Echoes of the Past

by TJ Hamilton

  It was the usual deal, but still the quickest way to get approval. Jayden’s visitation requests were less frequently accepted than Hayden’s and could take days, or weeks, to get a response. Their main source of communication was via the phone Jayden had smuggled into prison. Their in-person visits were so infrequent that Hayden knew his brother would be edgy.

  Hayden watched the morning program on the TV in the waiting room. A guy he recognised from the last visit came out with his black labrador. They walked straight to Hayden and he tensed; he’d handled some of the pseudoephedrine only the day before. The dog happily sniffed its way around him, wagging his tail in delight, wanting to please his handler with a find. But he didn’t slow. Hayden gave the guy a smile hoping to pass it off as self-assured. The sniffer dog continued waving his nose in every direction, before cheerfully moving off in another direction. The handler acknowledged Hayden and nodded before making his way back to the double doors. Hayden began breathing normally again.

  Twenty painfully slow minutes later, the warden came back out to the shielded reception area. He pressed on the button, amplifying his voice through the speaker. ‘You’ve been approved for a boxed visit with your brother, Hayden,’ he said.

  A ‘boxed’ visit meant no contact, and he wasn’t surprised. The warden put a lanyard with keys attached to it into the drawer and slid it back through.

  ‘Put this on and lock your wallet, phone and any other personal items into the lockers behind you. I’ll meet you at the double doors to take you through to be screened.’

  Hayden pulled a packet of cigarettes, lighter, keys, wallet and a phone out of his pockets in two handfuls and dumped them into the locker. They’d all be checked while he was in the visitor’s room, but he couldn’t care less. The phone Hayden had on him was the one used to talk to his family around Echo Springs or in the city; he had a separate phone for everything else. He was becoming a regular drug dealer with multiple phones and he hated the world he was in.

  As he walked up to the door, it buzzed open towards him. After he was through, it clicked shut and the warden escorted him to the scanning area. He took his brown boots and socks off and put them on the conveyor belt to the X-ray and stepped into the scanner.

  ‘Arms at forty-five from your body and your legs shoulder width apart,’ the warden called out from behind another barrier, this time protecting him from the scanner. What was this machine doing to his sperm count every time he used it? All the little worries about this life Jayden had thrust upon them kept piling up.

  Once the hum of the scanner slowed, the warden called out, ‘You’re right to step out now, Mr Terrance.’

  He collected his shoes and socks from the end of the conveyor belt and slid them back on, bending down to pull on his boots.

  The inside of the correctional facility wasn’t dissimilar from the inside of a hospital ward—just with a harder edge. The prison wasn’t respected or looked after, like a hospital was. The walls were scuffed with black marks, possible signs of a struggle. Some of the windows had words scratched into the plastic. ‘FUCK PIGS’ and ‘DOGS DIE’ seemed to be the two favourite quotes.

  The warden stopped at a door with a small square window. A sign under the window read: ‘Private Room’. Hayden walked in and the door was shut and locked behind him. In front of him was a half-wall, the top half plexiglass, with a bench underneath it and a chair pushed up to the bench. The other side of the window had the same thing: bench and a square metal box fixed to the floor as a seat. Jayden hadn’t arrived yet so Hayden took a seat. He looked around, locating the camera. He hated being watched.

  Jayden’s familiar figure swaggered up to the window in front of him. Another, bigger, prison officer followed close behind him. Dressed in a green tracksuit, complete with white and green Volley tennis shoes, Jayden looked even more intimidating than he did on the outside. His hair was shaved tight against his head, enhancing the darkness in his eyes. He was pale, but whether due to emotions or lack of sunlight, Hayden couldn’t tell. Jayden chewed on a toothpick, a substitute for the cigarettes he was no longer entitled to smoke. The effect added to the thug look he had going on.

  ‘You have one hour. Everything you say will be recorded,’ the guard said, as Jayden sat on the metal box. The speaker on the side of the window picked up the sound from the other side of the thick protective glass.

  They stared at one another until the guard disappeared, studying in silence. Jayden’s deadpan look broke into a smirk. ‘You’re looking good, kid. You been on the gear or something?’

  ‘Why’s everybody saying that? Haven’t any of you pricks heard of hard work?’ Hayden spat back. ‘That’s right, you wouldn’t know hard work if it hit you in the face.’

  Jayden laughed.

  ‘So to what do I owe the pleasure?’

  ‘I’ve seen Leila,’ Hayden volunteered.

  ‘How’s she doing? Does she look hot in uniform?’ Jayden winked.

  ‘She’s doing pretty well.’ He paused. ‘I want to move back to Echo Springs.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And I really want to give things a proper go with her.’

  Jayden’s glare spoke loud and clear.

  ‘All for a girl? Didn’t think you had it in you, little brother.’

  ‘She’s not just any girl and you know it.’

  Jayden’s jaw clenched before he nodded and mulled the toothpick in his mouth around at the corner. He sighed loudly and moved in to lean against the metal bench below the window. ‘How’s that baby brother of ours doing? How’s Mum? I told her I wanted her to head back to the Springs. I could tell she missed the place.’

  ‘Yeah, she did. Leila’s really trying to help Brayden. She’s risking a lot to be his buddy in this Youth Justice Program. He’s staying out of trouble.’

  ‘She’ll be risking a lot if she gets involved with you. She won’t give up her job for you, Hayden. I don’t think you quite get how the world works. You’re two different people. You’ll never be together again.’

  ‘You don’t know shit. Plus, I don’t trust what I’ll do if I ever see her with someone else.’

  Jayden’s nostrils flared. ‘Is Ned still a useless drunk?’

  Hayden shrugged. ‘I haven’t seen him since I’ve been back. I almost don’t want to go ’round there … I wonder whether our folks would’ve ended up like that if dad was still around.’

  Jayden smirked. ‘I don’t know how Leila ended up so vanilla with parents like hers.’

  Hayden didn’t laugh, even if he agreed. ‘My future’s with Leila.’

  Jayden reached up to his toothpick and flicked it between a couple of his teeth, his cold stare not wavering.

  ‘Don’t know how well that’s going to go for you, mate? But it might be good for her to have someone to help her mess of a family.’ He tongued the toothpick. ‘I know a couple of blokes who might be able to help cure their disease.’

  Hayden held his breath, controlling the rage. ‘I’m going to do what I was doing in Sydney and start cooking classes for the kids of Echo Springs. It will help Mum get out of the supermarket, and start something for herself too.’

  ‘You’re not going to use any of Dad’s money for that are you, Martha Fucking Stewart?’

  Hayden pulled his shoulders back. He could feel the cameras on him from behind and it tempered the simmering fury inside. ‘I had a life before you came and destroyed it, so did Mum. I’m not letting you destroy whatever future the rest of your family has left. That’s where I draw the line. Time’s up, buddy.’

  Jayden tilted his head back, and Hayden couldn’t tell if he was preparing to run at the glass with full speed, like a lion in an enclosure. But Jayden physically steadied himself with a roll of the shoulders.

  ‘For fuck’s sake, you sound like Mum.’

  ‘Is that such a bad thing?’

  Hayden continued to stare at his brother, a snarl in his top lip. Jayden replied with an equally ferocious glare, a stare-off through the s
ecurity glass.

  ‘Fine! Fuck off to your picture-perfect life on the outside. I won’t be rotting in here, just remember that. I’ll be building my crew. So before you come crying back to me when it all blows up in your face, just remember this day.’

  Hayden got up from his chair, no longer in control of the vehemence inside him. He thrust his finger sharply, hitting the window in front of him.

  ‘It’s not my fault you got put in here. I owe you nothing, Jayden. I’m going to live my life with a mother who needs me, a girl who deserves me and a younger brother who craves an example like me.’ Hayden stared into the pit of Jayden’s dark eyes to remind him he would always be superior. He would never do the things that Jayden did, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of it, which made Hayden more of a threat.

  ‘I suggest you clear everything out of Echo Springs within a month or I’ll be calling in some of my own favours owed by old friends.’ Hayden knew this would pique Jayden’s interest.

  Hayden had helped tie up his dad’s loose ends after he died, and some of those ends were attached to heavy hitters in town, and they all respected the stoic young man in a time of turmoil—while Jayden had hidden from it, and word got around quick.

  Jayden shrugged. Hayden turned and knocked on the door behind him, signalling the end to their conversation. As the warden opened the door, Jayden spoke. ‘Hey,’ he said.

  Hayden stopped and turned to look at his criminal brother.

  ‘Dad always said you were the one who would make him proud.’

  They stared at each other for a minute.

  ‘Fuck you,’ Hayden said and stepped out of the visitor’s room.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Is he still here?’ Ben asked immediately, when Leila answered the knock at her front door.

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Obviously you’ve heard the town’s news? The boss already knows I was kissing Hayden on my doorstep last night. Now she’s made me pledge my allegiance with the Big Blue Gang, and everybody gets a say in who I can and can’t sleep with.’

  ‘Wait? What? You kissed him?’ Ben’s brow rose. ‘I was just joking. I didn’t actually think you would go there.’

  Leila looked around the empty street behind Ben and quickly pulled him inside. She shoved the door shut with the back of her bandaged hand.

  Ben sat on the brown couch to the left and Leila flopped onto the orange couch with a sigh. ‘I almost forgot what it was like to kiss him.’

  ‘And you’re happy about this because? Christ, Leila! You’re in serious trouble. Listen to how you talk about him after one damn kiss. If you screw him, you’re screwed!’

  Leila’s green eyes snapped to Ben. ‘Who said I was going to do that and why is this suddenly every other bastard’s business?’

  Ben tilted his head dramatically to the side as if he knew her game was up. Was she that obvious?

  ‘I’ve made a choice,’ she maintained. ‘I’m putting Hayden on ice and I’ll be focusing on the job. What else can I do? The Boss made her position very clear, and Coops already put in a formal complaint to have me removed from the program.’

  ‘You could always leave the force…’

  Her heart skipped a beat. ‘Are you serious? I couldn’t if I tried. I’ve worked too hard to get people in this town to take me seriously. I can’t give that up yet, I’m not finished.’

  Ben smiled. ‘Then it sounds like you’ve answered it for yourself. But you’re not going to leave the poor guy hanging forever, right?’

  She grinned. ‘If he runs, I’ll just have to go after him and drag him back to the Springs like a cave woman.’

  ‘If you’re sticking with the job, then I seriously don’t know how you’re going to keep yourself off him until you’re finished,’ Ben said, complete with quotation-mark fingers.

  ‘The job will be a distraction until that day comes.’

  Leila exited the conversation by standing up from the couch to walk to the kitchen. ‘Spritzer?’ she called out.

  ‘How long have you got before your hand heals and you’re back on operational duties?’

  ‘Couple of weeks. The boss wants me to go to the PCYC to work when I come back.’ Leila deflated a little, her shoulders slouching as she poured them both a drink.

  ‘You’d be great down there. You’ve done amazing things with Brayden. The Boss uses him as her poster boy to the board, you know, and you’re her star officer.’

  ‘Really?’ It was a risk for the superintendent to put her faith into a new Probationary Constable when Leila hadn’t proven herself yet.

  ‘I still want to be a lead on a big case before I retire, just so you know.’

  ‘I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world if you don’t solve a big case. Do you really want to end up like Sergeant Cooper, all cynical and one fatality away from full-blown PTSD?’

  She chuckled and handed Ben’s drink to him, holding hers out ready for a salute.

  ‘Cheers,’ she said. ‘Here’s to living to serve and fighting for love … eventually.’

  She clinked their glasses together and knocked back the contents.

  ‘I don’t exactly see you fighting for your love right now, just so you know,’ Ben added a moment later.

  ‘I am fighting … fighting to stay away.’

  ***

  Leila added baked fig with honey and ricotta to her extra-special grazing board. Going the extra mile for her mum’s gathering was not so much about impressing everyone but showing them that they could all be better people if they just tried a little harder at life. Cath had tried, stayed off the sauce for a few years, giving Leila a slim shot at a normal life, but with Ned’s drinking only getting worse, she’d fallen off the wagon and stayed off.

  Leila placed the large, round bamboo tray full of cheese and savoury goods carefully in the front seat of her blue Ford Focus. Driving over to her parents’ house, she took deep breaths, digging for strength within. She counted while she breathed; five, four, three-with-a-pause, two and one. Tonight would be the perfect test to see how she would go being around Hayden without jumping straight into his arms.

  Hayden was standing in her parents’ driveway when she pulled in, casually smoking a cigarette. She hated smoking, but Hayden made everything sexy. He butted out his cigarette into an ashtray and exhaled smoke, his lips puffing perfect rings into the air between them, before walking towards the car. Leila’s hand had started to ache, and she let him open her door for her. ‘Hi,’ she said instead of a thank you, and walked around to the other side of the car. Hayden smiled and shook his head.

  ‘Do you need help to bring anything in?’

  ‘I’ve got a bandaged hand, Hayden, I’m not an invalid.’

  ‘Is it still PC to call someone an invalid? Isn’t disabled the correct term?’ Hayden said as Leila opened the car door, reaching in to grab the platter.

  She ignored his gibe and composed herself long enough to steady the platter in both hands, her bandaged hand acting as the balancer underneath.

  ‘Wow, that’s an impressive-looking platter. Mum was right. You definitely give my culinary skills a run for their money.’

  ‘It’s not exactly cooking, it’s all about placement and presentation.’ She smiled up at him.

  He watched her walk up the two steps of the front veranda to the cream-coloured weatherboard house. ‘I can see that.’

  As she got to the front door, Hayden reached around her, quickly opening the door. His hand knocked clumsily against her elbow and the entire platter tilted on the balanced hand underneath. As she felt the platter tilt, she took two steps forward to balance it back again. Miraculously she didn’t drop it, and she blew out a sigh of relief.

  ‘Shit! Sorry, Lah Lah.’

  ‘You big shit!’ she said. ‘You’re so bulky, you hardly know how to move your own body properly.’

  He laughed. ‘I wouldn’t want to jeopardise that platter-thing, so I’ll just wait right here.’

  She relaxed a li
ttle. ‘Is it too much?’

  ‘Definitely!’ Hayden chuckled. ‘Your dad’s not going to have a clue what any of that is. Not that he’d have a clue anyway. He’s already rotten drunk and singing in the back yard. That’s why I came out the front for a smoke. I don’t even think he’ll make it through to food being served.’

  She breathed in, trapping her emotions inside as much as possible. It had been a long time since she had to deal with her parents and their addiction, so she wasn’t sure how to react.

  Hayden reached out gently, wrapping his strong fingers around the top of her arm. ‘Remember, my old man would’ve been out there with him. And the only reason Mum’s not, is because Dad died.’

  Her eyes shot straight to him. Why was he being so forthright about his family all of a sudden?

  ‘I just wasn’t expecting Dad to already be at the train-wreck stage. I thought I’d get here before that happened.’

  ‘I’ll get the door for you, shall I?’

  She nodded, finally accepting the offer and he opened the door, holding it wide for her. The front room of the house stretched the entire width, featuring the lounge and dining rooms, and a small kitchen. The carpet, a bold brown floral pattern from the seventies, reminded her of the hours spent dancing on it when they were kids, while her parents partied in the back yard. As a high-functioning alcoholic, Cath always managed to keep the house clean. Even with all the pain and anger associated with her parents, Leila still felt comfort when she walked into these rooms. Cath and Sue were at the dining table as Leila walked into the room. They both beamed with joy when they saw her.

  ‘Poss!’ Her mum called out. ‘Wow! That looks beaut, love. Here, do you want me to take it for you?’

  Leila pulled the platter towards herself, shaking her head aggressively. ‘It’s okay, Mum, I’ve got it.’

  ‘Well come over and put it on the counter … Get in here, Ned! Poss’s home,’ she called loudly.