Back To Our Beginning

by C. L. Scholey

  Tansy was wishing she’d never agreed to the contest, it appeared too many were thinking of sex.

  “I wish we had cranberries,” Tansy said. Cord wouldn’t stop leering, Clint wouldn’t stop staring and Aidan wouldn’t stop grinning.

  “Or butter,” Rose said quietly. She sat patting Lucky’s head while taking small bites of food at irregular intervals.

  Tansy looked at the girl thoughtfully. She noticed Rose had problems keeping food down at times. Tansy was worried something inside might have been damaged by the numerous beatings she had received from Rourke. Still, Rose was right; butter would definitely be a welcome change from cooking in animal fat, fish oil or oil from nuts. Tansy found if she boiled nuts she was able to skim the oil from the water once it cooled. The nuts were then mashed and mixed with salt and grain and seeds for warm mush for a filling breakfast.

  “I could go for some warm milk,” Cord said, leering suggestively at Tansy’s breasts.

  “I’m not exactly lactating,” she growled in return, scowling at his innuendo.

  “I want chocolate milk,” Michaela pouted.

  “Me, too,” Ricky agreed.

  Max just sat stuffing his cheeks with food as though he’d never eaten before. Tansy was teaching him the American Sign Language she knew; though her knowledge was limited, they were making progress. Tansy also forced everyone else in their small group to learn what she knew. Not everyone was as receptive, and others were definitely harder to teach. She enlisted Aidan’s help and coerced Cord and Clint into believing it could be a great strategy when used in hunting as no voices were needed.

  “Milk Mommy, I want milk,” Michaela wailed.

  “Honey, Mommy doesn’t know where to get any. It’s not like I can go to the corner store or even milk a cow,” Tansy replied exasperated.

  “How about a goat?” Aidan said, a bite of turkey pausing at his lips.

  “A goat?” Shanie asked.

  “When I was hunting I saw a goat, I think maybe it had a kid,” Aidan replied resuming his meal.

  “A goat could give us milk,” Ethan said.

  “A goat could give us butter and cheese as well,” Tansy added with excitement.

  “Could it get us laid?” Cord asked Tansy mischievously.

  Pieces of food were tossed at him from all directions.

  “We could build a small sturdy enclosure right here inside the mine down near the latrine, close to the wood stove to keep it warm in the winter,” Ethan said. “Providing for the goat would be minimal compared to what we could receive in return.”

  Caught up in the excitement, they began to plan on capturing a nursing goat. Tansy felt the added sustenance would be a great benefit; not only to her own children but to the other children she had come to care for as her own. The calcium would be welcome; it might also provide more nourishment to Rose who ate so little. The young girl was so tiny. Though her color was improving along with her appetite, there was something wrong. She vomited often. Perhaps an internal organ had been damaged. Another thought nagged at the corners of Tansy’s mind but she shoved it aside, that particular thought shot terror into Tansy’s heart.

  “It shouldn’t be too afraid of humans,” Ethan said.

  “Maybe we could coax it with food or something,” Cord suggested.

  “What do we do with her kid?” Clint asked.

  “I’m afraid we’re going to have to do away with it. We don’t want it taking its mother’s milk, we need all of it for ourselves,” Ethan told them.

  “We’ll just have to get them both back to the mine. If we have to, we can catch the kid first and use it to lure the mother,” Aidan suggested.

  “Good idea,” Ethan said.

  * * * *

  It was growing late before they decided all four men would go and hunt the goat and her young one. Shanie was still struggling with the concept of killing such young animals and decided to remain behind. Tansy wanted to stay and teach the children more sign language; she also wanted Rose to rest. Emmy and Shanie decided they would cook dinner the following day to give their mother a break. There was always so much to do around the mine; washing leather took a great deal of care, the blood from the animals they caught and killed left various stains. The towels and linens they found in the abandoned houses needed to be washed and hung out to dry on ropes strung closely to the mine, not just for safety from venturing too far away, but Aidan reasoned large flapping sheets might offer a deterrent to predators.

  Their kills were brought back to the mine and cleaned in an area they sectioned off, the smell of blood might be attractive to a large animal. They set pit traps, well camouflaged but detectable by humans, and strung old cow bells, tin cans and clattering dried bones in trees to frighten any animal seeking to investigate, anything that could make noise.

  Wistfully, Tansy wished for electricity, the use of a washer and dryer; never had she thought in her life she would be grateful to be doing laundry unless it involved electrical power. At least she would never have to separate her colors from her whites, no more missing socks, no one owned any.

  “Mommy?” Michaela said, yawning.

  “Yes, baby,” Tansy answered. She was tucking the child into her bed with just a light sheet. The nights were hot, the days were far worse. Tansy found it hard to tolerate the bugs the most. They were forever burning a smoky fire that made them cough and kept them awake. They found the wet wood smoked quieter. The dry needles crackled and popped and kept the children awake at night, fearful it was a storm descending. They were drying sage to throw on the fires which seemed to help.

  “Mommy are they gonna kill a kid?” Michaela asked, fingering the lace on her doll’s blue dress. Tansy noticed Michaela had placed the crying face of the doll on the outside. She knew she did this when distressed.

  “No honey, not a real kid like you, Ricky and Max. They’re going to find a goat. A baby goat is called a kid. “

  “Then they’ll kill it?”

  “I know it’s hard to understand,” Tansy said, then kissed the child on her forehead.

  “Maybe I don’t need chocolate milk.”

  “We can all use the milk sweetheart, and I’m afraid even if we do get the goat, there’s still no chocolate,” Tansy said, stroking the child’s forehead.

  Michaela snuggled up to her doll, turning the porcelain face to sleeping. Her tiny hand patted her mother’s soothing fingers for a brief moment. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and her eyes closed. Tansy smiled knowing she was already asleep. Every day seemed to be so long, even for the children. Even when it hardly appeared they had done anything but washed clothes, made dinner or collected various items of wood and vegetation.

  Tansy saw Clint restocking his pile of tinder near one of the closer of the three large fires. He had found a field mouse nest and taken it to put into his pouch that he had made from deer hide. The pouch was lined with the bladder of a doe to make it waterproof. He wanted the contents to be kept as dry as possible. Having dry tinder could mean the difference between life and death. It was paramount to be able to start a fire in a dark cave or cellar if a storm came and caught them unprepared. They were loath to feel vulnerable, or more vulnerable than they already felt. The survivors needed fire to keep away vicious animals and to cook food or boil water. Recently, Clint saw what looked like a pride of lions in the distance when hunting.

  “Clint?” Tansy said. He smiled at her then made room for her to sit near him.

  “What’s up?”

  “Do you think maybe the goat kid could be killed and gutted before you bring it back here?”

  “I guess.”

  “It’s just that Mike is upset about anyone killing a kid.”

  “Well hell, Tansy, it ain’t a real kid.”

  “I know, I think maybe the name is symbolic to her. After seeing the way Rose and Max came to us, I think it’s upsetting to her.”

  Clint grinned at her fondly. “All right, I’ll make sure.”

  Thanking him,
Tansy rose and went to her own place near Michaela’s bed. She had told Clint it was too hot for him to continue sleeping beside her. It wasn’t the complete truth but also not necessarily a lie. Even though she helped him make a larger raised bed for her near Mike, the bottom layer was of fur and the mine, though cooler, was still quite warm. Tansy didn’t want to give him false hopes when she was so unsure of her own feelings.

  * * * *

  Aidan stalked his prey. The others closed in from all sides but the goat could quickly dart through an opening between them. The animal knew they were there but had yet to exhibit any signs of restless behavior. The goat’s young one nursed while his mother ate at the leaves, grass and twigs in a small pasture. The grass was high, giving her adequate protection from dangerous carnivores.

  The goat bleated suddenly and lunged forward between Cord and Clint. She was fast, but not nearly as quick footed as the agile hunters. Their muscles were toned after months of rigorous trials. Clint grasped the goat around the neck and using his body was able to fell it easily. Cord was waiting with a length of binding they wove together with straw from the field. They secured her forelegs and hind legs while Aidan and Ethan chased the kid around the pasture. The grass was higher than their heads in most places and they searched mostly by sound as the young kid, frightened, bleated for his mother.

  Just darting within sight, Aidan was about to lunge for the kid when another pounced and caught it from a different direction. It seemed the men weren’t the only ones to be hunting that morning. Aidan jumped back and watched wide-eyed as a young male lion with hardly any mane grabbed up the kid in his powerful jaws. Giving a shake he broke the kid’s neck. The kid hung limply and the young lion looked at Aidan. Before Aidan could react, the young male bounded away taking its kill with him.

  “That was close,” Ethan said.

  “Too close,” Aidan concurred.

  “Maybe we better get out of here before we come across any more.”

  Needing no encouragement, Aidan followed his friend to the others, both keeping a wary eye, weapons ready, watching each other’s back.

  “Let’s get out a this tall grass, it makes my hair stand on end,” Clint told the others.

  “You and me both,” Aidan agreed.

  With an agile toss, the goat was soon settled over Cord’s shoulders. They moved single file back to the safety of the mine.

  Chapter 18

  “Hello Mr. Goat,” Michaela said.

  The men, soon after bringing the goat back to the mine, had it penned in with a load of grass and other vegetation to keep it busy. Occasionally, she still bleated for her young one.

  “It’s not a Mr. it’s a Mrs.” Ricky informed Mike with an air of superiority. With his cast recently removed, he was able to come and go as he pleased, as long as it was under an adult’s watchful eye. To everyone’s relief his foot healed and offered him no pain.

  “No, its name is Billy, he’s a boy,” Michaela objected.

  “Why Billy?” Ricky asked.

  “Mommy says it’s a Billy goat,” Michaela replied.

  “But where’s his ‘thing?’”

  “He has two things, I checked,” Michaela said.

  “Wow.”

  “They ain’t ‘thin’s’,” Clint corrected. “They’s teats. They’s what she uses to feed her...” Clint glanced up in time for Tansy to give him a concerned shake of her head.

  “Feed her what?” Ricky asked

  “Her, ah, self with,” Clint declared.

  “She feeds herself?” Michaela asked obviously puzzled, her little head cocked to the side.

  “Well sure, kinda like a water bottle only they hold milk,” Clint said grasping for an explanation.

  “Wow,” exclaimed both children. Though Ricky offered Clint a look filled with skepticism.

  “All right now, run along,” Tansy told the two children, then to Clint, “Nice save.”

  “Well, I can think on my feet,” he boasted.

  “So, that’s where your brains ended up,” Cord said.

  Scowling, Tansy held up a restraining hand as Clint moved in for a confrontation with Cord. “All right now enough.”

  “So who’s going to milk it?” Aidan asked.

  “Well, this was Tansy’s idea,” Cord said.

  Tansy released her restraining hand on Clint in hopes he would continue his ascent on Cord. Instead he laughed and agreed.

  “I thought it was Aidan’s idea; besides, I’ve never milked a goat, or a cow before,” she said hesitantly.

  “Did you breast-feed?” Cord asked slyly.

  “Well what the hell has that got to do with it?” Tansy snapped surprised.

  “Well did you?” Cord persisted.

  “Not that it’s any of your business, I did.”

  “Did you ever expel your milk?” Ethan asked with a coy smile.

  Feeling as though they were ganging up on her, Tansy didn’t like where the conversation was heading. “Maybe,” she answered petulantly.

  “Well, you’re one up on all of us,” Aidan told her with a tiny chuckle.

  “Or maybe even two,” Cord said and laughed.

  Scratching her head, and with a great deal of misgiving, Tansy asked Emmy to retrieve a bowl for her. Once the bowl was in her hand Tansy approached the goat hesitantly. She remembered expressing her own milk and hoped the goat wouldn’t kick her in the teeth.

  “Maybe someone could hold her head?” Tansy asked. “And her hind legs?”

  “Don’t squat near her end, do it from the side,” Ethan suggested.

  Holding the bowl with one hand and reaching beneath the goat Tansy gently grasped a hold of the warm soft teat as Clint stayed near the goat’s head holding her.

  “I think Cord should do this,” Tansy said pausing.

  “Well why? I’ve never milked a goat before,” he exclaimed.

  “Well, I’m not much for other female’s boobs,” Tansy said.

  Laughing at her reasoning, Cord told her if it was a woman he’d be first in line, and though feeling desperate of late the goat just wasn’t his type. “Her legs are too hairy for me.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Tansy told him, then chuckled as his eyebrows rose.

  Grasping high with a curled thumb and forefinger and gently squeezing down with her other fingers in a rolling motion, Tansy was able to squirt out a stream of milk. Her victory was short-lived however as the milk missed the bowl and shot Clint in the eye. He was holding the goat but had squatted down near her to offer aid. Now requiring his own aid Clint swiped at his eye with a balled fist.

  “Now that jist wasn’t nice,” he complained.

  “Sorry,” Tansy muttered. She was concentrating on her next squeeze. It hit her square in the chest and ran down her shirt.

  “Wet t-shirt contest!” Cord howled.

  Grumbling, Tansy again tried, filled with determination and was overcome with self-satisfaction as the stream hit the bowl. Not directly in the bowl, but rather ran down the outside of it.

  “I bet you’re a lousy pool player,” Clint told her and rolled his eyes.

  Offering him a smile of delight, Tansy squeezed again and hit Clint directly in the face. “I meant to do that,” she declared happily.

  Tansy was able to fill the bowl with very little spillage. She stood triumphantly when she was finished and took the first sip. “Hey, that’s good.”

  Soon the others crowded around for their first taste of milk in close to a year.

  “Is this really milk?” Michaela asked skeptically.

  “Sure, button,” Clint answered.

  Michaela twitched her nose wondering what all the fuss was about and skipped off taking Max, Ricky and Lucky with her. Tansy gave the last of the milk to Rose who sipped it. She took the bowl up the hill to go huddle near the fire in the main area as if she were cold.

  “Maybe that’ll perk her up,” Cord said, his gaze following the young girl.

  “No, it won’t,” Tansy answered
sadly.

  “What do you mean?” Ethan asked.

  “I think Rose is pregnant.”

  “No,” came a chorus of denials by the men and Emmy. Shanie had followed the children to the top of the mine and hadn’t heard Tansy’s concerned words.

  “But why? How?” Ethan said, then completely embarrassed reiterated, “She’s way too young.”

  “Yes, she is,” Tansy agreed.

  “But Mom, what will we do?” Emmy asked.

  Tansy looked at Emmy, then hardened her eyes and looked at Aidan, though her words were meant for her daughter. “One day you might get pregnant. Let’s face it, there is no birth control out here. And it’s a woman who takes all the risks.” Aidan flushed crimson with embarrassment, and for a moment felt surprisingly like a young boy caught doing something he shouldn’t have, then a feeling of deep concern assaulted him when his gaze shifted to Emmy. Tansy was right.

  Emmy still stood facing her mother concerned. “But she’s so young,” Emmy said and began weeping; Aidan was quick to offer her comfort.

  “Young or not, ready or not, it’s going to happen,” Tansy told her firmly, refusing to be swayed by her daughter’s tears lest her own begin to fall.

  “How soon?” Ethan asked.

  “Too soon,” Tansy snapped, then relented realizing her anger was misdirected and said, “I don’t know, maybe six months or more or less. All I know is that by the time she turns thirteen, she’ll be a mother.”

  “Christ Tansy, she’s jist a little baby herself,” Clint said full of concern. He’d grown fond of the young melancholy girl. Her sweet tentative smile toward him when he tried to be charming had endeared her to him.

  “I know she is. We’re all going to have to help her. She’s going to be scared enough when I tell her. I was young when I had Emmy, not nearly that young, but I had so much support I made it through. Maybe if we give her all the love and support and attention she needs, she’ll be okay.”

  “What about the delivery?” Ethan asked, obviously a hospital birth was out of the question. There were no doctors, he was very well aware of that fact.

  “I’ve had three of my own but have never been on the receiving end of any,” Tansy admitted worriedly, seeing the direction of Ethan’s concerns.