SOLACE: Behind The Shield (Beauty 0f Life Book 2)

by Laura Acton

  Squeals of delight followed by a thank you and hugs were given after each gift was opened. The scene before Dan was incredible. Dan couldn’t remember a Christmas morning this full of joy since he was six years old. He liked seeing Bram and Kellie hugging and interacting with their girls.

  This home was filled with love and care. For the briefest moment, the thought made him sad. He wished he had this growing up—he did, once upon a time, until he failed to save Sara. After she died, Christmas was never the same. His parents didn’t want or love him anymore. They made that abundantly clear on his ninth Christmas when he received no presents. He sat mutely in the hotel room while his little sister Becca opened all her gifts.

  Dan pushed away painful childhood memories and decided to live in the moment and experience their joy. He grinned as the girls started taking turns opening Sharlie’s gifts and showing them to her. A small pile of soft toys ended up in her lap.

  As Kellie and Bram opened gifts they got each other, Dan let his mind wander to how he woke up for the second time this morning. Forty minutes ago, shouts of, ‘Santa came,’ from Leslie and Emilie and little feet pounding down the stairs woke him. Bram’s voice followed rather speedily reminding them to be quieter because Uncle Dan was sleeping and not feeling well. Silence promptly descended.

  Entering the guest room, Bram seemed startled to find Allie sleeping on Dan’s chest. Dan smiled and told Bram she wandered in about four a.m. and fell asleep waiting for the others to wake up. Bram came close and whispered to Allie, ‘Santa Claus came. Do you want to see what he brought you?’ The loudest squeal of excitement he ever heard emitted from the tiny body as Allie jumped up, her face lit with delight.

  Bram cringed and said, ‘Oh God, Dan, I’m sorry. Your headache.’ Dan assured Bram his head barely hurt. Allie scrambled off the bed and raced out to the family room. The squeals and giggles of three happy girls resumed, as Bram apologized again. His response was only a grin.

  A few moments later, all three girls rushed back in asking their dad to hurry. Bram shooed them out before helping him to rise. Bram stayed close as he hobbled out of the bedroom because he remained unstable on the crutches and dizziness assuaged him halfway to the sofa. They all fussed over him, getting him settled onto the couch.

  The girls bounded around eagerly while Bram sorted out presents in piles. Kellie insisted he take the pain meds indicating the decibel level would be off the charts once their children began opening gifts. Dan acquiesced and swallowed the two pills. As Kellie predicted, the sound reached sonic boom levels when they opened their heart’s desire gift and he was glad he complied.

  Allie bounded over to him and crawled on his lap. “Uncle Danny, tanks for crayons and coloring books. I loves coloring. Tanks yous for Sleeping Beauty, too. Wanna watch with me?”

  “Sure, I’m glad you like them,” Dan said automatically though, he was mystified why Allie assumed the gifts were from him.

  When Allie reached out and hugged him, Dan glanced over at Bram questioningly. Bram simply grinned and winked at him. Comprehension flooded in, and Dan gave Bram a small nod in return. It warmed his heart that Bram and Kellie would pretend one of the presents was from him. This was way beyond anything he expected. Dan filed away the fact Allie loved to color for future reference.

  Next, Leslie ran over and embraced him. “Uncle Dan, how did you know? I really wanted the doctor doll. Thank you, thank you!”

  Not to be left out, Emilie skipped over holding her two new ponies. “Uncle Danny, thank you. I love ponies. Bumblefly and Lemonpie are my all-time favorites.” Emilie climbed into his lap and kissed his cheek.

  As Emilie scooted off him and the three girls raced back to the tree to finish opening their gifts, Dan ducked his head. He pinched his nose between his eyes trying to hide the tears. Choked up with emotion he found it difficult to stop them. This was a loving family Christmas he dreamed of for so very long. Everything seemed too perfect to be real. As strange as it might be, this was the best Christmas morning he experienced since he was six.

  Kellie exchanged a worried glance with Bram. Is Dan in pain? Are the girls too loud? Bram went to Dan and crouched down. “You alright, Dan? Is the noise too much?”

  Keeping his eyes covered, Dan shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Give me a second, and I’ll be okay.”

  Bram patted Dan’s shoulder as he rose. He would not push and would give him some space. Plainly Dan struggled for composure. That gave him pause and set the wheels in his mind in motion. “Okay, but tell me if they become too noisy.”

  After a few moments, Dan composed himself enough to lift his head. If someone peered closely, they would note traces of tears in his blue eyes. Once all gifts had been opened, Dan smiled. Today, being able to be part of this family’s Christmas, was a precious gift he would cherish. He almost wanted to thank the teenage driver for her negligence.

  His eyes popped wide open when Bram’s daughters ran over to him. Each of them had a small package in their hands and huge smiles plastered on their faces. Elected to speak for them, Leslie said, “Uncle Dan, we didn’t know until last night you were gonna be here today. So, we didn’t get to buy you anything, but we made you something.” Leslie held out her wrapped gift.

  Stunned beyond words, Dan reached out and took the present. Both Allie and Emilie handed him their gifts. He stared at them in his lap. Blinking fast, he attempted to clear tears which threatened. Finding his voice, Dan said, “Thank you, girls.”

  Emilie impatiently bounced. “Open them.”

  Dan smiled at Emilie. Out of the blue, her bouncing reminded him of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. He read the book to Sara so many times he could recite the story almost verbatim back then. He picked up Emilie’s present to open first because it appeared as if she would rip the package open for him if he didn’t hurry up.

  He found three white painted, silver glitter covered popsicle sticks placed on top of each other and glued at the center, making a snowflake. The loop of white ribbon attached to one stick acted as a hanger for the ornament Emilie made him.

  Touched by the gesture, Dan smiled. “Thank you, this is beautiful. You made this yourself?”

  Emilie nodded. “For your Christmas tree.”

  Dan gave her a hug and thanked her again. He didn’t think it wise to tell Emilie he didn’t have a tree to hang her ornament on … information the little girl didn’t need. In reality, his place still didn’t contain much. Though, he did buy a black, swivel chair in November after Jon asked for his opinion on the warrant call sniper positions. Jon’s action caused him to think things might work out here after all and he might be able to put down roots. So, he procured a comfortable chair … no more sitting on the floor.

  When he released Emilie, Leslie said, “Open mine next.”

  Complying, Dan found another ornament. This one consisted of three wooden sticks glued at the ends forming a triangle. She painted them green and glued colorful little buttons on top. In the middle of one of the sticks, a small square of brown felt represented the trunk of the tree. Attached at the treetop was a piece of yellow felt cut in the shape of a star with silver glitter applied and a loop of green ribbon.

  “Beautiful, Leslie. I’m going to love hanging this one on my tree, too. Thank you.” He embraced her as a smile blossomed on her face.

  He shifted his gaze to Allie. “Yours now?”

  Allie beamed as she nodded her little head.

  Dan unwrapped her gift. Five popsicle sticks painted yellow with gold glitter on them. Apparently, she attempted to glue them together, but they came undone. He peered up at her.

  Liquid pooled in Allie’s eyes as her lips quivered. “It brokes,” she cried as crocodile tears rolled down her rosy cheeks.

  Dan gathered her into his lap and held her in his arms as he softly said, “Only needs a little glue. How ‘bout we fix this together? If you bring some glue, we can repair this now.” He thumbed away the tears as he tried not to cry himself at the distress on Allie�
�s face.

  Leslie offered, “I’ll grab the glue. Allie, it will be okay. I’ll help, too.” She ran off to retrieve the bottle of glue.

  Emilie piped in, “Me too.”

  Dan glanced over at Bram and Kellie who stood with their arms around each other calmly observing. He noted a glisten of unshed tears in Kellie’s eyes, but he assessed it as happy tears due to her smile.

  His voice soft, Bram said, “Thank you, Dan.”

  In short order the four of them, even though only one set of hands was needed, worked together to position the sticks correctly and re-glue them into the shape of a star. Once complete, Dan carefully set the ornament on the end table next to him to dry.

  Dan pulled Allie into a hug. “Thank you. Not only do I have a wonderful ornament from you, but I also have a beautiful memory of working on this with you and your sisters. A special present I’ll cherish.”

  Allie kissed his cheek then hopped down with a huge smile on her face. “All fixxedid.”

  “Yes.” Dan grinned at Allie’s cute mispronunciation.

  Kellie gathered up the girls to go make brunch. Bram went to refresh his and Dan’s coffee. When Bram returned, he handed Dan the mug and sat on the couch near him. They sat in silence for a while, each in their thoughts, as they sipped their coffee.

  Bram broke the stillness. “So, what time did you want to go over to your friend’s? I can run you over and pick you up when you’re done.”

  Dan murmured, “Visiting him can wait. No need to leave your family today. I’ll catch up with him another time.”

  Bram’s heart dropped to his stomach. He was now pretty sure Dan lied to them. There was no friend’s place. Dan must not want them to know he was going to be alone on Christmas. That’s why he chose to stay in the hospital. Bram had to find out for sure. So, he pushed when he would typically drop it. “Dan, there is no friend, is there? You are lying to me … to us.”

  “No. No, I’m not lying. I wouldn’t lie to you or the team.” Dan’s insides twisted. Lying broke trust. Ah crap, what am I going to say now?

  Bram turned to him with a thoughtful guise. “Who is this friend?”

  Not wanting to confess his deflection, he had told the truth, but also let them assume, Dan peered into Bram’s kind blue-green eyes as the man waited patiently for an answer. “Brody,” Dan said scarcely audible.

  Confused, Bram asked, “Did you just say, Brody?”

  Dan nodded.

  “Your best friend, Brody. The one who died?”

  Unable to maintain contact, Dan lowered his gaze to the floor.

  Still perplexed Bram noted the change in demeanor. “You said you were going to spend time at a friend’s home. Does he—I mean, did he have a home here you planned on visiting or his family’s home?”

  As Dan shook his head, Bram spoke using his concerned, fatherly tone, “Dan, I’m not following you. What did you mean? Where is your friend’s place?”

  For the second time in a day, he wondered what it would have been like if Bram had been his dad or his father had been like Bram. Bram opened his home to him and allowed him to share in their Christmas joy. For that, he owed him an explanation. Time to come clean with him.

  He sighed and brushed his hand across his eyes as tears threatened again. Shifting his sad gaze up, he confessed. “I planned to celebrate with Brody today … his resides at Green Acres Cemetery.”

  Floored, utterly staggered, Bram moved and pulled Dan into a tight embrace. Dear Lord in Heaven! Dan’s only plan is to visit his dead best friend at the cemetery. He made it seem like he would have a happy time with a friend. Dan must think everyone on Alpha Team is so damned cold and uncaring.

  Dan’s arms wrapping around him and returning the hug interrupted Bram’s thoughts. The slight shake of Dan’s shoulders and wetness on his neck where Dan’s face lay clued him in. He’s crying. Poor kid. Kellie’s right. Dan is lonely. His grief is still so intense, but he has the team now. He isn’t alone anymore.

  Attempting to communicate friendship, acceptance, and compassion, Bram tightened his embrace. Surprised when Dan didn’t pull away, he pitched his voice soft and caring. “Dan, you are not alone. You’re always welcome here. My home is open to you anytime. You can call me anytime too. Day or night I will always be there for you.”

  After several more minutes, Bram gently pushed Dan back a bit so he could see him. Dan kept his head down, but Bram noted the red tinge on his cheeks. He placed his fingers under Dan’s chin and slowly lifted until he could view Dan’s eyes. For once the rookie’s face revealed many emotions. So many, but one stood out more than the others—embarrassment.

  As shields lowered into place, Bram marveled at the speed with which the stoic, emotionless soldier returned … except in his soulful eyes. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Real men, strong men, cry sometimes. We’re human, too. Men need support, too. It isn’t a weakness to admit needing help. It shows strength to recognize when you need to reach out. I’m here for you if you want my help. All you have to do is ask, and I’ll be there.”

  Unsure of how to react, Dan only stared at Bram.

  Remaining silent, Kellie stood a little away from them. As the girls dug into breakfast, and she came to tell Bram and Dan to come join them. Striding forward the last few steps, Kellie knelt next to them. “Dan?”

  Dan couldn’t bring himself to look at Kellie. His voice gravelly, he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to mess up your Christmas. I’ll call a cab and leave. Thank you for everything, Kellie, Bram.”

  Reaching out, Kellie tenderly turned Dan’s face to hers. In her soft, caring, motherly tone, she asked, “What did Bram just say? Were you listening?”

  Bram’s statements rang in his head. He wanted to believe him, but he found it so hard. Trust didn’t come easy for him. He had been hurt too many times when he put his faith in others.

  Both Kellie and Bram waited as Dan mulled over Kellie’s and Bram’s words. They both glimpsed a hint of fear, confusion, and longing in Dan’s eyes.

  He has expressive eyes. I can almost see his soul in the depth of those sapphire blue eyes. Kellie realized she was correct. Dan is a lonely man dealing with a significant loss and inordinate amount of pain. He desperately needs someone to care for him. Making a decision, Kellie said, “For now, for today, let it go. Just be with us here. Enjoy today. The rest will come in time. We all want you here. Breakfast is ready. How about something to eat. You must be starving.”

  Blowing out a breath, Dan decided to try. He could compartmentalize and focus on today only. Perhaps it could be a start.

  Allie bounded to the doorway, her young face alight with joy as she yelled out to the family room, “Uncle Danny, comes eat. Mommy makes yummy pampakes and wes gots bacon, too. I won, and you’re gonna sits by me. Yous gotta comes now ‘cause Mommy said wes make oatmeal raisin cookies with walmuts after wes eats.”

  Dan spoke so only Kellie and Bram overheard, “Pampakes? Walmuts?”

  “I love being their mom. They give me little chuckles every day. You know, Allie is taken with you. Usually, she is timid and doesn’t talk to men. She rarely says more than one or two words to Loki, Jon, Nick, and Ray and she’s known them since she was born, but with you, she’s a Niagara Falls of words. Allie sees something in you she likes and trusts.”

  Standing, Kellie grinned and used Allie’s word for pancakes as she said, “I’ll give you two a minute. Hot pampakes coming up.”

  Once alone, Bram extended an offer. “If you would like, this afternoon when the girls are napping, I can take you to visit Brody.”

  Dan shut his eyes, concentrating on breathing. When he reopened them, he locked onto Bram soft blue-green orbs. “This is my first Christmas without Brody. He was my trusted brother for nearly ten years. He kept me alive in some bad situations. Thank you, Bram. I’d like that.”

  Bram nodded and stood. He grabbed the crutches and handed them to Dan. “Let’s get you moved to the kitchen. Kellie makes mouthwatering pampa
kes. Perhaps we can talk her into sprinkling in some cinnamon and a few walmuts.”

  Dan chuckled as Bram used Allie’s words. “I’m actually starving. Cinnamon walmut pampakes sound delicious.”

  Time with Family

  16

  December 25

  Green Acres Cemetery – 4:00 p.m.

  Bram watched as Dan made his way on crutches through the cemetery. Today had been a good day so far. At breakfast, Dan matched his number of pancakes astounding Kellie when he ate so much until they found out he had not eaten the day before. It explained his voracious appetite despite being smaller in stature.

  Cookie manufacturing took over the kitchen after breakfast. He enjoyed watching Dan sitting at the table with his foot propped up in a chair, helping the girls make oatmeal raisin walmut cookies. Bram chuckled. Walmut stuck in his head. He loved all Allie’s cute mispronunciations. He would miss her innocent malaprops as she grew and began saying words correctly.

  Bram leaned back on the bench and relaxed. He stopped here to give Dan solitude when he visited Brody’s grave. Gazing skyward, he noted nary a cloud in sight. As the sun set low on the horizon casting a golden hue across the graveyard, he recalled today’s forecast, taking pleasure in the weatherman’s erroneous call. Fortunately for Dan, today turned out to a beautiful, bright winter day to visit a friend.

  He sighed. Dan’s softly spoken words carried on the crisp winter breeze, and though he didn’t intend to eavesdrop, Bram overheard. He thought of moving to ensure Dan’s privacy, but something compelled him to stay—almost like a delicate whisper in his ear imploring him to remain. Sensing the importance for him to listen, Bram lingered.

  Dan sat next to Brody on the little plastic cushion Kellie insisted he take with him. He lay the crutches down behind him and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “Merry Christmas, Brody. I miss you, brother. I wish you were here, even if it meant I had to be in the field with Murphy’s unit.”