The End of All Things

by Lissa Bryan

  “If I must.”

  “Oh, you must! You must!”

  Justin pulled her into his arms and kissed her. “I missed you so much, Carly.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  They started off down the road, and Carly took a deep breath. “Isn’t it beautiful today?”

  Justin smiled at her. “It certainly is. But that reminds me of something we need to talk about.”

  A worried frown flitted across her face. “What do you mean?”

  “We’re not going to make it to the South before winter, Carly.”

  She was faintly alarmed. “What are we going to do?”

  “We’re going to find a nice, old farm house with thick walls and working fireplaces and a comfortable barn for Shadowfax. I’d like to try to get through North Dakota because the winters can be very harsh there, but I’m not sure we’ll make it. We have to have some time to gather up the supplies we’ll need before winter.”

  Carly glanced back at the wagon.

  “Not just food. Though we could use more of that, just to be on the safe side. We’ll need firewood, and hay for Shadowfax to eat.”

  “Can’t we just give her the pellets?”

  He considered. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Maybe there’s something in the hay they need.”

  “I’ll find out. I got a book on horses at the library.”

  “Smart thinking,” he said and her cheeks pinked a little at his praise. “What we have to think about is the fact we’ll be essentially snowed in until the spring thaw. There won’t be any snowplows to come and clear the roads. We won’t be able to move on until early summer, once we’re sure there won’t be any surprise blizzards that could catch us in the open.”

  Carly thought of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books she’d loved so much as a child. The Long Winter had told of the family’s suffering during a South Dakota winter, when the whole town starved because they couldn’t get trains through to deliver supplies. The idea was terrifying.

  “Isn’t there any way we could get a vehicle and hook up a horse trailer for Shadowfax? So maybe we could get farther?”

  Justin shook his head. “We don’t know if she’s ever been inside a trailer before. If she gets scared, she could thrash around and hurt herself. Secondly, we’d have to stop every few miles and find a new vehicle as we encounter pile-ups and traffic jams. It wouldn’t help us. And that’s even assuming we can find a vehicle that still works after sitting unused for so long.”

  “You said something about that before. What do you mean? Does gas actually go bad?” She’d never thought of gas having an expiration date like a gallon of milk.

  “It can. Sitting in a car like that, the biggest concern would be water contamination. The tank could gather condensation from heating up during the day and cooling off at night. If the tank isn’t airtight, part of the liquid can evaporate off, making the fuel thick and gunky.” Justin paused for a long moment and she was surprised to see him blush a little. “Speaking of dependability, how would you feel about going on the pill? I’m still going to use condoms, but it would be wise to have a backup.”

  “I can’t,” Carly said. “It makes me really sick. I tried when I was with Noah. My doctor even tried me on some of the low-hormone types, but it didn’t help. They make me nauseated and moody.”

  “All right. We’ll use a spermicide. I’ll just have to stop at a pharmacy the next town we visit.”

  Carly had always wanted to have kids of her own. She liked children. To her, they represented the best humanity had to offer with their curiosity, their potential, and their simple joy in life. That had been one area of contention between her and Noah. His emphatic insistence he never wanted kids was one of the reasons she finally came to the conclusion they just weren’t compatible. “Do you ever want to have kids, Justin?”

  Justin’s jaw tightened. “I never did; I didn’t think I’d make much of a father. Now, it seems almost criminal to bring a child into this world.”

  She hated to admit it, but he was right. But knowing it didn’t ease the ache in her heart. It would be wrong to bring a baby into this uncertain life, where danger lurked around every corner and there was no guarantee of surviving to see the next day.

  Carly realized suddenly that all of the old child killers, like disease and infections, would return due to the lack of vaccinations and antibiotics. Diaper rash would no longer be a minor irritation; it could turn fatal. Tooth infections, ear infections, allergies. Even something as minor as a stomach upset could kill if there wasn’t a medication to stop diarrhea.

  Carly realized she might be witnessing the sunset of humanity. They weren’t prepared to care for the next generation without their modern conveniences and medicines. The percentage of children who didn’t live long enough to have children of their own could be too high to sustain their species.

  And what of childbirth itself? A woman dying while giving birth had been a rarity in the United States, but without skilled obstetrics, that number could rise to what it was back in the old days, or that of undeveloped nations. Carly’s own mother probably would have died without modern medicine. She’d needed a cesarean to deliver Carly. Carly felt a cold shiver of unease creep down her spine. What if she had the same problem her mother had? How would she know? She didn’t even know what the problem had been; she’d only been told about her difficult delivery when she’d asked about the scar on her mother’s abdomen.

  Justin watched the expressions flicker over Carly’s face. “What are you thinking?”

  “That you’re right. We need a backup.”

  “I’m sorry,” Justin said, correctly interpreting the wistful sadness that had lingered in her eyes for a moment.

  “It’s not that big of a deal,” Carly replied, but didn’t meet his eyes. “I probably liked the idea of kids more than I would have liked the reality.”

  “I think you would have made a wonderful mother.”

  “And you would have made a great dad.”

  Justin snorted. “What do I know about raising kids? You’re set. You had a great family and know what good parents are supposed to be like. I would have no idea what I was doing.”

  “That’s the way most new parents are, actually. At least, my girlfriends who were married and were starting their families used to say that. They were always scared to death they were going to do something that would mess up the kids or hurt them. My friend Michelle was on the phone to her mom constantly, asking for advice or afraid because the baby was crying and wouldn’t stop. She must have taken that baby to the emergency room at least a dozen times in his first year, certain he was dying because she’d heard him cough.” Carly chuckled and shook her head. “Noah was friends with one of the nurses, and he said they’d always chorus, ‘Here comes Michelle!’ when they saw her burst through the doors. The doctor was patient with her, at least.”

  “If the animals following you around are any indication, you would have done a damn fine job,” Justin said. He laughed, and Carly knew he was thinking of the moose that had followed them for a few miles back near Saskatoon. Justin had sighed with relief when it finally wandered off. He’d told her later he had terrible visions of the creature trying to crawl into the tent with them that night.

  “We’re not going to make it, are we?” Carly asked. “Humans, I mean. As a species.”

  “I don’t know. We’ve seen enough people along the way to make me think there’s a large enough breeding population, but whether the children survive or not, that’s another story. We don’t know if they’d be immune to the Infection or not.”

  Carly’s eyes widened in horror. She hadn’t even thought of that possibility.

  “That family back near White Pass—they all survived because they isolated themselves. As more travelers pass by, or they decide to move back to town when they’re out of supplies, they’ll all be exposed. There probably aren’t very many intact families, and we don’t know how the immunity is passed on. Both of your parents died, even
though you were immune, so you didn’t get it from them.”

  It made no sense immunity would just be random, especially, as Justin had noted, since it wasn’t a natural virus to which people would have built up a genetic resistance. “All of us who were immune must have something in common. We just have to figure out what it is.”

  Justin cast her an amused look. “Are you going to start polling people?”

  Carly ignored that. “Were you up-to-date on all of your immunizations?”

  “Yes. And I had some the general public wouldn’t because of my line of work. Smallpox, anthrax, rabies, yellow fever, and meningitis were just a few of the ones I had.”

  “Did you get a flu shot last year?”

  “Yes. Always do.”

  “So did I. My parents didn’t. My mom had sort of a needle phobia, and my dad just didn’t bother if she wasn’t going to do it. Do you know what company made your shot?”

  “Cederna Pharmaceutical Services. They had the contract from the army for vaccinations. Why?” A small frown tugged at Justin’s lips, as though her questions disturbed him.

  Carly couldn’t help but be a little smug. “Maybe there could have been something about that particular batch. Cederna made my shot, too. They sent me a receipt I was supposed to send to my insurance company for reimbursement, but I didn’t have insurance. I remember because they had that strange logo that had all of the letters twisted together.”

  “Probably just a coincidence.” But he was still frowning as he said it

  “Yeah, probably.” Carly decided to humor him, at least until she had stronger evidence. The vaccination theory didn’t explain the animals’ immunity, after all.

  They rode in silence for a moment.

  “Carly, can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “I saw your necklace last night.”

  Carly had tried to keep it hidden under her T-shirt, but he would have seen it when that shirt came off. She said nothing.

  “I wanted to ask you about the things you have on it.”

  “What about them?”

  Justin wouldn’t miss the defensiveness in her tone, just as he wouldn’t have missed the details of what she had strung on that chain. He was too damn observant.

  “Will you tell me why you are keeping those things? I understand your father’s ring, but the others? What do they mean to you?”

  “My apartment key is pretty self-explanatory, I think.”

  “Are you keeping it in case you return?” Justin’s voice was free of inflection, but she understood why he asked.

  “No, I know I’ll never go back there. It’s like keeping a piece of my home.” Carly swallowed hard around the lump in her throat.

  “And the penny?”

  “I found it after I shot the crazy man in Fraser.”

  “I see,” he said, but she was sure he didn’t.

  “It’s a memorial, in a way. Not to him, but . . . sort of.” She struggled for words. “It’s a memorial to the life I took.”

  Justin lifted the arm of his T-shirt and showed her the three bands of lightning that circled his bicep. “I understand, Carly. Maybe better than you know.”

  She nodded. Maybe he did after all.

  “And the soda tab?”

  “It was supposed to remind me not to . . . get attached to you.”

  Justin was silent for a moment. “Will you take it off now? Please?”

  Carly nodded.

  “I’m sorry I did that to you. I didn’t mean—”

  He looked so guilt stricken, Carly’s compassion was immediately aroused. “I know you didn’t. You were trying to do what you thought was right because you cared about me.”

  “I do. More than you know. I want you to know something. If you find someone else—”

  “Jesus, Justin!” She gaped at him. Did he really think she was the kind of woman who would shop around for a replacement while she was already in a relationship? She wasn’t sure if she should be offended or not.

  “Let me finish.” His voice was low, and he didn’t look at her as he spoke. “If you find someone else—someone your own age, someone better—I won’t stand in your way. I care about you, and I want you to be happy, even if that means you’re with someone else.”

  Carly felt her temper flare, but she managed to keep her tone calm and even. She told herself he didn’t understand how insulting the implications of his statement were. He’d never had someone in his life who hadn’t abandoned him, after all. There had to be part of him that expected she would do the same. “I’m not like that. I’m no cheater.”

  “I didn’t mean to imply you were, but you could become unhappy in our relationship and want out. For whatever reason. If you do, all you have to do is say it.”

  “Thanks,” Carly said acidly. “Nice to know it would be so easy for you to walk away.”

  Sometimes she resented how well Justin controlled his temper. His voice was mild as he replied. “I didn’t say it would be easy for me. I said I would do it for you.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t do it for you,” Carly retorted. “Call me selfish or whatever, but I would fight for you if some other girl tried to take you away.”

  Justin chuckled. “Thank you. You have no worries there. I’m no cheater, either.”

  “Have there been a lot of girls in your life? You told me it was ‘less than I would think,’ but what does that mean?”

  “Three.”

  She blinked. “Three? Really?”

  “My first was a long-term relationship. We became a couple when we were fourteen and it lasted all the way up until after I joined the service.”

  “Even as much as you moved around?” Carly was surprised by that.

  He shrugged lightly, but he had that blank look on his face again. “They tried to keep foster kids in the same school district, if possible.”

  She supposed that made sense, trying to keep their lives from being disrupted as much as possible. “What happened between you?”

  “I thought she’d wait for me after I joined the service. She didn’t. The other two were, well, I don’t want to say one-night stands, but that’s pretty much what they amounted to because I made it clear I didn’t want another relationship.”

  “Do you still not want another relationship?”

  Justin glanced over at her. “It’s difficult—opening yourself up when you know you can be hurt. It was a long time before I was ready to do that again, and I hadn’t found anyone yet. Until you.” He gave her a small smile. “What about you?”

  “Breaking up with Noah didn’t leave any scars. It really was mutual, about the most amicable a breakup can get. We just weren’t right for each other, and it was time to move on. But, like you, I hadn’t found anyone new yet.”

  “So, Noah was the only one for you?”

  “Yeah.” She felt her cheeks heat.

  “Don’t be embarrassed. There’s nothing wrong with being selective.”

  “I bet your army buddies teased you about it.”

  Justin chuckled. “A bit. They nicknamed me The Priest.”

  “Some of my girlfriends worried about me because I wasn’t dating very much. They thought Noah had really hurt me, no matter what I said about it. They were always trying to set me up with guys. It was exasperating sometimes, but they did it because they cared about me and wanted me to find someone who would make me happy.”

  “They’d probably have heart attacks if they could see you now.”

  “If you made me happy, they wouldn’t care if you were the Elephant Man.”

  “It sounds like you had good friends.”

  Carly nodded and smiled, even though she felt tears sting her eyes. “I was picky about that, too. I miss them. I’ll always miss them. Did you have a lot of friends?”

  “No, not really. I stayed in touch with a few guys from The Unit, but I was mostly a loner.”

  That made sense. With the way he’d been uprooted so often as a child, Justin would have lea
rned early not to get attached. “That sounds lonely.”

  “Not really. You can be alone without being lonely; just the same as you can be lonely in a crowded room.”

  Carly wanted to put her arms around him. “You’ll never be lonely again. I promise.”

  His eyes were wary. “Carly, you can’t promise something like that. You don’t know what the future holds for us.”

  “I know I like you, Justin. I don’t see why we couldn’t go on being friends even if we decided a relationship wasn’t what we wanted anymore.”

  Justin shook his head. “No, Carly, I don’t think I could do that. I could let you go, if that’s what you wanted, but I couldn’t stay around and watch you with someone else.”

  Carly had no idea how to answer that. Fortunately, Sam provided a distraction when a rabbit made a foolish dash across the road in front of them. With a joyous wag of his tail, he bolted off in chase. He returned, prancing, with a dead rabbit hanging from his jaws.

  “I guess that’s our signal to break for lunch,” said Justin.

  They pulled their bikes over to the side of the road. “I’ll go check Shadowfax’s hooves,” Carly said hastily as he took the rabbit from Sam. Shadowfax had lost one of her shoes, and Justin had removed the rest of them. Shadowfax walked mostly on the grass anyway, looking for yummy plants to snack on along the way. So far, she didn’t seem to be bothered by her shoeless state, but Carly checked her hooves every time they stopped, just to be sure.

  “Not so fast, honey. It’s time you learned this.”

  “Ugh. Do I have to?”

  “Yes. It looks like Sam will keep you fed if something happens to me, but you need to know how to clean game so you can eat it.”

  He took the knife from his belt and made a slit down the center of the rabbit’s torso. Carly gulped. She listened as he explained how to remove the organs without puncturing them and showed her how to skin the animal. He rinsed the body in clean water and then hooked its limbs together so it would hang over a spit. Carly looked over at the rabbit’s severed head. Its eyes were partially open and seemed to stare at her.