Wolf Moon

by A. D. Ryan

  “Stop! Stop!” I cried out between fits of laughter. I had to admit, while the last week had been pretty horrible, it was nice to be able to laugh and forget. Even if it was only for a minute. “Please!” I begged, breathless, as tears of laughter rolled down the sides of my face. I tried moving my legs to throw him off me, and while they were definitely stronger, they were no match for him. “Nick…I…I can’t breathe!”

  Laughing himself, Nick slowly released my arms, and I tried to catch my breath as I brushed my tears away. My abdomen was sore from laughing and struggling, and my heart was racing. “You’re a jerk,” I teased, smacking his chest. He caught my wrist, gave me a warning look, and leaned over me until we were nose to nose. My body temperature spiked and desire bloomed in my belly, tendrils of it slithering beneath my skin. My grief was momentarily lost in the fog that now rolled around in my head.

  The air in the room suddenly shifted. Gone was the playful mood, and in its place was a fast-growing hunger. Biting my lower lip, I let my hand linger on his chest, feeling how fast his heart was beating. My thumb moved back and forth of its own volition before my fingers joined in, tracing each of the scars on his chest. His breath shuddered as he released my wrist, and my fingers moved from one scar to the next. He looked uneasy, but he really shouldn’t have been. These were a part of who he was now, just as the scars on my left shoulder were a part of who I had become—even if I had tried to fight it tooth and nail in the beginning.

  I moved my hand down his body, finding more scars on his abdomen. I wanted to know the stories behind every single one of them, because I strongly believed it might bring us closer. When my hand fell to the one on his right hip that barely peeked out above the waist of his pants, he hopped off the bed so fast my head spun. I could hear his heartbeat flutter nervously as he grabbed one of his T-shirts and pulled it on.

  “I think I smell breakfast,” he announced. “Maybe we should go eat.”

  I propped myself up on my elbows, confused about what just happened. Had I done something wrong? Or could his behavior have something to do with what happened last night?

  Before I could ask, he disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. I heard the water turn on as he brushed his teeth. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that there was a reason behind his strange reaction, but I decided to let him tell me when he was ready. No sense pushing. He’d had a pretty rough night, so it was the least I could do after everything he’d done for me lately.

  Even if the curiosity was maddening.

  I got up and made the bed before knocking on the bathroom door. He pulled it open, smiling when he saw me. “Do you think I have time to try out your amazing-looking shower?”

  Smirking, Nick nodded toward it. “What? That old thing?”

  I pulled a towel off the well-stocked shelf behind the door and laughed. “Yeah. That.”

  “Sure. I’ll grab some clothes and have one after you.”

  “Sounds good,” I said, practically pushing him out the door as the shower called my name. “I’ll be right out.”

  After closing the door, I looked in the mirror and was horrified to see what a mess my hair was. My long copper locks were a tangle of waves with stray strands sticking up every which way. I couldn’t believe Nick didn’t tell me how awful I looked. Silently cursing him, I ran a comb through it before brushing my teeth, and then I stripped down and stepped into the huge shower. I contemplated using the waterfall head, but ultimately decided to hold off since Nick wanted to shower too, and I couldn’t promise that wouldn’t keep me in here longer.

  I turned on the regular shower head, and it was like heaven. The water pressure was strong, and as strange as it sounded, the water smelled cleaner than any water I’d ever bathed in before. It was odd, but I also noticed a difference in the air quality up here too, so maybe the two were connected.

  I let the hot water wash over me as the entire bathroom slowly filled with a thick blanket of fog. The pressure behind the water did what it could to work out every knot of tension in my shoulders. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe the waterfall showerhead would’ve guaranteed a shorter shower, because this was like heaven. I hadn’t even realized how tense I was until now. It was possible it was the impending full moon, or maybe it was the long trip from Arizona, last night’s events…or a culmination of all three.

  The tension wasn’t concentrated to just my shoulders, though. It was how I felt before last month’s full moon, and while it wasn’t nearly as intense, the rest of my body was definitely feeling stiff and in need of some kind of release. I could tell it would only get worse as the days went by.

  When I was done, I wrapped my towel around my body. I wasn’t sure what they used when doing laundry, but this was quite possibly the softest thing I’d ever put against my skin. I opened the door to find Nick staring out the window. It didn’t take him long to sense me staring, and he turned around with a big goofy grin on his face.

  “You know, if you keep prancing around in towels with your skin all wet and glowing, I can’t be held accountable for what the wolf does.”

  Rolling my eyes, I headed to my dresser and grabbed a pair of light-wash skinny jeans and a black v-neck sweater. “Down boy. Don’t make me muzzle you.”

  Chuckling, Nick headed for the bathroom, stopping once he reached me. He wasn’t even touching me, but I could feel him on every inch of my skin. The heat of his body melted into mine, his breath tickled when it hit the exposed wet skin of my shoulder. I forced myself to remain still, even though everything inside me wanted to do the opposite.

  I jumped when he pushed my hair over my shoulder and ran his finger down the exposed length of my back. He released a humored breath when goosebumps popped up in response. The tingle traveled down my body until my knees threatened to buckle.

  “Nick,” I said, my voice low and raspy. “You should go get ready.”

  He cleared his throat, and the fog of lust began to lift, though the intoxicating scent of our mutual arousal still lingered. “I’ll be right out.”

  While Nick showered, I started getting dressed before realizing I forgot to brush my hair after my shower. I waited a couple of minutes, thinking Nick wouldn’t take much longer, but when ten minutes passed, I decided to see if I could just slip in.

  I approached the door and knocked lightly. When I heard his muffled response, I opened the door slowly, avoiding the shower on the right and bee-lining for the vanity where I left my brush. Even though the mirror was slightly fogged up, I noticed Nick directly behind me, his back to me as the waterfall showerhead rained down on his back and shoulders.

  I tried not to stare since his entire backside was exposed through the open-concept shower entrance, but I couldn’t help myself. The muscles in his back and lower body were all taught, his left hand flat against the tile wall as the water poured over his neck and back, and his right hand was out of view as he…

  “Oh,” I exhaled breathlessly, dropping my eyes and grabbing my brush. My face burned with embarrassment from having just intruded on a very private moment. What was worse, I couldn’t just escape unnoticed. Not after voicing my surprise aloud. I glanced up just as Nick turned around, his water-darkened hair whipping across his alarm-stricken face.

  Keep your eyes on his. Keep your eyes on his, I mentally willed myself.

  I held his gaze through the mirror, forcing myself to remain still. His eyes were dark and stormy, his hair falling over his forehead and dripping down his face and neck as the showerhead continued to pour behind him. My resolve wavered and my knees threatened to buckle.

  “Sorry,” I managed to mumble. “I thought you…that is, I knocked, and I thought you…”

  He approached the edge of the shower slowly, like a predator stalking its prey, and my eyes rebelled against my brain and better judgment for just a second to find him standing at full attention. I inhaled a shaky breath and licked my lips; he was as glorious as I remembered.

  He put his hands on each
side of the entrance and looked to be struggling to stop there…he wasn’t the only one; I was too. I looked away, choosing to focus on my hands. My body ached for him, and I gripped the edge of the sink to keep my hands from shaking as I tried to remind myself why this wasn’t a good idea. I was still grieving; I shouldn’t have even been entertaining such thoughts.

  That was when Jackson’s words played over again in my head. “The pain never stops, Brooke. You’ll never forget those you lost, but you have to remember the good times you shared instead of how they died. And while the grief you feel is very, excruciatingly real, they’re gone. It’s not an insult to their memory to seek solace in the arms of an old lover. It’s an insult to not go on with your life.”

  Something about what he’d said made so much sense, but I still fought the urge to lose myself in Nick’s arms.

  Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore the pull he had over me. I took several deep breaths, gasping when I felt his presence right behind me. His heat radiated off of him, seeping deep into my skin until my entire body throbbed with desire.

  “Brooke…” His voice was low and gravelly, my name slipping past his lips and rolling over me like warm honey.

  I looked up and met his eyes in the mirror once more, and that was all it took to bring my guard down. I exhaled heavily, every ounce of my resolution going with it.

  Before I could let uncertainty get in my way again, I turned and let Nick pull me into his arms. The carnal intensity in his eyes entranced me as the fingers of his right hand threaded deep into my damp hair. I sighed as he tilted my face upward and kissed me hard. The force of the kiss was so wild and fierce, it made my toes curl and stoked the embers of desire in the depths of my belly.

  My skin tingled and blazed with warmth as I arched my body toward his and released a soft moan against his lips. He slipped his free hand between us and yanked open my jeans. My pulse quickened when he thrust his hand behind the denim, and he groaned when he realized just how turned on I was already. I frantically shimmied out of my pants as he pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it to the bathroom floor. Our desperation escalated until it was an unstoppable force. Nothing could slow us down at this point.

  Kissing me, and with his one hand still tangled in my hair and pulling it lightly, his left hand pressed into the small of my back as he stepped back into the shower. He lifted me over the small tile riser and pressed me against the wall beneath the falling water.

  The tile was cold against my back, forcing me impossibly closer to him, but the water was warm as it poured over our bodies. We were pressed so tightly together that I could feel his temperature soar and his heart beat as we lost ourselves in the moment. Breathing heavily, Nick kissed a trail along my jaw, gently biting every couple of inches. Goosebumps covered my skin as he made his way down my neck and over my collarbone.

  “Nick,” I moaned as his hands cupped my breasts, fingers curling beneath the wet fabric of my bra. With one sharp tug, he tore it down the middle and groaned as he dragged his tongue down between the valley of my breasts. My body quivered a little more noticeably, reveling in the way he made me feel, and I could feel his lips turn up into a cocky smile against my belly.

  Zealously, I thrust my fingers into his hair when he continued his path down my body. He looped his fingers into the sides of the lace thong I wore and inched it down my water-slickened thighs at an agonizingly slow pace. His nails scratched my skin on their descent, and I whimpered when his mouth followed the trail. Desire swelled in my belly, settling heavily between my legs, and I pressed them together to help ease my suffering a little.

  Heavy-lidded, I glanced down to find Nick looking up at me. His eyes were dark, excited, and my breathing picked up as a fresh surge of desire shot through my veins.

  Nick stood abruptly, capturing my lips in another searing kiss. My lips throbbed against his, but I only kissed him harder. I was ravenous, and my urges proved unquenchable. He must have felt the same way, because his hands gripped my thighs, and he lifted me hastily. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed his hips forward, entering me swiftly, and pleasure sizzled through my veins.

  “Oh, god,” he groaned, his fingers curling into the backs of my thighs as our hips undulated beneath the steady flow of water from the shower.

  His eyes held mine, and I could feel the emotion behind them. This wasn’t just familiarity coursing between us that caused this; what we were experiencing was true and passionate. The connection Nick and I shared was deep and intense—it always had been. It wasn’t unusual for us to forget the rest of the world whenever we were together; it was a compulsion that could never be satiated. Not even when we were mere humans.

  Our primal, animalistic urges only seemed to amplify as we pawed at each other and worked fervently to attain release. The tension from the impending full moon was redirected as pressure continued to build in my lower belly, tightening like a coil. When it became too much, I bit my lower lip to contain my cries.

  Nick shook his head, lifting a hand to brush the wet hair from my face. “Don’t hold back,” he urged, his words punctuated by his movements. He leaned forward, resting his cheek against mine until his lips grazed the shell of my ear. “Let it out.”

  The deep tenor of his voice vibrated through me, right down to my bones. It set my nerves on fire, the flames licking across my skin like I’d been doused in gasoline, and I pressed my face into his shoulder and let go. I cried out in pleasure as my arms and legs tightened around him. Waves of ecstasy crashed through me, and Nick shuddered in my arms as he coaxed my face from his shoulder and kissed me softly. I welcomed his affection, stroking his cheek and letting my lips soften against his. The gesture was gentle and loving, but the way his thumb stroked my cheek reminded me of David and triggered an avalanche of repressed emotions.

  The last thing I expected was to have a panic attack.

  At first I couldn’t pinpoint where this sudden turn in my emotions had come from, but as the fog of lust cleared, the weight of my grief and guilt bore down on me until it was all I could focus on. It crushed me, and I momentarily struggled to breathe.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized, pulling back and hiding my face in my hands. I could feel Nick’s concern thicken the air, cutting through the lingering lust, before he voiced it.

  “Hey,” he soothed, reaching out and gently taking my hands in his and coaxing them away from my face. “Honey, you’re scaring me. What is it?”

  He was being so sweet, and I hoped he would understand what I was going through. My biggest fear was that he wouldn’t.

  When I met his eyes, I knew he’d figured it out, and he looked horrified. “It was too soon,” he whispered. “You weren’t ready.”

  My chin quivered. “I thought I was… I really did.” He seemed crushed, the deep lines of worry in his forehead giving it away. “I don’t…I don’t regret it,” I stammered. While I didn’t sound absolutely sure in my conviction, it didn’t feel like a lie, either; I fully accepted that I had wanted it as much as he did. What I hadn’t anticipated was what would happen after the moment had passed. I had no idea that by forgetting my grief for even a few minutes, that I would feel the weight of it on my heart tenfold. It ripped open the sucking chest wound I’d worked so hard to patch up these last couple weeks, and I found it hard to hold myself together.

  “What can I do to help you through this?” he asked, sounding genuinely concerned. He kissed my forehead.

  I sighed as his lips touched my forehead. “Just…don’t give up on me.”

  Nick pulled me into his arms, our naked bodies pressed together innocently. “Never. Take all the time you need. I’m sorry I pushed.”

  “You didn’t,” I assured him, nuzzling his chest just a little bit more. “It’s me. I’ve just got so much going on.”

  Nick kissed the top of my head. “I know, but I should have respected that. Instead, I let my urges get the best of me.”

  Smiling, I looked up at him. “It wasn’t just yo
u,” I confessed. “I wanted you just as badly. I was beyond reason.”

  Nick ran his hands over my hair and cupped my face. “Why don’t we talk about this a little later? When we’re both not so”—he glanced down at our bodies and smirked—“exposed.”

  His slight unease lightened the air in the room, and I laughed softly. “Okay,” I agreed. “I’m just going to get redressed and comb my hair. I’ll meet you downstairs?”

  Smiling, he nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

  I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me, but before I did anything else, I leaned against the door and exhaled a breath of relief. I counted to ten, waiting until my heart had slowed back to its regular pace, then got ready.

  While I pulled on my jeans and sweater, I thought about what had happened, and why it might have escalated the way it did. I concluded that, over the last couple days, I’d had moments of weakness, but they were nothing like this. Something else had to be fuelling my desires.

  We were both aware of how much closer we’d gotten lately, but I absolutely wasn’t ready to move on—that much was made clear by my little break down a moment ago. It had only been two weeks since David’s death, but, even after seven years apart, it was just so easy to pick up where Nick and I left off. I sometimes forgot we were ever even apart.

  Were my feelings for him even real? I chastised myself for even wondering. Of course they were—without a doubt—but was it just that old familiarity that made me feel this way, or was it something else? Something deeper? Was it the solace I’d been seeking that made me take that step? I couldn’t deny that there were times I just wanted to forget everything and bury myself in something that made me feel good instead of the constant sadness and guilt.

  Remembering how passionate and intense the sex was, I wondered if it was a wolf thing. Nick even admitted that he had a habit of getting a little agitated after a shift. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that could very well be what happened. I seemed to have a tendency to block out all rationality when the wolf’s urges took over, and I recalled feeling particularly on edge about a month ago.