Keep My Heart (Top Shelf Romance Book 7)

by Lex Martin

  Logan glances at his brother, who takes a long pull before shaking his head.

  “It’s fine, Tori. You don’t have to go.” Ethan sits across the table with a beleaguered sigh.

  You don’t have to go.

  Not I want you to stay.

  For the next few minutes, I analyze those words. Arrange them in my head, pull them apart, and rearrange them, but no matter how I look at what he just said, his apathy came through loud and clear.

  I like to think I’m not the kind of girl to make a mountain out of a mole hill, but a part of me wonders if Ethan and I are over. If whatever toll today took on him smothered his interest in me.

  The guys talk quietly and debate their finances and how they’re going to repay Allison, while I sit and stare at the tiny scratches on the kitchen table. Internally, I chide myself over the sadness welling up in me. I get this is just a crush, that there’s no way what’s going on with Ethan could be more at this point, but I was so ready to welcome more, and he’s likely nowhere near that.

  With a deep breath, I steel myself and return to the stew bubbling on the stove. I’m so in my head, I don’t notice the guys have gotten up until Ethan’s voice, low and gruff, calls to me.

  I turn to find him a step away.

  After a quick glance around the room, I realize we’re alone.

  I take in his loosened tie and how his broad shoulders fill in his button-down shirt. Since he got home, he’s taken off his suit jacket, and now his sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, revealing tanned forearms and smooth, muscled skin.

  “You clean up well,” I whisper, needing to break the silence.

  “Come here.”

  It’s two simple words, but a sentiment I needed to hear badly.

  I’m in his arms a second later, closing my eyes and breathing in his clean scent as he presses a kiss to my forehead. The relief in my chest is palpable, like the air in a balloon being let out.

  “Sorry I was an asshole,” he says into my hair. “I don’t mean to take this out on you. You’ve been nothing but sweet and amazing.”

  Blinking back furiously against the heat stinging my eyes, I take a steadying breath because I don’t want to cry on his shoulder. He’s the one who’s had a hellish day, and I want to be strong for him.

  He feels so good in my arms. Sturdy and warm.

  I have no idea when this man dug through the defenses I spent the last year building, but he’s burrowed into me now, and I suspect nothing short of open-heart surgery can remove him. Foolish though it may be to have such intense emotions for someone I met this summer, I can’t bring myself to shut him out.

  Once my tears are on lockdown, I pull back so I can look at his handsome face. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could take away the pain.” Reflexively, I place my hand on his chest, like my touch can somehow heal him. Because it has to suck to go through a divorce. Because as much as I adore Ethan and hope that he can be mine someday, I hate that Allison must’ve broken his heart.

  Before he can say anything, I move my hand to caress his stubbled jaw. I know he said he needs time to deal with his divorce, but I can’t help but touch him. “Do you need some ice cream therapy?”

  He cracks a smile and nestles me back against his body. “I need some Tori therapy.”

  Best thing I’ve heard all day.

  Ethan

  I may be dog-tired, but my heart rate kicks up a notch when Tori beams me a beautiful smile as I drop down onto the couch next to her.

  Her eyes return to the Astros game, but she reaches over and threads her fingers through mine, and everything in me, every cell and vessel, lights up.

  My life might be in chaos right now as I try to figure out how to repay my ex, but the woman sitting next to me helps me feel tethered to the ground instead of buffeted by the financial shitstorm I’m facing.

  It’s been almost two weeks since my divorce was finalized, and though I want nothing more than to be able to focus on what’s brewing between Tori and me, the next court date looms like a dark cloud, one that keeps me up at night long after the house is still and quiet.

  I’ve resigned myself to being satisfied with snuggling on the couch. To holding this gorgeous girl. To hugging her. To keeping things PG when all I want to do is carry her back to my bed, strip her bare, and fuck her into next week.

  Not that there’ve been many opportunities. But that hasn’t done anything to curb my craving for her, which has only grown since I’ve been witness to her patience with me. To her commitment to understanding where I’m coming from and being an amazing friend. To her unwavering affection for my children.

  It’s the bottom of the ninth when Tori yawns sleepily. “Gonna take a shower and go to bed. I’m wiped.”

  I pull her into a hug, careful to avoid making eye contact because it only takes one glance into those wide golden-green eyes to make me question why I’m holding out.

  She wiggles closer. “Don’t stay up too late. You have that client coming over tomorrow evening.”

  I love how much of an interest she’s taken in the ranch. How much she cares. Logan and I talk shop every day with her, explaining what we do and how we train the horses. She never looks bored or annoyed. Always asks questions and perks up with curiosity when she’s in the barn. We even managed to squeeze in a lesson on Stargazer. Tori was fantastic up on that horse, her obvious love of the animal a damn delight to see.

  “I’m turning in soon. I promise.” I breathe in her sweet scent. “Night, baby. Sleep tight.”

  She kisses my cheek and shuffles out of the room. I stare after her, wondering how we’ve somehow turned into this old married couple after skipping the part where we bone like our lives depend on it.

  Not that Allison ever watched baseball with me. Or liked to snuggle.

  It fills me with a strange satisfaction that Tori and I have slipped into such an easy friendship.

  It’s not as though our attraction has dimmed. I see how her eyes eat me up when I come in from the barn, sweaty and hot with my t-shirt stuck to my skin. How she studies the ink on my arms. How her face breaks into a sultry smile when she sees me checking her out. Which, by the way, is often.

  I’ve probably broken my record for the number of times I’ve jerked off in the last few weeks.

  Sitting in the dark, with longing and lust in my heart, I wait for the desire to become manageable. For the urge to charge after her and make her mine to subside.

  Once I can breathe again, I reach for the remote. I’ve just flipped off the TV when her unmistakable voice pierces the quiet with a bloodcurdling scream.

  My heart stops in my chest. Tori.

  And then I’m in motion.

  Racing to her room like my life depends on it.

  I fling open the door to find it empty. Steam billows from the bathroom where the door sits ajar, but another scream has me bolting forward before I can question whether I should go darting in there.

  The shower curtain is open, and her eyes widen when she sees me, but she makes no effort to hide her nudity. Water splashes off her slick body and out onto the floor. But that’s not what concerns me. What has me tilting my head is that she’s flailing and jumping around so much in the stall I’m afraid she’s going to slip and fall.

  “Spider!” she screams, smacking at her very bare, very wet skin. “Spiiiiiiiiider!”

  Now that I know she’s not being murdered by a serial killer, I take a deep breath, because, damn, she scared me.

  That’s when my lizard brain homes in on all that water sluicing down her perky, lush tits. How it runs in rivulets along her tight little body. How ethereal she looks with that wet hair and steam billowing up around her.

  But before I focus on what I know is a bare expanse of skin between her thighs, I force myself to stop and look up.

  She waves her hands at me. Imploring. Angry. Agitated.

  “It rappelled down onto me like a goddamn ninja.” Shivering, she smacks at her arms.
r />   I let out a chuckle, one she obviously doesn’t find amusing.

  “Don’t laugh, Ethan! How would you feel if a spider tried to terrorize you when you were wet and naked?”

  That’s all I can focus on. Those words. Wet and naked.

  Swallowing, I ignore the erection in my jeans that would also love to get wet and naked.

  Because there’s a whole lot of naked right now.

  Dutifully, I take up her cause and glance around. Up at the ceiling. Along the tiled walls. Down along the drain. All the while ignoring the naked.

  Jesus, save me from temptation and the boner in my jeans.

  “Babe, I think you probably killed the culprit.”

  Tori’s breathless, her long, thick hair a tangle of wet locks cascading down her body, one I need to explore again with my mouth. Because that fumble in my truck didn’t do my memory of her curves justice.

  Eyes up, douchebag. Eyes up.

  But the smile she gives me is a spotlight, stealing all my attention. “Really? It’s gone?”

  God, she’s beautiful.

  She stares at me from underneath damp eyelashes, the grateful expression on her face making my heart thump harder against my chest.

  Leaning into the shower and ignoring the spray, I wipe away the water on her cheek with my palm and desperately try to keep my hunger for this woman at bay.

  I’m about to tell her that yes, the coast is clear, when I catch a glimpse of the eight-legged suspect.

  Wow. That is a big motherfucker. She’s not gonna like this.

  “Sweetheart, don’t freak out.”

  Tori goes stock still, her eyes widening as I lean closer to pluck the bastard out of the hair draped across her shoulder.

  “What. The. Fuck.”

  The look of terror on her face is punctuated by another shrill scream and more hopping, except she bumps into me as she’s jumping around, and I drop the damn thing. It goes scooting over her bare foot and five hot-pink toenails on its way toward the drain.

  With a pained cry, she leaps out of the shower and into my arms.

  Ethan

  At first, I think she’s laughing. Because, yeah, this whole situation is pretty crazy. I chuckle too, not caring that my clothes are drenched and I’m standing in a puddle of water the size of Canyon Lake.

  I lean back toward the door and peer through her dimly lit room and into the dark hallway beyond. As loud as Tori was a few minutes ago, I think the sound machines in the kids’ rooms probably kept them asleep.

  After closing the bathroom door with one hand, I caress her wet hair. It’s only then that I realize she’s not laughing.

  She’s crying.

  My heart seizes at the panic in her eyes and the fear fluttering her pulse at the base of her throat.

  “Darlin’? Hey, it’s okay.” She’s shivering so hard, her teeth chatter.

  Worse, though? She doesn’t respond. Just trembles in my arms and sniffles.

  My eyes dart around the bathroom and stop on the robe tucked through a towel rod. Grabbing it with one arm, I shake it out and drape it over her slender shoulders before I set her on the edge of the counter. When I realize how threadbare the robe is, I snatch a thick towel and wrap her in it before I tuck her icy-cold body to me.

  It’s a long, quiet minute before she says anything. “I’m so sorr-rr-rry.”

  “No need to apologize,” I mutter softly in her ear, but the fear in her voice is still so stark, I realize I’d do anything to make her feel better.

  With a gentle touch, I run my hand along her back. “It’s not every day a beautiful woman in distress needs me to rescue her. I like to think I bring my A-game. Ethan Carter at your service, ma’am. Rascally vermin are my specialty.”

  That earns me a laugh, and I smile against the silky, wet skin of her neck.

  I reckon a lot of people have phobias. My brother loses his shit any time a snake slithers around here. But I don’t tell her that because I’m not sure if her fear extends to all creepy-crawlies or just the arachnid variety, and I’d rather not point out the wide assortment of pests native to South Texas.

  Anyway, it’s no hardship to hold her right now, so I can’t complain.

  “I’m still sorry I freaked out there.” She sniffles and snuggles closer. “Thanks for not dropping me.”

  “I would never drop you.”

  Burrowing against me, she shakes her head. “I had a bad experience as a kid with spiders.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. What happened? I mean, if you want to talk about it. You don’t have to.”

  “It’s so stupid.”

  “I’m sure it’s not, babe. Trauma that happens to you when you’re a kid can stick with you long after the scars on your skin have faded.”

  She sinks into me and sighs. “I was playing with my neighbor. Her older sister babysat us while my grandmother worked, and I made the mistake of hiding in the shed along the back of the property. My friend must’ve gotten bored and stopped playing, so she didn’t hear me yell. Didn’t know I had gotten stuck and couldn’t get out.” Her voice is nearly a whisper when she says, “There must’ve been dozens of spiders in there, crawling all over me. I had bites everywhere when they finally found me late that night.”

  “Oh, shit. That had to be terrifying.”

  “I had nightmares for years. But the part that always crushed my stupid little heart was how embarrassed I was.”

  “Why were you embarrassed?”

  Groaning, she shakes her head. “I felt so forgotten. My friend forgot me. Her sister didn’t care that I had taken off. My grandmother didn’t realize I wasn’t at the neighbors’ until several hours later, so she didn’t know to look for me.”

  That would hurt any kid. “Where were your parents?”

  Shrugging, she gives me a sad smile. “Not sure. They traveled a lot when I was young. They were migrant workers. So I’d stay with my grandmother for months at a time.”

  “What about your sister?”

  “I’m guessing with my parents. I was probably around Mila’s age, so I don’t remember all the details. Just being trapped and bitten and freaked out.”

  The thought of my daughter being in a similar situation nearly steals my breath. A confusing mix of rage and helplessness swirls in my gut, making me wonder what I’d do if that ever happened to Mila or Cody.

  Fuck, I’d wanna kill someone.

  I squeeze her tighter. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, sweetness. That I couldn’t be there for you.”

  Another sniffle escapes her. “Pretty sure if we’d been friends when we were kids, I’d have made you eat mud pies, so count yourself lucky.”

  And I’m pretty sure if I’d known a young Tori, I’d have been smitten from the get-go. “I love a woman who doesn’t mind getting dirty.” I give her my most charming smile with an innocent bat of my eyelashes.

  “Lord, look at you.” She presses her hand against my whole face and laughs. “You’re too pretty to do that to a girl, Ethan.”

  Snatching her off the counter, I pretend to gobble her neck. It’s the kind of thing I do with my kids. Tori’s laughing and flailing, except this time it’s because she’s having fun.

  Her towel and robe are sliding off, but I don’t care. I’m not gonna steal a peek. Just want her to forget the bad stuff that happened when she was young.

  “Baby, we gotta rinse you off.”

  In the mirror behind us, glops of shampoo and bubbles glisten in her dark strands.

  “No, no, I’m fine.” Her whole body stiffens as she shakes her head vehemently. “I can’t… I can’t get back in there tonight.”

  I set her back down on the counter. “Hey.” I tilt her chin up and wait for her to look into my eyes. “First off, I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want. Ever.”

  I caress her soft cheek with the pad of my thumb, and she relaxes in my arms and nods.

  “Secondly, you have shampoo dripping down your hair, and you feel like a block of ic
e. While I’m more than happy to rinse out your hair in the sink, I think a hot shower would do you a world of good right now.”

  She gives me an owlish blink before her eyes slide over to glare suspiciously at the stall as though an army of spiders might come marching out.

  “Do you want to use my shower? I can make sure the coast is clear before you jump in, and tomorrow I’ll call an exterminator to inspect the house, just to be on the safe side.”

  I’d normally think that’s a crazy length to go for one spider, but if it gives her peace of mind, I’ll do it. After hearing that story, I’d do anything to help her feel safe.

  With another groan, she presses her damp forehead to my chest. “Gah! I feel like such a freak right now.” Her words get muffled by my t-shirt.

  “If it makes you feel any better, Logan once dated this girl who got so hammered, as she leaned out of his car to puke, she peed in his passenger seat. Now, have you ever peed in someone’s car while hurling chunks all over the sidewalk?”

  A snort of laughter makes her shoulders shake, and she peers up at me with a huge smile.

  “See. I thought not. So in the big scheme of things, I’d much rather deal with my gorgeous, naked woman leaping into my arms, than the aftermath of Logan’s date.”

  Her smile turns shy, the vulnerability in those golden-honey eyes piercing something inside me. “Ethan?” She nibbles her bottom lip. “Am I your woman?”

  I hadn’t meant to convey so much just now, except it feels wrong to hide my feelings from her.

  Suddenly, all that resolve to take things slow, to figure out what the hell is going on with my life before committing to this pull between me and Tori, seems foolish. Because have I ever wanted anyone more than I want her? As a friend or a lover? Never. How she’s engrained herself in my life in such a short time is a mystery to me, but I’m grateful nonetheless. I’m a dumbass for not seizing this chance with her sooner.

  “Darlin’.” I press my mouth gently to hers, tasting her minty warm breath. “I’d love nothing more.”

  Ethan