These Sorrows We See

by Schultz, Tamsen

  She looked at him for a good long while but he didn’t flinch or back down. Never even considered it.

  “Dash,” she started, then paused and glanced away. “I can’t do this right now. I just got off the phone with Douglas and, well, I just can’t do this right now.”

  Not what he wanted to hear. Not at all. But what could he do? He’d walked away from her for over twenty-four hours; he didn’t really think he had a right to demand that she resolve the issue on his timetable.

  “Matty,” he said, waiting for her eyes to come back to his. As soon as they did, he continued. “Later then?” He wanted her to see the sincerity he felt.

  Her eyes searched his for another long moment before she gave a small nod. “Later. Maybe after the breakfast.”

  He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and nodded back. She moved to the driver’s door of her car and slid into her seat. They didn’t say any more, and as he watched her drive away, he held a little bit of hope that later, maybe later, she’d let him try to fix the mess he’d made.

  ***

  When Matty arrived at the breakfast site, she spotted Kit and Jesse unloading Kit’s Land Rover. She waved as she pulled into the parking space next to them and they waited as she got out of her car. As soon as she’d met her the night before, Matty had liked Jesse—a petite blonde who looked a bit like a modern-day Marilyn Monroe, but with longer hair. And now, seeing Jesse standing next to Kit, with her auburn hair, golden eyes, and five-foot-eleven frame, Matty thought the two looked quite striking.

  “You look a little worse for wear, Matty. I take it you didn’t get any last night?” Kit teased as they started toward the cooking area.

  “I got a lot last night,” she shot back. “Of course most of it was shit from you ladies, but hey, you know,” she shrugged, making Jesse and Kit laugh.

  “So, any word?” Jesse asked as they began placing their supplies on the tables some the volunteers had set up earlier.

  “He came by this morning—” Matty started to say just as Mary Kent called her name. All three women turned to see Dash’s mother bustling toward them with a younger woman in tow.

  “Hi girls,” Mary said as she came to a stop in front of them. “Thank you so much for all your help.”

  All three nodded and mumbled their responses.

  “Matty, this is my oldest daughter, Jane. Jane, this is Matty Brooks.” Matty looked at Jane as she stepped forward to shake her hand. She looked like Dash—with strong cheekbones and dark hair—but her eyes were more hazel, whereas Dash’s were dark brown. And Jane’s eyes sparkled with a little something that looked a lot like mischief.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Matty said.

  “And you, too,” Jane replied. Then she turned to Kit and Jesse and greeted them, obviously having met both before.

  “Why don’t Matty and I get the bacon and ham all set up and you three can manage the pancakes and drinks?” Jane suggested to her mom.

  Mary nodded then started to hustle Kit and Jesse away. Matty turned to Jane, who was grinning.

  “Sorry my brother is being such a jerk,” she said, clearly enjoying the hot water her younger brother had gotten himself into.

  Matty wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Um, he’s trying to make up for it.”

  “Are you going to make him work hard?”

  Matty’s lips twitched at the apparent glee in Jane’s tone. “This is fun for you, isn’t it,” she said.

  Jane laughed. “Immensely.”

  After studying Jane for a moment, Matty gestured toward the tables with a tilt of her head. “Let’s get the bacon and ham started,” she said as she moved away.

  “And you’ll tell me all the details?” Jane pressed, following her.

  “Nope.”

  “Please?”

  “I think you already have the details,” Matty said, laughing at Jane’s approach—an approach that was clearly a holdover from a childhood spent teasing her little brother.

  Jane shrugged as she started checking the pilot light on the grill. “I do, but hearing it from Mom isn’t quite as fun as hearing it from you or Dash. Although, she did use some colorful language last night recounting what she knew.”

  “Your mom is great,” Matty offered with a smile. She liked Mary Kent—really liked her. And she knew her own mom would like her, too.

  “She is. My brother is pretty great, too, even if he is being a jerk right now.”

  “You don’t actually seem all that concerned about the situation,” Matty said, handing Jane the lighter to start the grill. Jane was silent for a moment, concentrating on her task, but when the pilot was lit, she straightened and grinned again.

  “I’m not. You’ll figure it out. I just want some ammunition to use against him later.”

  “Loving sister that you are,” Matty rejoined.

  “Oh, he adores me,” Jane said, unpacking some of the meat.

  “It’s because of the family curse right? Your confidence?” Matty asked, knowing Dash had talked to Jane about her.

  “It’s startling when it happens, but most of us who have come out on the other side like to think of it as a blessing,” Jane answered. She paused as a truck pulled to a stop a short distance away. They both watched as Dash’s dad climbed out of the front and two boys, who looked to be about eight, poured out the truck’s back doors, arguing loudly about something or other.

  “Of course, it depends on the day I’m having,” Jane said with a nod to the shouting boys. “My twins, Josh and Derek. There are times, I will admit, that it does seem a bit like a curse,” she added with a sigh.

  The love in Jane’s voice was so clear that Matty knew her words were ones of jest and held not an iota of truth to them.

  “Hmm, I can see horns growing from their heads as we speak,” she answered, making Jane laugh.

  “There’s more truth to that than you might think,” Jane said, as she turned back to the very serious business of cooking bacon, acquiescing, for the moment, in dropping the subject of Dash.

  Matty spent most of the morning between the cooking stations—filling in when people needed a break, running errands for more supplies. She had thought Mary’s planning was a bit overzealous, but seeing the number of people who showed up, she vowed never to doubt the woman again.

  Several of the local law enforcement officers had made a point to stop by, including Ian and Vivi. When Matty was able to take a break, she visited with them for a short time, then sat and had a cup of coffee with Carly.

  Seeing her taking a short break, Jesse brought Matty a plate of food—eating was a little detail she’d forgotten in the morning rush. Then, after a glance to check on her two teenage sons who were staffing the grill, Jesse joined Matty and Carly for a short bit.

  Dash had arrived not long after the event started. He’d planned to be there earlier but had texted both Matty and his mother to say he’d been called out to a local farm and would be there as soon as possible. Of course, the moment he arrived, Matty was hyperaware of him.

  And it looked like she wasn’t the only one feeling the connection between them. Every time she caught a glimpse of Dash, he looked to be watching her. He hadn’t tried to talk to her and she was glad for that—this event was neither the time nor the place. But in general, he seemed to be keeping close, helping out when needed.

  After finishing her breakfast, Matty chatted with Jesse and Carly for a bit longer, until Carly had to leave for her shift and Jesse decided that leaving her two boys in charge of the grill might not have been the best idea. Rising from her seat to throw her plate into a composting container, she caught a glimpse of Dash playing catch with one of his nephews. She’d met Josh and Derek earlier, but from where she stood, she couldn’t tell which of the identical twins was playing with his uncle.

  Dash looked at ease tossing the ball around with his young relative. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the boy was smiling and Dash was laughing. Her mind wandered as she watc
hed the two and she was startled when Marcus approached, calling her name.

  She spun, a little embarrassed to be caught out ogling Dash, and Marcus cast her a lopsided, knowing grin.

  “Enjoying the scenery?” he asked.

  She rolled her eyes. “Shut up,” she said. He laughed as she shook her head at him.

  “Was there something you wanted?” she asked. Instantly, he sobered.

  “Actually, I just wanted to touch base with you on the knife you found yesterday. I don’t have much news; between all the cleanup and additional accidents that have happened over the last twenty-four hours, we haven’t been able to run it up to the lab yet.”

  Matty frowned. It wasn’t that she blamed them for being short staffed; she just wanted some answers.

  “I know,” Marcus said in response to her reaction. “But Vivi and Ian were going to swing by the station after this event and take it up. I think Vivi might even be planning to process it today. But I wanted to let you know we did find a print though. We dusted it yesterday and were able to lift a good impression that Vivi will run through the computer databases today.”

  Well, at least that was something. Matty lifted a shoulder and let her eyes stray across the bucolic setting. Wild flowers dotted the fields and, from where she stood, she could see the rooftops of several barns peeking through the trees. With such scenery, it didn’t feel right to be talking about what they were talking about.

  Marcus must have sensed the unease that had swept over her and he reached for her arm in a reassuring gesture.

  “The fingerprint is a good thing—”

  “Uncle Dash!” came frantic cry from behind Matty. Marcus’s hand dropped as she spun around to see Dash hunched over, his hand covering his eye.

  She saw Dash’s nephew run toward his uncle as Jane did the same. And then, before she knew what she was doing, she was beside him, too.

  “I’m fine,” Dash was saying through his hands—hands that were covering not his right eye, like she had originally thought, but just above it.

  “I’m sorry, Uncle Dash.” Matty could now see it was Josh who must have thrown the errant ball and was now fervently apologizing.

  “I know, Josh, don’t worry about it. It was my fault, I looked away.”

  “Move your hands,” Matty directed, leaning over him. He must have been startled to have her so close because he straightened right away and looked at her using the eye on the uninjured side of his face.

  “Let me see,” she said, gently pulling his hand away. There was a big red goose egg on his brow and she didn’t bother to hide the breath she sucked in.

  “Is it bad?” he asked, his face bunched in concern.

  “It doesn’t look good.”

  “Luckily, you have a hard head,” Jane interrupted.

  “Nice, thanks, Jane,” he said.

  “Stop it, you two. We need to get some ice on it. Jane?” Matty directed.

  “On it,” Jane replied and then disappeared with her son in tow.

  “You going to take care of me?” Dash asked Matty, not bothering to hide a hopeful little smile. She rolled her eyes at him and led him over to a bench. Pushing him down, she pulled his hand from the injury again and gently touched it.

  A breath hissed out.

  “I guess I don’t have to ask how much it hurts,” she said, starting to step back. He grabbed her wrist to prevent the movement and she almost tumbled into his lap.

  “Ice,” Jane said from behind her. In silence, Matty took the towel-wrapped bag of ice, tipped Dash’s face up, and gently laid it against the goose egg. She heard Jane retreat again and say something to Mary, who had come to investigate. After a short time, she heard both women walk away, leaving her alone with Dash.

  She held the ice pack on Dash’s forehead and, for several minutes, they stayed that way—Dash on the bench with her standing over him—without saying anything. Then Dash reached for her free hand and brought it to his lips.

  “I’m really sorry, Matty,” he said simply.

  She sighed.

  “And after everything you trusted me with that night in the basement, it was really low of me. A new low, actually,” he added. Matty knew he’d intentionally mentioned that night, the trust she’d placed in him, as a reminder of what he knew he meant to her.

  She sighed again then spoke. “Look Dash, honestly, I’m not sure I can blame you for being confused. If someone walked up to me and told me she was your fiancée, I’d be confused too. And probably hurt. But I like to think I would actually ask you what the real story was. You know, like your mom asked me, or Ian, or Vivi, or Marcus. To name a few.”

  She saw him flinch at the list, at the demonstration of just what a jerk he’d been, but he didn’t look away. In fact his eyes held steady and sure on hers.

  “I’m sorry, Matty. I know that man is not your fiancé. Will you tell me who he is?”

  For a long moment, she just looked into his dark eyes. She wasn’t hesitating to tell, she was, for just a moment, reveling in the honesty and the affection in his expression.

  “Steven White and I met several years ago, when my grandmother was still alive,” she started. “He came to one of her parties, which, over the years, had become somewhat elite in the political circles. He was a new senator in town and I think he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to rub elbows with more senior members of congress.

  “Anyway,” Matty continued as she glanced around her, not missing the contrast of her life in DC with the very different kind of life she lived here in Windsor. “We started dating. We both agreed to keep it quiet. He didn’t want his private life splashed about and I preferred to keep myself out of politics. Don’t get me wrong,” she added. “I’m a political person and definitely have political views. Some he and I shared and some we didn’t, but mostly I wanted to be able to keep my politics to myself. If we had been linked together, given my family and his new status, everything I said would be scrutinized and I wasn’t interested in that.”

  “That couldn’t have been easy. Isn’t DC the town with no secrets?”

  Matty gave a little laugh at that. “In a way, yes. But there is also a bit of a subculture of people turning a blind eye to others’ private lives, knowing that if they call attention to someone else’s private life, the spotlight can just as easily swing back and shine on them. Of course there are the scandals, but believe it or not, a lot of public people can more or less manage to have a private life,” she said.

  “So, what happened?”

  “We dated on and off for a couple of years, but it was never serious. It was more a relationship of convenience. We liked each other, but we both knew it wasn’t anything long term.”

  “And then?” Dash asked, rubbing a thumb across her palm.

  She looked at his big hand wrapped around hers. It was calloused and rough and she loved the feel of it against her own skin.

  “And then he started asking me to go to political rallies and events with him.”

  Dash frowned, not understanding. She couldn’t blame him; it had taken her a while to figure it out, too.

  “At first I resisted. Like I said, I didn’t want to become a public political figure. I don’t mind being public for my writing, but politics in that way doesn’t interest me. But finally, I relented and his staff scheduled two visits within two weeks of each other. One in Florida and one in New Mexico.” She didn’t bother to hide the wry cynicism in her voice. To this day, she couldn’t believe she’d been so slow to figure it out.

  “Florida?” Dash asked.

  She met his gaze again. “It was a presidential election year and those two states have huge Hispanic populations. He thought it might be good to get out and stump for his party, which wasn’t the same as my preferred party, mind you, and trot out his Hispanic-looking, Spanish-speaking girlfriend. What better way to prove how inclusive they could be than by having a party member actually dating one?” she added with a roll of her eyes.

  Dash’s eye
brows shot up then he winced at the movement. “Seriously?”

  “Hmm,” she nodded. “I figured it out when we landed in Florida, before we even got off the plane. I asked him about it and he said I was being ridiculous, but his staff couldn’t meet my eyes. Needless to say, I didn’t bother showing up at that event. I got off his private plane, bought myself a ticket back to DC on a commercial flight, and have maybe talked to him a handful of times since then.”

  Dash frowned. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m doubting anything you say, but why would he come up here and claim to be your fiancé now?”

  Matty laughed, and it wasn’t a funny ha-ha kind of laugh. “It’s an election year again next year. He’s been calling me lately. I’m not sure why he thinks I won’t see through him or why I might have any interest in seeing him. But mostly I’ve been ignoring him. I have no idea why he claimed to be my fiancé, but my guess is that he probably had some media thing planned.”

  “As in the good senator running up to check on his beloved fiancée in the aftermath of a huge storm?” Dash said.

  Matty cocked her head and made a face. “I wouldn’t put it past him. But I never talked to him so I can’t say for certain. He called several times the day after the storm, but like I said, I’ve been ignoring him and that day wasn’t any different. I haven’t heard from him since so I assume he left town.”

  Dash looked at her for a long time, then tugged her down onto his lap. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being such a jerk and I’m even sorrier he’s such a jerk and tried to use you.”

  Matty smiled and settled against him, even as she tried to keep the ice on his injury.

  “You two look like you figured things out,” came Jane’s voice from behind her. Craning around, she found Dash’s sister walking toward them, her two boys trailing behind her. “Josh got stung by a bee and Derek didn’t sleep well last night. We got in really late.” She added, directing the explanation to Matty. “We’re looking for Dad so I can take his truck home, since I came with Mom.”

  “You can take mine,” Dash said, reaching for his keys. “I’ll get a ride home.”