Krystal’s hopes fell. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Is everything okay?’
Gabby folded her arms. ‘Not really. I know that you didn’t want to donate Evan’s organs.’
‘What?’ Krystal’s mind raced to catch up, wondering if she should deny it, wondering who could have told Gabby that, then realising that, of course, Gabby must have seen what Krystal herself had remembered that night in Sydney. And that meant that either the three of them were so enmeshed that Gabby could now pick up on Krystal’s memories, or worse yet, that Evan himself had indeed heard every word of that awful discussion with Cordelia-Aurora that night and relayed it to Gabby. Her hands began to shake and she put them under her legs to sit on them.
Gabby told Krystal everything she’d seen and it was all true, and it was utterly terrible to know that she’d witnessed that, to know that Gabby knew Krystal felt forced into signing the papers, to imagine how dreadful Gabby must feel. She waited until Gabby had said all she wanted to say. She was appalled with herself for having been so desperate for Gabby to help her, for rationalising that Gabby owed her, and for not dealing with her own guilt in this matter.
Her moment of reckoning had arrived and she couldn’t run from it any longer.
‘What you saw is … well, it’s amazing,’ she said. ‘That’s some connection you’ve got with my husband there.’ The attempt at lightness fell flat. Krystal swallowed, hard. She thought carefully about what she said next, taking her time to try to find the right words. ‘It’s true, I was resistant to the idea of organ donation.’
‘Resistant?’ Gabby gave a slight shake of her head.
‘We’d never talked about it, Evan and I. It came as a huge, huge shock, all of it. The accident, the fact that he’d lied to me and was in Sydney, all the medical explanations, the diagnosis of brain death.’ Krystal stopped for a moment, waiting for the hot swelling sensation in her chest to subside. ‘It felt monstrous to even consider carving up his body. I’m sorry; I knew people like you were waiting on the other end, living on a knife edge, wanting an organ, wanting to keep living for your own families. But I didn’t care about that in that moment. I didn’t care about anything other than trying to do what was right for my husband, and trying to not say goodbye. I’d have done anything to not say goodbye.’
Gabby’s face softened. ‘I can understand that.’
‘And yes, the fact that his heart would still be beating when they took it … well, it was a deal-breaker.’
‘But you let Cordelia-Aurora blackmail you,’ Gabby said, and the disgust at this notion was evident in her tone. ‘Do you know how that makes me feel? I feel like I have stolen property inside me, dirty goods, a new life founded on deceit and anger and lies.’
Krystal chewed on her thumbnail. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘What did she have over you that would make you change your mind?’
A jolt of anger spiked Krystal’s blood and she welcomed it. Anger was so much easier to deal with than guilt. ‘Not long after I moved to Melbourne, I was arrested. It was complete rubbish. I was in the wrong part of town and dressed the wrong way. I made a stupid mistake and chatted up a cop. I didn’t know he was a cop. I was riding a high of freedom like I’d never felt before and still finding my feet, still working out who I was. I was talking rubbish. I asked him if I could show him a good time. He got the wrong idea and decided I was propositioning him for money, so he arrested me.’
Gabby’s eyes had widened and then narrowed. ‘But you weren’t …’
‘Hell, no!’ Krystal gave an empty laugh. ‘He took me down to the station and we sorted the whole thing out. But that stuff stays on your record. Cordelia-Aurora, that bi–’ She stopped herself, looking quickly around to see how close other customers were. ‘Well, you know about that night at the hospital; I’m sure you have an idea of what she’s like.’
Gabby screwed up her nose in understanding.
‘She hated me from the start, so of course she did a background check on me. She told me early on that she was just waiting for the right moment to tell Evan. She held it over me for years.’
‘Why didn’t you just tell Evan yourself?’
Krystal ran a hand through her unwashed hair, flicking it over her shoulder. ‘I should have. But I was stupid and insecure and didn’t believe that he could truly believe I was the one for him. The longer it went on, the harder it became to tell him the truth, and so I just put it out of my mind. I think I even genuinely forgot about it.’
‘I can’t believe his sister would use something like that against you at such an awful time,’ Gabby said, uncrossing her arms and sipping on her coffee, her hackles lowering. ‘So, you signed the papers under duress.’
Krystal’s next breath was shaky. ‘Yes. But in the end, it wasn’t because of Cordelia-Aurora.’
‘Go on,’ Gabby urged.
‘I’ve never told anyone this,’ Krystal said, quietly enough that Gabby automatically leaned forward to hear her better. ‘But I think I owe you the truth.’ She took a few breaths, steadying herself. She’d been running from this truth for two years, burying it in her subconscious, and lately drowning it with alcohol whenever it came to the surface.
‘Cordelia-Aurora didn’t scare me. She was venomous and hateful and I wished I could expel her from the hospital, but she didn’t scare me. I’ve survived worse people than her in my life.’
‘Then what was it?’
‘It was the prospect of turning off the life support that scared me, of it being me who did it, and then having to wait for days or even weeks for him to die. The idea of waiting terrified me, having to watch him, the effect it would have on the boys. In that hospital, a minute felt like an hour, an hour a week. I simply couldn’t handle it. The boys had nowhere to go. Evan’s parents were helping me look after them but they didn’t know them all that well, and at any rate, how long can you have a one- and a three-year-old in a hospital for?’
Gabby nodded sympathetically. ‘An hour in a hospital with children that young would have been a nightmare, let alone days or weeks.’
‘I had no other support I could call on. I was desperate. I wouldn’t have been able to stay with him the whole time. I couldn’t abandon the kids. But I couldn’t abandon Evan either. It was the most awful, torturous decision, choosing between my husband and my children.’ Tears rolled down Krystal’s face as she looked at Gabby, pleading for understanding. ‘I’m so ashamed of this, but the agony just broke me down. I needed it to stop and the only way to do that was to sign the papers for organ donation. Then it would be over.’ She looked to the ceiling, where the wooden ladder hung entwined with pretty flowers. ‘I told myself I was doing it for the kids, so they didn’t have to live through this nightmare that would only end in Evan’s death anyway – but it wasn’t.’ She shook her head, still not able to believe what she’d done. She dropped her eyes back to Gabby. ‘I told myself it was for them, but it was for me. I collapsed under the pressure. And so, I sacrificed him. I sent him to the butcher.’
Gabby closed her eyes.
‘I did that,’ Krystal whispered, her fist at her chest. ‘Do you know what that feels like? I did the unthinkable. I betrayed him and I sacrificed him to save us, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.’ She bit her trembling lip. ‘And I have no idea if he forgives me or hates me.’
33
Gabby held her forehead in her hands. Krystal’s explanation was believable, understandable. She could even forgive her for crumbling under pressure, and she was most definitely still grateful she had Evan’s heart, despite how it might have come to her. She straightened. ‘Okay, look.’ Krystal’s face was awash with shame and misery, her cheeks hollow, her jawline sharp. ‘Of course I don’t love the way the donation came about. I’d always believed it was something more altruistic than that. But you have to forgive yourself.’ She reached across the table, put her hand on Krystal’s and squeezed it tight. ‘No one ever knows how they will react in any situation until they’re in it. You
were in an impossible position, in shock, traumatised, under time pressure and being blackmailed, with two small children needing your attention. That’s a recipe for insanity right there.’
Krystal closed her eyes a moment and sighed.
‘I forgive you,’ Gabby said.
‘Thank you.’
‘I can assure you that Evan doesn’t hate you. He loves you just as much now as he did then, and it is precisely because of that bond that he’s brought us together. I truly think the reason he wanted you to go to Sydney was because he wanted your forgiveness. He knew lying to you was wrong and that he’d let his children down. He wanted you to be able to rest easy so he could too.’
‘How can you know?’
‘Because I have his heart.’
Krystal raised her free hand to cover her face for a moment, taking a deep breath to control her emotions. Gabby let go of her hand and pulled a tissue from the pocket of her skirt and handed it to her.
‘That’s really beautiful,’ Krystal said. ‘I could put that on a greeting card.’
‘Huh?’
‘Never mind.’ Krystal smiled and waved it away, to explain another time. ‘I’m so glad we met.’
‘So am I,’ Gabby said.
‘Do you think you can help me one more time?’
‘We’ve come this far,’ Gabby said, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe the wild ride they’d been on together. ‘What do you need?’
Krystal was re-energised, filled with purpose. ‘After you left Sydney on Tuesday, I went back to see Rebecca, the woman we met at the house.’ Krystal filled her in about Farner Seven and the whistleblowing case Evan and Rebecca had been building.
Gabby gasped. ‘The burning smell! Remember the second time you came here? I could smell burning. It’s … oh, I can see it now. A big bonfire and, oh, no, Evan was there, watching.’ She shook her head. ‘And Cordelia-Aurora too.’
Krystal’s mouth turned down with momentary dismay and disappointment. But as Gabby had just said, no one knew how they would respond until they were in a situation. She had no idea what sort of extenuating circumstances might have led to that moment. ‘He made a mistake,’ she said. ‘He wasn’t able to stand up to his sister then and he eventually paid with his life.’
‘That’s a high price,’ Gabby said sadly.
‘But you were the key to solving the whole thing.’
Gabby shook her head. ‘No, we both were. It was you that triggered the visions in the first place. Just being near you woke up something in Evan’s heart, something he needed to share. We did this together.’
Krystal paused to allow Gabby’s words to sink in. ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’
‘You were the one person in Evan’s life he’d chosen and committed to forever, even beyond death.’
Krystal felt a tear drop from her eye and wiped it away. ‘I’m so grateful to have had this chance to find the missing pieces. Most people don’t get that. Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome, and you’ve helped me too,’ Gabby said. ‘Like you, it’s been difficult for me, living with a big mystery. Knowing Evan, knowing you, it helps. It really does.’
‘I’m glad for you, truly. But there’s more. Yesterday, I realised something for the first time. Cordelia-Aurora was already at the hospital when I arrived on the night of the accident. In all the shock and confusion, I assumed the police had informed her too and she’d simply got there first. But something didn’t feel right about that. I went to her office yesterday and confronted her about why she was in Sydney that night. She didn’t say much, but her face!’ Krystal leaned very close to Gabby so she could whisper. ‘I think she was involved in Evan’s death.’
‘No!’ Reflexively, Gabby’s hand went to her chest, covering her heart.
Krystal nodded. Then shrugged. ‘I can’t be sure, of course. I don’t want to believe it. But I have to at least consider it. Rebecca said Evan had the reconstructed evidence, so I went looking for it at home but couldn’t find anything. I’d seen a lawyer recently and spoken to him about Evan’s family … it’s a bit of a long story, but I phoned him and told him everything. I want to make this right, for Evan. Trentino – that’s the lawyer – says this could be huge.’ Her eyes widened. ‘But we need to know where Evan put the evidence.’ She waited a beat, giving Gabby a chance to catch up.
‘So, you need me to try to work it out?’
‘You’ve already done so much, I know,’ Krystal said. ‘I know you reached your limits in Sydney. But I think this is why Evan wanted to bring us together. He needed us – both of us – to get justice for those sick kids and bring Farner Seven back to court.’ She paused. ‘And maybe bring Cordelia-Aurora to justice too.’
Gabby took a moment to absorb this. Then she reached both hands across the table and took hold of Krystal’s. ‘Let’s do this.’
‘Right now?’
‘Yes. This is where you were the first time I had a vision. Let’s see if we can conjure him one more time. Close your eyes. Now, think about Evan.’
Krystal did as she was told. ‘Come on, Evan. Help us out, hey?’ she whispered.
Gabby kept her eyes closed, an image of Evan in her mind. She breathed slowly and deeply, asking him to come to her. Around her, the noise of the cafe – the coffee machine, the cups, the chatter, footsteps on the floorboards, mobile phones – began to fade into the background. Her fingers began to tingle. She felt lightheaded. He must be close.
Come on, Evan.
A moment later, everything spun out of control.
She was dipping and diving, seasick. She let go of Krystal’s hands and gripped the table instead.
‘What happened?’ Krystal asked.
Gabby stared at the tabletop, trying to focus on a single point and stop the motion.
‘Are you okay?’
She heard Krystal’s voice, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at her, fearing the movement of her eyes would make the spinning worse.
‘Could you please get me some water?’ she said, her lips feeling horribly dry and rough as she spoke.
‘Of course.’ Krystal sprang from her seat and Gabby continued to breathe, hoping the swaying and spinning would stop. If this was Evan’s way of making an entrance, it was too much. Her body felt like it was going to snap in half.
Krystal returned, placing the water on the table.
‘Thanks,’ Gabby murmured, but when she reached for the water she could see her hand shaking, and pulled it back to grip the table.
‘You don’t look well. What’s happening?’ Krystal said. ‘Can you talk to me?’ Her voice was sharp with concern.
Nausea rose like a tidal wave. ‘I …’ Gabby gasped for breath, waiting for the wave to subside. Her skin burned hot.
‘What can I do?’
This was bad. It was very, very bad.
‘Hospital,’ Gabby said, her voice barely a whisper.
‘Shit.’ Krystal leapt to her feet to help her up, but the second Gabby was vertical her knees buckled and everything went black.
A siren. A blood pressure cuff on her arm.
… dangerously low …
Bright lights above her in the back of the ambulance. The awful sway and bump of the vehicle as it lumbered through the streets. Motion sickness from travelling backwards added to her distress. She couldn’t speak. All she could do was keep breathing, keep focusing, try to stay here and now and not drift off into blackness and … and … death? Was this it? It felt like death. She felt a great tearing inside her, a great separation of her mind and body.
… fever …
An ambulance officer sitting on a bench next to her, writing in a folder.
… nearly there, love …
Krystal, somewhere in the van. She could hear her voice now and then, trying to give the ambulance officer as many details as possible.
She thought of her children – her three beautiful, precious, sensitive, creative, dynamic and still-so-young children. They couldn�
�t lose their mother. Not now. Not after all they’d been through already. Not when they still needed her so very, very much. They’d lost their grandmother. Their grandfather was growing frail. Their father was sick and who knew how much longer he’d stay that way. Their aunt was soon to be a single mum. They needed their mother. She needed to be here to guide them, protect them, teach them, love them.
This was not the time to die.
But we never get a choice in that. Never, ever. Today could be the day for her, just as it would be for thousands of people around the world, ready or not. No one knew when their time was up. It was never going to be a good time to die. She knew it better than most.
People were always so shocked when they found out they were going to die. Or they were utterly unprepared for their child dying, their sister dying, their dog dying. No one liked to think about it and yet it was the one thing in life that was guaranteed to happen. Any day, any hour, any minute. She thought that if people truly understood that this moment could be their very last moment, they wouldn’t be wasting it in road rage, or mindlessly scrolling through social media, or getting drunk. They would be loving their people, giving away all their possessions, imparting wisdom, hugging their kids, taking the dog for a walk, smelling the roses. Once you truly got that this day might be the last, you wouldn’t be shocked when the moment of death arrived. You would be saying, ‘Oh, Death, here you are. I’ve been expecting you.’
She might have been expecting this moment, but still she begged – Please not today.
Her shirt was undone. Her bra loosened. Sticky ECG patches were placed on her chest, her ribs, her lower legs. The printer whirred as it spat out results. The feel of Evan’s heart, erratic in her chest, giving its last flutter of life before falling still forever.
The heavy, heavy pull of blackness, sucking her in, pulling her away.
No one knew when their time was up, yet this felt very much like it. Something inside her was dying. She couldn’t stop it. No one could.
The Gift of Life Page 30
