by Jenna Jacob
“Time for ice cream, Nina,” Kaitlin called toward the family room as she grabbed a stack of bowls from the cabinet.
As she scooped out the servings, Gran eased in next to her and cupped a soft hand over Kaitlin’s fingers. “Go sit down. I’ll do this.”
“I’ve got it,” she replied with a shake of her head. She needed to focus on something. One look at Gran and Kaitlin knew she’d fall apart. Reaching down deep, she put on a brave face. “Really, I’m fine. I refuse to let that self-destructive, abusive dirtbag keep me in a state of perpetual fear. I may not know what my future holds, but come hell or high water, I’m closing the horrific chapter of my past with Doug. My new life starts tonight.” Now all Kaitlin had to do was convince herself of that.
“There’s my Katie-girl,” Gran encouraged proudly. “We’ll talk later.”
Kaitlin gave a curt nod as Gran began carrying the ice cream to the table. Sky helped as well, and his hand brushed hers when he reached for one of the bowls. Kaitlin couldn’t keep from lifting her head. Compassion and understanding saturated his dark eyes, but his face still wore subtle lines of anger. Could he even begin to relate to the turmoil roiling inside her? Without a word, he reached up and slid a knuckle down her cheek.
“I’m sorry for all the things that madman put you through. Lean on us, sweetheart. We’ll help you get on solid ground.”
When she opened her mouth to reply, Sky bent and softly kissed her lips. When he eased away reluctantly, it took all the strength Kaitlin possessed to keep from wrapping her arms around his neck to let his kisses take her away.
“Ewww, Daddy!” Nina exclaimed with a sour expression. “You just kissed Miss Katie.”
“Yes, I did.” Sky chuckled, making his way back to the table. “She’s got the softest lips in Iowa.”
Nina frowned and touched her own lips. “I have soft lips, too. Don’t I, Daddy?”
“You most certainly do. Yours are the bestest, softest lips in the whole wide world,” Sky assured her before bending to kiss the top of Nina’s head. She sent him a million-watt smile before digging into her ice cream.
Sky had never been shy about expressing his love. Kaitlin wasn’t surprised that he was an adoring father. That same maternal ache buried within reappeared with a burn of longing. As she took her seat next to Sky once more, he turned and stared into her eyes. She saw a million questions swimming there, yet he didn’t speak a single one. The comfort she found was overwhelming, but not nearly as overwhelming as the rush of desire building inside her.
Like a tornado unleashing its fury, Kaitlin’s mind swirled with wicked memories of her and Sky making love. She ached to peel off his clothes, crawl onto his lap, and ride him to oblivion the way they used to. A shiver rippled up her spine, and it had nothing to do with the ice cream.
Nina chattered about movies and princesses. It was a welcome respite to the pulsing ache vibrating within. Thirty minutes later, the dishes were done, and Kaitlin and Gran stood on the porch saying good night to Sky and his family. Her stomach flip-flopped knowing that, once inside, Gran would expect “the talk.”
Back in the kitchen, a pressing awkwardness filled the air as she and Gran both sat down at the table. Kaitlin clasped her hands together and inhaled a deep breath.
“I caught him…caught Doug having sex with one of our clients in his office yesterday. He’s been unfaithful for years. When I first found out, I was crushed, but over time, it became a blessing. As long as his needs were being met with other women, he usually left me alone.”
“Oh, baby.” Gran sighed. Her tone held a wealth of sadness. “Why… What changed between the two of you?”
“I think he was jealous of my success, and it simply escalated from there. The company took off like a rocket. Doug was so wrapped up in making money and spending money…it was like it consumed him. I was happy living in our two-bedroom townhouse, but after we made our first million, he demanded that we move. He’s the one who wanted the big mansion in Barrington Hills…the maids, butler, and fancy sports cars. Ironically, it was mostly my money that paid for it all. The ad campaigns I created outperformed his on every level. The four ADDYs won were for my work. Every one of Doug’s entries was rejected. I think he felt emasculated and started taking his inferiority complex out on me. The bulk of our income came from my clients. At the time, I didn’t care. I simply wanted us to be happy, but he couldn’t see past the dollar signs.”
“I’m not surprised. You’ve always been level-headed when it comes to money,” Gran interjected.
Leave it to Gran to find a silver lining in the darkest of storm clouds.
“Thank you.” Kaitlin smiled. “Anyway, Doug blew through his share of the profits like they were water…started to change into someone I didn’t recognize. He began drinking, a lot, then the gambling started. I don’t know how many hundreds of thousands of dollars I gave him to pay off his loan sharks. Of course, each time I bailed his ass out of trouble, he swore it would be the last.”
Mourning the loss of the happiness she and Doug had once shared, she felt a tear slide down her cheek. Kaitlin quickly wiped it away. She spent the next hour revealing the slow disintegration of their relationship to Gran. The old woman seemed to take it all in stride, but Kaitlin saw the lines as they deepened around her weatherworn face. Still, she forced herself to continue.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” Gran asked.
“No. Everything I felt for him died a long time ago. I never should have stayed.”
“Why did you?”
Kaitlin issued a contemptuous snort. “I thought he’d change. Good god, how pathetic is that? Every woman thinks they have some damn magic wand. One wave and poof…the man will turn into Prince Charming.”
“It’s not pathetic at all, Katie-girl. You’ve never given up on anything unless you’ve exhausted every way possible. Don’t degrade yourself; you’re a strong woman.”
“I don’t feel very strong right now,” Kaitlin confessed. “I just feel confused.”
“That’s plenty understandable, sweetheart. Go on, tell me the rest.”
Filled with dread, Kaitlin continued. “We stopped being intimate the last time I visited you. He accused me of sleeping with every man in Connor. It was an ugly, nasty fight. When it was over, Doug moved to one of the guest rooms. The only time we ever talked was at work, and even that was minimal. We existed like strangers under the same roof. Not long after our fight, I discovered he’d started using drugs. At first it was just pot, then one day I walked into his office and found him snorting coke.”
“Good heavens.” Gran frowned.
“This past New Year’s Eve, he kicked in the door of my bedroom. He was drunk and high and out of his mind. He wanted to make love. I told him no. He exploded in a rage. Things got physical. I tried to fight him off me, but…”
She swallowed tightly and closed her eyes. She couldn’t look at Gran any longer…didn’t want to see the pain her words would inflict. “He was too strong. I couldn’t fight him…couldn’t protect myself. He beat me…beat me badly and raped me…everywhere, over and over. I spent three days in the hospital after having surgery to repair the damage he’d done to my…vagina and anus.”
A sob slid from Gran’s throat. Kaitlin opened her eyes and watched the tears spill down the face of her loving grandmother. She couldn’t help but cry, too.
“I’m sorry, Gran,” she choked out on a sob.
The old woman shook her head as a righteous fire blazed in her eyes. “You don’t have a damn thing to be sorry about, Kaitlin Elizabeth,” Gran barked, slamming her fist on the table. “That miserable excuse for a human being is the one who should be sorry. Surely you called the police, right?”
“The hospital did. They sent a female officer in to take my statement. When I told her I wouldn’t press charges, she looked at me with such pity, I—”
“You didn’t press charges?” Gran blinked in surprise. “Why on earth not?”
“Doug
came to the hospital and told me if I had him arrested, his lawyer would get him off and he’d kill me in my sleep. I believed him. When I got out of the hospital, I bought a gun and started taking shooting lessons and self-defense classes. If I couldn’t escape that animal, at least I could protect myself.” Kaitlin angrily wiped the tears from her face.
“When I caught him having sex yesterday, I don’t know what happened…but something inside me snapped. I took a hard look at myself and didn’t like what I saw. It felt like there was nothing tangible inside me anymore, just the hollow shell…nothing left of the woman I used to be. I’d grown accustomed to his rage and manic mood swings, and been so focused on all the ways he was trying to self-destruct that I didn’t realize that I’d deteriorated right alongside him. I came back home to try…try and find my—myself a…again.” Kaitlin sobbed, choking on her words. “I—I feel like…like such a f—failure. S—so worthless and…and ash—ashamed.”
Gran leaned over and wrapped Kaitlin in her arms, gently rocking her back and forth as they both cried. “We’ll find what you lost, my beautiful Katie. Don’t you worry. We’ll sure as hell find her inside you.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
We all carry these things inside that no one else can see.
They hold us down like anchors. They drown us out to sea.
-Chelsea Smile
Sky’s worst fears had been confirmed as he’d listened to Katie’s one-sided phone call with Doug. The demented prick had raped her. Sky had somehow managed to rein in his anger through dessert and even keep a lid on his fury while tucking Nina into bed. Once his daughter was asleep, he kissed his mom on the cheek, and under the guise of going out for a drink, he sprinted across the road and crept onto Gran’s porch.
Standing outside the open kitchen window, his stomach pitched as he listened to Katie reveal the brutal details of her attack. Bile rose in the back of his throat. The thought of her helpless and at the mercy of that beast gutted him. Fury—the kind he hadn’t felt since leaving Iraq—erupted like a volcano. The violent, ruthless man he’d tried to leave in the desert surged back to life in a crackling flash of ice-cold revenge. The sounds of Kaitlin’s wails only served to intensify the need to methodically plot Doug’s slow and excruciating death…a death Sky aimed to gain tremendous pleasure executing.
He sucked in a ragged breath and dragged a hand over his face. While he was no stranger to brutality—Sky carried internal scars from the atrocities he’d invoked—it sickened him to realize that he and Doug weren’t all that different. Both had unleashed evil to break the spirits of strong-willed and defiant people. Though Sky’s victims were guilty of their own brand of maleficence, it did little to expunge the slimy film that clogged his pores. It didn’t matter how many times he tried to tell himself he’d simply been doing his job…his duty…Sky saw the monster lurking inside him every time he looked in the mirror.
A familiar darkness engulfed his heart and ripped open the memories he’d spent four years working to bury. Consumed by his sins, Sky silently eased off the porch. The last thing Katie needed was one more sadistic bastard in her life. She deserved more than a man carrying around a mountain of gruesome baggage bent on pulling him under. She needed a gentle man. A loving man to revive the brave, strong woman Doug had destroyed. Sky had been that kind of man…a lifetime ago.
He couldn’t be with Katie…not like this. It would only confuse her and make her slide further inside herself. But he couldn’t erase the feel of her lips on his or the way her lithe body meshed with his once again. The images and feelings were too far burned in his brain. Sky was just as guilty as Doug for using Katie…using her as if he were still the small-town boy she’d once known. Sky remembered the mask she’d slid into place when he’d first seen her. He was equally guilty of hiding behind a mask of his own. It wasn’t fair to her. He’d only end up hurting her and himself again. Striding across the road, he climbed into his truck and headed toward town. He needed a drink…but what he needed more was absolution.
Inside The Alibi, Sky sat at the bar and tossed back a shot of tequila, bypassing the salt and lime. It would only lessen the burn. He yearned for the fiery eruption…welcomed it as it spread through his system. Unfortunately it did nothing to warm the chill in his bones. No amount of alcohol could take that away. Sky could only hope to achieve a level of numbness that would banish the guilt from his brain…at least for a little while.
Bartender Misty Gifford stood behind the bar staring at him with a flicker of hunger in her blue eyes. “You haven’t been in to see me for almost two weeks. I’ve missed you. Are you ready for some more fun?”
She leaned in, granting him a generous view of her ample breasts. Breasts he’d held in his hands and suckled into his mouth a couple of week ago, in a moment of weakness.
“No. I’m here for a fucking drink. That’s all,” Sky replied tersely.
“You don’t have to be so grumpy.” Misty pushed out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout before she grinned. “How about I take my break and we go upstairs to my room. I know I can put a smile on your face.”
“Not tonight, Misty.” Sky stared at his glass and shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with her.
“I see. So you’re tossing me aside now that Katie’s back in town, is that it?” she asked in an icy tone.
Sky raised his head and sent her a stony stare. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with Misty’s jealous possessiveness. He’d royally fucked up when he’d taken the girl to bed. He’d only intended a casual sexual encounter, he’d even told her that, but Misty took that one night to be a vow of commitment. He’d tried to let her down easy as he dressed to leave that night, but the predatory smile now plastered over her lips told him she hadn’t heard a word he’d said. Her hackles were up and claws extended. Sky knew Misty wanted to claim ownership of his body, if not his entire soul. That was not happening.
“What I do and who I do it with isn’t any of your concern.”
The furious smile thinning her pink lips turned even more brittle. “Aw, poor Sky. Katie isn’t letting you crawl into her bed anymore?” Misty sneered. When he refused to respond, she continued on. “You seriously didn’t expect her to, did you? She’s not like us, Sky. That fancy sports car she’s driving cost more money than you or I could save in three lifetimes. My momma always said, You can’t buy steak on a hamburger budget. And from the looks of things, Katie’s made of filet mignon now. She’s not interested in the same old hot dog she had back in high school. She’s way out of your league, and we both know it. Come on. Let me take you upstairs. It’ll be fun.”
He clenched his jaw and stared into the empty shot glass. The only fun he wanted was with Doug—in an empty warehouse, miles from civilization, where no one could hear the fucker scream.
“Once was enough, Misty,” Sky answered, struggling to keep his temper in check.
“You don’t mean that. I know you don’t. We shared something special…I know you felt it, too. I don’t want to be your booty call or an itch to your scratch. I want to make you happy. Katie can’t make you happy…not like I can. She’s outgrown you, outgrown Connor. She doesn’t belong here anymore, but I do.”
“I told you. I’m here for a drink. That’s it. Period. Taking you to bed was a mistake. Now leave it alone,” Sky growled.
“Fine,” she huffed. “Don’t think I’ll let you come crawling back to me when rich little Miss Princess leaves town. We’re through.”
Thank god, Sky’s inner voice rejoiced as Misty turned and stomped away.
A second later, Devin Carnes—police chief, fellow Iraq War veteran, best friend, and confidant—sat down on the barstool beside him.
With his brows furrowed in concern, Devin studied Sky for several long seconds. “You look like you just got back from a bad mission. Let me guess, you’re all tied up in knots over a redheaded spitfire who’s back in town. Am I right?”
“Not quite,” Sky lied as Misty thundered back toward the two men.
“Do you want something to drink, or are you just in here to shoot the shit, Devin?” she barked in a hateful tone.
“Jesus. What’s crawled up your ass?” Devin asked, rearing back in surprise.
“Nothing that concerns you. Look, I’ve got other customers waiting. Are you going to order something or not?”
Sky dropped his head to hide his grin. He was to blame for Misty’s foul mood, yet Devin was catching hell for it. There wasn’t another soul in the place except for Betty Walker—town drunk—sitting at the opposite end of the long bar.
“Yeah, business is busting at the seams. Why, I’m surprised I even found this empty barstool, what with all the people here,” Devin mocked with a crooked grin. “Two beers, please. Oh, and a smile would be nice.”
Misty shot him a caustic grimace, popped the top off the brown bottles, and then slammed the beers on the bar. She scowled at Sky for a long second, then stormed back toward Betty.
“All men are assholes,” Misty said, tossing an angry glare over her shoulder. Inebriated, Betty simply nodded.
“Who pissed in her Wheaties?” Devin chuckled.
“I did.”
“Maybe we better head back to play some pool before Misty starts chucking shot glasses, mistaking you for a human dart board,” Devin taunted. “I might even let you beat me.”
“Let me?” Sky scoffed as he grabbed his bottle of beer and stood. “I’ll whip your ass fair and square.”
“I know you will. You always do. But I need to put a little distance between you and Catwoman so I don’t have to haul either one of you to jail. I’m not up for any more paperwork, thank you kindly.”
Sky racked, then rolled the cue ball to Devin to break. After the first game, Devin sat down and started drinking soda while Sky polished off several more beers. After sinking the eight ball and winning all five games, he hung up his cue stick and sat across from his friend.
