Nerd and the SEAL

by Grady, D. R.

  Recalling those last few moments together with Treeny, he was appalled that he’d just given up and walked away. Like a coward. Coward shouldn’t be part of his vocabulary. Shouldn’t, but obviously was. SEALs didn’t wimp out and walk away. But he apparently did.

  When Janine placed a steaming plate of food in front of him, he didn’t taste anything he ate. He kept thinking about those last few moments with Treeny and cringed. Yeah, he showed how awfully tough he was. At least the awful part fit. He’d been a jerk. She wanted to work out their problems. He walked away.

  Janine cleared his empty plate away as quietly as she offered it, and nudged him to the door, bag in hand.

  “Let’s go,” she declared. After a quick glance at her, he was grateful she didn’t know where she was going, otherwise she would have made him sit shotgun while she drove.

  He scooped up his bag, wondering what he could possibly say to Treeny when he saw her. Thanks to Janine, he knew she was at the lake. Whether she was in her cabin beside his, he didn’t know, but he could track her down. So he wasn’t worried about that. What he was worried about was saying the right thing.

  If that wasn’t his most impossible mission ever, he’d be surprised.

  Ben settled Janine in his spare bedroom and waited. After a while the noises from her room ceased and quiet blanketed the cottage. He waited a little longer. Patience was a virtue of his.

  There were no lights on in Treeny’s cabin, but he thought she was there. If not, he could try Will and Rachel’s house. If that failed, he planned to enter every cabin here until he found her.

  He didn’t hope to speak to her, but he wanted to see her. Moving silently across the floor was more instinct and skill than something he concentrated on. He pried open the door and eased out, conscious of movements on the floor above. Whether Janine suspected he intended to leave the house or was just restless, he didn’t know. But at this moment, he also didn’t care.

  She might imagine he left for a run. Something he might do after he saw Treeny. All would depend on how bad he felt after seeing her face. He didn’t want to wake her, but he had to see her. Make certain she was okay. He kept thoughts of being a stalker out of his mind. His behavior might border on that, but his family was worried about Treeny, and so was he.

  Entering her house was much like walking. Something he did without thinking. He effortlessly opened the locked door into the downstairs of her cabin, assessed the shadows, then made for the stairs. Nothing but him moved in the dark. Too late, he forgot about Pete, who barreled down the stairs, barking for all she was worth.

  Fortunately, the puppy knew him, so he was able to calm her. His heart raced, as he thought about Treeny waking, but he didn’t hear any indication that she noticed. Pete was evidently one of those pups who barked at everything, and Treeny was accustomed to that.

  Eventually, the dog would understand what to bark at and what to ignore. He hoped. Otherwise she’d be a worthless guard dog. Looking at Pete, he realized he had offered Treeny some built in protection right there. When he was away, Pete would be an excellent first line of defense.

  While she was little now, she carried all the hallmarks of being a bruiser. Already she had grown to the size of Rocky, Admiral O’Riley’s golden retriever. He suspected Pete still had a lot of growing to do.

  If she reached Bentley’s height, Mitch and Lainy’s dog, and there was every indication she would, she would be a force to be reckoned with. Also, with the Mastiff and Rottweiler blood, she likely would grow an impressive expanse of chest. All the better.

  He didn’t hear any rustling, but continued to play with the dog. Hearing nothing after a few minutes, he climbed the stairs. Pete scurried around his ankles, and made noise, but that was okay. Treeny would be used to dog noises.

  Turning left to enter her bedroom, Ben’s heart galloped again. He moved on silent feet to the side of the bed. Moonlight streamed through the window, highlighting the woman who lay there. In testimony to Janine’s words, Ben saw Treeny had indeed lost weight. Her shirt had ridden up, and where it exposed her skin he could count ribs. Her arms looked sticklike. Her stomach so flat, the smooth surface appeared concave. Much like his own stomach. He understood. Ben suppressed a sigh. This woman meant everything to him, and he repaid that by hurting her.

  Still, alarm coursed through him as he took stock of her absolute thinness. She looked like a cancer patient. Too frail and fragile and not healthy in the least. Her red-gold hair, spread in a pool across her pillow, caught his attention. He reached out to filter the strands through his fingers.

  He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to snatch her off the bed and carry her to his. A place where he could keep her safe. But that wasn’t an option. She’d no more accept him now than she would ask for another quarantine session.

  After gazing at her for long minutes, he hoped he drank in his fill. Turning from her was harder than he imagined. Pete, tail wagging, accompanied him down the stairs. His lip curled up in thanks for the dog’s company. At least Pete was happy to see him.

  He doubted her owner would share her sentiments.

  Not since he acted like such an idiot. What woman wanted a man who didn’t even want to try? If she did want such a man, she shared a part in his idiocy then. And something told him Treeny couldn’t be counted in that category.

  Sighing, he left the cabin with a final pat for Pete before setting out for the path. Running would help burn the excess energy building inside. Besides he needed to keep in shape.

  His job demanded peak physical conditioning.

  And right now, because of his choices, all he had was his job.

  Chapter 34

  Treeny sat in the sun, and enjoyed the early morning breeze on her face. She was glad she came here, thankful for the reminder she was alive. Maybe her life hadn’t turned out as planned, but she knew she had to move forward.

  So Ben wouldn’t be a part of her life. Their new cabins would remain apart and single, like their owners. But that’s how they’d been created so she could deal. While she couldn’t imagine a life without him right now, she would learn to adapt.

  Her work was important to her. She would simply throw every bit of her energy into that. Besides, maybe losing Ben and getting over him now would aid her heartache if something happened to him in the future. Pain ratcheted down her throat and into her heart. The stunning realization that losing Ben would be painful regardless of her place in his life wasn’t welcome.

  She placed her head on her knees and tried to regain control. KC and Max had been through this. And Janine would never be this girlie. Thinking about Janine and KC, Treeny wondered about joining the military. She could spend some time in Kuwait. A hot, thankless place, but fast paced apparently. KC had come home and collapsed. Janine made similar remarks about both of her stints there.

  The no-time-to-think aspect appealed to her. And the extra income could go toward paying off her cottage. Then she could use the place whenever she wanted. She wouldn’t have to rent it out. Due to the repairs, the realtor who handled the rentals had opted to send vacationers to other cabins until the construction was finished.

  Those were promised for sometime this month. While Treeny wasn’t thankful for the unspecified amount of time, she was grateful the place had been empty when she arrived last evening with Monica and her husband.

  She had managed some steady, fast talking to convince them she would be fine in her own cottage. Only with the compromise that she had to appear for meals with them had she finagled to sleep in her own bed.

  Smiling faintly at the memory, she appreciated the fact that while Ben didn’t care about her, his family did. That thought brought back the hurt so intensely she doubled over. Tears sprang from nowhere and she stared unseeing out across the water and wondered how to move on.

  But she would. She had to. Wallowing in self pity worked for a week or two, but now she needed to figure this out. Ben already had. He’d been called up soon after he left her that morning two
weeks ago.

  She hadn’t seen him, or heard from him since. Not that she was surprised. His truck had been parked outside his cabin this morning when she arose, but she would make every effort to avoid him. Right now, even though she longed to see him, she couldn’t.

  When the wounds were raw, best to keep them covered, and seeing Ben would not only uncover them, but rip them to shreds. Pete scampered over to her, a small branch in her mouth. Treeny took the stick and threw it for the puppy.

  Pete’s tail went into overdrive and she barked in her not-so-squeaky puppy voice before barreling after the new toy. Treeny smiled because she couldn’t locate the emotion to allow her to laugh. Someday she would laugh, though. And she’d mean it. But not today.

  She played with Pete a little longer. When the Morrisons around her began to wake and leave their cottages, she decided to pack it in. She didn’t have to go to breakfast today, because she promised, after buying breakfast items, to eat both mornings.

  Whistling for Pete, she walked back to her little house. Inside, true to her promise, she made breakfast and forced every bite down. She even drank a glass of milk and another of orange juice.

  When she looked in the mirror this morning, she finally saw what had become of her. Observing how pathetic she looked, she resolved to alter that. She wanted to be healthy again. Right now she looked and felt dismal.

  She cleaned the cottage and then trailed over to her couch to pick up the novel she purchased with her breakfast items. Reading always made her happy and this book was by her favorite author. It’d be an old friend by the time she finished reading it the first time.

  Settling in, Treeny opened to the first page.

  ***

  Ben stared at himself in the mirror. He wiped the last of the shaving cream off his face. When he couldn’t meet his own eyes in the glass, he turned away.

  Janine was breakfasting with Max and KC. Good for her. Ryan kept running up to her and hugging her, and Ben liked how relaxed she looked. Bringing her here had been one of his better ideas. Not that he had many of those lately.

  Somehow he found himself at Treeny’s door. He’d known it would come to this. He had a wrong to make right. Please, let him say the right words. Because if he screwed this up, he’d lose everything.

  Why did he know now that he needed Treeny to be happy? Why couldn’t this revelation have arrived two weeks ago? Before he made the biggest mistake of his life.

  He raised his hand and tapped the door. Waiting wasn’t normally an issue for him, but today, in this moment, it seemed like an eternity before she opened the door. When she did, he drank in her face like a thirsty man. Treeny.

  Her face, open and accepting when she opened the door, closed off and declined when she realized who he was. Ben watched in amazement as she shook her head, swallowed, and shut the door in his face.

  He witnessed the tears well in her eyes. What upset him was the total denial he watched cross her expressive face. Like she couldn’t cope with him right now. Never had Treeny shut him out of her life before. Her rejection shredded his heart into bits he doubted could ever be repaired.

  Ben stood there staring incredulously. Thinking of her face like that chilled his blood. Had she given up on them? Moved on?

  No.

  That one word gave him some hope. From somewhere deep inside, he denied her denial. No. He had to speak to her. At least to apologize for his actions.

  Entering her cottage was easy. He had crossed her threshold without thought last night. So he would repeat his actions. Now – in the light of day and face this problem head on. He needed to speak to her. Even if she protested.

  The time didn’t have to end with them kissing passionately, although that would help. No, he needed surcease from the pain. Something only she could offer. Once they cleared the air, maybe then they could form a new relationship.

  Trying not to think of a relationship where he couldn’t touch her freely, couldn’t kiss her, he opened the door. He shut it quietly and stood in the room’s slight gloom before locating Treeny on the couch across the way. Her hand was pressed over her mouth and tears streamed silently down her face.

  She swayed gently, as though trying to soothe herself. Ben had to look away for a moment. He’d done this. He hurt her.

  Not able to bear both their pain, he strode across the room. At the last minute, he decided not to touch her. Unsure whether he could bear the torment and not wanting to add to her woes, he instead knelt in front of her.

  “Treeny?”

  She gasped and turned away from him. Her shrinking motion away from him told him more than words could have. Tears welled in his own eyes. She didn’t want him.

  You have to try, a voice commanded inside him. SEALs don’t give up, another voice barked, sounding remarkably like Admiral O’Riley.

  Using all the strength he possessed, he reached up and cupped her chin, turning her face back to him. The tears poured faster down her cheeks. He nearly dropped his hand.

  When she bit back a sob, he folded. Not able to bear her pain, he stood and scooped her into his arms. He sat where she had and held her so tight he feared she couldn’t breathe. Feeling heartened at last by the too slender arms that curled around him. Treeny buried her face in his neck and sobbed.

  He did the only thing he could. He cried with her.

  Her heaving sobs decreased as he held her as tightly as he could. He’d caused this, so he needed to weather the storm with her. Because he deserved to feel like the biggest jerk possible. Since he was.

  “I’m sorry I gave up on us, Treeny,” he whispered. Pressing her so close, he could feel each fragile rib.

  “I...I didn’t stop you,” she cried, hiccups escaping along with several sobs.

  He shook his head. “I don’t think you could have. I was in full jerk mode. Nothing you said could have stopped me.”

  “Even – I love you, don’t go?”

  The first genuine smile in two weeks creased his lips as he swooped in to plant a kiss on her temple. “Maybe that would have gotten my attention.” He stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know that I would have stayed even then though,” he whispered.

  “Oh, Ben. I just don’t know if we can do this,” she whispered back. He hated the sad, resigned note in her voice.

  “We can work out anything we have to. So long as we have each other. If we work together to solve the problem, we can do this.”

  Her sigh pierced his soul. “I can’t go through this again. I can’t handle this pain. I’m barely surviving now.”

  “I know. My squad made me leave. I had strict orders not to come back until I bought a new attitude. I’m their commanding officer.”

  He felt her grin. “You were that bad?”

  “Yeah. Shively said I was like a panther with a sore paw.”

  “I just shut down.”

  “Janine told me.”

  “How would she know?”

  “She heard the scoop from Max.” He rested his chin on her head.

  “I didn’t think Max was a gossip.”

  “He isn’t. But he is a match fixer. I remember Mitch saying Max helped him and Lainy.”

  “Max is a romantic?”

  “I don’t know. Can we not talk about my cousin?” He heard the exasperation he hadn’t removed from his voice.

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  “Us.”

  She shook her head. “There is no us, Ben.”

  “There could be.”

  “How? We’re both afraid for the other. I hate the hours you keep. And the fact that you might not return to me. But I’d never ask you to leave the job you love. A job where you’re needed.”

  The truth was there in her eyes. Easy for him to read as he tilted her chin up. “I wouldn’t ask you to leave yours, either. But Treeny, can you live without me?”

  Staring into her eyes as he was, he saw the truth again in her glistening blue-gray orbs. He tipped her chin further and pressed his lips to hers. S
he melted. Her arms tightened around his neck and he cajoled with his lips and tongue. This woman was his. Even if she didn’t see that at the moment, his assignment was obviously to convince her.

  When their lips parted, she rested her forehead against his. “Ben, I can’t...”

  “Yes you can, because I’ll help. I was stupid once, and left you. But Treeny, we don’t have a choice in this. We’re not two separate people anymore. We’re two halves of a whole. You know that.”

  Her arms tightened briefly around his neck, and she heaved a deep sigh. Her face settled against his neck again. He marveled at how perfectly she fit in his arms. Perfectly, as though she’d been made for him. Hmm, maybe he could use this angle in his efforts to convince her.

  “I think we were made for each other, Treeny. Now that the pieces have been fit together, they aren’t going to function as two halves now.”

  “I don’t know, Ben.” This time he heard the truth.

  “Yes, baby, I think you do.”

  ***

  “Ben and Treeny are back together?” KC asked Janine.

  Janine stared blankly at her friend. “What?”

  “They just left her cabin and they’re holding hands and brushing against each other like they’ve made up.”

  Turning, Janine saw what KC said appeared indeed to be the truth. She turned back and high-fived Max. “We did it.”

  He grinned. “We make an excellent team.”

  “Yes, we do.” She took another sip of coffee.

  “You two want to fill me in on this little secret?” KC asked. Janine watched her scoop up Macy and place the baby to her breast. Max trailed a hand over their daughter’s cheek.

  While Janine enjoyed the picture they made of a loving family, she couldn’t ignore the ache in her own heart for what she lacked. Never before had she wanted anything other than what she now had. A loving set of parents and grandparents, and siblings and cousins galore. She had that now.