by Liz Botts
“You must call her Lady Felicity, my dear. No, your new nurse shall be here in a fortnight.”
“Papa? May I ask Fl… Lady Felicity a question?” Kate folded her hands neatly in her lap.
“If it is all right with the lady.” Graham raised an eyebrow at me.
“Certainly.” I took a small bite of bread.
“Are you here to be my new mother?”
The bread lodged in my throat and I began to cough. As I took a sip of my wine, I looked from father to daughter. I swore I saw the ghost of a smile cross Graham’s face as he chastised the little girl for her impudence.
Chapter Fourteen
The needlepoint sagged in my hand as I twisted the needle idly between my fingers, and my mind drifted to a different place. Spending time with Kate and Graham had been a dream come true these past few days. Nothing seemed out of the realm of possibility. The fact that Graham always seemed to be restraining himself when I was in the vicinity gave me hope that he felt more for me than he let on. Kate was simply delightful, and though I hadn’t spent much time with children, I knew she was a rare gem.
I longed to go out walking. Mrs. Franklin insisted the day was too wet for my weakened constitution, but now the sun was parting the clouds. The tiny water droplets clinging to the last leaves of the season sparkled like diamonds. Mama had always insisted fresh air was good for the lungs and the soul. I needed something to boost my spirits because even though I currently had nearly everything I longed for, the persistent thought that the dream would end soon hounded me.
After a few more minutes of debate, I set aside my project, stood, and stretched. I took my new shawl from the back of the chair. When Mrs. Franklin had seen that I didn’t have one, she made one materialize in a matter of minutes. The thick wool cocooned me in warmth as I wrapped it around my shoulders.
With a brisk wind whipping around me, I stepped out a side door into the sun. The weather reminded me of November in the woods, though the forested areas on Graham’s property were all plotted and planned. A cobblestone path wove through trees I did not know and could not name, but the feeling of walking among them gave me the same comfort I had found at home. I could almost imagine James hiding behind a tree, waiting to pelt me with nuts, or Mama coming around a corner with a basketful of herbs she wanted to store for winter.
I was so lost in my thoughts that a sudden flash of crimson on the path ahead of me caused me to cry out in surprise. As my heart hammered in my chest, the blood pulsing in my ears, a peal of laughter rang out through the air. Leaning against a tree, I waited for my breath and my thoughts to slow.
“Papa, Flissity is outside! May we invite her to play with us?” Kate popped out from behind a tree, her impish face twisted into a grin.
“Kate. You gave me a fright.” I choked out a laugh, not wanting to admit more fear than I had to.
“Lady Felicity, good day.” Graham caught up to his daughter and favored me with a small smile. One corner of his mouth tilted up to the point that he almost looked boyish.
My heart rate sped up again for a very different reason. “Good day.”
“Would you care to join us for a ramble in the woods?” This time a true smile lit up Graham’s face as he gestured to the path ahead of us.
“Certainly,” I replied. “I had hoped a bit of fresh air would be quite refreshing. I think company would do my soul a world of good.”
We started walking in the direction I had originally been going, Graham by my side and Kate running ahead. The few birds that would winter in the woods called to one another as we walked along the sun-dappled path. Each step felt blessedly idyllic, and I fought to control my desire to get lost in fantasy. I had to keep a level head, though the past few months had certainly sent me in all sorts of directions I had never expected.
“She’s a lovely child,” I said as Kate took off down the path in front of us.
“Thank you.” Graham smiled fondly at his daughter in a way that made my heart ache. After a pause, he said, “I always worry about her when I am away. That perhaps she will not remember me when I return from sea. She’s still so young, but when I come home the time we’ve been apart simply melts away as if I haven’t been gone at all.”
“I don’t think a child can forget her father even if he’s gone for a very long time.” I heard the wistfulness in my voice. Father seemed a lifetime away right now, but I knew my words could not have held any more truth. If he had walked out from the woods at that very moment, I would have thrown my arms around him. No time would have passed.
Graham touched my elbow, and we stopped on the path. When I looked up into his eyes, I saw a depth of emotion that took my breath away. Just as quickly as I saw it, Graham’s eyes shuttered. Again he shook his head, and motioned toward the path. We continued on, but as I walked I was acutely aware of his presence.
“Papa! Look what I found!” Kate barreled back around the corner with something cupped in her hands.
Graham knelt down on the path beside her. The little girl unfurled her fingers to reveal a small purple flower. She held it reverently, almost as if she was afraid to breathe on it for fear it would disappear.
“The last flower of autumn. You know what Mama always said about that?” Her words were punctuated with tiny gasps of excitement. Then she swung her shiny-eyed gaze to me. “She said that if you found the last flower, something magical was going to happen. And I found it!”
I smiled and reached out to smooth down the little girl’s hair. “That’s wonderful, darling.”
Kate beamed as she tucked her treasure carefully into a pocket tied around her waist. When she skipped off down the path again, I turned to Graham with a heart full of questions.
He must have seen the quizzical look on my face because he said, “Mrs. Franklin makes sure Kate knows all about her mother. I would be lost without that woman. I’m not good with the small details.”
When we returned to the house, I sought out Mrs. Franklin in the kitchen. The older woman wiped her hands on her apron, but didn’t look surprised to see me. “What can I do for you, my dear? I hope you are feeling better this fine day. The weather cleared nicely, didn’t it?”
“I’m feeling much better. I wondered what you could tell me about Kate’s mother. Gr— Lord Blessington mentioned some things about her on our sea voyage, but now that I am a guest here, I feel awkward asking him any more questions. I mean, I know it’s not my place to pry. I just don’t want to step over any bounds with Kate now that I am spending more time with her. He told me that she — that she died in childbirth.”
Mrs. Franklin studied me for a long moment before nodding abruptly. I worried that I had offended her. Then she sighed, and I could hear the emotion behind the outward demeanor.
“I raised Kate’s mother. From the time she was a little girl. I followed her here after she married Lord Blessington. When Kate was born, the two of them were so happy. The lord gave up sea travel for a while. The lady doted on that baby. She knew her life had been fulfilled when she had a child, and everything seemed to be going so perfectly. Then one day a dark cloud descended over her. She couldn’t get out of bed some days. Lord Blessington tried his best to help her, so he suggested that she start spending time outdoors.” Mrs. Franklin heaved another sigh. I could feel the palpable sadness emanating from her. Grief seemed to be a universal language, and if one had experienced it, one could speak it with others.
“It never gets easier, does it? The feeling of a hole left by the person you loved?” I asked the questions softly, almost to myself, but Mrs. Franklin offered me a misty smile and a pat on the arm.
“As the days went by, the lady did not seem to get better, but the lord had hope that she would turn a corner. No one knows how she caught the illness, but in her weakened state, I can’t say anyone was surprised. The fever swept through her in a matter of days, and… Lord Blessington returned to sea almost immediately. A nurse was hired, and that has been life these past few years.” Mrs. Fra
nklin wiped tears from her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned back to a large simmering pot on the stove.
I clasped my hands together, overwhelmed by the enormity of the information that had been entrusted to me. “Thank you.”
****
Knowing what had happened to Kate’s mother made me feel all the more tender toward the little girl, so a few days later when she sought me out in the parlor where I was doing my needlework, my heart leapt with joy.
“Flissity, would you come outside with me? I want to go down to the stables to see my pony, but Mrs. Franklin says I must not go alone.” Kate leaned against the ottoman and propped her hands underneath her chin.
“You certainly shouldn’t go without a companion. I would very much like to go to the stable with you and meet your pony.” I laid my embroidery aside.
We wrapped ourselves up in shawls and set off toward the stables and carriage house. Despite my nearly daily rambles around the property, I had not been down to see the horses yet. Kate took my hand. Our fingers curled around each other’s, and the feeling of protection burned through me like a forest fire. It was time to stop pretending. I wanted to be a part of this child’s life and her father’s. In my heart I had known for a long time, perhaps since the moment I had fainted into his arms, that I loved Graham.
Giddy from the admission, I fairly danced down the path with the little girl. When we reached the long low building, the sweet smell of hay reached me before we entered, and I quickened my steps so we could see the animals faster. The horses nickered when they caught sight of us. Kate squealed with delight as she pulled me down the long row of stalls. Despite the fast clip of our pace, I counted five good-sized horses. Then on the end we reached Kate’s pony.
The light brown of his coat shone in the dim light, seeming to glow. He looked up at us with his big brown eyes. Kate reached into the pocket tied around her waist and pulled out a chunk of potato. She flattened her hands so the pony could get the morsel.
“I named him Mama,” Kate said. “I got him when I was very small.”
“Well, Mama is a beautiful pony.” I reached out to stroke a finger over his forelock.
“I’m going to get him another piece of potato. We keep a bag down there.” She was off and running before I could question her.
“Mama, you seem like a nice fellow. Tell me, what does it take to become part of this family?” The pony whinnied softly and shook his head as if to say he wished he could help me, but I had to figure it out for myself.
A scream pierced the air. “Kate!”
I lifted my skirts and ran. The pounding of my boots echoed through the small space, making the horses dance and shuffle away from my frenzy. When I got to the door of the stable, I looked frantically left, then right. I didn’t see Kate anywhere. Blood pulsed in my ears, making it hard to hear anything, but then another scream burst forth.
Rounding the corner of the stable, I froze. Kate was backed against the slat-board wall, her eyes round with terror. Several feet away stood a snarling beast, crouched as if ready to pounce. From the shape of its head, I knew the creature was a dog, some sort of hound, but my mind screamed that it was a wolf. The only time I had seen a wolf in the woods surrounding our home, James had shot it before it could do any harm to us or our livestock.
Instinct took hold of me, and all I knew was that I needed to save Kate. Speaking as softly and soothingly as I could, I said, “It’s all right, Kate. Just stay still. Don’t make any noise, and don’t move. I’m going to scare the dog away.”
A quick look around the stable yard showed me nothing I could use, but then my gaze lit upon a shovel propped against a nearby fence. Moving as slowly as I could without standing still, I edged my way toward the instrument. The rough wood of the handle chafed my palm as I curled my fingers through the opening.
“Hello, there, mister dog. Please leave my little friend alone. I would very much appreciate it if you would stop growling and back away. Back far away.” As I spoke, I inched forward, holding onto the shovel, readying myself to take a swing at the animal should it lunge at either Kate or me.
At the sound of my voice, the hound turned his attention in my direction. Baring his teeth, he uttered another low, menacing growl that would have sent me running under different circumstances. Though I couldn’t look at her, Kate’s sniffles kept me focused on the matter at hand. A cold breath of wind whispered along my neck, cooling the sweat that had broken out there. I shivered.
The dog swung his head back and forth, keeping his eyes on both Kate and me. Would he attack? I tried to remember all the facts James had taught me about aggressive animals, but my mind came up blank. Moving Kate away from the situation was the only priority I could focus on.
I edged closer to the little girl, putting myself between her and the dog, and the shovel between me and the dog. Somehow the metal made me feel safer. After warning Kate to stay behind me, I took a step toward the dog, driving the shovel into the ground in front of me as I moved. The dog seemed startled by my sudden aggression. He backed up several paces, but continued to growl.
A light rain misted down on us, tiny rivulets of water running down my face, but I didn’t dare reach up to wipe it away. Every fiber of my being needed to focus on getting the hound away from us. Another step forward sent the dog moving back.
“Shoo! Get away!” I made my voice as loud as I dared, hoping I sounded menacing. The dog snarled, but when I slammed the shovel into the ground again it let out a yelp. It turned suddenly, darting away toward the thicket of trees behind the stables. I held my breath as I waited to see if the hound would come back. When it didn’t, I turned around, grabbed Kate’s hand, and tugged her back into the stable.
I sank down to my knees on the dusty brick floor, feeling my stomach quivering and tears forming in my eyes. With a deep breath, I pulled Kate into my arms, wrapping my shawl around the two of us. The little girl trembled and sobbed silently. As we calmed down, I tried to think of something to say to comfort her.
“We’re safe now,” I said.
“I thought Mama would save me. Mrs. Franklin says she’s always watching over me, but nothing happened until you came.” Kate sniffled again. “Sometimes I get so mad at her for being gone. Why did she leave?”
How could one so young be so wise? I hadn’t even let myself feel the anger that simmered in my heart about losing my mother. Tears welled in my eyes, and I let them slip down my cheeks as I hugged Kate tighter. Together we cried hot tears of anger and grief until there were no more tears to cry and the rush of the encounter with the dog had subsided.
“Come on, sweet girl, we should get back to the house. I’m surprised no one has come looking for us yet.” Just as I spoke the words, the stable door opened, sending gray light streaming across the floor. Instinctively I wrapped Kate tighter in my shawl, just in case the dog was coming back.
“Where on earth have the two of you been?”
“Oh, Papa!” Kate disentangled herself from my arms and ran to Graham. “Flissity saved me from a dog. Papa, he was going to attack me!”
Graham picked his daughter up and gave her a fierce hug. Over her shoulder, he raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged as I stood. There was nothing I could say; the words all stuck in my throat. I knew I looked a mess. My dress was wet and dirty from the dust and hay. I could feel the puffiness around my eyes from crying. What must Graham think when looking at me?
“There was a hound. He was vicious, Lord Blessington. I drove him away, but we… we were both badly frightened.” I looked down at my feet and brushed some dirt off my skirt.
“Thank you.” Graham had stepped close to me, so his voice was close enough I could hear the rough, raw emotion behind his whispered words. A moment later he wrapped an arm around me, drawing me into his embrace. Kate, who was still in his arms, threw herself at me in a hug. I welcomed the warmth of the two of them. Graham pressed his lips to my temple, and a shiver raced along my spine. Everything I wanted suddenly seemed withi
n reach.
Chapter Fifteen
“There’s a rider coming up the lane!” Kate’s enthusiastic voice bounced around the parlor as she scurried in.
I looked up from my needlepoint, which was taking an excruciatingly long time to finish. Just as I finally thought I had made some progress, I would find a dropped stitch and have to pull out rows upon rows of work.
“Is that unusual?” Though I had been here for weeks, I still hadn’t gotten a feel for how things worked around here.
Kate twirled around the room, giggling. “It’s exciting. I love when we get visitors.”
With an indulgent smile, I watched her for another moment before beckoning her over to me. She hadn’t answered my question, but I got the gist of what I wanted to know. Graham’s estate was both secluded and peaceful. Other than the dog, which we had not seen again, things were serene. A visitor would have broken the monotony for a small child.
“Lady Felicity, there seems to be a letter here for you.” The butler appeared at the parlor door with a battered-looking package resting on a polished silver platter. The contrast was striking in a way that made me strangely sad.
My heart leapt into my throat, beating erratically as thousands of thoughts flew through my mind. I had been waiting for a letter from Father; could this be it? Almost reluctantly, I reached out a hand. At the first contact with the paper, I felt an overwhelming dread that this letter would tell me things I did not want to know.
Mrs. Franklin patted my arm before she left the room. I stared at the paper, willing the message to come to me without my having to open the letter.
“I saw the rider on the lane.” Graham burst into the parlor, and the atmosphere in the room changed. In an instant, the excitement over the unexpected visitor dissipated, leaving anticipation and anxiousness. “Is it…?”
I licked my dry lips. The lump in my throat grew until I could hardly breathe. With a shaky hand, I held out the letter and nodded. “Would you read it aloud, please? I don’t think I can bear to look at the words.”
