The Uninvited

by mike Evans

  Traci sat watching Isaac for a minute longer, looking at his eyelids and seeing that he was having some sort of pleasant dream and almost felt guilty. She was confident that given the small tent coming from his half of the bed that she was going to be able to make whatever he might be dreaming about become a reality. She snuggled up close to him, not trying to be overly obvious about waking him up. When he did not stir, she started running a hand from his leg across him and up his stomach slowly missing nothing in between. He smiled as he began to wake up, still not opening his eyes. Isaac said, “Traci, I can feel your nipples on the side of my chest.”

  Traci, being playful, said, “Oh honey, that is because I’m naked.”

  He smiled bigger at this, running his left hand down her side, cupping her breast, and then checked that panties were part of this nakedness as well. He said, “Did you have something you needed to do?”

  She kissed his cheek, wrapping a hand around him slowly going back and forth. She said, “Well….it kind of feels to me like you might have something that you need me to do. But I wanted to ask you if you thought you might have some time for a little road trip today?”

  The smile left his face and he said, “I have some reports that I needed to work on, honey. You know that fucking promotion is just around the corner.”

  She stopped rubbing him and leaned his face towards hers. "Honey, eventually we are going to have a million babies running around here, and we are never going to be able to road trip or have sex freely in the morning again. Now are you sure that you couldn’t be bothered by a little cruise down to one of the state parks with some wine and cheese, and maybe a repeat of this?”

  He smiled, pushing up a little on to his side. “Well, it is a three day weekend right? What exactly do you mean when you are talking about a repeat?”

  Traci pushed him back onto his back and climbed up over him, letting the comforter fall down around her waist as she gripped him and slowly let him enter her. Isaac rubbed his hands up and down her legs, staring at his idea of perfection. He smiled, pushing up off of the bed and kissing her breasts. He said, “So what you are saying is…..you really want to go on a road trip today?”

  She kissed his neck and then licked his earlobe. “It’s kind of a long drive there too, so I just hope that we don’t get too bored in the car. You never know what I’m going to have to do to keep myself occupied.”

  Isaac laughed at this. “You might not want to say things like that though, honey.”

  She stopped rising her legs up and down and said, “What, so you’d rather me just sit on my side of the car the entire ride?”

  He laughed, edging her on to keep moving her legs, and said, “No, oh my good god no. I just think if I know you are going to do that every time that you get bored I’m never going to stop driving.”

  She pushed him back down onto the bed, bending down kissing his chest and said, “Fine, then I’m going to cap the drive to one blow job on the way there, and if you are good at the park then we may or may not have a reason to take a blanket to stretch out on.”

  He smiled at this and said, “What has gotten into you this morning?”

  “Just happy about the weekend, and you and I both work too hard, getting out into the wilderness and just relaxing isn’t going to hurt us a bit.”

  He could tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t kidding and that she really did need this. He nodded his head and said, “You want to go for a drive, we go for a drive. There’s nothing saying that I didn’t work all day if I still get the shit done right? God Forbid that I take my fiancé out on a drive, right?”

  This stopped her rhythm immediately. She said, “Excuse me?”

  He said, “Well, it wasn’t exactly how I was planning on asking you but I can’t think of a time that I've felt better recently.”

  He opened the nightstand drawer next to him, pulling out the box and opened it smiling and holding the ring out for her to see….for the second time. She gripped the box, holding it to her chest. Tears started to roll down the side of her face. Isaac took the box back from her, pulled the delicate looking gold band from its place, and slid it on the ring finger of her left hand, kissing her hand once it was in place.

  Traci bent down, kissing him long and deep, then started moving her hips again, and did not break the kiss until the two of them finished at the same time. She whispered, “This is the happiest moment of my entire life, Isaac Hunter. I love you so much.”

  “You’d better, that thing cost me a-”

  Traci put a finger to his lips and hushed into his ear. She said, “Shhh, don’t ruin it, baby. I love it. It’s my newest and most favorite thing. I can promise you that. I love you so much it hurts, Isaac. I cannot wait until my last name matches yours. We are going to be so happy, I just know it, baby. Oh my god, do you know how many phones calls we are going to have to make?”

  Isaac rubbed her back and whispered, “We will never…...I mean ever leave if you tell your friends and mother. Why don’t we keep it between the two of us just for today? What is it going to hurt? You have the ring, and we are engaged. We can just enjoy being newly engaged and in love for the day.”

  She pushed up, looking at her ring and smiling. “Who wants to be on the phone all day on a beautiful Saturday? I’m going to get in the shower and then I say we hit the road. Do you want to get in with me?”

  Isaac rubbed her bottom and said, “I do, but I need a few minutes, honey. I’m not twenty anymore.”

  “Oh no, am I going to marry an old man?”

  “You go get cleaned up and I’ll meet you in a minute. I want to check a few things.”

  “If you end up working all morning, I’m going to hurt you, you know that right?”

  “Yes Mrs. Hunter, I sure do. I just need ten or fifteen minutes and we are good to go, swear to God.”

  She pushed up off of him, kissing him on the lips and ran to the bathroom. She covered herself with the comforter until she reached the doorway leaving him naked on the bed. Isaac hit the remote for the news and started looking up his fantasy baseball league stats. He pulled on a pair of boxers and padded to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee to brew.

  The news anchor on channel 13 said, “We have breaking news to report. A family of four was found brutally murdered in their home. The police are not giving any hard details yet. This is the seventh slaying in the metro area. Police have no leads and no witnesses. Detective Hardin is in charge of the investigation. Hardin, as you may or may not know, made national headlines in Colorado Springs, Colorado before moving to Missouri a year ago with his family. He single handedly took down Shaun Phelps, known as the gutter of the west. He was rumored to have killed more people than smallpox. Please be careful if you are traveling at night or going anywhere that you are not sure if it is safe or not.

  Now on a lighter note, whew, just call me Mrs. Debbie Downer won’t you, the Girl Scouts of America have added an additional cookie season for the fall. Records have shown that cookies and other treats are common gifts given during the holidays -”

  Isaac walked back into the room smiling and thinking about thin mints in the fall. Traci leaned out of the shower and said, “Honey what was that news story about?”

  Isaac dropped his boxers taking a quick sip of his coffee. “Well, I have good news, Traci, they are going to start selling Girl Scout cookies twice a year. We will have them in the fall it looks like.”

  “Oh great because it is so easy to keep weight off during the holidays, why not throw a little cookie crystal meth into the equation.”

  Isaac pulled back the shower curtain, seeing what he thought was a body made by the gods. “Honey, if this is you thinking you aren’t a perfect ten then I don’t know what will be.”

  She turned around, giving him a wet kiss and said, “Well, just remember I’m going to need to be fitting into a wedding dress at some point and I’d like the size to be in the lower spectrum of the numbers one through ten.”

  Isaac stepp
ed into the shower, giving her a hug. “Well, you’d better enjoy it while you can because eventually you are going to be huge with a million of my babies in your belly.”

  She rubbed him up and down until he shivered saying, “Oh it’s too bad I’m marrying an old fart that isn’t ready to go again right away.”

  He took the bait and they practiced how they would be making those Hunter babies in the future. When they were done, he took his coffee, going back to the kitchen for a refuel and a cup for Traci. His phone pinged and he looked down, seeing the flashing green light and hoping…..no praying, that it wasn’t work calling him on a Saturday.

  Isaac swiped the phone to bring the droid’s screen to life. A picture of Traci and him on the beach that summer stared back at him and he saw it was just a Facebook Messenger staring back at him.

  He set the phone back down and it sounded like a videogame going off within a matter of a minute. He knew that he shouldn’t, but he picked the phone back up and opened the messenger reading a chain of messages from his buddy, Jack.

  Jack - Hey what are you doing

  Jack - Hey what’s up today

  Jack - Dickhead quit ignoring me

  Jack - I can do this shit all day mo fo

  Jack - Hey once you are done masturbating give me a call

  Jack - Wow no one takes this long

  Jack - Are you alive?

  Jack - I’m alive, what are you wearing

  Isaac - You have no life

  Jack - Your girlfriend introduced me to my wife ass hat I had a life

  Isaac - Yes and now you have Katy, boo fucking hoo

  Jack - What are we implying

  Isaac - That she married out of her league

  Jack - I know I’m a catch

  Isaac - No NO NO she could have done way fucking better, I mean she must have hit her fucking head at some point. Or you smoked her stupid is my only other thought

  Jack - You touch my heart, come over and hold me

  Isaac - Going on road trip, hold yourself

  Jack - Where you going

  Isaac - It doesn’t matter, you aren’t coming

  Jack - You realize I’m already putting shoes on and will grab the wife

  Isaac - I am going to kill you if you show up

  Isaac - Jack?

  Isaac - Hey?

  Isaac - Don’t do it

  Isaac - Seriously it’s a single day for us you aren’t invited

  Isaac - Don’t come

  Isaac walked back to the bedroom, his face flushed. Traci said, “You okay Isaac? Did you burn your mouth on the coffee?”

  “Not exactly. I think that we should leave, like now. I’ll throw these coffees into a couple to go cups and we’ll be outta here in ten.”

  “I’m not ready, food isn’t packed, and we don’t have a blanket to fool around on later. You are going to have to be patient. I swear anytime I make the faintest joke about a blow job you can’t think about anything else until then.”

  “That isn’t it….well that isn’t completely it, honey.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything. I picked up my phone because it sounded like it was going to explode.”

  “Did your work call you? I swear if you answered your work phone on a holiday you deserve what you get.”

  “Ouch honey, no it wasn’t work. It was worse.”

  “Jack?”

  “Correct. I told him we were going on a little road trip just the two of us.”

  “So the two of them are on their way here uninvited, aren’t they?”

  “Affirmative. If we leave before they get here it isn’t going to be rude, right?”

  She ran to the kitchen throwing everything into the picnic basket they would need and then rushed to her room grabbing an outfit for the day. She stared back at him standing there in awe drinking his coffee. She yelled, “Well, get your ass moving, or you aren’t going to have to worry about sex of any sort again today. Once Katy sees this rock on my hand we aren’t getting rid of her. She knows that she’ll be my maid of honor. She’s a planner and she’ll start making lists the minute she sees it.”

  Isaac, who hadn’t even considered who’d be invited to the wedding let alone who he was going to have stand up with him, nodded slowly thinking of that car ride and shuddered. He raced through his closet throwing on jeans and a shirt and the two rushed out the door and down the three flights of stairs.

  They ran outside laughing all the way, until they made it to Isaac’s Impala when they stopped abruptly. Jack was sitting on the car’s trunk and had his legs wrapped around Katy kissing her on the neck as she was trying to get away snorting and laughing from him going at her neck. She said, “Oh for god sakes Jack Williams would you please let me go. We aren’t teenagers for god sakes.”

  Jack said, “Thank god for that, I hate rubbers.”

  “You think about one thing and one thing only, you realize that right?”

  “Would you love me if I didn’t?”

  “I’d get sleep at night, at the very least.”

  Isaac said, “Thanks Jack for listening to me when I said, do not come, this is a private day for the two of us.”

  “I put my phone down the second you invited me, Isaac. I must have missed it. I am so sorry.”

  “I didn’t invite you d-bag.”

  Katy slapped Jack on the chest and said, “You ass, I knew we weren't invited or we would’ve had a call from Traci. Traci, I am so sorry. I should’ve known better. I think the idea of a day with you and…”

  Jack snapped in front of Katy’s face snapping her out of her gaze. She punched him in the arm yelling, “Oh my god that is so fucking rude. Traci…..Oh my god would you look at the size of that thing. Oh my god, how did you not call me? When did it happen? How did it happen? Where did it happen?"

  Jack tried to restrain himself, but it only lasted a second before he grabbed Isaac, yelling, “Oh my god! Tell me how she proposed to you? Did she do it this morning?”

  Isaac started laughing trying to fight it back. Kate looked dead center at Jack and said, “Do you want that thing between your legs to only be for urinating purposes going forward for the foreseeable future? Sorry Traci, he’s a sexy man with the mind of a ten year old. I want to know everything, but you guys go ahead and have your day. It's fine. I can’t wait to talk to your mom. She must be so excited!”

  Traci said, “She doesn’t actually know yet. We were keeping it a secret just for the day. Can you keep your mouth shut if I leave you for the day?”

  “I could like totally say yes, but I’d kind of want you to know what you are going to come home to once you get back. I mean your mom is going to be pissed. I don’t want to do that to you, but it’s kind of out of my hands. Maids of honors have special privileges so yeah I’m sorry there isn’t much that I can do to keep from spilling the beans. I’m actually already seeing myself visually typing out the message to about thirty to forty people that are going to need to know this.”

  Traci smiled nervously knowing the hell that would be unleashed if the words didn’t come out of her mouth first to her mother and father. She whispered into Isaac’s ear. “You realize that we have to kidnap them and take them with right?”

  Isaac said, “But can we leave Jack there? Maybe a pack of wolves will adopt him…..or eat him. It’s a win win either way, because he’ll be gone.”

  Katy said, “No I need him to help me pay the mortgage. He’s going to buy all our groceries today to make up for crashing your engagement day.”

  Traci asked, “Groceries?”

  Katy pointed to their miniature cooler and said, “No way that whatever you have in there is going to be enough for all four of us. If you wouldn’t mind letting us borrow your cooler for the day we’ll pack it full of sandwiches and beer and make a day out of it.”

  Isaac said, “Well, hell, do we need to make this an overnight affair? We have a tent, really no reason why we couldn’t all fit in there; it has three rooms and
plenty of space.”

  Traci said, “Is it the room with the moon roof in it, baby?”

  Isaac picked her up, squeezing her tight and thinking how much he enjoyed the engaged side of a relationship. “You know that it is, Traci.”

  The girls looked at each other and sprinted up the stairs to get extra clothes for all of them and the men went to get the lantern, cooler, and tent from the back of their garage unit. Jack asked while they were walking there, “Dude, you really think that you’ve been together long enough to take the leap of all leaps?”

  “Would I have bought her the engagement ring if I didn’t think I could handle it? You know I’ve been in love with her longer than she has been single to date. Yes, I am ready.”

  Jack laughed remembering their courting history. “Ahh, that is right. The vagina chronicles of you being single and she wasn’t but you insisted that there was no way that she was going to date that douchebag Aaron for very much longer. You were hell bent that you would wait and when she was single she would see just how great of a guy that you were. How many months did that go on for, super stud?”

  “It doesn’t matter now, does it Jack? Because I got the girl and she loves me now, not him.”

  “Oh she doesn’t love you, she would kill for you. You are all she talks about anytime that she comes over and drinks wine with us.”

  “You obviously mean when she comes over to see Katy. Yeah I’m okay that she likes to talk about me, it means she isn’t bored of me just yet.”

  “You know Katy comes to your guys’ place quite often. I can’t imagine how often she talks about me.”

  “Oh she does, but I think that it's more in the therapeutic sense, like Jack is such an asshole, I can’t believe all the stupid shit that he does, I wish that his cock was at least four inches long, I think they have pills for-"

  Jack punched him in the shoulder, and said, “She has no complaints in that department ass hat. Now where is your tent at so we can get on the road? This day trip just turned into a few day party. I hope that we can get enough beer to fit into this cooler you have.”

  Isaac pushed past, him rubbing his arm, and said, “The cooler is right there. See if you can reach it man.”