“Eating cold pizza.”
My stomach growls.
“Man, there’s nothing better in the morning than cold pizza,” he adds.
Wait. What?
“Actually,” I say, “there are a few things I can think of.”
“Oh, I agree.”
“Like chocolate. Chocolate is better than cold pizza.”
I resist the urge to bang myself in the head with my phone. I couldn’t have said cheesecake? Could I be more spastic?
He winds up the conversation by telling me he’ll see me tomorrow, which I file under the same category as “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I am glad that he called me though. I just wish I’d been more alert. I was just about to get started with our talk, and he’s getting off the phone. I think about calling him right back, but I don’t.
I’ll call him in a couple of days. Of course, I’ll leave a message. It’s funny that my horoscope says past relationships are hanging over my head, intruding on the present. That’s exactly what’s going on now. This thing with Jack is definitely interfering with what could happen with Glenn. Glenn is interested in me, I know it. Why can’t Jack be more that way?
I haven’t heard from Jameson. I sent him a text message to tell him to have a good day, to which I received no reply. For someone who was determined to court me, he’s not doing a very good job. When he does text later that evening, I ask if he wants to go to dinner.
“I’m tired of going to dinner,” he tells me. Oh really? “I want to stay home and cook.”
Maybe Jameson and I are at different stages. Or maybe he’s just not that interested. I don’t know.
Enough thinking for now.
***
Glenn is turning out to be a sweetheart. Yesterday, when I was feeling a little under the weather—hungover—he brought me soup. Can you believe it? Delivered it and everything.
He calls and invites me to dinner tonight, and I take him up on it. We go for sushi. He eats the raw stuff and I stick to the rolls. I do try BBQ eel, but that doesn’t really work for me. I won’t be trying that again. Other than the icky eel, dinner goes well.
Now, I’m off to dreamland.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Monday, December 19
6 Days Left
I call Jack to tell him that today would be a good day to get together and do something since I will be leaving for Florida in the next couple of days.
No response.
Jeez!
I love carnivals. I love certain rides. One of my favorites is the Tilt-a-Whirl. It goes around and around in a particular pattern. You know what to expect. I don’t like rollercoasters. I don’t like the feeling that the ground can disappear with no warning. I’m like that with life too. I like a predictable pattern I can depend on. I know it can’t be that way all the time, but I can choose not to climb aboard particular rides in life.
With Jack, it’s like a rollercoaster. One minute I’m up, the next moment I’m free-falling, wondering where this ride is going. I’m not an adrenaline junkie. I don’t want my love life to be that way either. But I can’t stop. I’m on this ride and stuck until he gets his head out of his butt and calls me. Or I get my head out of my own butt and walk away.
Ended up with a full-fledged cold. I was supposed to have a late lunch with Glenn, but didn’t make it. My eyes are red and watery. I’m sneezing every five minutes. And the worst part is I sound like a man. It’s not attractive.
He did call and ask if I needed cold medicine or anything. Isn’t he sweet? I didn’t take him up on it. I was afraid he would run screaming when he saw me. I went to the pharmacy and scared them instead. I figured they’re used to it.
No calls from Jack or Jameson. Not that I expected one from either. Even Ryder is MIA. I went from a pretty full funnel to an almost empty funnel. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work though? You put all the prospects in there and the ones who aren’t good ones for you fall through. So, I guess it really is working for me. Glenn is really the only one in my funnel. And I think that’s a good thing. I like him. I don’t have the butterfly effect yet, but who knows. Maybe it will come with time.
Going to drink my herbal tea, take my cold medicine, and watch Criminal Minds all day.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tuesday, December 20
5 Days Left
Not even a whole week left and I don’t know what the point is now. I’ve already gone to see Elf on the beach, been to the Wahoo Christmas party alone, and watched most of my Christmas favorites on TV. I still have no tree to trim. Five days until Christmas and ten until New Year’s Eve. The possibility of Christmas kisses and New Year’s kisses looks grim at this point.
Glenn is still around; he sent me a text last night to see if I wanted to watch a movie before I leave for Florida. Of course, I agreed. We’re going to go tomorrow night. I do enjoy his sweet and gentle company. I have to admit that out of all the men in my funnel since I started, I feel most comfortable around him. Still no butterflies, but I’m beginning to think butterflies are like nausea, a sure sign that something is wrong somewhere. Maybe I should trust my gut and run when that little flutter starts in my stomach.
***
I sing the old Christmas classic “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” as I open my suitcase and lay it on the bed. In two days, I’ll be heading down the coast to meet my parents for the holidays. I can’t wait. Mom will already have the presents under the tree, and like a kid, one of the first things I will do when I get there is commence the present shaking. It is a holiday ritual. I never guess correctly. Never want to. I like being surprised on Christmas morning. I’ll also be the first up on Christmas morning, drinking coffee and waiting for everyone to get up. Usually, I watch the sunrise over the beach from my parents’ deck.
I put my Grinch pajama pants in and other comfy clothes. Going to Mom’s means food. Lots of it.
I continue singing as I put more stuff in my suitcase.
There’s a knock on the door, and Sammy goes instantly into kill mode, so I scoop up Cujo and go see who it is.
It’s Glinda, holding a small fir tree decorated with tiny Christmas decorations in one hand and a covered plate in the other. I open the door to let her in. Sammy, seeing Glinda, instantly halts her attack, and I put her back on the floor.
“Good morning, sha,” she says “You got this delivered at the main house. I told the guy I’d bring it down to you.”
“For me? From who?” Who would be sending me anything?
“I don’t know, girl. I didn’t read the card. I left that for you.”
I take the tree from her and instantly lean down to inhale the wonderful pine smell of the tree. Then I put the tree on the counter so I can grab the card from the florist’s pick. I slide the small card out of the envelope and smile.
I read the card aloud. “Here’s you a tree already decorated. Don’t kill it. Joey.”
“That is mighty sweet of that boy,” Glinda says.
“It is, sorta,” I say. “He’s so good to me.”
“Yes, he is,” Glinda says, then asks, “Have you caught that man yet?”
“No, Aunt Glinda, but I’m still looking.”
She mutters something under her breath and shakes her head.
“What?”
“Nothing, girl, just remembering something I need to do today. Finish up your packing. I’d better get back up to the inn. Come see me before you leave.”
“Oh, you know I will.”
“Good.” She gives me a quick hug, pats Sammy on the head, and takes her leave.
I go back over to my little tree and once again inhale its wonderful scent. I lean against the counter and look at the little card in my hand.
Mr. Right does it again. That is exactly what I needed.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Wednesday, December 21
4 Days Left
I’m going with three days left on my countdown. I said all I wanted was a real good man by Christmas, but
I’m not counting Christmas Day. I seriously doubt Santa’s going to cram a man in my stocking this year. Or surprise me with a man wearing a stocking. Even though that would be interesting. I’m not sure what my parents would think about that though.
Maybe I should wake up early and sneak a peek, just in case.
It’s crazy how fast the time has gone by since I started this journal. It seemed like thirty days was plenty of time. Maybe if I would have been willing to settle, it would have been. Armyguy and I might be married by now if I would have pursued that particular possibility. Or even wanted a husband.
That thought makes my eye twitch.
Still no call from Jack. I read again in Cosmo that a man who is truly interested in you will call within three days. It’s been four. I find it hard to believe that he has not had ten to fifteen minutes to call in three days. He knows I’m off. Hello? He’s off all day, he works nights. Surely somewhere within that time period he could have at least sent a text. It’s not rocket science. If this is truly how it is, if he is interested in me, could I live with this non-communication? No, I couldn’t. I can’t depend on him enough to return a call. How can I depend on him enough to trust him with my heart?
I’m leaving for Florida in the morning. This gives me time to think and make phone calls. I may just call him one more time.
Enough about him. I called Glenn today. We made plans to go out before I left. He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner and a movie. I, of course, said yes. I picked the movie and let him pick the restaurant.
I have a slight moment of panic when I realize I can’t get ready in the amount of time I have given myself. Sometimes I really don’t know what I’m thinking. I call him back and ask for a half hour more, which he graciously agrees to. I finish my hair, and just as I pull my shirt down after changing, Glenn is here. Perfect timing.
I’m dressed up, which is not normal for me. I feel weirdly overdressed in a sparkly green top and black slacks. Actually, I didn’t want to iron, and didn’t want to wear jeans, so I defaulted to this.
When he shows up, he pulls this huge basket out of his truck. A gift basket full of three bottles of white wine—he remembered I don’t drink red—chocolate, crackers, cheese, you name it.
Wow! A Christmas gift! And an incredible one at that! I think my cold heart just melted a tiny bit. And counting Joey’s, this is my second already.
We go to a local steakhouse, and dinner is great as usual. Then, it’s movie time. We get drive-thru daiquiris—I love South Louisiana!—and settle in to watch the movie.
As the movie plays, his hand slowly touches my leg. Just the front of his hand. I find it very sweet. Slowly, very slowly, his hand moves until it’s resting on my leg.
That’s when I feel it.
That slight fluttering in my stomach. Butterflies. I realize that four days before Christmas I might have achieved my goal. Glenn is a real good man. And I found him. Or he found me to be more accurate. What’s going to happen now?
I still have unfinished business with Jack that needs to be cleared up. I’m not going to let it consume me like it has in the past though. I’m not going to force something to happen with Glenn or with Jack. Maybe Morgan’s right. When it’s time, it happens naturally. That might be one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in the last thirty days. Don’t force it. Just let go and see what can happen.
Chapter Thirty
Saturday, December 24
Christmas Eve
When I was a teen, after a disastrous Christmas dance, I started a Christmas wish tradition. On one of the shows I was watching at the time, one of the characters was walking at night on Christmas Eve. She stopped under a streetlight, the snow falling lightly, and made a wish. I don’t remember now what her wish was, but it prompted me to make my own Christmas wish that year.
So began my traditional Christmas Eve wish. Every year, I have made a wish. Last year, I made it early. I wished Jack would contact me before Christmas. And he did. And look where that got me.
What am I going to wish for this year? I don’t know. I’m not unhappy. I’ve thought about wishing that this thing with Jack would be settled, but I used my wish on him last year. I don’t know if I want to waste it on him this year.
As I drive to Florida to meet my family, I ponder this question. What am I going to wish for this year? I hate being alone on New Year’s Eve, so I think about wishing that I won’t be alone. That seems like a waste too.
I also think about how sometimes when people come into my life I’m attracted to them because there’s something that I need to learn from them. Ryder and I have talked about that. It’s quite possible that I was attracted to him for a time because there was something I needed to learn, or maybe I needed that push to find my voice again and start writing.
He also told me that we search until we find the person who has our heart. How do we know that person has our heart though? He says it has something to do with when you kiss them it feels like electricity passes through you. That’s how it feels when Jack kisses me, but I don’t think he has my heart. I think it means he has something else, but we’re not going to go there.
There has to be more than that.
I call Glenn on my drive. We talk and laugh for at least an hour. He’s so funny, and has such a sarcastic sense of humor. I like that. Some guys don’t like sarcasm in a woman. He does, though, and we go head to head. It’s that challenge that I love. We make plans for New Years. I’m excited that I won’t be alone and that I didn’t waste a Christmas wish on that. And I’m thankful that Santa brought me a good man before Christmas. I was really getting worried about the man in the stocking thing.
Actually, Santa brought me several real good men. Ryder is an awesome man with the best heart I’ve ever known anyone to have. He’s just not my awesome man. But I know that no matter what, he’s going to be there for me two, five, even ten years down the road.
Jameson is a real good man too. He works hard to provide a good life for himself and his boy. He’s a great father. He’s got a great sense of humor and wonderful outlook on life. But again, he’s not my good man.
Jack, too, is a real good man. He served our country, and faced things I can’t even imagine. But is he my good man? No. It is time I face that fact and let him go.
I pull up to my family’s beach house with a smile on my face. I see Noah’s rental and Ben’s old ratty truck. It’s the first Christmas with my brothers in years. I shove all this men business aside and climb out of my car.
As I do, my phone beeps. I look to see who it is.
Jack: Merry Christmas, Carly.
Damnit. I stare at the phone for just a moment. Then I hear the heavy boots of my brothers on the wooden deck of the house.
Not today, Jack, I think, and I slide the phone in my back pocket.
Not tomorrow either.
Chapter Thirty-One
December 31
New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve. Another of my favorite holidays. Yes, most holidays are my favorite. Except Independence Day and Valentine’s Day. I don’t like fireworks and I don’t like a man feeling like he has to buy me something because society or a holiday says so.
Why do I like New Year’s Eve? Because it’s about letting go of the past and moving on. It’s about new possibilities and new beginnings. I think that’s exactly what I need.
Speaking of letting go and moving on, I deleted Jack’s number on Christmas Eve. I went outside by myself for a moment, looked up at the stars, and made my Christmas wish. I scrolled through my phone, deleted Jack’s number, and I haven’t added it back. I stepped off that rollercoaster, and I don’t see myself getting back on.
Big bash at the Wahoo tonight; it’s always a big to-do. Party hats, those annoying noise things, the works. Mini bottles of champagne at midnight, which I will probably down as a shot. It’s New Year’s Eve, and I have no date.
Glenn got called away on business, and our date got cancelled. So I would b
e going to the party alone. Again.
I’m okay with it though. Ryder will be there, as will Morgan, and Jameson, I’m sure. All of us minus Joey. Rough offshore waters have delayed his return home. Maybe he’ll be here tomorrow for Glinda’s New Year’s Day feast of black eyed peas, cabbage rolls, and lots and lots of Bloody Marys. I hope so. I miss his face.
***
I teeter into the bar in heels. New Year’s Eve is one of the few times of the year I really dress up. My hair is fixed, makeup is on point. My sparkly grey top and black skirt are perfect for tonight’s party. How long the heels will last? Who knows. I have a pair of flip-flops in my purse just in case.
The parking lot is packed when I drive up, as it usually is on this particular night. I can hear laughing, music playing, and the sound of pool balls hitting on the tables. I smile as I open the door. It may be New Year’s Eve, I may not have a date, but I definitely won’t be alone.
I see Ryder first. He is leaning against the bar, one boot resting on the ledge. He has a Coors Light bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He looks like he just stepped out of Urban Cowboy. He sees me and he smiles.
“Happy New Year,” I say as I walk up to him.
He grins his Ryder grin and leans down and kisses me on the cheek. “Happy New Year.”
I take the seat next to him, and Crystal places a beer in front of me.
“You know what,” I tell her, “next time, bring me one of your awesome appletinis.”
“You got it, girl.”
Ryder raises an eyebrow. “Appletini?”
“Hey, it’s New Year’s.”
“All right, but we’ll see how long you last in those shoes after a couple of those.”
Catch And Release (Fleur de Lis) Page 8
