Wolf Moon
Page 19
Relieved, I turned and offered my assistance to Layla. When I pulled the dish of bacon and sausage out and headed for the kitchen island, I noticed Miranda making up a plate. Confused, I watched as she set it down and reached for a vile in front of her. She pulled the eyedropper out and put several drops from it on the eggs.
The plate was for Karl, and that stuff she was dosing his food with was silver nitrate. Even from several feet away, the invisible fumes rolling off of it stung my nostrils.
Her eyes met mine as she screwed the cap back on and set it down, then they moved past me as Nick entered the room.
“Nick, do you want to ask Marcus to deliver this?” she asked, eyes darting to mine and then back to him.
“I can take it,” he offered, a little more venom in his tone than I expected. Nick stepped forward and looked down at the plate of food, giving it a tentative sniff before shuddering. “Are you sure that’s enough?” he asked, snatching the vile up.
Miranda glowered and grabbed it back from him, slipping it into her back pocket. “Any more than that will kill him. You know that.”
Nick turned his head as if looking back at me through his periphery. “And you can see how much I care.”
“Nick,” she admonished. “Until things have been sorted out, he’s still a part of this Pack.”
“Please, stop,” I begged, closing my eyes and thrusting myself back into darkness. A series of memories from that night started to flash through my mind—the predatory look in Karl’s eyes, his toothy wolf grin, how heavy his body was when he pressed down on me. My hands started to shake, and I almost dropped the dish I was still holding, but Colby rushed over to me and took it.
“Hey,” she said quietly. “Why don’t you go sit down or something? We’re almost done in here. Really, it’s fine.”
Disappointed in myself for not even being able to last thirty minutes without a relapse, I agreed with a nod. Instead of having a seat though, I slipped outside through the door off the kitchen for a breath of fresh air. Sensing my need for space, Nick didn’t follow me, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.
It was warmer than days past, so I decided to go for a little walk around the yard. I made it as far as the east side of the manor before I spotted Jackson having a cigarette.
“Those things will kill you,” I teased, folding my arms in front of me.
He chuckled, looking at the cigarette before taking another long pull. “Yeah, but it takes a lot more of them to do the job, kid.”
After clearing the snow from the ledge of the upraised garden around the patio we were on, I sat, pulled my knees to my chest, and leaned against a pillar. Jackson didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t sure if it was out of respect or if this was just awkward for him. Truthfully, it probably should have been awkward for me, too, but ever since finding out about his past and how he came to join the Pack, I felt this kindred connection to him. And I didn’t think it was just because he was the one who turned me.
“It’s warm out today,” I finally said, closing my eyes as the clouds moved out of the sun’s path.
Jackson hummed. “Yeah. Chinooks are quite common here. I think it’s supposed to be nice all week. Could be good for an impromptu run.” The way he phrased that made me suspicious that he’d maybe overheard my conversation with Nick the other night.
“Could be,” I agreed, not meeting his gaze. “Too bad I can’t shift on my own.”
“Yet,” he amended for me. “Practice makes perfect.” He extinguished his cigarette, and I expected him to head back inside now that he was finished smoking. It surprised me when he stayed put. “He can’t get out, you know.”
I glanced up at him, shocked that he was even bringing this up. “What?”
“You’re safe. And, even if he did find a way out—not that he will—no one in this house will let him near you. You should know that. He destroyed what precious little trust this Pack had for him when he pulled that shit. If Marcus lets him stay, it won’t be easy for him.” A pause. “And that’s if he’s allowed to live.”
“Marcus could decide to kill him?” I asked, somewhat stunned, even though I knew that the Pack dealt with things like this quite differently than the human world did. While it still felt morally wrong considering my background as a cop, I knew the Pack needed to carry out their own form of justice because no one in the human world was equipped to handle it.
Jackson shook his head. “No. While he broke Pack Law, he didn’t betray Marcus the way he did Nick…and you. His fate is in your hands, kid.”
Unable to wrap my head around this news, I stared at him blankly. “Wh-what do you mean? There’s no way I can decide something like that. That’s not who I am.”
Jackson looked at me with understanding. “You mean that’s not who you were. You’re wolf now, Brooke. This is a huge part of it. And you deserve retribution.”
Frustrated, I turned and dropped my feet back to the ground. I knew he was right, but the human part of me wanted to deny it entirely. Something about it felt so primal and barbaric, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I couldn’t be a part of it. I wasn’t like the rest of them—like Karl. I was compassionate and sought justice the right way; I locked up the bad guys. I didn’t kill them.
Except I had taken a life recently; I killed Gianna in a fit of unbridled rage when she tried to take me hostage. Apparently I did have it in me; I just wanted to keep repressing it.
“I know you’re struggling with what you’ve become,” Jackson said softly, his tone steady and full of empathy. “We all did—Nick, Vince, me—but it gets easier.”
I sighed heavily. “To be honest, I was on my way to accepting this life. I’ve been trying to move on, grieving David and my brother and the life I once knew,” I confessed candidly. “Until the other night.” Jackson leaned against the wall of the house and crossed his arms as he listened. “When Karl attacked me”—I brought my hand up and rubbed my bruised neck as if ashamed of it—“he took any confidence I had.” Tears stung my eyes, threatening to fall, but I tried my hardest to keep them at bay. “I was finally enjoying myself and felt like I could truly get used to being…this. But in a few short minutes, he stripped that all away. He found me at my most vulnerable when I was playing in the snow with Nick, my guard down, and he took advantage of it. I can’t imagine putting myself back in a situation like that. He stole my power.”
The wind whistled in the eerie silence after my confession. I was just about to apologize for my overshare when I noticed Jackson’s jaw clench and anger flash in his eyes briefly before they glimmered with resolve. “Then you need to take it back.”
Chapter 19 | demons
Take it back.
I wasn’t even sure what to make of Jackson’s suggestion. How was I supposed to take back what Karl took from me? It wasn’t like he took a physical possession; he took something I once thought untouchable and tainted it, and I wasn’t sure how I could ever get that piece of me back.
Before I could ask what he meant, I heard Nick call my name. I turned in the direction of his voice, and when I glanced back, Jackson was gone.
“Hey,” Nick said, approaching me. He must have picked up on my distress, because his expression quickly morphed to one of worry. “You all right?”
Shaking my head, I fidgeted with the end of my braid. “Yeah. Just embarrassed.”
Nick gently gripped my upper arms, moving his hands up and down them. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” he assured me. “Did you want to go back in there, or would you prefer to maybe go for a walk?”
While the solitude of a walk sounded heavenly, I knew I couldn’t hide from the Pack forever. I needed to be able to be around other people and resume my life. It was the only way to move on.
“I’m starving,” I told Nick, and it was true; my stomach growled as if to confirm this statement. “Let’s go have breakfast with everyone else.”
Hand in hand, Nick and I headed back toward the kitchen entrance and
joined the Pack. The minute we were inside, Marcus gave the order for the women to dish up first, and then the men. Everyone took a seat at either the huge kitchen table or the island while they ate.
Missing from the island was Karl’s plate, and I could only assume it had been delivered without a problem. Thinking about Karl reminded me of what Jackson said about how the bastard’s fate was in my hands. It seemed like a tremendous amount of pressure, and I wasn’t sure I felt comfortable doling out his punishment.
Over breakfast, we didn’t talk about the other night; instead Marcus spoke of their tracking efforts.
“Gianna taught her disciples well before she met her end,” he said. “As far as I can determine, they’re acting out their revenge for their maker. None of them are very old, meaning they’re likely not skilled, so once we’re able to track them, it should be simple enough to annihilate the entire nest.”
“If we can even find it,” Nick muttered. “We’ve been searching for this place for years.”
Confused, I turned to Nick. “I thought you said you burned it down? In Alaska?”
“That was only one of their temporary lairs,” Vince offered up from across the room. “Like the place you and Nick cased back in Scottsdale. Gianna was always moving from city to city in an effort to elude us while rebuilding her ranks.”
“Like you guys do—minus the rebuilding…” I paused, blushing as I remembered how I was bitten and inducted into this exclusive club. “Most of the time.”
“Exactly,” Corbin added.
“How is it you don’t know where this place is if they were able to track you here? It’s not like they leave no trace of themselves,” I said, cringing as I recalled how foul they all smelled.
“We’ve been able to track them to a certain point, but then their trail just ends. It hangs in the air as if they just vaporized.” I could hear the frustration in Jackson’s voice as he added to the conversation.
I thought about this for a moment, wondering how that could be possible. Even if they could fly, surely there’d still be a faint trail hanging in the air, right? How were they able to just disappear like that?
I hated when I couldn’t piece something like this together. It was the detective in me that craved answers, and I felt like this might just be the project I needed to keep my mind otherwise occupied. “Can you take me to where it ends?” I inquired. “Maybe I can help.”
The room went silent as if they were contemplating my request, but when Nick turned to me, I knew the answer without him having to say anything.
“I don’t think that’s the best idea right now,” he said gently. “After everything that’s happened these last couple of days, maybe we should lay low. There’s already been a threat against you, and I don’t think that wandering into their territory is the greatest decision until we know what they plan to do.”
I was about to argue with him, but then remembered how the smell of them caused that visceral reaction inside of me that forced my transformation, and I knew I wasn’t ready for that now…probably ever if I could help it.
As if sensing why I wanted to go in the first place, Nick took my hand in his. “I’m not saying that it’s not a great idea. A fresh pair of eyes is always welcome, and you’ve got that killer instinct for detective work that I think would be more than useful. I just think you need time before we pull you back into the fray. You’re already having reservations regarding a few things. Let’s address those first.”
Understanding his point, and not wanting to air my dirty laundry to the entire room, I nodded. “Of course. You’re right.” While I still thought that this could be a welcome distraction from my current situation, I also realized it might trigger my next shift, and I wasn’t ready for that. I still wanted to avoid being in a position where I couldn’t properly defend myself.
Once everyone had finished eating, Marcus handed out instructions for the morning run, and I helped tidy the kitchen. Marcus had requested Nick’s help, but it wasn’t mandatory. While I didn’t think I was meant to hear it, Marcus wanted to make sure I was okay more than he needed his right-hand man.
“You should go,” I told Nick as I wiped down the counters.
“Not if my leaving is going to set you up for an anxiety attack,” he whispered, still drawing the attention of Miranda.
“The four of us are going to head into the city today for a bit of Christmas shopping,” Layla announced, acting as though our conversation was more public than either of us had intended. “Why don’t you tag along, Brooke?”
I seriously contemplated this for a minute—even though by “the four of them,” this implied that Roxanne was going, too. True, I’d enjoyed spending time with them a few days ago, but I feared being around that many people might be difficult. A busy mall where people were bound to run into me was just asking for trouble.
“Thanks for the offer,” I said, being sure to smile appreciatively. “But I think I’ll just stay close to home and wait for Nick to return.”
“I don’t have to go,” Nick interjected.
I stopped him with a look. “Yes. You do. They need you, and I’ll be fine. I’ll head to the library and do some light reading or take a nap or something. I’ll be okay for a few hours.”
It took a little more convincing on my part, but eventually Nick agreed, telling me he’d try to hurry.
“Don’t rush. This is important, so take all the time you need to be thorough,” I told him as we walked upstairs to our room. “Just be careful. Stay diligent and come back in one piece.”
Alone in our bedroom, I sat on the end of the bed, crossing my legs in front of me, while Nick pulled off his button-up flannel shirt and put it away, then removed his belt and hung it on the back of the closet door.
“What are you doing?”
“Less to hide out there if I leave some of it behind,” he explained.
“Ah,” I said, nodding my head as he approached me in his jeans and white T-shirt.
He placed his hands on either side of my neck, his thumbs stroking my jaw lightly as his eyes held mine. “You’re sure you’re going to be all right?”
I hesitated, not sure if I would be or not and not wanting to lie about it.
“Marcus will sedate him before we head out,” Nick whispered. “And with the silver nitrate in his system, he’s weak. You’ll be safe.”
“I know,” I spoke up. And I did know that, but hearing him confirm it still offered me some relief.
Nick leaned forward and kissed my forehead as I reached up and wrapped my hands around his wrists. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”
The house was eerily quiet with everyone gone, and I tried to not let it get to me. Sadly, the silence was more maddening than a houseful of people. After killing the first hour in my room, I made my way to the library and looked through the books I’d found the other day. Even though I knew it ran the risk of inviting more stress, I wanted to read more about Gianna and my brother and everything they’d done over the years. I was hoping that getting a little more insight into what she was capable of might allow me to help pinpoint her coven’s next move. Or even their nest.
Learning about everything she’d done over the years made me increasingly uneasy, but I also felt my temper rising. Over the last few decades, Gianna had been responsible for hundreds of murders, and the Pack had been tracking her the entire time. I couldn’t imagine how frustrating it must have been for the Pack to have her slip through their fingers so many times. How had she been so successful in eluding them for this long?
I flipped through the yellowing pages, absorbing the information I gleaned from them. Children seemed to be her favorite; this made me think of poor Cordelia and the fate she most likely met after Bobby had snatched her from her mother’s arms. Had he grabbed her as some kind of gift for Gianna?
My stomach lurched at the thought. Was he capable of something like that? Had he really changed as much as Nick said? I didn’t want to believe it, but something pushed me to.
June 25, 1907
It is not getting any easier. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. All I can do is think about that day and wonder when everything went so horribly wrong. What was that thing that came out of nowhere and took her? Why had no one found her yet? I have replayed the events of that night in my head over and over again. Nothing makes sense to me or to anyone else.
Gianna, my sister, where are you?
My mouth fell open in silent shock; Marcus was a descendant of Gianna’s? How did I not know this already?
July 31, 1907
Another month has passed, and everyone seems to have given up hope for finding Gianna. I cannot come to terms with what they are saying. She cannot be dead. I would know if that were true. We were once close. I would feel if she were no longer with us.
I am aware of how the entire town views me. I have become a bit of a recluse. Some say I am obsessed and need to accept the truth. But I cannot, because their truth is not my truth. It cannot be. I cannot lose her...not even her memory.
I sympathized more and more with Marcus’ great-grandfather after reading these entries. I knew exactly what he had been feeling, because I felt it too when I lost Bobby. People tried to tell me to move on with my life, but I couldn’t. They made it sound like it was nothing more than a bump in the road. A tremor. But the truth was, the ground hadn’t just shifted beneath my feet when Bobby died; it had been ripped away entirely.
August 19, 1907
I saw her last night. Gianna. I was drawing the curtains closed before bed when I watched her emerge from the shadows. The moon above cast an angelic glow around her. Her eyes called to me, but when I ran outside to find her, she was gone. I have told no one of this. They would only question my sanity further.