America 51

by Corey Taylor

  It needs to start with voters in these states and counties getting together and really taking a look at what these cocksuckers are running on as far as their message. Now, most of the older generation is going to always vote with the party—nothing you can do about the obstinacies of the older generation. But the younger voters, the ones who question and worry about subtle things like, oh I don’t know, the future, can do their research and see what kind of immoral message these dick brains are running on and help vote them the fuck out of office. These cannot be the days when we allow the party line to be just a bunch of party favors, serving no purpose but to distract from the line in the sand being crossed. This is where vigilance and concern will help stay the course and reverse the hate mongering disguised as cronyism that permeates so many candidates and so much reality. If we start at the foundation and force these politicians to really stand behind the statements and ideals of the communities at large, voting against the ones who are just trying to build a bigger better Tammany Hall, we may be able to lay the groundwork for that “smaller government” ideal like we always wanted. But it won’t happen if we allow career politicians and lifer congressmen and women to maintain positions of government just to keep lining their fucking pockets with the greed of the Tweeds.

  Obviously there’s a handful of Republican stalwarts I don’t agree with, like the anti-abortionists and welfare opponents. I make no qualms and give no fucks about being pro-choice all the way, regardless of being a father and family man myself. Also, having grown up on welfare, it’s hard for me to argue against it, seeing as if it weren’t for those subsidies, I wouldn’t be alive today. Anti-abortion laws smack in the very face of the “small government” idea: you mean to tell me you’re okay with gutting certain programs because it’s not the government’s job to handle it, but you’ll reallocate funds to fight against abortion because you think it’s the government’s right to tell a grown woman what she can or can’t do with her body? No wonder some of you motherfuckers look so god damn miserable: there’s no way you’re a hit with the ladies. Same goes for welfare: you’ll gladly give all this money to the military even though we already have one of the largest and most technologically advanced armed forces on the planet, but you won’t set aside just a little to help families in need? The hypocrisy of the right-wing agenda is hardly a well-kept secret, but sometimes I truly wonder if they hear themselves when they stick their own feet in their mouths and asses.

  I’ve put my discussion of the Second Amendment toward the end because there is a lot to talk about, not least because it’s one of the most important issues at stake but also because to me the answer is so simple, and yet so many people are so busy arguing about it that they refuse to see the truth of it. So I’ll proceed with caution, but only up to a point. After all, it’s something I’m passionate about as well, not only from a rights and freedoms standpoint but also from a “keep Americans safe” place as well.

  To begin, I have met people affected by tragedies such as mass shootings and school massacres. I have known people who died because of the consequences of gun violence. Yet here I am, prepared to advocate for the Second Amendment because it is and always should be a strong piece of the bedrock of our foundation. The Second Amendment is not just some antiquated law designed to make simple folk feel empowered; it is one of the great things that keeps our country from being overrun, and I truly mean that. It is the ultimate check for the year-end balance. So please allow me to talk this out before you seize up and stop listening. This is about a compromise that guarantees a slight bit of gun control but also allows us to maintain our right to bear arms and to form a militia. So settle back and strap on your BIG BOY AND GIRL FANCY PANTS (I totally have mine on). Let’s get into it.

  First of all, how many of you actually know what the Second Amendment says? Any time any of this starts to come up, people start screaming about the government coming to take our guns or that anyone with a gun is a potential serial killer ready to shoot up school buses and all that bullshit rhetoric. This is because most people don’t really understand what it says or means. So here’s the actual text: “A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” That’s it. That’s the extent of the text on it. A lot of people seem to think there are several ways to interpret that, and I’m sure if you’re actually trying to get away with some shady shit, you’d be right. However, if you’re just looking at it from the original context, it’s quite simple: we as Americans have the right to keep arms in case of threats to our freedoms, foreign or domestic. Honestly, that’s all it means. Now I’m going to ask you a series of serious questions, and I want you to forget all those shitty platform buzzwords and catchphrases that organizations try to use against us. I want you to thoughtfully consider your answer, then truthfully say it out loud. Don’t say what your dad or mom would say. Don’t say what your husband or wife would say. Don’t say what your family always says, what your friends say, what your local boosters say, or anything like that. I want to know how you really want to answer.

  First question: Does anything in that text make you feel like you need automatic weapons to hunt here in the United States? Hmm? Anything? I swear to god, if anyone tries to bring up bear attacks or some shit like that, I will crack like a window in a Dario Argento movie. Nothing in that fucking text gives any American the right to hunt deer with AR-15s or .50-caliber mini-guns or anything like that. If you seriously need those guns to hunt, you’re a pussy who can’t shoot. Sorry, my opinion. Second question: Does anything in that text make you feel like you need an arsenal equipped with more weapons than you have people in your house? Let me explain before you answer. I can understand and support a large family household that has multiple weapons because that makes sense: each person would have their own gun. It doesn’t mean they’re a bunch of fucking doomsday preppers stocking up for the Purge; it just means that, according to the Constitution, they are legally armed and prepared in case we’re invaded or a despot goes crazy and decides he’s going to sic the military on us or law enforcement goes rogue and we need to defend ourselves. In our country that may seem like a crazy idea, but it’s because of the fact that it happens in other countries that we’ve made sure we are equipped to handle the situation. It does not mean a weirdo living in his mom’s basement needs enough guns and explosives to recreate one of the “wolverines” scenes in Red Dawn. I don’t give a fuck if that offends you pricks who have a shit-ton of weapons for no good reason other than to be obnoxious—fuck you. You’re part of the problem.

  I’ll tell you exactly why you’re part of the fucking problem: there are so many guns just lying around, unchecked or unrecorded, that random guns are getting into the wrong hands, and it’s just one more way that tragedies from gun violence or school massacres happen. I’m certainly not saying it’s the only reason, so just stop that fucking stupid thought from coming out of your dumb mouth. I am saying it’s a reason. Just as it’s incredibly easy to get a gun in various ways, it’s also easy for a gun to go missing under someone’s nose if they have so many that they can’t keep track of them. If you’re a single asshole in a one-bedroom apartment, you don’t need to be able to re-arm Fort Bragg, for fuck’s sake. Get over yourself and your delusional sense that you’re entitled to roll like Arnold in Commando. We have the right to defend ourselves against fascism; we do not have the right to just stockpile and then cry like little bitches when people get upset about gun violence. Guess what? Guns cause violence. These mother-fuckers who try to label guns as tools can suck it. When was the last time you built a house with a .357? When was the last time you used a .45 to gauge what the weather was going to be like? How’s Google running on your fucking Uzi? Kiss my entire ass with that shit, or miss me with it, whichever keeps your fucking breath from turning shitty.

  And before some of you liberals start cranking up your hype machine, slow your damn roll. I do have another side to this arg
ument. Trying to push through too much gun control is unconstitutional, and you know it. I have every sympathy for parents, friends, and family affected by gun violence. I do. I’ve lost people to this sort of violence myself—more than you’ll know. But it has not changed my mind in the slightest about how I feel about our right to bear arms because that’s not about the guns; it’s about the mental health issues in our country or the lack of any threat of retribution in lieu of the consequences of your actions, like I talked about before. Now I know it’s a little harder for me to talk about, seeing as the federal government has tried to deregulate the legislation that prohibits anyone with mental health issues from having a gun legally. Even I can’t understand the fucking thought process behind that. But this isn’t about the guns themselves; like it or not, we are an armed nation. It makes Americans cautious on the streets, but it also keeps certain international powers at bay if the thought of a North American invasion ever crosses their scheming little minds. It’s a double-edged sword; we cannot keep overreacting every time something happens. The moderation inherent in our systems needs to come to the surface and help us all get on the same page, and that goes for both sides of the coin. Responsible gun owners who deplore the tragedies need to speak up, above the NRA and all the other organizations only interested in making fucking money, not guaranteeing your rights as a citizen. On the other side, responsible progressives need to step up and understand that one gunman does not represent the whole of gun owners and should look to solve the individual situations, not design some shit catchall that ostracizes law-abiding Americans in its legal nets. I know more people who are responsible with guns than I do people who are morons with them, so I can safely say a new dialogue needs to open, and soon.

  Can’t we all just get along?

  Circling back to smaller government, this is one of the reasons I think Americans should talk more to each other than let the politicians do the talking for us. The politicians hand down a bunch of old, busted scripts they intend to be parroted around like commercials on repeat. They do it often enough that most of us start thinking that shit’s the truth. It’s not the truth—it’s control. They design these crazy things to get us all fired up and screaming, going for each other’s throats because we can’t get to the ones who freaked us out in the first place: the assholes in office. Guess what, Solomon? Some of us are onto your shtick, and we’re letting others know the secret to your shell game. Most people don’t want violence, riots, or pain for anyone; they just want to live their lives knowing that business is being handled, their money is being managed properly, and that those who are in charge aren’t running around like Nero setting fires and singing about it. Quite frankly, that’s not a tall order to hope for in a country that pleads poverty yet breeds billionaires. What it boils down to is peace of mind for good eggs, to healing, not concealing the pain. The future isn’t just yours or mine—it belongs to everyone.

  Any real conservative with a head on his shoulders can’t support Trump unless they’re just running it down the line. Donald Trump: a man who declares bankruptcy like a person declares what they’ll have to eat at a fast-food restaurant. Donald Trump: a man who’s terrified to show people his taxes or live in the White House. Donald Trump: a man who is trying to cut all kinds of spending but isn’t bothered by the burden on the American taxpayer that comes from security and whatnot around Trump Tower in New York City. Donald Trump: a man who talks real tough but lies and lies and lies and lies and lies and fucking lies. Fuck the fascist Cheeto. He does not speak for the working man. He does not represent the lower or middle classes. He does not know what it takes to live a normal life out in the fucking world today. He screams about tightening belts while he poses for photos in his rooms gilded with gold. What he means is “everyone else is going to have to tighten their fucking belts so they can pay for my lifestyle in office.” He’s a fucking insult to real men and women who bust their ass for a living. You can say whatever you want about me and come at me with “what do you know about being poor if you’re rich?” I’ll tell you right now: I am not rich. I am young enough to remember what it was like to be hungry and poor and scared to death. I am old enough to fight and scrape and work to make sure my family doesn’t ever feel the shit that I went through. What do I know? More than that piece-of-shit president.

  Men like Trump are an insult to my uncle Jim and others like him. They use loopholes like other people use entries and exits. There’s a lot I agree with on the Republican platform, but there’s a lot I will never support or agree with, nor will I ever understand why decent, hard-working people would support it with a figurehead like the Cheeto out in front, like some deranged master of ceremonies, lying about wiretaps and terrorists and Russia and all kinds of other shit that never fucking goes anywhere. Usually normal folks can smell a con artist a mile away. This one? Well, fuck, they voted for him. It’ll all come out in the wash soon enough. When it does, it’s going to sting, and a lot of people are going to lash out and fuck with each other because we’re all human and that’s what we do. But I’ll tell you what else we do: we get over it and on with it. The blood and muscle of this country comes not from these pricks on their high horses or pedestals but from the middle, the center and the heart of America. We are not the poor. We are not the rich. We are right down the line. We represent millions of people who fought to get a little closer to the golden ticket. Sometimes we get both hands on it and cash it in. Sometimes all we get is a vanilla wafer. But being here in this country, very rarely are we disappointed. It’s part of the power of the dream. Most modern GOP members think it only belongs to people a shade lighter than pieces of notebook paper. That’s why they don’t deserve to claim the rights to the American dream: they don’t know that Americans look like everyone, not just themselves.

  I know I’m a misogynistic, white American male who loves guns and women. I know that when it all comes down to it, I have no real right to speak for any member of any minority, or the opposite sex, or a different sexual orientation. I know that experience speaks louder than wishes when it comes to how we should all treat each other. I also know that sort of smacks in the face of the Republican base—or at least that’s what they’d have you believe. When all is said and done, many of us might see things differently. That doesn’t mean we need to give up how we feel politically, but it might mean we could take a step toward understanding what we all need, not just what they tell us we need: only us. Come to think of it, we might think about looking at other people’s needs a little more often. Republican politicians will tell you that’s a hard-core liberal Democrat thing to do. No, it’s not a liberal thing to do; it’s a human thing to do. If the GOP wants to hold onto good people in their foundation, they need to realize this before it’s too late. Someday the time will come when they might throw open their doors to let in some light and offer people a seat at the table so they can push their conservative agenda. If they don’t realize that an agenda that never allows help for people in need is anathema to being alive in general, those doors won’t be darkened by anyone with good standing ever again.

  CHAPTER 10

  MOTHER, JUGS, SPEED, SACCO, AND VANZETTI

  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF WORD OF MOUTH?

  Well, fucking duh, of course you have.

  It’s not quite legend, it’s not quite rumor, but it’s elements of both, twisted with hints of truth, fact, and fancy. Word of mouth is akin to “word on the street,” the “buzz,” what all the hubbub’s about, after all. Word of mouth spreads like fire on a gasoline lake, seeking dark corners and light conversation to burn, burn, burn with life. It gets caught up in fervor and makes people crazy with anticipation, hope, and desire, ready to fan the flames across a generation. Word of mouth has built kingdoms, toppled governments, fueled the zeitgeist, and cemented the histories of a million different overnight sensations. Word of mouth can be good—or bad—for the soul. Yes, it creates a vision of possibility, but it can also make it impossible to exceed expectations. Beware t
he pretty people selling beautiful miracles: just when you think you can afford it, the interest rates go through the roof and down through the floorboards.

  Word of mouth gave us Guns N’ Roses, Nirvana, and, for the most part, a certain metal band from Iowa. Word of mouth turned us on to fads like Candy Crush and Words with Friends. It led us to ditch MySpace for the greener pastures of Facebook, then to the magnificent minimalism of Twitter, then Instagram, then Snapchat, and so on and so forth. Word of mouth makes mountains out of icons and molehills out of the past tense. It can perpetuate a gorgeous lie if the pop is loud enough and kill the better brand if its sex tape doesn’t make you harder or wetter right fucking now. Word of mouth is something you can’t buy. Awesome word of mouth is Barack Obama. Shitty word of mouth is Donald Drumpf.

  These United States of America and the singular body it goes by have always had fantastic word of mouth. Everywhere you go on this planet, you tend to hear the same thing: “In America you can do anything, go anywhere, and be anyone. In America FREEDOM IS REAL.” Well, at least they used to say that. That was before “the deplorables” started building walls and closing borders all because they are terrified of brown people. (Please put on your Big-Person Grownup Sarcasm Goggles again, folks.) And why shouldn’t they be? We all know that brown people are the biggest threat to the planet, our country, our children, and our monies! Brown people attack us for no reason, shit on our credit lines with no thought of our well-being, and are hell bent on setting fire to our gods! They took d’ey gods! What are we supposed to do as they take d’ey gods?! This is ’MURICA! We need d’ey gods! (You may now take off your Big Person Grownup Sarcasm Goggles. But you should still keep them close.)