Not Second Best

by Christa Maurice

  “Thank you.” The weight of his body pinned her to the floor. She gasped.

  Brett opened his mouth over her ear, pouring heat into her. She clung to him, helpless in his riptide. The sweet thrill being with him tore at her. Cracked her open like an oyster. The desire to let him in, let him have her whole, almost swamped her.

  But he wanted Suzi. Bright, pretty little Suzi who was what every man wanted. Sweet, innocent.

  Young.

  “Tessa,” Brett groaned.

  She arched her hips, trying to meet his thrust, but the momentum was gone. So she faked it. She made the right noises and clenched the right muscles and made him believe she was satisfied. It wasn’t his fault she wasn’t. It was her own. She’d tried to pretend she could just continue as she had been. Having fun like a kid—with a kid. The boundary she really needed to set was a wall. With him on the other side.

  Brett rested his head on her sweaty breast, catching his breath, and she ruffled his hair with her fingers. The only fair thing to do was end this. He was going to be gone recording for who knew how long with Jason. As much as six months. In that time, this little non-relationship would die a time-honored rock and roll death by distance.

  Chapter 5

  Brett rolled over and groped for her. Nothing. He opened one eye. Too early. Last night they had been all over this house, and he had the rug burns to prove it. She’d allowed him to stay the night, and he hadn’t stupidly left, which was a major victory. They’d lain in bed like a fucking married couple watching TV, which was on a timer and shut off on him about midnight. Didn’t matter. He’d just been using the glow to watch Tessa sleep. When the TV went off, he’d curled up around her. Normally, he didn’t fall asleep before four and woke up half a dozen times before he gave up and got out of bed at noon. Last night he’d slept straight through from the time he’d cuddled her close until she’d dropped something in the bathroom and swore.

  “Tessa?” he called.

  “Go back to sleep,” she said.

  He climbed out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom where she was putting on makeup. She was wearing a tan skirt and a yellow top that made her hot and cool and completely in control at the same time. “Mornin’ baby.” He wrapped his arms around her waist.

  “G’morning.” She kissed his cheek and turned back to applying mascara.

  “This is nice.”

  “What’s nice?” She made that weird face women make when they’re putting on mascara, and on her, it didn’t look stupid.

  “Waking up together.” He nuzzled her neck. She still smelled faintly of sex and sweat.

  “It would be better if I wasn’t running late.”

  That had to be good, didn’t it? She hadn’t wanted to get out of bed with him. “You want me to get you some breakfast? I can cook.”

  “I don’t. There’s nothing to cook. I’ll just run through Starbucks and grab coffee.” She screwed the mascara wand back into its bottle and tossed it into a basket beside the mirror.

  Brett teased his fingers under the hem of her skirt. “How late are you?”

  “Too late for that.”

  “So, be late.” He kissed the curve of her jaw right where it ran under her earlobe.

  “No.” She slipped away from him.

  “I’ll take a rain check for tonight then.” He followed her to the bedroom and watched her step into a pair of boring brown pumps. She worked boring brown pumps better than most chicks worked stilettos.

  “I can’t tonight. I have plans.”

  “All night?”

  “Until late.” Picking up a jacket that matched her skirt, she slipped it on. “Lock up when you leave.”

  Something ugly and hard formed in his stomach. “Well, what about tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to call you.” At the top of the stairs, she scooped up a briefcase and her purse and kissed his cheek. “Don’t forget to lock up when you leave.”

  “Yeah,” he said to the closing door. It was like being patted on the head.

  His shirt was on the dining room floor, and his jeans were still in the hall with his underwear. She had a nice house. Comfortable, except for the living room and dining room she never used. The bathroom off her bedroom had blue and green tiles staggered across the wall and a shower curtain with palm trees printed on it. He stood under the water, trying to banish the uneasy sensation she’d left him with.

  She’d left him alone in her house but had kissed him on the cheek on her way out.

  She’d let him stay the night last night.

  But she’d rushed out the door this morning.

  Yesterday, she’d screwed him in every square inch of her house.

  But… Shit.

  He turned off the water and toweled himself dry then dressed in yesterday’s clothes and walked around the house. On the dresser and bedroom walls, she had a few family pictures, all recent. Her sisters and mother, her brother and sister-in-law, her nephews and nieces. Her sisters and brother all had kids, and she had none. Why?

  He supposed the answer to that was in the pictures hanging in the living room. She had snaps of herself with some major players. Rock stars, movie stars, athletes. And then there was the framed portrait of her graduation. While her sisters had been settling down and having families, Tessa had been getting a law degree and running with the big dogs.

  He loaded their plates into the dishwasher and threw out the leftovers. In the bedroom, he made the bed and checked to see if he’d left anything behind. How could he have? He hadn’t brought anything with him. On a walk through the rest of the house, he fixed the couch cushions in her downstairs rec room. The room she really lived in. Deep, soft couch, big TV. Everything lush and comfortable and relaxing.

  Shooting a glare at the big blue velvety couch where they had made love last night before going to bed, Brett reached into his pocket for his car keys. When had he become such a pussy? Moping around like she’d broken up with him. She was late for work. They’d had too much fun last night and she’d overslept. The fact she wouldn’t call off work or cancel her plans for him didn’t mean anything.

  He left by the front door and checked to make sure it was locked. Recording didn’t start for a week yet. He’d see her before then. While he was recording, he’d have time to get tight with her brother and sister-in-law, provided he could keep a leash on his bandmates. That would give him another edge with her. Everything was going according to plan.

  If that was the case, why was he standing outside her house, holding on to her locked doorknob, wishing he could get back in?

  * * * *

  Tessa put her head down on her desk. She’d had insomnia since Brett left for WVA three weeks ago. Make that four. She hadn’t slept for a week before he left either. A solid month of lying awake, remembering what it felt like to snuggle up to him. Every evening she’d walked into the house and remembered what it was like to come home and find he’d tidied up before he’d left. She’d dodged two of every three times he called. Death by distance wasn’t happening. He seemed happy with the idea she was just a really busy person.

  Really busy going to the gym to swim in the pool every night because it gave her a good reason to not have her phone on her. All her friends thought she’d just started a New Year’s resolution at a really odd time. Except Candy, who thought she was trying to tone up while her much younger playmate was out of town. Now she had a whole weekend to fill in front of her. Made her wish the guys were gearing up for a tour because she would have a lot more work to do then.

  “Hi, you okay?”

  Tessa pulled herself together as she stood up to greet her visitor. “Brian, you’re home! How was the honeymoon?” She rounded her desk and hugged him, wondering why she didn’t feel any loss at the fact that he was married, tanned, and happy.

  “Great. The kids had a blast.”

  “I can’t believe Suzi let you take the kids on your honeymoon.” Tessa stepped back and s
urveyed him. He didn’t look anxious anymore. For about the past decade, worry had lurked at the corners of his eyes. He had covered it pretty well, but now that it was gone, she realized how bad it had been.

  “She wouldn’t go without them.”

  “That’s good.” She took his hand. “Come sit down.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “Oh?” She settled on the end of the couch in front of the windows so he could sit at the other end. “What about?”

  “I’m thinking about getting the custody arrangement changed.”

  Tessa leaned her head on her hand. “That’s not my area of expertise. I really can’t advise you.”

  “I know, but you know all the players. I just want to go into this with my eyes open for once.”

  “What is it you want?”

  Brian leaned forward and tapped the couch cushion as if he needed to argue his point with her. “I want to have the kids with me more. Suzi and I have talked about it, and she’s all for it. The only reason I’ve let them stay with Bonnie is because I had to travel so much, and I couldn’t leave them alone or jerk them around based on my schedule. But now with Suzi, they wouldn’t have to. They could stay with us, and she’d be there all the time.”

  “And she really understands what she’d be getting into? Instant family at twenty-five.”

  “Yeah, she does. And I’m not going anywhere for months anyway. We don’t start work on the next album for five more months so we won’t be on tour for over a year.”

  “It could take that long to hammer out the new agreement. Remember what Bonnie was like during the divorce?”

  “But that was years ago.”

  “And has she changed at all?”

  Brian made a face.

  “Plus now she’s jealous because you’re remarried and she’s still single.” Tessa put her wrist to her forehead and whipped up her most melodramatic tone. “And she wasted the best years of her life on you.”

  Brian grabbed her hand off her head, laughing. “Cut it out.”

  Tessa laughed with him, amazed at how easy it was. He was a friend. An old friend who was happy for the first time in a long time.

  “So what do you think my chances are?”

  Tessa glanced down. He hadn’t released her hand, but the way he cradled it was more about keeping her focus on the conversation, not about an insatiable need to touch her. Not anymore. Not with Suzi at home. “You know what she wants is the child support, not the kids. At least that’s what I read from my dealings with her over the past however many years.”

  “I should never have married her, but I was young and stupid and—” Brian glanced down at his hand still holding hers and very deliberately put hers down. “So what should I do?”

  “If Suzi is going to be alone with the kids, she’s going to need some kind of legal guardianship in case something happens. That’s easy. Bonnie is going to be harder.”

  “Can’t I just continue the support payments without her having the kids?”

  “You could, but we’d have to go back to the you-ruining-her-life thing. She invested her youth in you, and it didn’t pay off. Now all she’s going to be left with is regret and a settlement.” Tessa laced her fingers together. I gambled my youth on a career and look what I got. Bonnie has no room to complain. “Talk to your lawyer about how best to approach her. With either a one-time settlement or an ongoing payment. A one-time settlement might be a hard pill to swallow, but she wouldn’t have to trust you to keep up payments.”

  “I wouldn’t renege.”

  “I know you wouldn’t, but she could still worry. And I really would make sure Suzi knew what she was getting into. A year of visitation and a honeymoon aren’t going to be enough. You also need to talk about what will happen if you two start a family. Are her feelings toward your kids going to change when she has a child of her own?”

  “How did you know?”

  “Know what?”

  Brian frowned, crossed the room, and closed the door. When he came back, he looked flushed. “You can’t tell anybody.”

  “Suzi’s pregnant.” Tessa pursed her lips. That did hurt. Here was Brian, not only starting a whole new marriage, but a new family, too. She should have seen it coming. Suzi was young and liked kids. She’d want some of her own.

  “She had a couple of miscarriages with Logan, and she’s afraid she won’t take it to term, so we aren’t telling anyone yet.”

  “How far along?”

  “About nine weeks. If she makes it past the three month mark, we’re going to tell everybody.”

  Tessa blinked. That explained Suzi’s high wattage glow at the wedding and her nervous stomach the morning before.

  “Hey, you don’t have to cry. I’m not that bad a dad.”

  “It’s not that. I’m really happy for you.” Tessa wrapped her arms around his neck. “That baby is so lucky to have you and Suzi for parents, and I’m sure everything is going to work out great.”

  Brian squeezed her tight. “I’m excited. I’ve never gotten to enjoy having kids before. Bonnie always made me feel like I’d done something horrible to her when she got pregnant and like I was a complete moron after they were born.” He sat back and wiped his eyes. “With Suzi, it’s just easy. Even when they’re being brats, it’s easy.”

  “That’s great, Brian. I’m really glad.” If she’d been awake thirteen years ago, she could have had him. She could have been the mother of his brats. But she hadn’t been interested in her little brother’s best friend, even if he had been the super hot, talented, and famous Brian Ellis. Now he was starting his second family, and the last hope of her first was fading with every tick of the clock. It wasn’t fair. Men got more chances than women.

  “I have to get going.” He stood up. “The wife expects me to be home for dinner.”

  “So unreasonable.” Tessa tried to collect the scattered remains of her cool. She needed to be able to walk out of here in an hour not looking like a basket case.

  “I’ll call Pete about that other thing.” Brian pulled open her office door.

  Brett leaned on the wall across the hall with his arms folded. His gaze flicked from her to Brian and back. The way he inspected her made her feel as though her clothes had vanished.

  “Hey, Brett, good to see you.” Brian held out his hand.

  Brett stared at it for a second before shaking it. “Yeah. You back from your honeymoon?”

  “Yeah, it was great. I thought you guys were out in WVA with Jason.”

  “They didn’t need me this week.”

  How could Brian not hear the growl in Brett’s voice? Tessa checked her clothes. A little disheveled, but not any more than if she’d been sitting behind a desk all day. Brett was probably fuming at the idea that Brian might be cheating on his precious Suzi.

  “Nice. Gives you a chance to get your ears back in tune. Did you come to see Tessa about something?”

  “Just wondering what she was doing this weekend.”

  “Oh, are you guys dating?”

  “No,” she said.

  “Yes,” Brett said just as quickly.

  “No,” she repeated through clenched teeth, glaring at him.

  “Ah.” Brian nodded. “Well, I’ll leave you two to not date then. And, Tessa, I’ll call Pete, and remember…” He tapped one long finger over his lips.

  “Client confidentiality.”

  “You’re the best.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “See ya.”

  Brett glared after Brian as the other man practically skipped down the hall.

  “What are you doing here?” Tessa folded her arms. He was supposed to be on the other side of the country, not standing outside her office suspecting her of trying to steal Suzi’s husband immediately after their honeymoon.

  “I could ask the same question.”

  “I work here.”

  “I meant here with Brian.” He walked through th
e door and shoved it closed. She needed to have the damn thing taken off the hinges so everybody would stop closing it.

  “He’s a client of mine. You are not.”

  “I thought I was more.” He crowded closer to her, but she wouldn’t give ground.

  “You thought wrong.”

  He flinched. “Is there somebody else?”

  “Knowing you? Several.”

  “You’re breaking up with me because you think I cheated on you? I didn’t. There hasn’t been anyone but you since we hooked up.”

  He sounded so sincere, but she’d seen guys on tours that sincere on the phone with their girlfriends while other women were naked in their beds. Sometimes, she’d been that other woman. “I’m sure.”

  “There hasn’t been.” He put his hands on her shoulders, and then moved them to her elbows as if she were a puzzle box he couldn’t figure out how to open.

  She shrugged, not opening her arms for him. She didn’t want him inside. Once he got in, it would be too easy to let him stay. Then the last few chances she had at something like a normal life would be wasted. “That was your choice.”

  “I did it because I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted you. No other woman in the world measured up.”

  It would be easy. Just open her arms. Make herself believe.

  Until the day he walked out. When she was even older, and all hope was gone.

  Tessa sighed. “Brett, you’re getting too hung up on me. We need to end this thing before it gets painful.”

  “Before? I think it’s too late for that, sweetheart.”

  Before the agony in his eyes could break her, she turned and walked to the window. Rock stars matured, on average, ten years later than regular men. They had two kinds of wives—party wives and permanent wives. She might be permanent wife material, but he was still at the party wife stage and, at twenty-three, pulling an emotional age of about thirteen. Not permanent husband material.

  “Tessa.” Brett stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders. She never should have left her back open like that. “Tessa, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I can fix it.”