Her Galahad

by Melissa James

  "Sheesh. Did you always feel like that when he was around?"

  "Not at first. It only began after he started telling me he loved me, or if he tried to touch me."

  His brows lifted. "Must have been a happy marriage. If he weren't such a twisted, manipulative son of a bitch, I could almost feel sorry for him."

  She lifted a trembling hand to her mouth, thinking of her wedding night with Cameron—and every other time he'd touched her since. "Don't," she whispered.

  A warm hand touched her shoulder. "Stupid comment. I'm sorry, Tess. I heard rumors about his—tastes in women, and in sex, even before I got into lockup. It must have been hell for you."

  The pain hit her so fast she almost reeled with its power. "Where do I go now?" she asked, praying he'd drop it.

  "There's a State forest up on the right a few miles down the road. When you see the sign for the forest trail, turn hard left. Better speed up if he's as close as you think."

  She nodded and stepped on the accelerator.

  "He'll know what we're driving soon enough, if he doesn't already," he said as they flew along the road to the State Forest. "But we can't change cars till we get to a big town. We're unusual enough to attract notice."

  "I can't afford a new car."

  "I've got more than enough—and for new clothes for us both." He lifted a hand as she opened her mouth. "I don't want to argue. We have to get out of here. If you want, use the money from the sale of the van for your clothes and things. I'll buy the car."

  "I can't let you do that."

  "Your pride's not my top priority. Finding Emily is," he retorted bluntly. "Don't worry whose money it is."

  "Okay," she mumbled, ashamed. Ashamed he'd kept his focus, and she hadn't.

  "Now let's concentrate on what's ahead." He grinned. "It'll take a miracle for him to find us. Sydney's the last place he'll expect us to go. Especially the way we'll take."

  The shivering pinpricks hit. "You're wrong. He's close."

  He turned, looking behind them. "There's a silvery blue Range Rover coming up behind us. Damn! He must have found out what you drive from your landlady."

  "What do we do?" She checked the mirror, confirming with her eyes what her shuddering body already knew: Cameron was in the car behind them.

  "Here's the turnoff to the forest path. Do exactly what I say," he said tersely. "I'll take over after we lose him."

  She screeched hard left into the forest path, creating a spraying mist of gravel and red dirt around and behind it. The Range Rover followed them in, appearing out of the dust cloud they left in their wake.

  'Tess, slow down. You'll kill us."

  "But he's right here!"

  "He'll be right on top of us if we crash. We can beat him if we keep our heads. Betcha he's never been on this sort of road—he won't know how to handle it."

  "Neither have I!" she cried. "Oh, why didn't I ask you to drive when I knew Cameron was here? I don't know what to do!"

  "Just keep your cool. I'll talk you through." His warm voice was gentle, soothing. "Concentrate on driving over the rocks and holes. Don't swerve away. That's it," he encouraged her, hanging on as the van all but took flight over a rock. "It'll come back down again. It's built to handle the bumps."

  "He's getting closer!" she screamed.

  "Yeah, and taking crazy chances." He laughed, watching the car's careening pursuit behind them. "Bloody twit's acting like he's the Knight Rider. He'll tip over or crash any minute. Don't look back. Just drive. We'll get through. Trust me."

  She choked on a scream as a big rock loomed ahead of them like a mountain in the middle of the path.

  He put a gentle hand on the back of her neck, soothing her panic with the slow motion of his fingers on her skin. "Put it in first. Keep the wheel straight and accelerate steady. We won't tip if you keep going slow and steady. Get off the brake, Tess. Accelerate just a little bit. Now go!"

  She couldn't bear to think of the consequences of failure. So she concentrated on Jirrah's warm voice, the tender touch of his fingers on her neck, and followed his instructions. Up, up and over. A mighty, ear-grinding crash as the chassis landed on the hard surface. Then the back wheel skidded up, up—

  "He's getting out of the car!"

  "So what? He thinks he's got us trapped, but we're not beaten. C'mon, release the accelerator. You're just spinning the wheels on the back slope. Give the car time to move on its own."

  She glanced in the rear mirror, and broke out in a cold sweat. "He's got a gun! He could shoot our tires!"

  "He hasn't got the imagination or the guts. He's waving it to scare us into giving up—but we're not that stupid. Just drive."

  "Get my gun out! Shoot him!"

  Jirrah's voice remained calm and unruffled, becoming her focus of strength in a terrifying world. "I won't let him get you." He opened the glove box, plucked the gun out and pulled off the safety catch.

  Adrenaline surged through her, born of desperate fear. She revved up the engine to force the van over. "He's almost here!"

  Jirrah reached over her, locking all the doors. "We're gonna make it. Release the accelerator, let the van do its work and drive!"

  And somehow, she believed him. Her brain cleared, and she loosened up on the abused accelerator. Like a miracle, the wheels stopped their useless spinning. The van lumbered up, up and over the rock, slamming back down on the ground. Mindless with panic, she accelerated too early, making the van skid along uneven ground.

  Cameron yelled, tore around on his heel and back for his car.

  Jirrah shoved the gun back in the glove box. "If he tries that he'll tip. The car might be built for the terrain, but he's not."

  She careened over the crazy potholed surface, sweat pouring dripping between her breasts, making her shiver. "But what if—"

  "Don't think about it. We're going to make it, Tess."

  "How do you know?"

  "Because I won't let a slimy lowlife bastard like Beller beat me, that's why!"

  A sudden grinding sound, followed by a metallic shriek, made her shoulders sag in blinding relief. She laughed, a weak, exhausted sound. "He's blasted your truck and torched your house, and you're still going to win?"

  "We just did." He grinned at her, still caressing her neck and shoulders, and it didn't occur to her to pull away. She needed the reassurance right now—needed his touch—like an addict needed their next fix. "That was the sound of his axle tearing. Not even Beller's mad enough to follow us on foot. He'll have to walk back to the highway for help."

  She drew a deep breath, gaining strength from his calm belief in their imminent safety. "But will you keep winning? He could have killed us then!"

  "You betcha I'll keep winning. I'll blast his career and torch his life, and make sure the woman he wants is free of him for good. Tess, you'll hit something if you don't slow down. Don't look at me. Drive! We'll laugh about this whole crazy adventure in five minutes. Let's go. There's the side path."

  She tore her wondering gaze from him, and turned right down an even smaller path than the first, narrow and winding.

  "Stop the car, Tess. I'll take over here. There's six exits, so time's on our side. Could you get a stronger elastic bandage for my wrist while I check the chassis—"

  But Tessa unlocked her belt and threw herself on him, covering his face with little frenzied kisses, seeking his mouth with a desperation for human touch she hadn't felt in too many years to count. Because this was Jirrah—the man she'd never been able to leave behind—and he'd just saved her life.

  He proved more than happy to oblige her need. With a half-smothered groan he pulled her close, opening his mouth under hers, giving her the same frantic passion she unleashed on him.

  After so many years of revulsion at a man's touch, Tessa never imagined she could become lost, drown so deep in the unbridled eroticism of a simple kiss, or revel in the feel of an aroused male body against hers. She couldn't remember the past, couldn't envision Cameron's hot, eager, repulsive s
exuality. Her mind and body was full of Jirrah, and the warm, dark magic of his kiss.

  Hungry for more, she pulled him hard against her, moving sinuously. Little gasps entered his mouth from hers; his groans filled her throat. Her hands moved beneath his T-shirt, her hands caressing his skin like wildfire. His warm, dark skin, with its superb muscle tone, filled her with an arousal made stronger for being laced with sweet trust—for Jirrah would always leash his strength with her. He was man enough to follow her lead, to give her control. His hands caressed her back, hair and face, awaiting permission for more intimate touch. His tongue twined with hers when she wanted it. And oh, how she wanted it. A raging storm of desire filled her—

  "Tess." A hoarse whisper against her mouth. "We have to stop. There's six exits, but he might find the right one. We've got to outrun Beller before he can get to help."

  Like a cold dousing, the mention of Cameron's name froze her veins. She jumped out of the car to get the bandages, waiting in silence by the door as he checked the axle and chassis. She couldn't look him in the face as she strapped his wrist—but she could feel him watching her with unnerving depth. Seeing more than she wanted him to see

  He said nothing until he'd negotiated the van out of the forest. "We can't risk staying somewhere overnight. We're too obvious here in the country—a Koori man with a white woman—not to be remembered. You make a bed up in here. I'll use the tent."

  "All right." She looked to where the slow-setting sun turned a field of growing sorghum to a waving sea of rich golden-brown.

  "Tess. I wanted that kiss, too."

  She looked around, arrested, hoping. Terrified.

  Watching the road, he touched her cheek with his damaged hand in gentle reassurance. "It was a natural thing. We were in a life-and-death situation. We wanted to celebrate getting away from that jerk. And because we were lovers before, it lowered the scare factor. You knew I'd want to kiss you back."

  She closed her eyes. After all these years, he still knew her, still understood her needs, her motivations.

  "I've been wanting to touch you since I first saw you again, and even more since last night. But I won't," he added, as she jerked away. "I know, Tess. Being unable to control your life is the most humiliating experience anyone can go through." Another fleeting touch on her cheek made her ache with the most beautiful pain she'd ever known. "So you're in the driver's seat with this, Tess. Just know that whatever you want from me, I won't reject you, and I won't push you further than you want to go."

  A single tear trickled down her cheek. She turned away before he could see it, but watched him through the reflection on the window. "I know you want to help me, but you can't. I have to find my own healing, my own way and time,"

  He stared ahead to the unending stretch of tarred road. "I wasn't there when you needed me the most. You gave birth to our daughter alone. You lost her. They tricked you into marrying him because I didn't expose their lies—because I never bothered to call you from lockup. Damn it, Tess, I owe it to you to try!"

  If he'd reached inside her chest and squeezed her heart in his bare fist, he couldn't have hurt her more. "You can't heal me with pity, Jirrah," she said huskily, her heart and throat aching. "You can't cry magic tears or kiss me better. Just help me find Emily, use your papers to get Cameron out of my life, and we'll consider the nonexistent debt canceled."

  An uncomfortable silence filled the van for a minute. "Don't try to kid yourself you can live your life alone, Tess. The illusion of control can vanish like smoke, or blow up in your face like my truck. If I've learned from the past six years, it's that we all need to have someone we can believe in. Living alone, isolating yourself to hide from pain, only creates worse problems."

  She stared out the window, unable to answer.

  "You know I'm right," he pushed her, aggressive, but not angry. "You trust me, much as you want to deny it. That's why you came with me—why you're here now—why you kissed me. You've been on the run, closed away from the human race too long. Somewhere deep inside, you know you have to open up to someone again. You need to know you can trust a man, especially in a physical way. And you can." He added, low, "It will be making love, not forced sex. It will happen when and where you want it. I'll never beg, bribe or blackmail you into it, and I swear to God I'd never force you. I won't let you down, Tess. I'm here for you."

  For now. Until you know the whole truth.

  If he knew, he'd never speak again of wanting her. He'd never touch her again, or even look at her. She could hardly stand looking at herself sometimes.

  She made herself sigh. "Look, it was just a kiss, all right? A way to break the tension. Like you said, a quick celebration after getting rid of Cameron." She kept her gaze trained outside so he wouldn't know the lie she spoke. "He's gone for now, but he's not gone forever. So let's find Emily before he does."

  He said softly, "Don't count on too much with Emily, Tess. Nothing in our lives has been a fairy tale from the day we met. She might be a happy kid in a big family, with brothers, sisters and fantastic parents. She might not know she's adopted, or want to know us. She might never be yours again."

  Tessa shuddered, knowing he'd looked into her deepest heart; he'd seen, and understood, her soul-deep yearning to have her daughter in her arms, in her life, to be her mother—her real mother. "Then I'll just have to be content with seeing Cameron behind bars, won't I."

  When he spoke, his voice was tight and hard. "Don't cheat yourself. Revenge isn't enough. It's living in the shadows."

  She turned on him, her face white. "And you're so free of the need for revenge, you give me advice? I'd have thought you the expert on wanting to punish them for what they've done to you!"

  "Yeah, I am. I lived and breathed and ate revenge for six years, and it's nothing but a cheat—just cold, dark emptiness. Hatred without healing." His eyes burned into hers. "You did that to me. Watching you with the kids. After all they did to you, you can still give. You can forgive. You can heal, Tess! Damn it, don't lose yourself in bitterness now. You're better than that!"

  Her heart jerked, and something inside her grew warm and gentle at his fierce, giving honesty. "You survived prison," she said softly. "You went through that for me, believing I betrayed you, and still came to save me. You're better than that, too."

  He gave her a slow, lopsided grin. "Dam it, Tess, how do you do that? Every time you show up in my life you change it—change me—in seconds."

  "Like Nagasaki or Hiroshima," she retorted.

  "I was talking about you, not your father, your brother or Beller. You're not responsible for what they do. Not to you, to me, or anyone else. Only they can take the rap for that."

  Her heart shut down. She blinked hard and fast, feeling like a sleepwalker coming awake to a bizarre landscape she couldn't awake from. In just two days, her whole existence had become a lie, and she didn't know how else to cope with it than in anger. "If you say so," she muttered, trying not to cry. "You appear to be the expert on who's to blame for what in my family life."

  He shrugged, and switched on the radio to the only station in the vicinity, a country music station, and sang Troy Cassar-Daly's latest ballad in his warm voice.

  They bought another car at Dubbo, three hundred miles northwest of Sydney, and dumped Tessa's van on a graveled dirt track northeast of the town. They bought clothes, stored them in the back of the battered green four-wheel-drive, and they continued via little-used back roads for the northern route toward Sydney.

  Toward Burragawang Community Hospital, and the first step in unraveling the truth from the tangled web of lies her family had woven around her life.

  * * *

  Chapter 8

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  A bundled-up blanket of darkness lay all around, still and quiet. The only sound was a rustling whisper of gum leaves from the tiny breeze filtering through the trees above; the only scent a vague tang of crushed eucalyptus leaves drifting up from the loamy forest floor.

  In a lonely high
land hideaway northeast of Dubbo off the road to Burragawang, Tessa lay in the cool soft darkness, her ears straining for any unnatural sound, but heard only the thundering of her heart and the whirling of her fears in her mind.

  Jirrah was right. Northeast was the least likely way for them to go. As a precaution, he'd covered the bumpy mountain track with a fall of rocks after they'd passed the entrance, and even brushed away the tire tracks from the main road at the turnoff.

  But she'd lived with the need to run for so long it was almost a friend. She didn't know how to live without looking over her shoulder for Cameron's Lucifer-like face: so beautiful, hiding a vile heart beneath. She didn't know how to stop mourning for the innocent, loving girl she used to be before he touched her—

  A rustling sound came from just outside the car. Pulling the gun from beneath her pillow she scrambled up from the middle seat of the van, tense, silent, waiting.

  Jirrah's half-alert mumble from the back seat startled her. "What is it?"

  "I don't know," she whispered, holding the gun aimed at the bush beside the driver's seat with hands that shook. "There was a rustling in the scrub there."

  "We're in the bush, Tess." He yawned. "It's probably some animal checking us out for food."

  "And it might not be. If you want to take chances with your life, fine. I'm going to protect myself until I've found Emily!"

  "Mulgu, you've been on the run too long," he said quietly, totally awake now. "Beller can't possibly know where we are."

  "That's what you said about your house. Now it's in ashes." And still she watched the dark shadow of the bush, holding the gun in a death grip.

  "You can't keep doing this," he said softly. "Using a gun as a security blanket's as likely to get you killed as him."

  "You want to judge my life, walk a mile in my moccasins," she shot back, her voice barely audible. "Hasn't losing your car, your house and your life taught you anything yet? Cameron is crazy when it comes to me, and his social standing. If he finds us together he'll kill both of us!"