Heavy (Heavy Hearts Book 1)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

  I try to think of something special to write back to the boys. It’s kind of weird that I want to send them a special message, but to the girls, I felt the opposite. Girls are bitches. Well Tasha Pritchard is anyway. The boys though, they are different. Yes, they flirt with me. Yes, they make innuendos and inappropriate comments, but I know they don’t mean any harm by it.

  Lexi-West

  Guys, I’m okay! I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner, it’s just a lot to wrap my head around right now. Please don’t be angry with Marcus. It was a secret that I had hoped would never get out.

  Ayden is right. I am safe with him. He is taking very good care of me and definitely not taking advantage of me. I am grateful to him and his family for taking me in.

  Jar, I haven’t even thought about those silly code names in years. I really do think mine is the best. Marcus yours really does SUC! ☺ lol sorry, I couldn’t help it.

  Sorry to burst your bubble Shaun, but there were no threesomes or foursomes. And yes, I know you are joking. I need joking in my life right now, so don’t stop.

  Garrett, it’s not a stupid question. I’m doing okay. I will be okay ☺

  Simon, thanks for offering me your balls. How sweet. YOU CAN KEEP THEM!!

  ☺

  I shake my head at how ridiculous all the messages are. Ridiculous, but good. There’s a message from Nathan too which simply says “Call me when you can,” and one from Travis saying “Sorry to hear about what happened at home Lexi. I don’t want you to worry about anything. It’s all good.”

  Travis’s message is cryptic, but I think I get what he’s saying. I shouldn’t worry about getting caught for the vandalism. It fills me with relief, but also guilt. Am I really going to let Travis take the fall for something I did too? I shouldn’t, and maybe I won’t, but right now I have bigger things to worry about, like the Messenger message from Mike.

  Mike West

  You little slut! I don’t know how you got away, but I will find you, and when I do I’ll make our last encounter seem like foreplay! You were never good at Hide and Seek Ali. When you least expect it, I’ll be there to catch you!

  Air fails to expand my lungs for a moment, and when Ayden looks at me with concern, I try to quickly school my expression and force myself to breathe. I should show him the message, but I don’t. I can’t bring myself to let Mike push his way into our bubble, so I delete it and pretend it never existed.

  Andrea takes that moment to come into the room, dragging my attention away from my phone.

  “Oh good, you’re back. Did you get what you needed, Lexi?”

  “Yes, thank you,” I smile at Andrea and slip my phone into my hoodie pocket.

  “That’s good.” Andrea continues, her face turning serious. “So I heard from Officer Zimora. They went to see your mum and, after examining the situation, have ordered her transfer to a different hospital to receive different care.”

  I frown, “Different, how?”

  “I believe the current hospital had your mum so sedated that she was incoherent. After some discussions with the doctors, the officers determined that your mum’s best interests weren’t being met. In the new facility, she will be put through detox this week, and once she is clear of mind, new doctors will determine her needs.”

  “I don’t understand,” I shift forward on the couch, keeping my focus on Andrea. “So she’s at rehab?”

  Pity flashes across Andrea's face, “Yes. It is a rehab facility. However, the officers seem to believe that perhaps your mum’s addiction issues were being fed by her local doctor for some reason. The fact that she’d been taken to a different medical facility in the first place has raised flags, and the officers believe that perhaps your dad was in cahoots with your mum's doctor. They suspect your dad has been keeping your mum medicated and addicted to alcohol to maintain her control.”

  “Fuck,” Ayden curses, saying aloud what I’m thinking.

  Dread sits heavy in my belly with the knowledge that what Andrea said could be true. How could my dad do that to my mum? And Why? As far-fetched as it sounds, it all makes so much sense. Having her dosed up on drugs or wasted on alcohol made it easier for him to go off and live his second life. I thought him having a mistress was a new revelation, but there’s a big fat chance this has been going on for years. That fucking prick. If he didn’t want to be with her, then why didn’t the arsehole just put her out of her misery and leave her so she could move on?

  “When can I see her?”

  “It will be in a couple more days. The withdrawal process can be brutal, so it’s probably best that you wait a little longer until the worst is over.”

  I nod in understanding. I’d seen it once when I was around twelve-years-old. My mum decided to try and do it herself. I didn’t understand what was happening at the time, but I know now. She failed, of course, and then went on a bender that nearly killed her.

  “I know none of this sounds good, Lexi, but at least something is happening about it now. If the officers are right, then you haven’t been the only victim in your family.”

  She’s right. My mum has been manipulated too, drugged just like I was when dad came to take me from school. I never deserved that. And even though she’s been a shitty mum, being spaced out all these years has probably been the main contributing factor. For all I know, my mum could be a nice person. Hell, she may even love me deep down.

  Ayden’s strong arm wraps around my shoulder, and I lean into his side, accepting the support.

  “So, in a few days, we will take Lex to see her mum?” Andrea nods to Ayden’s question.

  “Thank you,” I speak quietly, still reeling from this information.

  Andrea reaches out and gives my shoulder a supportive squeeze matched with a small smile before leaving the room.

  “You okay?” Turning me in his arms, Ayden runs worried eyes over my face.

  “Jesus, just how much more fucked up is this going to get?”

  “I don’t know, Lex. But just remember, we are going to be with you every step of the way.”

  His words warm my heart once again, and I feel the slightest glimmer of hope.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  The stars glitter above in the chilly night sky. I wrap the fleece blanket around my shoulders, not wanting to give in to the cold and go back inside. The rooftop gardens at the height of Ayden’s dad’s apartment and studio building are tranquil, and if Ayden hadn’t brought me up here, I would never have known it existed.

  The setting is beautiful. The Cabana Loveseat we occupy is secluded from the garden centre in a private courtyard to look out over the city. I breathe in the crisp air letting the fresh bite clear my mind, which has been fucked up to no end lately.

  “Here you go, beautiful.”

  Accepting the mug of steamy hot chocolate, my hands relish the warmth.

  “Thank you.” I smile back at Ayden as he sinks down beside me in the loveseat.

  We sit in silence, sipping our drinks, lost in thought as the hot liquid warms us. We’ve been out here for a while now. We should really go back inside, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. It’s less suffocating up here high above the city. The open space and beautiful ambience of watching the sunset frees my mind from its regular turmoil. Of course, so does the nearness of Ayden as we curl up on the loveseat together.

  What is it about sunsets and hope? It briefly scares all my worries away, making them seem insignificant as I watch the big flaming ball that heats our earth descend past the horizon, creating beautiful pinks and oranges to dance across the sky.

  “I need to admit something to you.”

  Ayden’s deep voice breaks my train of thought, instantly gaining my attention. I turn to look at him. His hood is pulled up over his head just the same as mine, and like me, he is wrapped in a fleece blanket while he clasps his warm mug with both hands. Just the sight of him makes my heart flutter.

  I raise a brow in question, “Oh, you do, do you?”

  He no
ds, taking another sip of his hot chocolate.

  “I knew who you were before my first day at school.”

  What? How is that possible? Ayden chuckles at whatever expression he sees on my face.

  “Marcus kinda’ told me all about the who’s who of Fox Pines Catholic College a few days before I started. You were someone he seemed to know a lot about.”

  “Why? Because we grew up together and are in the same friendship circle at school?”

  Ayden grins, “Well yes, that, and the fact he’s been crushing on you for a few years now.”

  “What!” I squeak, nearly spitting out my hot drink, which just makes Ayden laugh again.

  “Didn’t know, huh?”

  “Uh, no! He said nothing.” I’m so confused. I think back to all the times at school and the parties we’ve been to together. I can’t think of any times I got any ‘I like you more than friend’s’ vibes off Marcus, although he’s been more chatty over the last week.

  “Yeah, he’s a chickenshit. He was too scared you would turn him down.”

  I’m genuinely shocked.

  “Anyway,” Ayden continues, “when he showed me your Instagram feed, I was immediately taken by you.”

  “Taken by me?” I’m grinning ear to ear now, and he smiles back.

  “Yes, taken by you. Your beauty, the way you seemed so happy in the pictures. Your confidence.”

  I cringe. That doesn’t sound like me at all. Not the real me anyway. He saw the image I portrayed to fool everyone.

  “I could see why Marcus had a thing for you. But then that first day at school, when I searched the crowds to find you, I couldn’t see you because I was looking for that happy, carefree girl in the pictures. Marcus spotted you before I did and directed my attention to behind the crowd. That’s when I saw it.”

  “Saw what?”

  “I saw the damaged soul that matched my own.” Ayden’s gaze is piercing, locking me in place. It’s like his eyes have the power to see directly into my soul. Uncomfortable under his scrutiny, the need to run teases me again. Tears spring to my eyes, so I move to turn away, but Ayden stops me by cupping my face with his warm hand.

  “Don’t run from me.” His whisper is pleading.

  Hot droplets pop out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I tell myself to stay put. I don’t want to run from him. However, I do want to run from the ugly truth I’ve been trying to hide from everyone.

  “When I saw you that day, I was pretty confused. I asked Marcus if something bad had happened to you or if something had changed in your life, but he couldn’t think of anything, so we re-stalked your Instagram account and noticed that you hadn’t posted anything for a few months. No more laughing selfies with Abbey, no more party pictures with you and the group. I accosted Marcus for not noticing that something was up.”

  “You accosted him?” I squeak again in shock, and Ayden grins, dropping his hand from my face.

  “Yep, sure as shit did. Made him feel real bad, too, for not noticing something was wrong. That’s when I knew I had to find out why your smiles didn’t reach your eyes anymore and why you looked so defeated when you thought no one was looking.”

  I can’t speak. I can cry apparently, but I can’t find any words. I feel too exposed, yet relieved that someone noticed when most people didn’t. It’s just plain confusing.

  Putting his mug down on the table next to the love seat, Ayden takes mine, placing it next to his. Warm fingers swipe away the tears until my cheeks no longer feel cold.

  “I was just so drawn to you that day Lexi,” he whispers, “I could see your beauty, but that isn’t what drove my need to know you. It was the pain I could see you working so hard to hide, and that no one else seemed to notice it. I just really needed to help you. Protect you.”

  “Your need to protect me, is that because of what happened with Dani?” I didn’t want to ask, but I have to know. I’m worried I’m nothing more than a project for him to focus on.

  Ayden is quiet for a moment, his blue eyes boring into mine.

  “I’d like to say it has nothing to do with what happened with Dani and not being able to protect her, but I’d be lying. I don’t want to lie to you Lex. I care about you in a way that is hard to explain without sounding obsessed or over the top, especially since we only met a week ago. Honestly, I’d do anything to protect you and make you feel loved and safe.

  The thing that happened with Dani isn’t the reason I pursued you though. I’m not here with you trying to be a hero because I couldn’t be one to Dani. I’m here with you because everything about you lures me in. Your smile, your humour, your backbone, your sassy mouth, your morals, the way those pretty cheeks turn pink for me, those lips. Fuck those lips of yours are so soft and demanding. I don’t have to worry about any addiction with illict drugs Lexi, not when you are my drug.”

  Holy! Fucking! Hell!

  I’m quiet for a few minutes. Mainly because the lump in my throat prevents my voice from working, but also because I don’t know what to say.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking, beautiful.”

  His endearment melts my heart, not just by the words he says, but by the love he says them with. Well, maybe not love, but care. He can’t love me. It’s too soon.

  “I don’t really know what to say. Thank you, I guess.” I smile, wanting to say more but can’t.

  A warm, caring smile tugs at Ayden’s lips before his eyes dance to my own. He wants to kiss me again. I can see it in the way his eyes turn almost drunk and by the way his breath quickens. Unwavering need consumes me, silently begging for the kiss he wants to give. I dart out my tongue to wet my lips in an obvious invitation, and Ayden takes it, leaning in to brush his lips against mine.

  I let my emotional chaos slip away and focus on the feel of his lips and the way he laps at mine in small nibbles. The need to be closer to him is overpowering, and without thinking twice, I drop my blanket and straddle his lap to deepen the kiss. This time it’s Ayden who moans, and knowing I’m the cause of it makes me feel powerful.

  His toned body is flush against mine in an intoxicating embrace. I can feel his very prominent bulge between our bodies, and without thinking, I grind against him. Our moans fill the air, his hold on me tightening around my waist. His hands almost hurt pressing into my skin, but it’s the good kind of hurt that has me craving more. The heat building inside me sends a flush over my skin from head to toe, and I’m lost. Our mouths are hungry; our hands roam of their own accord, and our bodies respond to each other like they were made to fit.

  I hadn’t meant for things to go further than kissing, but the drug that is Ayden Mitchell has released a beast within me, and I’m consumed by sheer need and desire.

  Ayden’s hands slide to my hips before they find their way under the hem of my hoodie. His magical fingers glide over the bare skin of my back, searing my flesh like a wanted brand. As if just realising that he’s touching my bare skin, Ayden moves to pull his hand away. I growl. Like actually growl like a damn animal! His responding moan spears me on, and I clasp his wrist, guiding his hand to the bare skin of my tummy and then slowly slide it up my front to meet my aching bra covered breasts.

  “Lex.” Ayden chokes out, his lips still pressed to mine, “we should stop.”

  “No, not yet. Please, Ayden.” Yep, I just begged. My need for his touch feels more overwhelming than my need for air.

  Ayden pulls back from me, a mix of pleasure and pain twisting his beautiful face.

  “Lex, you’ve been through a lot. Now isn’t the right time to be doing this. I don’t need anything more from you.”

  Panting from my desire, I sit back to look at him properly. His lips are puffy and well kissed, his cheeks are flushed with heat, and his eyes look drunk with lust. This look, right here, I definitely need more of.

  “I want more.” My words are a whisper, but I look him dead in the eyes, not shying away from my embarrassment at being so forward. I need him to see that I mean what I’m saying. “Ca
n you give me more, Ayden? Because I want to give you more. It’s the truest thing I know right now. I’ve never wanted this with anyone before, but I know I want it with you. I mean, if you want to. I…”

  My nerves get the better of me, and my confidence wanes. Maybe he isn’t attracted to me in that way? Perhaps he’s a virgin and is saving himself for marriage? No, that can’t be it. I’m sure he would have had sex with Dani. Jesus, maybe it’s just me he’s not interested in. My beaten face must be a real turnoff.

  Ayden’s gentle fingers trace my jawline, shaking me out of my thoughts.

  “Stop overthinking, Lex.” Those plump lips of his curve up into a smile. I don’t say anything, but I return his touch, grazing my fingers over the short stubble along his jaw and up to his lips. As I slide my thumb over his bottom lip, his eyes flutter closed before he darts his tongue out and draws my thumb into his mouth.

  I won’t lie. It’s fucking hot. And when he moans, I shudder from an intense appetite throbbing between my legs.

  “I want you, Ayden. All of you.” His eyes snap open at my words, and I slowly draw my thumb from his warm mouth. Reaching down, I grab the hem of my hoodie and slowly lift it over my head, tossing it somewhere behind me. “Do you want me?”

  “Fuck, Lex, you have no idea how much I want you.” His chest rises and falls with deep breaths, and his eyes flick down to the black lace that covers my breasts.

  An internal struggle contorts his expression giving away a mix of emotions. I know he believes I’m fragile because of what happened with my brother, and that holding back is doing the right thing, but I need him to see that I’m okay with this.

  “I need this, Ayden.”

  I slowly glide my hands up my thighs and watch as his eyes immediately move to follow them. The way he watches me, his eyes almost black with desire, makes me feel powerful and in control. I’m the one causing his reaction. I’m the girl who he has his eyes transfixed on as my hands slide up and over my bare tummy to the swell of my breasts. Ayden’s breathing is more rapid now, and I still my hands briefly before slowly cupping both of my breasts. When his tongue darts out to wet his parted lips, I drag the tips of my fingers over each lace covered nipple.