An Honorable Man

by Donna Fasano

  “Sure.” She spoke the word in a short, breathy whisper.

  Something was about to happen. She could feel it down to the marrow of her bones.

  Having grown up in a home with a verbally abusive father, Julie had never remembered a time in her youth when she hadn’t been frightened of men. She had never known when she was going to be ridiculed or mercilessly teased to tears. And because of that, she’d grown up withdrawn and fearful. The lesson she’d learned from that was, although it was better to be seen and not heard, it was best if you made yourself invisible.

  Lucky for her, her mother’s second husband had pretty much ignored Julie. But her stepfather had been physically abusive toward his wife. Julie had observed that behavior. She’d learned from it, too.

  The moral of her life story was to steer clear of the opposite sex.

  And she’d spent much of her teenage years doing just that. She never had a boyfriend all through high school. Not one. She’d just been too shy when it came to boys. Shy, nothing. She’d been afraid, plain and simple.

  However, she’d been intelligent enough to finally figure out that not all guys were overbearing and mean-spirited. She spent the first two years of college just being friends with different young men. A couple of them had pushed for more, yes, but for the most part, she found her male friends to be fun-loving and understanding. Most of them were even kind and caring. Finally she’d garnered enough nerve to accept an honest-to-goodness date.

  Oh, how nervous she’d been. But everything had turned out just fine.

  Slowly she’d gotten over her fear of men. If not entirely, she’d at least learned to control her trepidation. However, she’d never quite been able to wholly and unreservedly hand over her trust.

  Mat had been a calm, stable, and helpful presence from the very first day she’d met him. And the man was strong. Physically, yes, but what she’d been more impressed with was his strength of character. He’d taken responsibility of Grace without blinking an eye. Some men would have bolted from the idea of raising a six-year-old alone.

  Mat was nothing at all like either her father or stepfather. That much was obvious. She’d never seen the man cross. Frustrated with his daughter’s antics, yes. Angry, no. She’d never heard him use a ridiculing tone, even when little Grace had misbehaved abominably. Yes, it was clear that Mat was the exact opposite of the men who had raised Julie.

  And he was gorgeous as all get-out.

  There was no denying the fact that she’d felt amazingly attracted to him from the very moment she’d first laid eyes on him. He made her insides churn with mysterious emotions. He stirred something in her, something she’d never before experienced.

  When they entered the woods, his palm settled, secure and snug, in hers.

  “It’s dark,” Mat warned, his voice softer than the silky night. “The path is uneven. Watch your step.”

  There was something wonderfully sensuous in his tone, and she couldn’t say if it was the concern he expressed or just the gentleness of his voice. Her stomach felt as if it had suddenly come alive with dozens of fluttering butterflies.

  Mat tugged at her hand and she followed him under the drooping branches of a huge oak tree. He spun her around, and she felt the rough bark pressing into her back through the light jacket she wore. She could still hear the beat of the drums back at the celebration.

  He was close. So close. His dark eyes swallowed her whole. The hunger she read in his gaze made her body glow with a delicious heat.

  “I’ve fought this,” he said, his speech ragged. “I’ve fought hard against what I’m feeling for you.”

  His words barely registered. All Julie was cognizant of was the thumping of the drums and how the beat mirrored her own heavy pulse. His needy eyes pierced her to the very soul.

  All she wanted to do was get lost in the ancient, primeval rhythm. To let the moment pick her up and carry her away. If Mat didn’t act on the palpable passion emanating from him, she wouldn’t be able to stand it.

  “Kiss me.” There was urgency in her whisper.

  She wondered if the demand had really passed from her lips. This was so unlike her. But this night was unlike any other she’d ever experienced. This moment was unlike any other, as well. And this man… well, he certainly was unlike any other she’d ever met.

  His mouth slanted down over hers, and utter joy blossomed in her chest like a vibrant flower. Her eyelids fluttered closed, and she enjoyed the pleasure that vibrated through her. His kiss was warm and moist and honey sweet. Unable to help herself, she reached up and slid her fingers deep into his sleek hair. Her chin was tipped up and his fingers traced the length of her throat. Her breath caught as a million pointy-tipped stars seemed to roll, end over end, across her skin.

  He settled his hands on her waist, his touch warming the small of her back. He slowly, languorously explored her lips, and Julie was certain she’d faint dead away from the sheer pleasure coursing through her. His hands rose, higher and higher, pausing to linger at her rib cage, and adrenaline sent blood whooshing through her ears.

  A shudder jolted through her when the pads of his thumbs grazed the tender undersides of her breasts, his lips playing, frolicking along her jaw. He nipped gently at her earlobe, and Julie thought that surely she’d suffocate in the sheer delight the sensation gave her.

  At this moment, her whole world was Mat. His scent filled her nostrils and lungs. His jagged breathing roared in her ears. The taste of him was still on her tongue. Her fingers roved through the satin of his hair, over the smoothness of his clean-shaven jaw. Every cell of her being was saturated with him.

  Frantic to feel his touch on her bare skin, she reached up and drew down the zipper of her jacket in one swift motion. He kissed the curve of her neck, the heat of his breath like fiery silk. With one hand, she worked to unfasten the top button of her blouse; however, frustration set in quickly.

  “Here,” he said, stilling her fumbling fingers with his, “let me.”

  With excruciating slowness, he unfastened one button and then a second. Julie felt breathless as she waited. He nudged aside the facings, letting his eyes rove over her creamy curve of her throat. Her chest rose and fell, and his gaze felt as intense and real as a physical touch.

  “Please,” she said, her emotions running so high she wasn’t sure her voice was even audible, “kiss me.”

  The wantonness throbbing through her was so new, so… freeing.

  She felt safe with him. Safer than she’d ever felt with another human being. Safe enough to reveal this most basic and overwhelming desire raging through her. Desire for him.

  He traced the peach-laced edge at the top of her bra, his index finger sketching lightly across her chest. Then he bent his head and kissed the spot, the swarthy tone of his jaw contrasting deeply with her milky flesh.

  Desire curled like liquid smoke low in her belly. Closing her eyes, she simply enjoyed the feel of him pressed against her.

  “Dad!”

  Mat’s head lifted and swiveled toward the sound of Grace’s voice somewhere out in the direction from which they had come. Before he answered, he directed his gaze at Julie, and the disappointment she read there made her heart soar.

  Over his shoulder, he called into the darkness, “I’m coming, honey. Stay on the path right where you are. I don’t want you getting lost among the trees.”

  Immediately, he straightened Julie’s blouse, fastened her buttons. He chuckled softly, his face close to hers.

  “I feel like a teenager caught necking,” he whispered.

  Julie just smiled. He actually looked embarrassed, and she found that too alluring for words.

  At that moment she felt something happen inside her. A funny, heated hitch in her heart. Julie had never been in love before. She’d never experienced the feeling of falling for a man. Of feeling as if she wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the night with him… or maybe even the rest of her life with him. But if she had to hazard a guess, she’d have to say
that the emotion humming through her was just that.

  Love.

  Chapter Five

  The two days that Mat spent with Julie’s teenage brother were the longest of his life. The time was not only exhausting, it was frustrating beyond belief. Although Brian had seemed interested, even curious, about Mat’s stories of his boyhood and how his grandfather had taken him on many such weekends as this, Mat had to admit that it had been a long time since he’d last fished and tracked game and lived off the land. And those years had evidently taken a heavy toll on his survival skills.

  He and Brian had fished for hours without a nibble. Finally they’d given up on the idea of the lake providing their lunch. Mat had found a rabbit’s den, but Brian had looked squeamish at the idea of killing the furry creature. So Saturday evening the two of them, tired and ravenous, had tucked into a dinner of Indian cucumbers, wild potatoes, the handful of berries Mat had harvested from the forest, and the trail mix he’d thankfully packed.

  And Brian had, at first, been quite impressed by Mat’s shelter-building skills. He’d watched as Mat had stripped narrow bands of bark to be used as rope. They had soaked the bark strips in the lake to make them more pliable and then tied together bent saplings and layered on a covering of thick pine boughs.

  The two of them were snuggled in their sleeping bags, protected from the cool of the autumn night, and Mat was just dozing off when it came to their attention that they had built their makeshift shelter right on top of a nest of ants. The insects were swarming all over them and they had jumped up, performing something akin to the ancient Kolheek Rain Dance in their effort to brush the ants off themselves. In the moonlight, their gazes met. Mat could tell Brian was trying hard not to hurt his feelings by laughing. But finally they both surrendered to it.

  After they had shaken the insects from their sleeping bags, they decided to simply sleep under the stars, rather than take the time to build another shelter.

  One good thing had happened, Mat thought. While the two of them had lain in the darkness, Brian had begun to talk about his past. Not a lot. But some. Enough for Mat to realize that Julie had been right when she’d told him Brian was a bright kid and that he’d had some rough knocks in his short life.

  Under the inky sky, Mat had fallen asleep Saturday night, too tired to react to the errant ant that crawled across his ankle.

  Sunday morning, both Mat and Brian awoke chilled to the bone.

  “Come on,” Mat said. “Let’s break camp and clean up our mess here. I know where we can go for a hot meal.”

  “But we’re out in the middle of nowhere.” Regardless of this observation, Brian had immediately begun to roll up his sleeping bag.

  A short hike brought them to a cabin on the far side of Misty Lake.

  “Hey!” Mat called out loudly.

  Brian gave a start. “Why’d you do that?” he whispered. “You scared me to death.”

  “It’s a hailing call. To let my cousin know we’re approaching.”

  Brian looked askance. “I always thought that’s what a knock on the front door was for.”

  Chuckling, Mat lifted a shoulder and explained further. “Long ago, if you were to approach someone’s home without calling out first, they would assume you had bad intentions. Enemies stalk silently while friends don’t mind letting their presence be known.” He tilted his head. “I guess you could call it an Indian custom. One that some of us continue to keep. Besides, it’s good manners to let people know you’re coming. Gives them time to get into the mindset of having visitors.” He grinned. “For all we know, my cousin is inside taking a bath. This way he’ll have time to find his pants.”

  “So, this is your cousin’s place?” Brian asked.

  “Well…” Mat hesitated, not sure how much he should reveal about Chay and his problems. “Let’s just say my cousin is staying here for a while.”

  “But it’s so far from town.” The boy was quiet as he scanned the area. “And it looks awfully… primitive.”

  Mat laughed. “That’s a polite description if ever I heard one. The cabin has running water, but no electricity. It was used as a hunting lodge for years. A place where people could get out of the cold.” Mat decided Brian needed a little more information, so he added, “Chay is taking a short sabbatical.”

  “He’s taking time off from a job? If I was going on a vacation, it wouldn’t be to the middle of nowhere.”

  Mat pondered. “Chay’s not on vacation.” Softly, he said, “I guess you could say he’s taking time off from life.”

  Curiosity lit the teen’s eyes, but to Mat’s relief the boy didn’t get the chance to ask more questions, for they’d reached the porch and Chay was opening the front door. Mat took the porch stairs two at a time.

  “Mat!”

  “Chay!”

  The two men embraced, thumping each other on the back affectionately.

  “I’d like you meet Brian,” Mat said, urging the teen up the steps with a wave of his hand. He nearly introduced him as the brother of a friend, but after quick second thought, he said, “He’s a new friend of mine.”

  He wasn’t certain, but he thought he saw Brian cut a pleased look his way.

  “We were out for a weekend of fishing and camping, and… ah…” Mat grinned at Chay. “I don’t mind telling you, we’re half-starved.”

  Brian pointed to his own chest with his thumb. “I’m all the way starved.”

  Chay laughed. “Nice to meet you, Brian.” He shook the boy’s hand. “Come on in. I’ve got some stew heating by the fire. It’s simple food, but it’ll fill your belly.”

  They went straight to the small wooden table that sat in one corner of the cabin. Mat and Brian set down their packs, washed their hands in the kitchen sink, and then pulled out chairs for themselves. Chay went to the fireplace and pulled the pot off the hook.

  “I don’t have any bread to offer you. And there’s nothing to drink here except water, but it’s clean and cold.”

  Mat waved away the apology in his cousin’s voice. “We’re just glad you’re willing to share your breakfast with us. We have a long walk home and this will give us the energy to make the trip.”

  Brian sniffed the steam coming from the bowl that was set before him and then cocked an eyebrow at Mat. Remembering how the teen reacted over the idea of snaring a rabbit yesterday, Mat shook his head and said, “Don’t ask. Just eat.”

  After one tentative taste, Brian gave an approving nod and dug in with relish. There was no talk as they satiated their hunger. Afterward, Brian asked if he could go explore the woods until Mat was ready to hike back to the rez. Mat told him not to go too far off.

  “Thanks for the food, Chay,” the boy said.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Chay offered Brian a smile, but Mat could see it didn’t reach the man’s eyes. As soon as Julie’s brother disappeared out the door, Mat asked his cousin, “I’m sorry if we intruded on your solitude. But we really did need something to eat.” This was met with silence. “How are you doing?”

  A dark cloud seemed to descend on Chay and the man just looked away.

  Mat felt compelled to say, “You’ve got to break free of this guilt, Chay. It’s not doing anyone any good.”

  The man’s whole body grew taut. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  An awkward silence fell between them.

  Finally Chay asked, “Who’s the boy?”

  “He’s the brother of a friend,” Mat told him. “Her name is Julie and she’s also Grace’s teacher. We’ve exchanged kids for the weekend. She’s giving my bruiser of a daughter some lessons in femininity. And I hoped to show Brian a little self-reliance.” He barked out a humorless laugh. “We couldn’t catch a single fish, and I had to beg a meal to feed him. I sure hope Julie’s having better luck than I am.”

  Their bowls scraped across the rough tabletop as Chay gathered them up.

  “Remember how Grandfather used to take us out?” he asked. “Those times we had a
lone with him were special to us all, don’t you think?”

  “Yes.” Mat had many wonderful memories of hunting and tracking with Grayson. “Now he had survival skills! And he could weave a tale like no one else could. Still does, in fact.”

  “It was through those stories of his that he taught us all about life,” Chay said. “He instilled integrity and honor in us. Taught us to be moral and upright. With words.”

  Both men fell silent, each lost in his own thoughts. When the revelation came to Mat, it was like a bolt from the sky. Maybe his shaman grandfather could help him encourage those same principles in Julie’s brother. The Great One certainly knew that Mat had failed miserably this weekend. However, the idea of getting Grayson’s help with Brian had him sitting a little straighten. Hope had a way of doing that to a man.

  “Listen,” he said to his cousin, “I’ve got to be getting back to the rez. Julie and Grace are expecting us before dinner and it’s going to be quite a hike.” He rose from the chair. “Thanks for the meal.”

  “Anytime. You know that.”

  Mat took a moment to study his cousin’s face. If he could somehow ease Chay’s burden, he would. But his problem was a big one. One that had to be faced alone. But he did say, “Grandfather would love to see you.”

  Chay’s gaze narrowed. “Does he know I’m here?”

  Lifting one shoulder a fraction, Mat said, “I haven’t said a word. And I don’t plan to. But there’s not much that Grayson Makwa doesn’t know.”

  Sighing, his cousin just stared at a far corner of the room. “I’m not ready.”

  Mat slung his pack over his shoulder and picked up Brian’s. He looked at this cousin. “We’re here for you, Chay. I want you to know that. If you need us, all you have to do is call and we’ll come running.”

  “I know.” But Chay refused to meet his gaze.

  Mat stood by the door, wondering if he should say something more. In the end, he decided against it.

  ~oOo~

  Julie handed Mat a tall glass of iced tea, and he thanked her with a tired smile. Grace had followed Brian to the back porch where he was busy unpacking his knapsack.