The Shades of Time and Memory

by Storm Constantine

  The har who had come running from the house was Cobweb. “Moon!” he exclaimed. “How did you get here?” He was looking around, no doubt searching for a sedu.

  “Peridot brought me,” Moon said, “but he went straight back into the otherlanes. Pellaz wanted me to come here.”

  “Why?”

  This question was delivered too sharply for Moon's liking. He shrugged. “I don't really know. I'm sorry if it's inconvenient.”

  Cobweb shook his head. “No, no, I'm glad to see you and so will Snake. Come into the house. You look dreadful. Whatever was Pell thinking of, shoving you through the otherlanes when they're in such a state?”

  On the way to the house, Cobweb informed Moon of everything that had happened. They were under attack, and yet the day was so calm and beautiful, the sunlight dripping like butter off the eaves of Forever. There was no feeling of threat to the air, nothing at all. Only Moon could see that Cobweb had bitten through his beautiful lips, and they were ragged, marked with blood.

  “Cal is here,” Cobweb said.

  Moon wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that. He knew only that the name immediately brought an image of Tyson to mind and for a moment he wished he hadn't come, only for this feeling to be followed by one of great anticipation.

  “He's been missing for a reason,” Cobweb continued, apparently talking more to himself than to Moon. “He's here to help us.”

  Cobweb ushered Moon into Forever through the window doors that led into the main sitting room, which was shady at that time of day. “Does Pell know Cal is here?” Cobweb asked.

  Moon shrugged. “I don't know. He didn't mention it to me. He's never talked about Cal to me, in fact. I'm here because he thinks there is work for me in Galhea.”

  “We might have to evacuate the town,” Cobweb said. “Ithiel is sending the harlings to the forest lodges today.”

  “Have hara been killed?” Moon asked.

  “Not here,” Cobweb replied, “but despite appearances, we are in danger, or so Cal believes.”

  Now, they were in the hallway and Moon wondered where Cobweb was taking him.

  “Swift has taken a fair-sized force to Amber Ridge,” Cobweb said. “The house feels so empty. Everyhar's gone.”

  Maybe Tyson had gone with his brother. Moon realised he was afraid of seeing that face again, even though he yearned to. The thought made him remember the musty smell of the Reliquary, the way he'd felt, the strange tremulous excitement. He should be over it. He was the Tigron's sori, a har of importance. Pellaz would never betray such weakness.

  Perhaps some of these thoughts leaked out of his mind. Cobweb turned to him and said, “It's not your fault, Moon. It was never your fault. He just wasn't ready.” Then he walked away quickly, beckoning for Moon to follow him, so that Moon wondered whether he had really heard those words at all.

  They went into the kitchen, and Cal was there talking to Bryony. He was sitting on the table, amid a pile of scrubbed pans, eating a raw carrot. Moon expected to feel some kind of rush, but was strangely unmoved. This was a har of dreams, a legend, yet he was not Tyson. There could be no mistake. Cal, however, appeared momentarily horrified when he caught sight of Moon.

  “This is Snake's son, Moon,” Cobweb said, and then added rather pointedly. “Pell has sent him to us.”

  Cal laughed uncertainly. “Here to check on us?”

  Moon knew instinctively that what Cal had seen was the image of Pell from long ago. He might have thought a ghost had come into the room to accuse and stare. “No,” he said. “I'm here for my father.”

  “You shouldn't have been sent here. It's not safe. If Pell can get sedim to Galhea, he should consider getting these hara out of here, not adding more.”

  “He doesn't know about what's happened here,” Moon said.

  “He will do,” Cobweb said. “Snake will contact him. Eventually.”

  Moon didn't feel comfortable at all. He wanted to see his father. He didn't like the scrutiny of this lazy-eyed har, who might well be concocting ridiculous ideas about him. He wasn't a spy. He wasn't part of the past. He wasn't an omen.

  Cobweb seemed to be in a daze. Why he'd taken Moon to see Cal, Moon wasn't sure, because only minutes later, he was telling Moon to follow him upstairs to Snake's room. The longer Moon spent in the house, the more he could see that nothing at all was right. You could tell so many of the family were missing, even though Forever was often empty of hara on summer afternoons.

  Snake was pleased to see his son, but angry that Pellaz had sent him into danger. Moon was shocked by his father's appearance. The last time he'd seen him, Snake had looked better than he ever had. Now, there were blue shadows beneath his eyes and his face was drawn. He could barely rise from the seat by the window, and as he did so, shakily, a book fell from his lap to the floor. He could not bend to pick it up, so Cobweb did so.

  Moon went to his father's embrace. “I warned you once,” Snake whispered in Moon's ear. “I told you I was afraid of what my brother would have me do.”

  Moon gazed into his father's gold eye. “Don't do it,” he said.

  “I have to,” Snake said. “It is no longer just for Pellaz.”

  “Perhaps you can help us tonight,” Cobweb said to Moon. “Give your strength to your father.”

  “I'll do whatever you want me to,” Moon said to Snake, and Snake nodded, saying nothing.

  Cobweb went to his room to sleep for a few hours and Moon remained to talk with Snake, relaying gossip from Immanion and snippets of news about Raven. But Moon could see that his father could barely concentrate on what was said to him. Eventually Moon stopped speaking. “You've hardly heard a word I've said. You should get some sleep too. I can see you need it.”

  “I will,” Snake said. “Maintaining the defences is hard work, Moon. Even Wraeththu are not built to sustain such effort.”

  “Perhaps Cal is right and everyhar should leave Galhea,” Moon said.

  “I fear he might be,” Snake replied. “If an attack comes again tonight, we'll have no choice.”

  Moon went out into the gardens and walked down to the lake. He felt melancholy, because his life had changed so much for the better, now Fate seemed to want to ruin it. If there hadn't been a threat, of course, Pellaz would probably never have looked for his brother, but if only Snake had been strong enough to vanquish that threat. That would have been the perfect end to it.

  The waters of the lake, stirred only by an occasional ripple as fish broke the surface, were inviting. Moon took off his clothes and waded out from the bank. The water was so clear, he could see white pebbles on the bottom. He could see the quicksilver fishes flashing away from his legs. Moon dived beneath the surface and swam underwater for as long as he could hold his breath. The cold brought clarity back to his mind. He must do what had to be done, as Snake was doing. He must take each moment, one at a time. The shard in his heart was strength, not weakness. Each time it pricked him, it reminded him he was alive and feeling. It was real.

  He broke through the surface, gasping, treading water. His hair felt very heavy over his shoulders and at once the hot sun burned against his skin. He swam back to where his clothes were lying, and saw that somehar was sitting beside them, perhaps waiting for him. Did I invoke him?

  “Hello, Tyson,” Moon said. The pain of instinctive longing was actually exquisite, nothing to be feared.

  Tyson didn't even glance at him, and seemed quite abashed to find Moon naked. “I thought we should speak before tonight,” he said, staring at the ground. “I didn't want to embarrass you. Ferany will be there.”

  “Why would that embarrass me?”

  Moon could tell that if anyhar was embarrassed, it was the one sitting in front of him. He decided he would not dress himself at once. He could dry off first. Tyson's discomfort was a soothing balm. The least Moon could do for himself was enjoy this spurious pleasure for a short while. He sat down beside Tyson and stretched out his legs, leaning back on straight arms.

>   “Oh, come on,” Tyson said. “You know what I mean. I didn't want you to think...”

  “Think what?”

  “That I was putting you in a difficult position.”

  “You're not. Forget what happened. It was eons ago. Part of growing up, I guess, that first crush. I must have been a pain. Don't worry about it. The thought of it makes me cringe.”

  “Well... good,” Tyson said. He stood up. “I should get back. I just wanted to make things clear, that's all.”

  “Thank you, I appreciate the courtesy, but there's no need.”

  Tyson nodded distractedly and went back along the path to the house. He hadn't looked at Moon once. Moon leaned back, lifting his face toward the sun. He felt numb. He wasn't sure whether he'd said the right things or not.

  The sun had done something to him though. That night, as he dressed himself for dinner in the room that Cobweb had given him, Moon was pleased by the way his reflection seemed to glow in the mirror. It was as if sunlight were captured within his skin. He felt remarkably good about himself, hardly feverish at all, and glad he would be spending time in Tyson's company that night, Ferany or no Ferany. He would enjoy the tricky nuances of interaction. This is power, he thought. Tyson doesn't know what he feels, but he feels something.

  This certainty was compounded by Ferany's cool behaviour. He gave Moon a measured stare across the dinner table, a dismissive and disapproving gesture, which spoke volumes. Moon wondered whether, on some drunken night, Tyson had told Ferany what had happened between them. He must have heard something, from somehar.

  Moon noticed Cal observing him too, but his expression was guarded. “How is Rue?” Cal asked.

  “OK, I think,” Moon replied. “I don't see him much.”

  “Did everyhar think I was responsible for the attack upon him?”

  Silence descended over the room like a mouldy shroud. Tyson coughed.

  “I don't think so,” Moon said, glancing at Snake, who was clearly distancing himself from the situation. “My father told them it wasn't you.”

  “So did I,” Cobweb said.

  “Pell thought it though, didn't he?” Cal said.

  “He feared it,” Cobweb said. “That's different.”

  Cal raised a sardonic eyebrow and went back to his meal.

  Cobweb sighed deeply. “After dinner, I'll put more energy into the shield. Snake, you rest. Ferany, Tyson, you come with me. Cal, you work with Snake later.”

  Cobweb had recruited more hara from the town, including Ferany's parents, so that the defences would be supported by individuals with more experience and ability. Moon could tell that Cobweb wasn't convinced another attack would come, but even so, every resident of Galhea was on alert, each focused on protecting their own space, should the worst happen. The population had allowed their offspring to be escorted to the forest lodges without too much complaint. Most had been scared witless by the events of the previous night, unable to sleep because of the deafening onslaught that had lasted nearly till dawn. Humans and hara alike gathered in groups of ten or more. None would be left alone this night. Strength lay in numbers. Ithiel and his hara would patrol the town, while Cobweb and Snake concentrated on maintaining the shield. It all seemed organised and efficient.

  Moon offered to take part in the first reinforcement meditation, even though he'd previously promised his strength to Snake. He wanted to be in trance in the same room as Tyson.

  Ferany had obviously been thinking about the situation, because as they prepared themselves to work he adopted a friendly front. “Sit by me,” he said to Moon. “I've done this before. I'll guide you.”

  It seemed like an easy job to Moon. He was surprised to find how deftly Ferany guided him, like a soft silken hand. He could see the shield in his mind's eye, the dim patches where the energy was weak. He and Ferany concentrated on repairing certain of these areas, feeding them with life force that they drew from the universe itself, while their companions put their efforts into different areas. Even as he was concentrating on this task, Moon's mind was busy with other thoughts. It was obvious why Tyson was with Ferany: he was just so easy and smooth to be around. He reminded Moon of aromatic mild coffee spiced with cinnamon, topped with cream – and that was without even sharing breath. He realised it would make it easier for him if he liked Ferany. He could not feel so envious or jealous then.

  How strange it is, Moon thought. Hara in permanent relationships often take aruna with others, but sometimes, just sometimes, there are hara who are off-limits, taboo or threatening, and that's when feelings are involved, deep feelings. Sometimes a light comes out of a har that blinds you to all others, even those you might love and who might love you in return. There can be no sharing then.

  He had learned something.

  Perhaps Ferany had too. When they came out of the trance, he leaned over and whispered in Moon's ear. “I can't let you have him, Moon. I hope you know why.”

  Moon squeezed Ferany's fingers, which were still interlaced with his own. He knew.

  “I think it will be safe for us to relax a little now,” Cobweb said. “The shield holds strong, so if anything hits it, we'll have time to prepare ourselves.”

  “I could do with a drink,” Tyson said, “a strong one.”

  Cobweb fixed him with a stare. “No, Tyson. Keep a clear head. Just in case.”

  Moon felt he had to be alone, so excused himself from the others and went to his room. He decided to get a couple of hours sleep before Snake went on duty. He still intended to assist his father. His body felt on fire; perhaps the sun had burned him more than he'd realised. He drifted into an uneasy sleep, where fragments of dreams drifted through his mind. He dreamed of Cal coming into the room and saying, “I don't like you being here. That face doesn't belong to you.” And then somehar else came, who was a complete stranger, yet Moon felt a strong sense of recognition. “I'm glad you came,” he said and the har merely smiled and said, “Why would you doubt it?”

  Moon didn't know what woke him. There were no suspicious or threatening noises, no strange lights, not even a flex to the air. He just woke up, instantly fully alert, and full of dread. He'd gone to sleep wearing his clothes, so paused only to pull on his boots before leaving the room. The corridor beyond was quiet, yet the lamps on the walls appeared dim, as if energy were being sucked from them. Something was wrong.

  Moon went directly to Snake's room and found his father sitting on the window seat, his face nearly pressed to the glass. He glanced round as Moon came over to him.

  “What's happened?” Moon asked. “Has the shield been breached?”

  “Not that I can tell,” Snake answered, “but something has happened. I heard...” He shook his head. “I don't know what I heard. Find Cobweb for me. Tell him to send Tyson and Cal into town.”

  “Right away.” Moon headed back to the door.

  “Return here as soon as you can,” Snake said.

  Cobweb and the majority of his helpers were downstairs in one of the sitting rooms, where Yarrow and Bryony had provided food for them. It was clear to Moon, from the moment he crossed the threshold, that Cobweb was already aware something had happened. Hara were stationed at the window, peering into the darkness beyond. Moon relayed Snake's message.

  “Tyson and Cal have already left the house,” Cobweb said. “Ferany has gone with them.”

  “Do you know what's happened?”

  Cobweb shook his head. “No. The shield seems fine. It could be a more traditional form of attack, of course. At the moment, that would take us more by surprise.” He laughed coldly. “Ironic, really.”

  Moon didn't want to go back to Snake's room. He wanted to find out for himself what might have happened. “Do you know where Cal and the others went?” he asked.

  “I expect they went to the barracks... I don't know. It would depend on what they found down there.”

  “I'll go to help,” Moon said, steeling himself for Cobweb's objection, but Cobweb only nodded distractedly.

>   “Protect yourself,” he said. “You'll find equipment in the storehouse off the kitchen. One of the staff will show you.” Cobweb was not himself. He seemed half in trance. “We need to protect the house. Find out what you can and report back to me.”

  In the kitchen, Yarrow helped Moon don a jerkin of reinforced leather armour with a throat guard. Moon noticed that most of the staff were similarly attired. “Take a horse from the stable,” Yarrow said. “Do you need help with that?”