No! Stay with me, love, stay with me, you hear me?
She rose out of her body.
In the murky space between consciousness and death, Evan came to her.
They sat in a room – dark walls, lanterns glowing golden above their heads, two ornate wooden chairs with velvet seats facing each other. They both wore white shirts, white pants, no shoes. It was warm. Quiet. Gabby felt so light, as if there was nothing to her.
‘I needed to see you,’ he said, his face so serene, so much younger than she’d seen him before.
She smiled. His voice was like music! It was so warm and calm, so confident and caring. It made her feel joyful, as though a long-lost friend had finally returned home and the piece of her that had been missing them and worrying about them could finally relax.
‘It’s so good to see you.’ She reached for his hands and he took hers. They sat there a moment, relaxing into each other’s touch, as though they were twins who only felt whole when they were together.
‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said.
‘I’m not.’
She would never be able to say how long they sat there like that – perhaps a minute, perhaps an hour, perhaps a year, perhaps ten. Time had no meaning at all.
But at some point, she became aware of what he’d come to tell her.
‘You’re leaving me?’
He nodded, gave a small smile. ‘Yes.’
The peace she’d felt disappeared and grief leapt to replace it. ‘But why?’
‘It’s time.’
‘But what will happen to you? What will happen to me?’
‘I’m going to rest, and you’re going to live. My heart is yours now. It’s yours alone.’
He stood and pulled her to her feet, then wrapped her in his arms. At the same height, their chests met, right where his heart had lived before it became hers. She clung to him tightly.
‘Thank you for my life.’
‘It’s a life worth living.’
All too soon, they broke apart, but when she looked down, he was holding a plain narrow metal box, about the length of a briefcase.
‘This is the answer.’
34
Krystal sat beside Gabby’s bed, her head in her hands. Gabby was still dozy and weak, an IV line in each arm. She was in a single room on the ward, not far from the nurses’ station, and the constant beep of the call bell and chatter from staff, along with the hospital smell and the sound of curtain rings swishing on rails, were giving her nasty flashbacks to her time in the ICU with Evan. She’d managed not to go anywhere near a hospital since then, until the other night with Gabby in Sydney. It was ironic that the next time she found herself here, Evan’s heart would again be the focus of attention.
Rejection. Grade four. The worst kind.
‘Will this fix it?’ Krystal had asked the nurse, indicating the bags of medicine hanging beside Gabby’s bed.
‘Hopefully,’ she’d replied, giving Krystal a reassuring smile but offering no other commitment.
Now, Krystal pulled her mobile phone from her bag and checked again for messages, but there was nothing new. Luciano had rushed to Gabby’s side when she’d collapsed at the cafe but he hadn’t been able to organise care for his kids so had reluctantly let Krystal go with Gabby in the ambulance. He’d contacted Gabby’s father. School was nearly done for the day and Gabby’s kids would be coming with Monty. Roxy was picking up Krystal’s boys. Krystal was staying here until either Luciano or Gabby’s family arrived.
She stood and paced, awash with guilt that she might have caused this by asking Gabby to connect with Evan one more time. There was a panicky flutter in her chest. She longed for Gabby to be okay, and she wanted that even more than she wanted Evan’s heart to be okay. She’d loved Evan for his heart, yet, somehow, since meeting Gabby, she’d let go of the idea of its being his heart. It was Gabby’s now. Gabby had life because of that heart, but it was still Gabby’s life and Krystal wanted very much for her to have a long one yet. A part of her might even love Gabby, maybe because of the connection to Evan’s heart, or maybe just because Gabby was a gorgeous soul who was easy to love. Either way, Krystal was sick with worry that she might lose Gabby now when they had only just found each other.
A man with glasses and greying hair walked into the room. A hospital ID swung from his top pocket.
‘Hello,’ he said, holding out a hand to Krystal.
She took it, feeling out of place given she wasn’t Gabby’s next of kin. ‘Hi.’
‘I’m George Thanos, Gabby’s surgeon. And you are?’ He peered at her down his nose, trying to focus through the bottom of his lenses.
Oh. My. God.
Krystal was lost for words, staring into the eyes of the man who’d held her husband’s heart in his hands before sewing it into Gabby’s chest.
She shook herself and let go of his hand. ‘Um, sorry.’ She coughed. ‘Krystal. I’m a friend of Gabby’s.’ She couldn’t stop staring at him. He was the person who’d brought Evan’s heart back to life. George gave her a quizzical look, then turned to Gabby’s bed. He went to her side, placing his hand on her arm with genuine care, a visible connection between them.
‘Gabby!’ he called. ‘Can you hear me? It’s Doctor George. Are you awake?’
Gabby murmured and dragged her eyes open, though it was clearly an effort.
‘There’s my girl,’ George said in a comforting fatherly tone. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Thirsty,’ Gabby whispered.
George nodded. ‘I’m not surprised. The medications will make you feel like that, but we’ve got you on fluids so you will be okay. You know you’re having an episode of rejection?’
‘Yes,’ Gabby said, and swallowed in a way that looked like it must be painful.
‘Okay, well, I have some more news. You might need to stay in here for a bit longer than we first thought,’ he said. ‘The other reason you might be feeling thirsty is that your kidney function test is low. If your levels keep dropping, we’ll have to start dialysis. Do me a favour and hang in there, okay?’
‘Okay,’ Gabby croaked.
He gave her a final pat on the arm, turned to nod at Krystal, and swept out of the room, on to his next patient.
Gabby turned her head very slowly towards Krystal, blinking heavily. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi,’ Krystal said, going to her side. She straightened the sheet around her as she spoke, needing to do something to stop the tremor in her hands, a result of meeting George. ‘I’m so glad to see you again.’
‘I –’
Just as Gabby started to talk, Krystal’s phone rang. ‘Hang on, that might be your dad.’ Luciano had taken Krystal’s number and passed it on to Monty. She hurried around the bed to her bag but the caller identification said it was from Jasper’s school. ‘Sorry, I better get this. It’s the school.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, Krystal, it’s Janice.’
‘Oh, hi.’
‘I’m just phoning to remind you that tomorrow is the due date for you to get in your application for the full-time job. I know you’ve been sick this week, so I just wanted to make sure you remembered.’ Janice’s tone was caring, something Krystal found surprisingly touching.
‘Ah, thank you.’
Janice paused. ‘Do you think you’ll be putting in an application?’
Krystal was caught off guard. She hadn’t even begun to put an application together; right now it all seemed very difficult, and with the amount of campaigning Margie already had under her belt she was pretty sure it wasn’t worth it. But perhaps, even more than that, Krystal felt that her time there was done. The job had served its purpose in her life, keeping her from losing her mind and giving her a reason to get up in the morning, but now she wanted something new. Maybe a new job, maybe a stint at university, like Roxy was doing, or travel with the kids, perhaps even overseas to see her sister. Maybe she could start her own business, like Gabby had done. Maybe Gabby would even give her some advice.
She smiled down at Gabby, looking small and fragile there in the bed, fighting with everything she had to stay in this life. If she’d learned anything from Evan and Gabby it was that there was a big world out there and that life was unpredictable and short. It was time to find what she was passionate about and go out and do it.
‘Hello? Are you still there?’ Janice asked.
‘Sorry, yes. Actually, I think I’m going to say no,’ Krystal said, smiling with relief, feeling lighter by the second.
‘Oh.’ Janice sounded surprised.
‘It’s been a great job for me,’ Krystal said. Gabby looked at her quizzically and Krystal gave a small shoulder shimmy out of joy, which made Gabby laugh, and then cough. ‘But I think I have to move on and find something that’s more me, you know?’
Janice paused a moment. ‘Yes, I think I know what you mean.’
‘But I’ll see you on Monday. I’m sure I’ll be much better by then.’
‘Well, just to let you know, as there will now be only one of you left to apply, we’ll open up submissions to the wider community. So if you change your mind, you’ll have another two weeks to throw your hat in the ring,’ Janice said, sounding decidedly hopeful.
‘That’s kind of you, thanks. But I won’t be changing my mind. Have a good weekend.’
‘You too.’
‘What just happened?’ Gabby asked.
‘I just quit my job,’ Krystal said, truly happy.
‘Congratulations.’
‘Thank you.’ Krystal sat down on the chair and leaned towards the bed.
‘I was just about to say that I have something to tell you,’ Gabby said, again swallowing painfully.
‘What?’
‘Evan came to see me.’ She lifted her pointer finger and waved it in a circle. ‘You know, out there.’
Krystal’s eyes widened in surprise, all thoughts of her job or her future vanishing in an instant. Evan had spoken. ‘What did he say?’
Gabby’s eyes filled with tears. ‘He’s moving on. He’s not going to be here with us any more.’
Krystal’s throat constricted so tightly she thought she’d stop breathing.
‘But he had a message for you,’ Gabby whispered.
‘What was it?’
‘He handed me a metal box and said that was the answer.’
‘The answer to what?’
‘Where to find the evidence, I think.’
Krystal scrambled through her memory of the conversation with Trentino in which he listed all the places he might hide evidence. ‘It’s a safe deposit box, it has to be. Oh, I have to call Trentino. I have no idea how to find where it might be.’ She jumped to her feet. Then sat again. ‘But I’ll wait, of course, till your family gets here.’
Gabby smiled and shook her head. ‘They’ll be here any moment. You go. It’s too important.’ Her voice was raspy.
Krystal groaned and shuffled her feet. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely. I’ll just go back to sleep anyway.’
Krystal flung herself over Gabby to hug her, and realised her heart was right next to Gabby’s – to Evan’s – and for the first time in two years, the world almost felt right again. ‘Thank you. I’ll let you know as soon as I find something.’
35
Gabby awoke as her family arrived.
‘Mum!’ Celia draped her body across Gabby’s, whimpering like a puppy.
‘Hi, baby girl,’ she said, her voice tremulous.
Summer and Charlie rushed in too, reaching over each other to kiss her and hug her. Monty followed, looking grim. They all wore expressions of expectant dread, and it hurt her to see it.
‘What did the doctors say?’ Charlie asked, standing up straight. He towered over her bed. Her throat squeezed. The problem with living on the verge of death was that it meant she looked at everything through a lens of impending loss. She wanted to see Charlie as a man, watch him find his way in the world, celebrate his loves and comfort his losses, and snuggle his babies one day too. They all stared at her, waiting.
‘Have they given you any answers?’ Monty asked, touching her orange plastic identification bracelet.
‘It’s an episode of rejection, but they’ve got me on the right medication now so I’ll be fine.’ She gave Celia an encouraging smile. Her little girl’s face had paled. Gabby hoped this wouldn’t send her back into an anxiety spiral, especially after what had just happened with Cam. What a terrible thing, for her children to face the prospect of losing both parents within twenty-four hours.
‘What grade rejection is it?’ Charlie asked, narrowing his eyes so that his ginger eyebrows pulled together with worry. Her children knew too much about this stuff. It was hard to downplay what they knew was so serious. Rejection was to be expected. But once transplant recipients were through the early stages of recovery the fear diminished.
‘Grade four,’ she said.
‘Oh, no!’
‘What?’
‘The worst grade?’ This from Summer. She inched back from the bed and Monty placed his hand on her shoulder to steady her.
‘It is the highest grade, yes. But I just need a few days on the drip and then I’ll be good as new. I’m sorry to have given you all a fright, but rejection happens, right? We all knew that.’
‘Yes, but you’re two years on now,’ Charlie said.
‘I know.’ Gabby held out her hand for him to take and he squeezed it for a moment, the mood in the room sombre. On a physical level, this episode of rejection was her body rejecting the heart. Only she knew it was triggered by the change in Evan’s vibration. His withdrawal had created a disturbance, and her body had panicked and did what it thought it should do. But it would settle, it would accept the new normal, and it would be all the stronger for it. This heart was hers now – truly hers – because Evan had given it to her.
‘Look, I know this is scary and it’s come as a shock to us all. But I have no doubt I’m going to get through this, okay?’
‘Of course you will,’ Monty said confidently. There were other murmurs of agreement and support, but she had the feeling they were offered because they were expected and not because they were believed. Pippa stormed into the room, interrupting them, her four children trailing behind her, and Gabby was suddenly reminded of mother opossums that amble around with litters of babies clinging to their backs.
‘Bloody hell, Gabby!’ Pippa said, cranky, as if Gabby had orchestrated this crisis herself. In a completely irrational moment, Gabby laughed.
‘Why are you laughing?’
‘I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you all,’ she said, then burst into tears.
Luciano arrived after dinner, after Gabby’s family had gone home and after he’d organised for his mamma to look after his kids. She heard his boots in the hall. He had a strong, even gait she’d come to recognise and it made her smile even before he turned the corner, carrying a cardboard carry tray with four cups of coffee.
‘I know it’s probably too late for coffee but I couldn’t think what else I could do,’ he said, placing them on the table next to her bed. She pressed the button on her bed control to raise herself to sitting, simultaneously pleased to see him and mortified that she must look like a wreck and that he was seeing her like this – as a sick person.
‘I brought you a long black, a Vienna, a mocha and a flat white.’
She inhaled the beautiful aroma, her mouth watering immediately. ‘You’re a star. The coffee here isn’t worth drinking.’
He murmured sympathetically, then tentatively leaned down to kiss her.
‘You taste like amaretti biscuits,’ she said.
He grinned. ‘My mamma baked them today.’ Then his face dropped. ‘I should have brought you some too.’
‘No, I’m not really up to food right now. But thank you.’
He pulled up the visitor’s chair and perched awkwardly on the edge. Even in her hazy state, she could see he looked good. His floppy fringe was hanging just the right
amount over his forehead, swept to the side with the smallest amount of product. He was in his usual attire of jeans, collared shirt and Blundstones, but this evening he wore a hint of some sort of musky cologne, which she suspected was for her benefit. The idea made her warm.
‘Which one would you like?’ he asked, gesturing to the coffees.
Gabby swept her hand through her messy hair. At least she had some pyjamas now that her family had brought her some supplies, and was not stuck in a shapeless and revealing hospital gown. Her head spun with the movement. She felt weak as a kitten.
‘Maybe the flat white,’ she said. ‘The Vienna sounds appealing in theory but I don’t think I could stomach the cream.’
Luciano’s dark eyes crinkled around the edges with concern. He lifted out the flat white and passed it to her.
‘Did you go into the cafe to make these on the way over?’
‘Of course. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it for you.’
She tasted it. ‘Damn, you do make a fine brew.’
‘Thank you,’ he said, and reached for the long black. He sipped slowly. ‘How are you feeling?’
She raised one shoulder and let it drop. ‘Not fabulous, to be honest. My temperature’s up, which is giving me aches and shivers on top of the nausea.’
‘I think you look beautiful,’ he said, huskily.
She looked up at him and smiled, embarrassed. ‘That’s very kind of you to say.’
‘It’s not kind,’ he growled, with a twinkle in his eye. ‘It’s bold and … disarming.’
She snorted with laughter. ‘Disarming? Have you been reading romance novels?’
‘I’m a complicated man.’
She scoffed. ‘I think I might have you beat at that game.’ Luciano watched her but didn’t say anything, so she ploughed on. ‘I think maybe this thing, whatever this is with us, it’s got no future, no legs.’
He put down his coffee and folded his arms.
‘I’m a bit … problematic,’ she said, trying to be truthful but not ashamed of her body and the difficulties of living with a heart transplant. She wasn’t a catch; she knew that. ‘Apparently, even more so than I realised, and that’s kind of the point. This journey is so unpredictable – and I know all relationships and all of life are totally, completely, utterly unpredictable,’ she said, rushing to halt a protest that Luciano seemed to be about to wedge into her speech, ‘but I think that’s even more reason why I need to keep some things stable and solid so my life isn’t entirely full of moving parts.’
The Gift of Life Page 31
