A Father's Sins: A Pride and Prejudice Variation

by J Dawn King

  “No, Georgiana, it does not bother me at all. The people that mean the most to your brother and I will be in attendance.” She reached over and grasped her beloved’s hand. “It will be everything I have ever wanted or desired in a wedding.” She was pleased to see Darcy’s smile.

  “It suits me as well, Georgie.” Darcy kept Elizabeth’s hand in his as he looked at his sister.

  After dinner, Mr. Darcy joined the ladies in the music room. While Elizabeth sang some lovely Irish ballads, Georgiana accompanied Elizabeth on the pianoforte. It was the first time he had heard her sing. At Netherfield Park, Miss Bingley, in her determination to impress the gentlemen, was quick to display her talents. Since Elizabeth had been in residence to nurse first her sister and then Darcy, she had not had opportunity to play or sing. Her beautiful soprano voice filled the room and he was not surprised to look to the doorway and see servants standing and listening, clapping in pleasure at the end of the song. Darcy joined in the applause, realizing that this was what his future would be; music and laughter filling the halls of Pemberley.

  Georgiana excused herself soon after to prepare for the busy day on the morrow. A wedding at Darcy House! She was not surprised that Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley had not been issued an invitation. Their conduct at Netherfield Park had been beyond the acceptable rules of society, and they could not be trusted to act well on the morrow.

  Darcy led Elizabeth to the library. It was her first glimpse of a room that would quickly become her favorite. Shelves and shelves of books lined the walls. The fire in the fireplace was roaring and drew Elizabeth like a moth to a flame. How he longed to close the door, to be alone with his beloved, to give expression to what was in his heart. As he stood with his hand on the door, debating, Elizabeth turned to look at him, love, affection, and trust shining in her beautiful eyes. Darcy knew then to leave the door open. He was a gentleman and she was a lady. He would never behave in an inappropriate manner in his own home nor with the woman that he loved.

  Joining Elizabeth on the sofa placed in front of the fire, he spoke first, “Elizabeth, when you left Netherfield Park… when you were found to be missing, I thought back to the times you spoke about your desire to see America and I was afraid that you had gone. I… I wanted badly for you to believe that your future was not in some far, distant land, but with me. Though I had not said the words, Elizabeth, I knew that I loved you.” Darcy was wearing his heart on his sleeve, exposed and vulnerable.

  Elizabeth recognized that this was not the time for levity. “Mr. Darcy… William.” She was not yet used to uttering the name that many times she had heard from his sister’s mouth, and she could see that he was appreciative being addressed by her in such an intimate manner. She continued, “It felt to me like so many weights came crashing down upon me. My father accusing me of being a liar and keeping wealth from him, the bitterness of your aunt, Lady Catherine, and the conniving jealousy of Miss Bingley, and to be honest, even your statement that we would marry coming hot on the heels of learning of the shares from the Honorable East India Company, was just too much to comprehend at one time.” He started to protest, but she held up her hand to stop him. “Yes, I needed time to think things through and decided to leave. I felt my best choice was to go someplace where my circumstances would be unknown. The Americas would have done well for that.”

  “William, I had not been gone long when I thought of your actions and conduct towards me and to your family and friends. Truly, I found nothing to indicate that you would offer marriage if your only inducement was wealth. With your position in society, you would have had ample opportunity to do so in the past. I can imagine that rich women, young and old, have pursued the most handsome, eligible bachelor in all of England.” She smiled at that and noted that a smile graced his face as well.

  “That sounds suspiciously like something Miss Caroline Bingley would have said.” He chuckled.

  “You are, in fact, correct William.” It pleased her to realize that he was humble enough to laugh at himself and his circumstances. “William,” how much she enjoyed saying his name. “There were three reasons that I journeyed to London. One reason was to see my family, the Gardiners, again before I left England. I needed to gather items from their home and say my goodbyes to a family that had welcomed me with loving affection and treated me as they treat their own two children. I owed them the respect they deserved for the care and attention they have given me. The second reason was to find out about my guardianship and the shares. If my father had been deemed as having authority over me, I knew that I would not be able to return to English shores until I became one and twenty in June of this next year. At that time, I could freely determine where my future lay. The last and most important reason, William, was that I could not leave matters unsettled between you and I. Even though I never conceived of you offering me a proposal, I feel that our friendship deserved the same respect that the Gardiner’s deserved, a proper goodbye.”

  “Why, Elizabeth? Why would you think that I would not offer for you? You are my beloved, my life.” William was confused and a bit hurt.

  “William, my position as the daughter of a country gentleman, who lived with family in trade, is so far below you in status. When you add to that the problems with my father and his estate and that I had been cast off, I truly felt it impossible.” She reached up to him and put her hand on his cheek just as she had done to comfort him after caring for his wound. “Just because I love you and want to be your wife did not signify that it would happen.”

  He reached up and held her small hand to him, closing his eyes to allow her touch to soothe him. Darcy thought of his own struggles. Overcoming their differences in position and her relationship with her family had been a mental challenge. When he thought of not being married to her, it made his heart ache. He opened his eyes and responded, “I understand your reasoning, my love, and undoubtedly would have done the same. So much has happened in the past two weeks that it is commendable that you were able to think these events through. It is a testimony to your intelligence and strength of character, which bodes well for our future and the future of our children, if we are so blessed.” He brought their hands down to the sofa and entwined her fingers with his.

  So many things were going through his mind. Darcy knew that others thought him proud, arrogant even. From the very beginning with Elizabeth he had wanted to be a good man, someone that the delightful girl that he spoke with in the bookstore so long ago would want to converse with; to laugh with. He had not realized until he saw her again at Netherfield Park how much he longed for laughter, for companionship, for passion. Passion! Darcy needed to change the subject of his thoughts as he could feel his self-control starting to slip.

  “Elizabeth, I do not want to cause you pain, but I feel that we should discuss what both our fathers have done in an effort to control our futures, and how we shall respond.” Darcy then told her about the letter that he had read from his father on that day. The memory of it caused severe distress in Darcy so that she laid her head on his chest, listening to the steady pounding of his heart. Putting his arm across her shoulders, he pulled her into him and rested his chin on her curls. “I still cannot believe that he would ask me to both marry my cousin, Anne, and care for Wickham. Anne is a lovely young woman, but she could never be a proper wife or mistress of any home. Her health is not as bad as she would have Aunt Catherine believe, but she is still frail and there is much that she feels her health would not allow her to do.”

  “And, neither would her mother,” Elizabeth’s bitter chuckle at the incongruity of Lady Catherine willingly remaining out of her daughter’s life, was echoed by Darcy’s agreement.

  “Since the day that Wickham approached us with the purpose of kidnapping Georgiana and causing harm to her and to us, I have not allowed myself to feel remorse at his death. With the words of my father, thinking of the high esteem that he held his firstborn son in and his expectation that I, too, should hold him in the same elevated regard, has
made me wonder if events could have been dealt with in a manner that would have had a different outcome. It is eating at me and I do not think that I can let it go.”

  “William, please listen to me carefully,” she spoke in a soft tone, though her mind and heart screamed to blurt out her reproach on a man she had never met, that had been in the grave all these years, and who would be unaffected by her outburst. Taking several deep breaths before she spoke, she then asked, “As long as George Wickham was alive, would there ever have been a time when Georgiana’s safety would be secure?”

  “No, she would never be safe.”

  “So, then, it really comes down to a choice. If your father had been with us in that carriage instead of you, William, would he have sacrificed his only daughter, his youngest child, to further his firstborn’s rakish behavior?”

  “No! My father adored Georgie.” William could see where her questions were leading. “You are right, Elizabeth. If I had it to do over, I would have wanted the outcome to be the same; that my sister would be unharmed. Georgiana’s future is bright and full of promise, while Wickham’s future would have only ever been one trouble after another.”

  He thought for a moment. “Elizabeth, we cannot undo what our fathers have done in either of our lives. We can, though, see where self-interest and blindness to the faults and motives of others can lead. This unhappiness that we have both experienced from the decisions that your father and mine made earlier in our lives, can be a valuable lesson to us and to our children. I do not want my sons or daughters, should we be fit to have such, to resent us for burdening them unnecessarily by inflated expectations or by interfering in their lives to the extent that we have had to live with.”

  “Can you, my beloved, leave behind the resentment you feel at what your father has done?” Elizabeth asked.

  “That, I do not know.” He pulled her to him tighter. “My nature has always been intolerant of the follies of others. Once my good opinion is lost, it is lost forever.”

  Elizabeth deeply appreciated his candor. “In the past, I have always been able to look back, overlooking the bad and reflecting on the good in my life. I now realize that this manner of coping is helpful in not carrying a grudge, which is a burden that is most unwelcome.”

  Darcy meditated on her words. They were wise and based on principles he had learned from his youth. “I can see the wisdom of that and would like to think that I could overcome this by just shrugging it off.” He squeezed her shoulders. “You may need to assist me in this, Elizabeth. I fear that I will fail in this many times.”

  She chuckled softly. “Then, dear man, together we will start lifting that burden. Please, tell me the good of your father and I will reflect on the good in mine. Your father produced two wonderful children, one boy and one girl, whom I love dearly. He was reputed to be a kind master and a diligent steward of the land.”

  Darcy moved his head to rest on the back of the sofa and thought of the many times that he and his father spent discussing Pemberley, education, books that they had both read, fishing in the streams, and riding the lanes and fields of the property. He recalled the trips to town that he made with his parents, the museums, the theater, the opera, and the symphony that they had attended and the long discussions afterwards of what they had seen and heard. Their lives had been much different before his mother died. His father had been a much different man. Until that moment, it had never occurred to Darcy how grief at the loss of the two women that his father cared for, Wickham’s birth mother and his own, could impact a man so much. It was the same in Mr. Bennet’s case. Until the time of the smallpox epidemic, Elizabeth had a warm, caring relationship with her father.

  “Elizabeth,” Darcy spoke his thoughts aloud. “It just occurred to me that the turning point for your father and mine was the same; the loss of beloved family members. Until then, I never wanted to be separated from the man that reared me. I imagine that for you, it was the same.”

  She nodded in agreement, still pressed up against his chest.

  Darcy remembered that when he was much younger, he wanted to grow up to be just like the man his father was. He was confident in his conclusion as he spoke, “Beloved, we do need to let go of any anger we have. Although neither of our fathers were responsible for nor had control over what led to their grief, they both paid very high prices for the way they responded to their losses. We too paid a price as well. The men that we valued so highly had fallen off their exalted pedestals and they both shattered with that fall. For you and I, our greatest loss was that we no longer respected the men that had been, until that point, our lives, our cornerstone.” He again asserted, “We need to let go of our resentment, Elizabeth, so that it no longer can harm us and we can move forward.”

  She smiled, so pleased with this man who would be her husband. Boldly, she stated, “I agree, William. Let us be the parents that our children desire to be around, to love and respect deeply so that our little boys will want to be just like their Papa and our little girls will want to marry someone just like their Papa.” She sat up away from him and gazed at him with eyes full of love. “I am so happy to be marrying you tomorrow, William.”

  “As am I, Elizabeth.” He could no longer resist the temptation of her sweet lips.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Gracechurch Street, London

  Dinner that night in the Gardiner’s home was filled with tension between the relatives. Jane Bennet, always the peacemaker, endeavored to put everyone at ease. Her first mission was to try to quiet her mother as she repeatedly enumerated all that she would purchase in the days to come. Her father, Thomas Bennet, sat at the table, his food untouched and his mood morose. Mr. Philips, as was his wont, ate in silence. The Gardiners acted like nothing untoward was occurring, until Thomas Bennet started making sharp, antagonistic comments about Elizabeth. They were uttered under his breath, but were heard by Mr. Gardiner.

  Setting his utensils carefully next to his plate, Edward Gardiner wiped his mouth with his dinner napkin. He folded the napkin and placed it on the table, a signal that he had had enough. “Bennet,” he looked at his brother-in-law with all seriousness. “In our home, polite conversation is expected at our dinner table. If you continue to carry on in such an inappropriate and ill-mannered way, you will have to be excused. A tray can be sent to your room.”

  To say that his older brother-in-law was shocked at this firm reprimand would be an understatement. Silence fell in the room as Mr. Bennet looked as if he might have apoplexy. Without a word, Mr. Bennet threw down his napkin, pushed back from the table, and stomped out of the room.

  Before anyone else could respond, Mr. Gardiner continued, “The same goes for everyone at my table. Anything to do with my niece, Lizzy, is not a subject open for discussion. This includes the money from the shares, Fanny,” he looked to his sister at that statement, “the possible location of my niece, nor speculation as to what her future might bring.” Mr. Gardiner looked around the table. “Is my meaning clear?”

  At that, nobody commented, just nodded their heads. The meal ended shortly after and all left for their rooms. The day had been excessively eventful and long. At the top of the stairs, Mrs. Bennet noted a maid coming out of the room that was Elizabeth’s. She desperately wanted to peek inside, curious as to how Lizzy lived in this household, but did not want to face the wrath of her younger brother and host. Fanny Bennet had never seen him like that. He had always been easily manipulated and coerced. The five years since she had last seen him and visited his home had wrought changes in the Gardiner household and Mrs. Bennet did not like it. Mrs. Bennet had not changed. She had always been determined and constant. She would try again on the morrow. That night, she would dream of all they could afford with Lizzy’s wealth.

  Darcy House, Grosvenor Square, London

  The next morning found the mood at the Darcy household one of anxious satisfaction. The Master was to marry in a few short hours. The home, always kept immaculate and orderly, was being gone over b
y every servant available. The cooks were frantically making dish after dish for the wedding breakfast and the footmen were setting up chairs in the drawing room, under the direction of Mr. Ramsey’s precise specifications.

  Upstairs, Georgiana’s maid had selected a beautiful gown of pale blue, which would match her eyes and compliment her blonde hair. The style of her hair was elegant for one who was not yet out in society, but was fitting for the occasion of her brother’s wedding. Elizabeth’s maid had started a bath early that morning with lavender blossoms scenting the water, so that her new mistress would be clean and fresh for the ceremony. An early arrival by messenger of one of Elizabeth’s most elegant dresses from the Gardiner’s was deeply appreciated and the maid wasted no time pressing it and getting it ready. It was cream satin with dark green leaves embroidered around the bodice, the sleeves, and the hem, and would look lovely with Elizabeth’s hazel eyes and golden-highlighted chocolate brown curls.

  Even Parker, Darcy’s valet, had joined in the excitement and had his Master’s clothing freshly pressed and laid out hours before it was necessary. After his bath, Darcy had a difficult time being shaved as he seemed unable to keep from smiling. Parker wanted nothing to mar his master’s face, so had to stop and start many times. It was not a hardship, seeing the man he held in deep respect being happy.