The Mighty Dynamo

by Kieran Crowley

  ‘Maybe you could tell him that you won’t play in the tournament unless he puts me back in the team?’ Noah said. ‘You could go on strike to show your support.’

  Before anyone had the chance to reply, they were distracted by the sound of a scuffle outside. And then Jim Reynolds was at the door. Stevie the bouncer was no match for the powerful forward.

  ‘Why on earth would we want to go on strike?’ Reynolds asked.

  ‘Hey, Jim,’ Noah said a little warily. ‘Because we’re a team and we’re supposed to stick together?’

  At the best of times, Reynolds was a disagreeable character, but on a day like this, when someone he disliked was in trouble, he was unbearable.

  ‘Don’t “hey” me,’ Reynolds said. ‘You’ve been kicked off the team and now you’re trying to wreck things for everyone else by dragging us into it. Some teammate you are. You’re the one who messed up, so take your punishment like a man.’

  ‘I didn’t mess up. I didn’t start that fight,’ Noah said. Jim was getting under his skin, but he was trying not to show it. ‘You all saw the guy attack me.’

  ‘We’d love to help you,’ Sean McDonagh said. ‘But we were celebrating Jim’s goal. We didn’t see what happened.’

  ‘And I can’t see further than two metres without me glasses,’ Terry Sweeney said.

  ‘You heard them, Murphy. They didn’t see it and nobody believes a word you say anyway. Now get lost, this is our classroom, not a crèche for little kids.’

  Noah tried his best to change their minds over the course of the next few minutes, but in the end he had to give up. It was no use.

  ‘Looks like we’re on to option two,’ Stevie said as they strode down the corridor a few minutes later.

  Noah couldn’t blame his teammates. They all wanted to play in the tournament too. Maybe they didn’t need it the way he did, but who’d want to miss out on the chance of playing in a World Cup? He’d been asking too much of them. The way Hegarty had been acting lately, anyone who backed Noah was likely to be banned as well. At least they’d been pleasant and honest about it. He liked most of his teammates; Jim was the only one who’d got under his skin. Ninety per cent of the goals he’d scored were from Noah’s passes. Whoever replaced him in the team wouldn’t be able to replicate that. He was sure of it. Jim needed him even if he didn’t realize it.

  He’s a grade A moron, Noah thought.

  Option two was just as successful as option one. Stevie had managed to get a phone number for Brick, the Clydeabbey player who had pummelled Noah, hoping to persuade him to contact Mr Hegarty and confess that he had been the one who started, continued and then finished the fight. To Noah’s surprise, when he rang Brick he found that he was more than willing to say all that to Hegarty. The only problem was he wanted to be paid two hundred euros to do it.

  ‘I don’t have two hundred euro,’ Noah said. ‘And, you know what, even if I did I wouldn’t give it to a balloon-headed idiot like you.’

  ‘Very diplomatic. That’s bound to win him over,’ Stevie whispered. He added in an enthusiastic thumbs up for good measure.

  ‘No, wait, sorry, I didn’t mean to call you an idi—’

  The line went dead.

  ‘That went well,’ Stevie said.

  ‘What’s option three?’ a deflated Noah asked.

  Option three involved Simone ringing Mr Hegarty and trying to persuade him to reverse his decision. She was more than happy to try especially since she had almost been as outraged as Noah when he told her what had happened, although he had neglected to mention his attempt to break in to the school. That wouldn’t have gone down well at all. When she met Noah and Stevie at the coffee shop where she was waitressing that afternoon she seemed down in the dumps and admitted that her attempts had failed.

  ‘I don’t want to say anything bad about your principal in front of you, but that man is a horrible, miserable excuse for a human being,’ she said.

  ‘Glad you held your tongue,’ Stevie said as he eyed up a caramel slice.

  ‘What’s the next option on the list?’ Noah asked.

  ‘That’s all I have, I’m afraid,’ Stevie said. A customer called for attention and Simone went to get him another cup of coffee.

  ‘You can come up with more ideas, Stevie. You’re the smartest guy I know.’

  ‘That’s true. I am exceptionally smart.’ He thought for a moment. ‘What about a court injunction?’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘We ask a judge to stop Mr Hegarty from kicking you off the team while the court reviews the case against you. My dad says the law moves as quickly as a lazy glacier, so with any luck the tournament will be over before the judge makes his decision. It means you get to play.’

  That sounded like a very good idea to Noah, but when Simone returned she shot it down immediately.

  ‘Sorry, Noah. Injunctions cost an absolute fortune and we just can’t afford one. We can’t even afford to get our boiler fixed.’

  ‘I could get a part-time job to help pay for it.’

  ‘There’s not a job in town that would pay you enough money to go to court in the next twenty-four hours,’ his sister said.

  Noah began to pace up and down the small shop much to the annoyance of some of the customers. This is torture, he thought. He had to find a way into the tournament. There had to be something he hadn’t thought of yet.

  And then, out of nowhere, an idea popped into his head. He was stunned by its arrival and moments later when his surprise wore off he realized that he was impressed too.

  ‘It’s a schools’ competition,’ he said.

  ‘It is,’ Stevie said, not quite sure where Noah was going with this.

  ‘Hegarty’s the principal of our school – that’s why he can ban me. But he’s not the principal of every school.’

  ‘You mean—’

  ‘What if we set up our own school? You could be the principal and you could make sure I was in the squad.’

  When Stevie heard Noah’s words, he stopped dead.

  ‘That’s genius,’ he whispered. A faraway look came into his eyes.

  Noah had seen that look before. It meant that Stevie was in deep thought. He was blocking out all sights, sounds and smells to stop anyone or anything from distracting him.

  ‘Everyone be quiet. Stevie’s thinking,’ Noah called out.

  The cappuccino machine hissed. Cups clinked. Conversations continued. Nobody paid Noah the slightest bit of attention.

  He took a seat across from an elderly lady. He remained there for a couple of minutes biting his nails until Stevie snapped out of his trance.

  ‘Anything?’ Noah asked hopefully.

  ‘Don’t know yet,’ Stevie said, his voice flat and low. ‘I’ve got to go home and see if I can work this out.’

  ‘You do that. Go home and do whatever it is you have to do,’ Noah said. ‘I can bring you cups of tea, biscuits, law books, towels. Whatever you need.’

  Stevie didn’t seem to hear a word Noah said. He wandered out of the shop almost in a daze. As he watched Stevie leave, Noah crossed his fingers and hoped against hope that his friend would be able to come up with something.

  The elderly woman he’d been sitting across from leaned towards him and smiled.

  ‘If you’re just going to sit there like a big lump with a gormless expression on your face, then you might as well make yourself useful. Here’s a fiver. Get me a milky coffee and a scone with raspberry jam,’ she said. ‘And don’t even think of stealing me change. I know how much it costs. To the exact penny.’

  Noah sighed as he headed towards the counter. I really have to get out of this town, he thought.

  Name: Sunday Anishe

  Nickname: Happy. My dad’s friend came up with it after an old TV programme theme tune – ‘Sunday, Monday, Happy Days’. I hate it. My brother’s nickname is Thor. That’s much cooler.

  Age: 12 ¾

  Position: Left-winger

  Likes: Southampton. They’re
my favourite team. Nobody else in school follows them; I like that. Superhero films. Astronomy. Physics. Pizza.

  Dislikes: My nickname. Chips.

  Player you’re most like: The Brazilian player Bernard, if he wasn’t as fast as he is. I’m not a slowcoach, but I’m not very pacy either.

  Favourite player: My father always tells me Jay-Jay Okocha was the best player in the world, but I like Ahmed Musa. He was brilliant against Argentina in the World Cup back in 2014. He’s been my favourite player since.

  Favourite goal: The old Southampton legend Matt Le Tissier scored some unbelievable goals. Hard to choose which one was the best. I look at a lot of goals on the internet.

  Messi or Ronaldo: Messi. Ronaldo is good, but Messi is unbelievable.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ONE DAY, NINETEEN HOURS AND FORTY-THREE MINUTES TO TOURNAMENT DEADLINE

  ‘The person who said winning isn’t everything, never won anything’

  Mia Hamm

  ‘I told him we should set up our own school and enter a team in the competition and Stevie said it was a genius idea and he’s practically a genius himself so that’s genius multiplied by genius, which makes it like, I don’t know, one of the greatest ideas ever. Up there with the invention of fire and stuff like that.’

  ‘Nobody invented fire, Noah,’ Simone sighed. ‘And we’ll just have to agree to disagree on the school idea.’ She thought that setting up a brand-new school sounded like the most farfetched plan she’d ever heard, but at least her brother was in a better mood now that he had some hope again.

  ‘You’ll see, Sim. When Stevie gets here and shows us his plans, you’ll be the one apologizing to me.’

  No matter what his sister said, Noah was feeling optimistic about Stevie’s chances of getting him back into the tournament. And his mood had improved even more when he’d spoken to his dad for almost twenty minutes on Skype earlier. He’d cracked up laughing when his father had told him a story about his lunch being stolen by a red kangaroo. It was the first time they’d had a laugh together since Christmas and it made Noah more determined than ever to bring his dad home.

  It was a couple of minutes before nine o’clock and the pasta was bubbling in a big pot on the hob.

  The smell of Bolognese is possibly the nicest smell in the world, Noah thought.

  He was really looking forward to eating a decent home-cooked meal. Then the doorbell rang.

  Noah was surprised. Apart from a monthly inspection from his Aunt Margaret they rarely had visitors, especially at this time of night.

  ‘Who’s that?’ he wondered aloud.

  ‘That’s my friend, Dave. He’s here to fix the boiler and in return we’re going to give him his dinner. Be nice,’ Simone said, smoothing down her hair.

  Dave? Noah had no idea who that was.

  It turned out that Dave was ridiculously tall. He seemed to stretch up to the heavens, or he would have if the hall ceiling hadn’t got in the way. He was the biggest human being Noah had ever met. The hairiest too. He had a huge mop of curly brown hair and a beard that could only be described as magnificent. If Noah had been asked at that moment to describe Dave in one word, then that word would have been ‘yeti’.

  It was only when Simone elbowed Noah in the ribs for the third time that Noah realized he’d been gawping and that his sister had been speaking to him.

  ‘What did you say?’ he asked, blinking furiously.

  The yeti stuck out an arm, took Noah’s hand in one of his great meaty paws and shook it gently.

  ‘Nice to meet you. I’m Dave,’ he said through the beard.

  The few patches of skin that were visible were as white as alabaster. It was difficult to tell Dave’s age beneath the tangle of hair, but he sounded as if he was around twenty, which Noah was fairly certain was Simone’s age. It was only when they began to head towards the kitchen that he noticed Dave was carrying a bunch of fresh flowers.

  ‘Why are you bringing flowers to do some plumbing work?’ Noah asked.

  ‘He’s just being polite. When someone calls for dinner, it’s good manners to bring a small present.’

  ‘I thought the dinner was payment for the plumbing work. So why would he need a present? It’s not like a normal dinner, is it?’

  ‘You hungry, Dave?’ Simone said, ignoring her brother.

  Dave grinned. ‘I’m always hungry.’

  I’m not surprised, Noah thought. All the energy required to move a body that size? He must eat a wheelbarrow full of porridge for breakfast.

  Dinner was good. Better than anything Noah had tasted in ages. He would have licked his plate clean if he thought he’d get away with it.

  ‘Did you know that you’re the first person I’ve ever met called Noah?’ Dave said in between mouthfuls. ‘Is it because of the ark?’

  ‘No, it’s not because of the ark, Dave.’

  Noah had heard that one before. There were plenty of jokes about his name from people who thought they were funny and original. They weren’t either of those things.

  ‘Sorry, that was dumb,’ Dave mumbled into his beard. ‘I’m such an idiot sometimes.’

  Noah smiled. Despite having an unerring ability to say the wrong thing, there was something likeable about this huge guy.

  ‘Simone said you’re a plumber,’ Noah said, changing the subject.

  ‘Not really. I mean I do some handyman work, but I wouldn’t say—’

  ‘Stop annoying him, Noah,’ Simone interrupted.

  ‘I’m not annoying him. I only asked him a question. You don’t mind, Dave, do you?’

  ‘No, no, ask away,’ Dave said.

  ‘Take no notice of my sister. She talks to me like she’s my mother sometimes, but she’s not.’

  ‘Your mam’s not going to join us tonight?’ Dave asked.

  Simone and Noah looked at each other. Neither of them knew what to say. They were distracted by the sound of Dave’s jaw dropping open and the smack as he slapped his forehead with his hand.

  ‘Your mam’s not here because she’s dead. Grace told me not to mention it. I’m so sorry,’ he said. He looked genuinely distraught.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Simone said sympathetically. ‘Anyone can make a mistake.’

  ‘Not anyone. Just me. I always say the wrong thing when I’m nervous. Always. I don’t mean to. It just sort of pops out before my brain has time to stop it. Like with the ark thing. I didn’t mean to insult you . . . I’m sorry. I think I should go,’ Dave said, edging his way out of the chair.

  It took him some time to unfold his limbs and Noah couldn’t help but gawk again.

  The awkward moment was forgotten when they heard a crash followed by a huge yelp coming from the back garden. Noah was the first to react. He was out of the door before Simone had managed to shout at him to stop.

  ‘Noah, don’t. It could be a burglar.’

  It wasn’t a burglar – it was Stevie. He’d been making his way to the back door through the small garden and in the darkness had managed to stumble into two wheelie bins, one of which had somehow landed on top of him, pinning him to the ground. That wasn’t the reason he’d almost fainted, though. The reason for that was the sudden appearance of the big, hairy unknown face that now loomed over Noah’s shoulder.

  ‘Don’t worry, Stevie. It’s just Simone’s friend, Dave,’ Noah said.

  ‘Oh, thank goodness for that. For a moment I thought it was something – Well . . .’

  ‘Inhuman?’ Dave said as he easily lifted the wheelie bin off Stevie and set it right side up again.

  ‘No, no, no, I mean it was—’

  ‘Don’t worry, I get that all the time,’ Dave chuckled. ‘One of the lads at work even calls me Yeti.’

  ‘I don’t see that,’ Stevie said a little too hurriedly as he clambered to his feet.

  ‘Me neither,’ Noah said. ‘Can’t understand why anyone would think that.’

  ‘What’s going on out here?’ Simone asked as she arrived in the back garden. ‘Stevi
e? What are you doing sneaking round the back in the dark?’

  ‘I’m on a covert mission, Simone. Can’t be spotted out in the street unless I want to be grounded until my twenty-fifth birthday.’

  ‘Your mother doesn’t know you’re here?’

  ‘My mother still tries to put toddler milk in my breakfast cereal. She’d have a heart attack if she knew I was here. Still, I must say I find all the sneaking around exhilarating. I never thought it would be my kind of thing, but after the other night—’

  He stopped in mid-sentence when he saw Noah shake his head rapidly. The last thing Noah needed was his sister finding out what he’d been doing at school.

  ‘Right, er, anyway, the reason I came here disturbing your evening is . . .’

  Stevie took out a bundle of typed A4 papers from his backpack. They were bound together with a silver bulldog clip.

  ‘What’s that?’ Noah asked.

  ‘This is your salvation. I’ve figured out a way to get you into the tournament.’

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ‘The future of football is feminine’

  Sepp Blatter

  ‘I told you we’d be setting up our own school,’ Noah shouted as Simone bundled him back indoors before the neighbours complained about all the noise.

  This was brilliant news. A way to get back into the tournament. He could hardly contain his excitement. Energy surged through him like a jolt of electricity. He wanted to sprint around the kitchen high-fiving everyone.

  ‘Our own school?’ Stevie chuckled. ‘No, no, no. That’s ridiculous and impossible.’

  Noah wasn’t impressed by his sister’s I-told-you-so face.

  ‘But when you came up with that off-the-wall idea earlier it did spark the synapses,’ Stevie continued. He pointed at the folder he’d taken from his backpack as they all settled round the kitchen table. ‘That’s a printout of the Schools’ World Cup qualifying tournament rules.’