Wasted Heart

by Nicole Reed

  David? Who the hell is that?

  “It’s fine. Nice to meet you also,” Syn says, smiling while shaking her hand.

  “Wait. You’re Syn Landry, the country singer, right?” Jay asks, pointing at her.

  “Yes, that would be me.”

  “Good God, Eli would have a hissy fit. My best friend loves your music. He’s a huge country music buff, and I actually watched you open up for Carrie when he drug me to her concert. No offense, country music just isn’t my thing,” she says, laughing. “But you were wonderful.”

  “None taken,” Syn replies back, genuinely nice.

  Clapping her hands together, she turns back to me, saying, “Where are my manners? You two come in.” She ushers us towards the front door.

  “Um, Rhye needs to talk to you, so I’m just going to wait with our friend in the truck,” Syn says as we both look at her. She motions her hands towards the vehicle then looks right at me. “Take your time and talk with her.”

  “Syn, why don’t you and your friend both come in? I’ll get y’all something to drink, and then Rhye and I can talk,” Jay replies, looking from Syn to me.

  “Thanks, Jay, but we’d rather wait there. We’ll be fine. Just make him talk to you if he won’t. He really, really needs to,” she says directly to Jay before walking off, not once glancing towards me.

  “Come on in, Rhye,” she says, leading the way inside her home.

  I follow her through the foyer, past the dining room, and into the kitchen. Everything looks so…nice. Like a real, lived-in home. I look out the back window to see a kickass stone pool.

  “Have a seat,” she motions towards the bar stools at the kitchen counter. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “Yes, some hard liquor would be great,” I think to myself, but instead, I ask, “Got any beer?”

  “Sure.” She reaches inside the fridge and grabs one. Twisting the cap off, she hands it to me then sits on the other stool.

  “It’s really great to see you,” she says, looking at me while I take a big drink of the cold, light beer. “You know, you told me you were going to keep in touch, but all I got was one phone call in the hospital. What was up with that?”

  I shrug my shoulders and take another sip before answering, “Life. Music. Take your pick.” Not knowing what to say, I pick at the beer label, stripping it from the bottle in shreds.

  “I tried to reach you several times. Seems it’s hard to get in touch with a famous lead singer. No one just wants to hand out their cell number. Go figure,” she replies with a short laugh. “Even your mom wouldn’t give it to anyone.”

  “I told her not to.” We sit in silence for several seconds.

  “I was sorry to hear about Chris. I thought you would have come back for the funeral. I looked for you.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I really don’t want to do this. Is she kidding me? She’s acting like nothing is wrong. That nothing ever happened between us. That we never fucked or got high. That JT’s dead. That her life was a fucking mess. She sits there acting motherfucking happy, like she’s living in goddamn Candyland, and now she’s sorry about Chris? What about fucking me?

  “You looked for me? What the fuck does that mean? The last time I saw you, you told me that you were going home to meet some guy that you wanted to be with more than me. So, I walked away. Let you go like I’ve always done, even though you have no idea what it does to me. Now you say that you’ve been looking for me? Trying to reach me? For what? Now that I’m famous you care to want to know me?” I angrily sit the beer bottle down on the kitchen counter, causing Jay to jump in her seat.

  “Don’t put words in my mouth, Rhye. You were the one that told me that day to never forget you, not that I ever could have.” She points at me, seemingly upset.

  “Don’t give me that, Jay. I never said that bullshit,” I reply, shaking my head.

  “Yes, you did. And I didn’t. For years, I’ve worried about you, reading the same garbage online and in magazines that everybody else does. Not knowing what was real and what was a lie. The one major obstacle in finding my own happiness has been worrying about you, especially this last year. God Rhye, you can’t imagine the hell you have put me through.”

  Standing quickly, I pound the granite counter with my fist. “Put you through? Fuck you, Jay. What about the shit you have put me through every damn day for years? I fucking loved you. I was the only goddamn person that knew you were going to fucking kill yourself, a fucking messed up kid who didn’t have a clue what to do to stop you. When you needed me, I let you use me however, whenever, you needed. I held you in my arms and prayed, to a God I didn’t even believe in, for you to be mine. And I watched you, time and time again, walk into somebody else’s arms.”

  Looking at her, I shake my head, seeing her tears flowing. “You see, I didn’t look for you all these years. I didn’t have to. You’ve been with me the entire, fucking, miserable time. Your and JT’s memories haunt me every damn day,” I say with a bitter laugh. “And now Chris’s.”

  Returning to the stool, I lay my head down on my crossed arms, silently choking back these stupid feelings. My fucking body hurts with the pain of holding everything in.

  “Why?” she whispers.

  Turning my head towards her, I reply, “You don’t want to know why. It might mess up your pretty little world.”

  “Tell me, Rhye. I’m not the same girl you once knew. You need to talk to me.”

  “You really want to know?” I ask angrily, watching her nod her head. I don’t hold back, letting her have it. “I’m the reason JT died. I’m the reason Cal will never walk again. And I am the sole reason you lost him and tried to commit suicide. Me, Jay. I’m the one that recorded and sent that video.” I walk over to look out the window, not wanting to see the look of hatred on her face that I know will be there. “I didn’t know what to do. I watched that bastard tear your goddamn world apart and didn’t know how to help. You wouldn’t let me, so I saved you the only way I knew how. And if I could go back and change everything, I would, only to know that you would live. Every choice and mistake I made, I made for you, and I’ve lived with those consequences ever since. I can’t live with the blood on my hands. Most days, I don’t even want to try.”

  Her arms surround me as she embraces me from behind. I feel her lay her head on my back and squeeze me tighter.

  “I never knew, Rhye. And, at one time in my life, I would have been angry, so I understand why you didn’t tell me. But you listen to me now. JT’s death, my attempted suicide, and especially Cal’s paralysis have nothing to do with any choices you made. Nothing. Are you listening to what I’m saying?” she says, her voice trembling.

  I shake my head because this isn’t what I expected. I’ve always known Jay would go ape shit crazy when she found out. She pulls back to grasp my arms and forcefully moves me around. Looking down into her teary eyes, I see the same pain that I notice in the mirror every morning.

  “I’m not mad at you. You probably did save my life. Who knows what would have happened, maybe more people would have died before everything was said and done. Rhye, JT is the reason JT died. He got in his truck emotionally distraught. Cal and I tried and couldn’t stop him. Cal would tell you that he got in the truck knowing JT had no business driving. He doesn’t blame anyone but himself. We have spoken about that video on several occasions, and not once did we believe that person held any responsibility, regardless of the reason they did it. I always knew it was either someone being viciously petty or someone who, like yourself, didn’t know how to help me, but either way, they were innocent in this mess.”

  Glancing down at the ground, I say, “I should have just brought it directly to the police. Then, that night wouldn’t have happened.”

  “You don’t know that. Like I said, it could have been worse. All I know, for a fact, is that you are not responsible for JT, Cal, or me. God Rhye, I am so sorry you had to live with any of this. The one thing I’ve learned from all the expensiv
e therapy I’ve had is that we can’t blame ourselves for other people’s actions. We can only find ways to live with the choices we’ve made and go on with our lives. You can’t change the past, but you can make the future better for yourself,” she says, leaning in to hug me again.

  This time I reach around her tiny waist and squeeze her back. Burying my nose in her hair, the smell brings back so many memories. Surprisingly, most of them good. Us hanging out at Chris’s apartment, serenading her while we danced, singing on stage to her at Vortex, and her watching us practice our sets. I clearly remember watching her sleep, passed out actually, on Chris’s couch, right before I took her to JT because I knew he was the better man for her. Chris came in, saw me holding her, and asked if I loved her. I told him “yes,” but then explained what I was about to do. I remember him smiling and clapping me on the back before saying, “It must be love if you are willing to give her up. That girl’s got too much hurt in those eyes. No one should live with that much pain. Just let it go. Life is too short. You know what I’m saying, man?” I shut my eyes tight at the forgotten memory until today, willing the tears back. “Yeah, man. I’m starting to realize exactly what you are saying,” I think to myself.

  Looking down at my watch for the millionth time, I yawn. Rhye’s been inside for about thirty minutes, but it seems like three, extremely long, never-ending hours. At first, I sat in the cab of Old Blue with Josh, but then, I felt smothered, even with the windows rolled down. I hopped out and went to let the tailgate down. Josh joined me shortly after, and we’ve been sitting here since.

  My first impression of Jay was that she was this incredibly beautiful, sweet woman. She seemed genuinely happy to see Rhye. She ran to hug him like he was some long lost friend that she’d been waiting for. That was kind of annoying actually. I think the hug was a little too over the top for my liking. God, how long is this going to take? Surely, she hasn’t changed her mind and now wants Rhye. Does he still love her? Is that the real reason he doesn’t want me? Maybe he does, and I just brought him right to her front door stoop. “Great idea, Syn,” I think to myself.

  “Do you think it will help him?” I ask, glancing over at Josh.

  He tosses the old softball up that he found behind the seat. “I don’t think it can hurt. The guy is hell bent on his destruction. If he specifically told you that this was part of the reason for his addiction, it’s a good place to start.”

  I cringe, feeling bad about telling Josh something so personal that Rhye told me, but I needed to know his professional opinion about this trip. While we sit here, I hear the loud rumble of a motorcycle’s engine getting closer to us. I look down the street to watch a guy roll up on one and pull into the driveway right next to us.

  Wow. It’s the only thing that comes to mind as I watch this serious hottie take his helmet off and look directly at us. He hangs it on the handlebar of his Harley Davidson. His dark hair is sheared close to his head, but what a pretty head it is. He glances over at me with eyes the color of emeralds and the body of a Greek god. He swings his leg over and stands next to his ride. I am so attracted to Rhye, and for me, there is no one better looking, but months ago, I would have thought this was more my speed.

  He grabs a grocery bag off the back of the motorcycle and swaggers over to Josh and myself. “Hi.” He smiles, looking at us both. “Can I help you with something?”

  Josh looks at me, and I simply say, “We are just… waiting?”

  “I live here,” he says, motioning towards the house. “Anything in particular that you are waiting for?”

  Uh-oh. The husband. Wow. I didn’t think about him. If he just arrived then he has no idea that Rhye is talking to Jay. His wife. This might not be a good thing. What if he doesn’t know Rhye and now his wife is inside talking to him? Alone. Maybe she’s decided that she doesn’t love Mr. Motorcycle man in front of me, and instead, she wants to be a rock star’s wife. She could be a fame whore. You never know.

  “My friend is talking to Jay. She offered us something to drink, but we decided to wait out here. Now, my throat is super parched. Do you think we could come inside and get something?” I ask, standing and pulling Josh with me.

  He looks at both of us and nods. “Sure. Follow me.” Turning, he starts to walk towards the front door before turning back to us. “By the way, I’m Kane David,” he says, looking back at us and then anxiously up at the house.

  Of course, I just told him that someone is talking with his wife. He’s probably worried about her. “I’m Syn, and this is my friend, Josh.”

  “Nice to meet you guys.”

  “Likewise,” I reply back as we walk inside. Her house looks brand new. The interior looks expensive but not overly done. In fact, I love what she has done to it. We follow him through the house until we reach the kitchen.

  “Well, if it isn’t bread boy himself. Please step away from my wife,” Kane says, his voice sounding totally menacing in front of me. I watch him sit the grocery bag down.

  He must be blocking my view because I don’t see who he is talking to until I step around him. Rhye and Jay are standing by the window, holding each other, but the embrace immediately ends at Kane’s words. Kane must not know Rhye. I turn to look at Josh as he dies laughing behind me.

  “What is so funny?” I whisper to him.

  “Bread boy. Get it?” he says, looking at me like I should understand. “Rhye bread equals bread boy.”

  Oh. Well, I guess Kane does know who Rhye is. Kind of a lame nickname if you ask me.

  “Kane, look who finally came to visit,” Jay says, walking towards Kane and leaning up to kiss him.

  At the sound of Jay’s voice, I turn back around. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and tears still linger. My eyes glance up to meet Rhye’s, staring at me. I can’t read the expression in them, but he doesn’t look angry.

  “Did he make you cry?” Kane asks before kissing her back.

  “No, he didn’t. We had to talk. I’ll tell you all about later,” she says quietly to him, but I hear her. Turning back towards Rhye, she says, “Rhye, you remember Kane. Right? He’s my husband now.”

  Rhye moves his eyes from me back to her. “You married that bastard?” he asks, giving this evil little smile towards Kane. If I hadn’t gotten to know Rhye better, I would be worried that he was, in some way, jealous, but now I see he’s messing with him for the hell of it.

  “Yeah, I guess I was the better one,” Kane replies, standing taller, but never letting go of Jay.

  “What the fuck ever,” Rhye says, balling up his fist and rubbing it with his other hand.

  Way too much testosterone for me. “I’m thirsty. Can I get something to drink?” I ask the entire room. Whoever will answer, wins.

  “Sure,” Jay replies, looking worried to leave Kane’s side.

  “I’ll just grab something from your fridge if that’s okay?” I reply, not wanting her to move in case she’s the reason Kane is standing still.

  “Help yourself.”

  I walk over to the fridge and see that a beer bottle is sitting on the kitchen counter, the label laying in shreds around it. I assume it is Rhye’s. Opening the door, I grab Josh and me a bottle of water and another beer for Rhye. I normally wouldn’t make myself at home in a stranger’s house, but the situation warrants a change of atmosphere.

  “While I’m in your fridge, do you want something to drink, Jay?” I ask. Wouldn’t it be tacky if I didn’t ask?

  “No, but thanks,” she replies then laughs out loud. I join in. This is the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had in my life.

  “Heads up, Josh,” I say, tossing him a bottle of cold water. Walking around Jay and Kane, I stroll right up to Rhye and kiss his lips. I have no clue why I’m doing it, but his mouth feels so right against mine. Pulling back, I see the look of surprise, and then he leans down to kiss me again. He lays one on me that turns my world inside out, wrapping his arms securely around me. With the drinks in my hands, I can’t return the embrace, but I try. When he pu
lls back, he smiles at me and looks at the beer in my hand.

  “For me?” he asks, reaching for it.

  Nodding, I let him take it and turn when I hear the laughter getting louder behind me.

  “Point made,” Kane says to him. “But I still don’t trust you.”

  “Fuck you,” Rhye says, taking another gulp of beer.

  “Pissing contest over you guys. Listen, we are having a cookout this afternoon with a couple of friends. I would love it if you all would stay and eat.”

  Rhye shakes his head while Josh and I both answer, “Yes.” I watch him roll his eyes and drink his beer.

  “Great. Kane, why don’t you and Josh, is it, go out to get the grill ready, and the rest of us will get things started in here,” Jay says.

  I can tell Kane wants to say something, but at the last minute, he leans down to lightly kiss her. I think he mouths that he loves her and she does the same. I’m really hoping that I’m wrong about Jay. She seems like someone I could be friends with. I look back at Josh, and he nods that he’s okay with everything. He follows Kane out the backdoor, and the rest of us are left in the aftermath.

  “Well, that was as fun as to be expected. Really, Rhye?” Jay asks, putting her hands on her waist.

  “He started it,” Rhye says, raising his beer bottle. “Where’s the bathroom?” he asks, and Jay points down a small hallway which he follows.

  Groaning, she turns back towards me. “Thanks for deflecting the moment. Kane has a jealous streak a mile wild, and it’s double that when it comes to Rhye,” she says, walking over to the kitchen counter to unload the grocery bag that Kane brought in. Looking at me, she motions for me to have a seat at the kitchen counter. “Not that he has a reason to be now.”

  “But there was a point where he did?” I ask, thinking curiosity killed the cat.

  Stopping, she turns those slate grey eyes right at me. “Yes. In fact, me making bad decisions regarding Rhye almost cost me my relationship with Kane several times. I’m only telling you this because I want you to understand why Kane has so much animosity towards Rhye. It’s not because he thinks Rhye still loves me; it’s because we all have a very interconnected and shady past.” Reaching over, she places her warm hand on top of mine. “You love him, right?”