We talk for a couple more minutes, then he apologizes for waking me up and tells me that he probably shouldn’t have called.
I agree with him. He couldn’t call me when he was at the Wahoo half a block away to see if I would come have a drink? He couldn’t call me to go have breakfast?
But he can call at two thirty in the morning and wake my unhappy behind up because now he’s lonely. It doesn’t work that way.
Men.
I curl up in my blankets again. Sammy roots her way under the blankets and lays next to my leg. For now, this is all I need. Jameson does need to get a dog.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tuesday, December 13
12 Days Left
Dear Carly,
Here’s your singles love horoscope for December 13:
Being aware of how much love you’ve had in your life gives you more opportunities to find it again. Review all the moments where you’ve felt truly safe and relaxed in someone’s presence. Then, thank your lucky stars.
Maybe there is something to this astrology thing. I was thinking about that last night. I am so lucky to have the guys in my life that I have. Guys who I feel truly safe and relaxed around. Guys like Joey and Ryder. They protect me, not that I really need it. I’m not afraid to take off whatever footwear I’m wearing and beat someone with it. Ask Ryder. He’s felt the wrath of my flip-flop on more than one occasion. I’m actually a good shot too. I’ve nailed a customer standing by the jukebox in the head with one before.
Note, this only works until they take them away from me and throw them in the parking lot.
I did have a crush on Ryder, but now that’s passed and it’s just a nice, comfortable friendship. It is love, but it’s not romantic love, and maybe I simply had the two confused.
I would still like to find a balance between friendship and love. Even with my ex, we were good friends. When we were getting along.
Will I find a relationship before Christmas? Probably not, considering I have less than two weeks, and relationships aren’t formed in that short amount of time. What I do have is a good start with good possibilities.
No two thirty call from Jameson this morning. If he wants to see me, he can darn well call at a reasonable hour.
The search continues.
***
I am up drinking coffee and writing when I hear a honk outside. It’s Ryder leaving for work. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, when I’m walking Sammy, he’ll pass by and give me a big kiss. That always makes my day. A kiss from a cute cowboy? Hell yeah! He won’t respond to my text message, but he honks on the way to work. Some things never change with him.
Later, I break down and call Jack. I don’t know why, but I do. I leave a message that I would like to have drinks with him. Our yearly Christmas party at the Wahoo is coming up and I’d rather not go alone. No response. Imagine that.
There’s this movie called The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. There’s a scene where Sandra Bullock’s character gets mad at her mom while talking on the phone. When Sandra hangs up, she bangs the phone on the counter repeatedly. This is what I want to do. But my phone is a cell phone, not one with a receiver.
I was supposed to be finished with Jack by now. One of the reasons I started this quest was to take a step forward with him or let him go. I haven’t done either. Jeez. One step forward, three steps back.
I give Jameson a call too. That Christmas clock is ticking! We talk for about five minutes, but in that five minutes he does ask me out to dinner again. This might be the best week my funnel’s had yet! I may actually have a date for the Christmas party on Friday!
Chapter Twenty-Two
Wednesday, December 14
11 Days Left
Dear Carly and Jack,
eHarmony’s Compatibility Matching System has found that you two are a highly compatible match, based on our rigorous 29 Dimensions scale. With this level of compatibility, we believe you two will have a lot to talk about and may even find true love together. So, Carly and Jack, we’d like to make an introduction.
-The eHarmony Team
Yep. Damnit. This in an email from eHarmony. I had filled out the profile and checked it out, but couldn’t bring myself to pay the fifty dollars a month for membership. That was a little too much for my pocketbook.
It’s probably not the same Jack, but either way, it was not something that I particularly wanted to read. This does not look good for my resolution not to call.
Armyguy surfaced again. He just keeps turning up.
Armyguy: Hi.
Me: How are ya?
Armyguy: Okay i guess. u?
Me: All right.
Armyguy: Glad to hear.
Me: Had a good weekend?
Armyguy: It was okay.
Me: Cool. Mine too. Very laid back.
Armyguy: U never call anymore.
Me: I’ve been extraordinarily busy.
Armyguy: Lol!
Me: U don’t call either.
Armyguy: I don’t think I have your number anymore. Thought you were avoiding me there for a while.
Me: No.
Armyguy: We just both have way different lives. I guess work is your calling and mine isn’t.
Is this not Jack’s and my situation reversed? I use work as an excuse not to see this guy. I find time for pool tournaments, dates with others, football games at the bar, but when he asks, I’m sooo busy with work. I’ve heard that before. Ouch.
Christmas party is in three days. Things are not looking good.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Thursday, December 15
10 Days Left
Dear Carly,
Here is your singles love horoscope for December 15:
Figure out where you want to go when it comes to romance. You can even chart out a few of the moves that will get you there. Hold off on making any concrete moves just yet. New—and key—information will be revealed.
Hold on, hold on…I feel a good, old-fashioned hissy fit coming on.
My funnel now has yellow “Enter at Your Own Risk” tape surrounding it. For today, I’m not looking for love. It can darn well come find me! Holding off on making any concrete moves? Not a problem.
I’m just a wee bit irritable today. Just frustrated with this whole search for love. I’m so mad at myself for holding on to Jack for so long and ignoring common sense and accepting his lame-ass excuses.
Work.
Whatever. It won’t happen again.
Let me take inventory of the men still in my funnel. Glenn. If he were as interested in me as he keeps telling everyone else he is, then he would have called me by now or done something!
If Jameson were interested in taking me to dinner and pursuing a real relationship with me, rather than needing attention at two thirty in the morning, he would have called by now.
So basically, here’s where I stand. There’s one man in the funnel. I’m one pound heavier than when I started this search. And I got word that my hairdresser, Ian-With-the-Arms, is moving to New Orleans.
Do you know how hard it is to find a good hairdresser? It’s harder than finding a date. And a male hairdresser with great, tattooed arms? I’m doomed. Simply doomed.
Seriously. No wonder I’m grumpy.
The Christmas party at the Wahoo is tomorrow night and there are only ten days until Christmas. This is not looking good. I have done everything. I’ve scoured dating sites and tapped on my phone so many times I think I’ve swiped by every single man in a four-parish area. Maybe Glinda is right, maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe Prince Charming will come in when I least expect it. I don’t know. I’ve tried the Funnel Theory and flirting. I’m going to try one more thing.
I have decided to switch my game plan. Again. It’s called “Catch Me if you Can.” I will not settle for excuses. The man must prove his worth to me before I will seriously date him. That may sound harsh, but in reality, it’s not. Because I want to be held to the same standards. I don’t want him to settle for any e
xcuses I may make or not hold me accountable. And if he makes excuses, I will have no problem releasing him back into the pond he came from.
I want that man who will withstand hell to be with me like the Nickelback song says. Not let go when things get too hot.
I don’t want to guess about it. If I can’t depend on him, I don’t want to be with him. That’s something that’s going to have to become evident while getting to know him.
He calls when he says he’ll call. He answers when I call. He’s there for me when I need him. I can trust him.
That is what I want. Am I going to find it before Christmas? It’s not looking good.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Friday, December 16
9 Days Left
Christmas party at the Wahoo tonight. I worked the day shift earlier and made sure all was good for the party. The decorations are great, for a bar, and the tree is all lit up. I’d even wrapped some empty boxes and laid them under the tree. Stockings with the owners’ names and all the bartenders’ names are hanging on the bar. I have to admit, it looks pretty decent. Maybe I should consider a career in party planning. No weddings though. If I can’t catch a boyfriend by Christmas, I sure won’t be planning any happily ever afters.
I walk into the Wahoo and survey the big room. Everything is still as I left it. There are a few more presents under the tree—unwrapped toys. Those who bring in toys for the toy drive get drink specials throughout the night. That was my idea, and I’m glad the owners went with it. Despite not having a significant other for Christmas, I have a lot to be thankful for.
I wish Joey were here. I miss him and his company when he’s gone offshore. Morgan is here, though, so I go and sit with him for a while. We talk about my search and how it is not going. He gets up to play a few games of pool, and leaves me mostly alone with my thoughts.
Then Jameson and his friend, Evan, come in. I go and sit with them. Evan starts paying me a serious amount of attention, and I realize that this is the friend Jameson said was interested in me.
Once again, I have a guy on one side who’s interested in me but I only want to be friends with him. And on the other is Jameson, who I’m interested in romantically, who comes close and moves away. A dance I’m becoming quite familiar with.
Fed up with both of them, I go sit with Crystal. We are having a blast sitting there doing shots and listening to music when guess who comes in.
Glenn.
He sits across the bar and makes serious eye contact with me. Great.
“You should go for him,” Crystal says.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“You aren’t interested in him?”
“I was, but he has no interest in me. I’m not chasing him. You go for it. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I’d rather catch one that wants to be caught.” She looks at me and winks.
I smile back. “Why not?”
The guy Glenn is sitting with motions me over, and I go.
His friend starts a long-winded explanation when I sit down. “I have this friend who is really interested in you, but apparently there’s some kind of confusion about another girl…”
I really don’t care to listen to the rest so I turn to Glenn and ask, “Are you hungry?” I wasn’t exactly starving, but I was ready to be somewhere other than this bar.
“Yeah.”
“Me too, let’s go eat,” I say.
He nods at me.
I look at his friend and say, “Thanks for the mediating, but I think your job is done here.”
We leave together, and guess who’s standing in the parking lot. Evan and Jameson. I hug them both and leave with Glenn.
On the way to the restaurant, I ask Glenn again about Crystal. He says they’ve talked about it and have just decided to be friends. I still have some lingering guilt issues.
We have a good time. Nothing major happens, but we laugh a lot. He pays the bill without hesitation or complaining.
“What do you want to do next?” he asks.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to go back to the Wahoo.”
“Me either. What about my place?”
“How about a drive out to the beach?” I suggest.
He agrees, so we’re off again. When we get there, we get out and walk around. It’s a beautiful night, the sky is clear, and there are so many stars glittering in the sky. The gulf is quiet. The stars are mirrored on the water. I’ve always loved the beach at night.
We walk out to the end of the dock and he puts his arms around me.
And right there under the stars, with nothing but the sounds of the night in the background, he kisses me. It is incredible. It’s soft, tender.
“That’s a great first kiss,” he says. Then kisses me again.
Then he tells me how wonderful I smell.
“You lie. Or you like the smoky beer smell of the bar.”
He laughs and hugs me close.
It is December, it’s night, and it’s cold, so I start to shiver. We start back to his truck. But, first, we stop to sit on a stone barrier. He slides his arm around me, and I lay my head on his shoulder. It’s nice. Not quite comfortable yet, but maybe with time, it will be.
When I start shivering uncontrollably, we head back to the car. He turns the heat on and opens his sunroof so we’re still getting the effect, I’m just not freezing to death.
We stare up at the stars, and I yawn. I look at the clock and realize that time has slipped away from me. It’s now twelve thirty. We head back to the bar so I can get my car. Then I head home alone.
I crawl into my pajamas and into bed. Just as my head is hitting the pillow, my phone beeps.
Awww. That must be Glenn. How sweet, I think as I reach over for the phone, careful not to disrupt Sammy for fear she will eat my feet.
Then I see the number. It’s the number I’ve deleted and added back a hundred times. Jack. I throw the phone on the bed and begin cursing. Because I know what he’s going to ask, and I know I’m going to go.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Saturday, December 17
8 Days Left
Despite my exhaustion, I load my tired and unhappy butt into my car and drive off to Jack’s.
When I’m almost there, the phone rings again. It’s Jameson. Great. I don’t answer.
“I’ll deal with that tomorrow,” I say to myself while seriously considering throwing my cell phone out the window.
I take a deep breath as I walk up to his door. It’s open, and I can see him through the glass when I get to his house. I walk in, and he’s there on the sofa. I take one look into those blue eyes, and damn, I can’t help myself. I curl up on the big comfy sofa next to him. He wraps his arm around me, and I don’t worry about impressing him or reading his mind. I just simply enjoy his presence. Before I know it, we’re asleep.
Yep. Asleep. Damn. After all this time and all my questions. There we were on the couch, sleeping.
When I leave the next morning, he hugs me. He gives the best hugs—must be those muscular arms of his. He doesn’t promise to call, and for that I’m grateful. At least he won’t be breaking another promise.
When I get home this morning, I go back to sleep. When I wake up, I decide to call him. It’s time to really talk. I’m really ready for whatever the answer is. I’m ready to ask the tough questions.
I call. He doesn’t answer. I leave a message. Does this surprise me?
I go through my call list and find that when Jameson called last night, he left a message. In the message, he assures me he isn’t drunk. He just wants to talk about what happened at the Wahoo last night.
What happened? I think. Nothing. That’s what happened.
I call him back and we talk. He tells me he’s frustrated because he thinks Evan likes me. I think Evan likes me too, but I’ve always thought of him as just a friend. I tell Jameson this. I also tell him that the reason I got up and left is that I was irritated. He says he understands.
He wants to spend time with me today, but I tell him I am exhausted. He wants me to come over, and when I say no, he wants to come to my place. Also no. That doesn’t really work for me. I tell him I’ll call him when I can see him. To that, he tells me he might stop asking.
Sigh. Men.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sunday, December 18
7 Days Left
Dear Carly,
Here is your singles love horoscope for December 18:
It’s hard not to have past relationships intrude on the present, especially if you haven’t fully processed them.
Early morning call from Jack—at his normal twelve thirty in the morning. I think he got aggravated with me because I was being goofy. I’m goofy when wide awake. Imagine me half awake! My brain just doesn’t work right for five or twenty minutes after I wake up.
“I didn’t mean to wake you up. I forget that normal people need sleep this time of night.”
To which I reply, “Well, I’ve never been considered normal, but yes, I do need sleep.”
“I got your message.”
I think he’s going to say something else, but he doesn’t. It doesn’t occur to me until later that it was my turn to pick up this thread of conversation. I really should not answer the phone if I’ve been sleeping.
“How’s work?” I ask. Yeah, that’s a deep question.
“Fine. What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Working. Off Thursday though.” I throw out there, “What are you doing now?”
Catch And Release (Fleur de Lis) Page 7
