hadn’t really believed she’d be there.
‘Claire! What are you doing here?’ Her words were slurred with sleep and possibly something else. ‘You’d better come in.’ She stepped back to invite me in.
‘Is Poppy here?’
‘Uh, God.’ Her eyes closed and it seemed to take an awful lot of effort for her to open them again. She pulled a weary face. ‘She was.’
‘What! Was? Where is she?’
‘Dunno. She woke us up, shouted a lot, and then ran off. God, I need another coffee.’
‘Alice!’ I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, blanching at the stale breath that hissed out of her mouth. ‘This is serious. Poppy is ten. Where did she go? What did you say to her?’
Alice stepped back, her eyes sliding away from mine.
‘What did you say?’
‘Stuff.’ Her eyes still wouldn’t meet mine. ‘Things. I can’t really remember. What was she doing here? You’re supposed to be looking after them.’
Typical Alice, pushing the responsibility back onto someone else.
I saw Ash clenching his fists by his side and thought for a second that Alice was very lucky that he hadn’t punched her – although, there was still time yet and I was first in line. I knew I was taking the wrong tack with her, but I was so angry I couldn’t help myself.
‘Yes, because you’re allegedly in India!’
She waved a hand and swayed on the spot before turning and weaving her way into the kitchen. ‘Problem with visas and shit. We had to get out for a while.’
I followed her, knowing that she was quite capable of weaselling away at any minute. Anything to avoid facing up to her problems… which, I realised with a flash of insight, was why I was so good and so keen to solve them all the time, because I’d seen what happened when you ducked them. It made things far worse.
‘Oh my God,’ I blurted out, at the sight of my mother’s normally pristine kitchen. Every surface was covered in dirty dishes, foil takeaway trays, and spilled food. ‘Mum will kill you.’ How could she show so little respect? This was our parents’ home.
‘Chill, sis. I’ll clean up before they get back. They’ll never know we were here,’ she pushed her face into mine, ‘unless you, steady Eddie, tell them.’
I stared at her and for the first time saw her as she really was. For years I’d thought she was a bit spoiled, a bit of a free spirit, and probably a product of my parents letting her get away with things. I’d thought she needed help, so I’d helped. Bought the girls’ uniforms, cut garden hedges, taken her to the supermarket when the girls were little, all the while hoping that she’d grow up one day and start taking some responsibility for herself and for her children’s lives.
Looking at the state of the kitchen, I realised that Alice neither wanted nor needed help.
The trashed kitchen. This was deliberate desecration. There was a touch of spite about it. It was a deliberate kick back. She knew how much Mum loved this room.
‘You really don’t care, do you?’ I thought of Janie and Penny’s opinions. The headteacher’s diplomatic comments.
Alice lifted her thin shoulders and stared back at me, defiance and mockery twisting her lips.
‘Not much, no.’
Ash exchanged a quick, shocked glance with me, his eyes full of pain.
I felt cold and numb inside but I had to ask, ‘What about Poppy and Ava?’ Her eyes narrowed to gleaming, malicious slits. ‘Oh Claire, you’re so fucking holier than thou. “What about Poppy and Ava?”’ Her tone was a cruel mockery of mine. ‘What about them? What about me? Yeah, what about me? I didn’t ask to get pregnant. Imagine the best years of your life wasted in breast feeding, nappies, sleepless nights… and where were you? Swanning off to work in your natty suits thinking you were better than me. Popping round and bab
ysitting so that I could get some fucking sleep. Being the saviour… oh you bloody loved that, didn’t you. Helping. Being the superior one as usual. Showing me what a fuck-up I was.’
I lost it then, realising she was twisting things to suit her version of reality. ‘No! That’s not true and you know it,’ I yelled, feeling an odd sort of freedom in letting it all out. ‘You always asked for help. Whenever you messed up, you asked someone else to sort it out. When you were pregnant, you asked for my help. Remember the morning of my first A-level exam? You had choices then. Adoption. Abortion.’ I tossed the words at her lightly although my heart clenched at the thought of never having Poppy in my life. ‘You asked me what to do. And I told you: tell Mum. You didn’t… you left it and left it and left it and then it was too late to do anything. And then Mum offered to help if you decided to have the baby. And you took the easy way out. You chose to have those babies. And now you don’t like it.’
‘I want a life!’ she screamed back at me. ‘I deserve one. I’m sick of having to do stuff. The school’s always on my case. The other mums look down on me. It’s shit and I hate it. There’s never any time to myself. It’s like being on duty your entire life… and I’ve had it! I want my life back.’
‘What about their lives?’
‘I’m sure you’ll be much better at playing mum than I am,’ she sneered. ‘Rushing here and being all like, “Where’s Poppy? Where’s Poppy?”’
I thought I might be sick but her words were a salutary reminder.
‘Oh God, what did you say to her?’
Alice pursed her mouth and her eyes slid away from mine again.
‘What did you say?’
Next to me, Ash stiffened and his hand squeezed mine. That silent, strong solidarity. A man I could rely on. My heart filled with gratitude and love, so much love.
She huffed and turned her head away, pulling at a pack of cigarettes on the side before tugging one out and lighting it. Taking a deep drag, she blew out the smoke in a long, slow puff. ‘Kid told me off. Said I was mean and a liar. Why wasn’t I in India rescuing people? Grateful there, Claire, that you made out I was Mother Theresa or something. I told her I needed some time away. Like being at school… I was taking my six-week holiday. She asked when I was coming back.’
