Keep My Heart (Top Shelf Romance Book 7)

by Lex Martin

  I bite my lip and reach for his cock. I can’t close my fingers around his girth, that’s how big his dick is. I know two things right this second.

  I’m going to feel this tomorrow.

  I have to tell Ann. Don’t kiss and tell isn’t a rule when you’re with someone who’s… well got something worth telling.

  I caress him, feeling the warmth and steel of his cock beneath my fingers.

  Mostly, I’m wondering how the hell he’s going to fit. I hear crinkling, then realize he’s unwrapping a condom. He kisses me, distracting me while he puts it on.

  I lick my lips and almost remind him. The odds of me getting pregnant are slim to none. My throat starts to close with the emotions creeping up on me. All this bullshit that’s been making me so crazy is getting in the way of my happiness yet again.

  I won’t let it. I don’t have to tell him, and I’m not ruining this.

  He takes his cock in his fist, and the sight of him touching himself gets me hotter than ever. As he positions himself snug between my thighs, my heart beats faster. I part my legs wider as his cock pushes against my entrance. He stretches me slowly and my head moves from one side to the other with the stinging pain.

  I shiver, a chill running up and down my spine. Charlie brings his free hand up to cup my breast, the rough pad of his thumb brushing against my hardened peak, as he begins to push inside. I moan as he fills me, stretches me, possesses every single inch of my pussy.

  “Charlie,” his name is a strangled whisper from me. My eyes close, and my head falls back at the sweet sting of him pushing himself steadily into me.

  “Say my name again, sweetheart,” I hear Charlie say in a lowered voice.

  Before I can do as he told me, he slowly withdraws, leaving a deep need in the pit of my stomach then thrusts into me, hard. My unintelligible groan speaks for me as he does it again. I grip the edge of the desk as a cold sweat breaks out over my skin and my body begs him to move.

  “Goddamn,” he groans with pleasure. “You’re so fucking tight, Grace.”

  Fuck, it’s so good. His gaze on me should be uncomfortable, but it’s not. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever felt. His pace is steady, his thrusts deep. Each hard pump of his hips makes my body jolt, and I struggle not to fall over the edge. Over and over, my body feels hotter and hotter as I climb higher and higher.

  Still, I sense that he’s holding back, waiting for me to finish. I don’t want him to hold himself in check. I don’t want him to busy himself thinking of me. I want him unhinged, out of his mind with lust.

  I hook my legs around him and dig my heels into his ass, moaning into the crook of his neck as he hits the back of my walls, a sinful mix of pain and pleasure. With a rough groan of desire, he grips my hips and hammers into me, my screams of pleasure getting caught in the back of my throat. I can barely breathe, the intense wave of arousal climbing higher and higher. I don’t even realize I’m not breathing until I let go of the exhale. It feels like something white hot is blooming inside me, something terrifying, but I fucking want it.

  “Yes,” I urge him on. “Do it like that, Charlie.”

  He kisses me hard, demanding more from me.

  He lets loose, fucking me with crazed abandon. More papers fly off the desk, forgotten, but they’re in my periphery as my head thrashes. My body is on fire and then too cold and needing more of his touch.

  I rock my hips against his brutal thrusts, yearning for more.

  I can feel myself tighten around Charlie, and I think he can feel it, too. He pulls my knee up, increasing the pressure, making me hotter. Oh. My. God. I’m right on the edge, desperate to go over…

  Just as I think I can’t, it’s too much, Charlie makes a low sound, rumbling through his chest. Suddenly I’m in freefall. I swear I see stars, thousands of stars of every color. I cling to him as I find my release, burying my head against his neck. He rides me through my orgasm, ripping through me and only making the crash that much sweeter. My nails dig into his skin as his hot breath travels down my body.

  He thrusts one final time, uttering a curse as he comes. I hold him, and cling to him as his legs shake for a second. He stills, then runs a hand down my back. We’re both out of breath.

  My heart pounds as I raise my head to look at him.

  There really aren’t words that describe how amazing that was, so I try to put it in a kiss. It’s short; he breaks it to breathe, but his large hand cups the back of my head, and then he kisses me. Deep and sweet. It’s everything I want and need.

  After another moment, he withdraws gently.

  I wonder if sex is always like that for him. Wild, rough and demanding. Both people finding their pleasure together.

  I’ve never had that before, not ever.

  He kisses me again, cupping my cheek. Then he disposes of the condom and pulls his pants up. I pull up my dress, wiggling off the desk and slipping back into my thong.

  I just want to be happy. I want to have it all.

  Charlie smiles at me as he buttons up his jeans.

  I’ve never settled for anything in my life. But I could settle with Charlie.

  Even if it’s not the same for him. Even if it’s just a good time. I try to convince myself of that, but if it were true, then I wouldn’t feel this sick feeling now that it’s over.

  Charlie

  “I need the needle-nose,” Joseph’s voice snaps me back to the moment.

  I clear my throat, feeling like a fucking pervert for getting lost in the memory of Grace’s sweet curves while I’m only a foot away from my brother-in-law.

  The rusty toolbox sitting on top of the wooden workbench opens with a bit of protest, and I grab the pliers for him.

  “Yeah, here you go.” Stepping back, I let him finish up the job on the furnace. I got lucky that Cheryl married a mechanic. “Thanks for coming and doing this for me,” I thank him for at least the second time today as I grab the six-pack we brought down then take a seat at the bench. I crack a can open, and the snap and fizz fill the silence. “I know you don’t have much time-”

  “Shit,” he cuts me off, and his response has my ass right up out of the seat thinking he sliced his hand open or something. The look on his face tells me he’s fine; he tosses the pliers on the bench and wipes his hands on his jeans. “I’m happy to get out of the house for a minute.”

  He gives the box a look over before shutting the metal screen and flipping the switch back on. The furnace roars to life as he sags down into the seat next to me. “You ever hear of colic?” he asks as he reaches over and grabs the beer I offer him.

  “Colic?” I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about.

  “It means your baby cries… a lot.”

  A grimace appears on my face and if I’d have to bet, it matches his. I focus on my beer and he focuses on his.

  Joseph and I hit it off when he and Cheryl started dating. I never did like her previous boyfriends, but he treats her right. He’s a good fit for her. A good husband, and a good father. Even though he’s working his ass off while Cheryl’s out on maternity.

  “Sorry to hear that,” I tell him, the beer right there at my lips. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know shit about babies.

  He lets out a heavy sigh, “It’s alright.” His eyes are distant when I look at him. He’s got a few days’ worth of scruff and I’m only now noticing the dark bags under his eyes. He huffs out a small laugh and takes another sip of his beer.

  A chuckle leaves me at his next comment, “My ma said it was karma for how I was as a baby.”

  With a long sigh, he adds, “She’s a daddy’s girl, though.” A sparkle hits his eyes, and I finally ease up some.

  “Yeah, that’s what Cheryl says.”

  Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand he takes a seat beside me. “At like two in the morning, every morning, she’s up and hungry. She doesn’t want me then.” He makes a face with wide eyes and it makes me laugh as he takes another drink. “But any other time,
she’s my baby girl.”

  The pride in his voice makes me smile. “I’m real happy for you two.”

  With a nod and a smile still on his face, he admits, “I always thought you’d have one first.”

  I grunt a response, “I’d need a woman to make that happen.”

  “You had one when I first met you.” My body tenses some. I know Ma’s always bringing it up around everyone. She’s always pushing me to settle down, but I don’t need to hear it from my brother-in-law. I only put up with it from Ma, cause she’s my ma.

  “I’m just sayin’,” Joseph takes a deep drink. “You’d make a good dad, if you ever wanted to.”

  That’s my cue to stand up and stretch; I do without looking Joseph in the eyes. “Yeah, well. Maybe one day.”

  I take a few steps to head upstairs, but turn when I don’t hear Joseph following me. The site of him is nothing but casual although he’s looking at me like he’s waiting for something.

  “I heard you got a woman.”

  I run my hand over my face with frustration. Why does everyone have to complicate everything and get into my business? I don’t need anyone in my head or trying to push things one way or the other with me and Grace.

  “She’s nice,” I tell him.

  “She’s in the wedding?” Joseph’s got a cocky smile on his face and it breaks the tension. I let out a laugh as he stands up, taking another drink. “Must be serious if she’s in the wedding.”

  Shaking my head, I stare at the back wall, at the unfinished bar. “I’m going to need another beer soon,” I mutter to my brother-in-law. It makes him laugh, deep and low, and he relaxes his posture, leaning forward in his seat.

  The downstairs would be a good place to hang with him after all.

  I need to get down here and finish this room off.

  “She’s real sweet. A graphic designer.” I add the last part absently.

  “You met her at the bar?” I look back at my brother-in-law to see his face twisted, and his forehead pinched.

  I shove my hands in my pockets and answer, “We hit it off there. It was just friendly at first.” I remember way back when I first laid eyes on her.

  “That’s the way to do it,” Joseph comments with a nod and then sucks his teeth. “Friends first.”

  “Yeah… then I got to missing her.” I surprise myself with the omission.

  “Yeah I bet.” I’m thankful for his simple comment and not looking any deeper into what I just said.

  When I bought the bar, Joseph was the only one who backed my decision. Everyone else told me not to pull the trigger, saying it was too risky. That it wasn’t a real career. But Joseph was right there. He gave me the pen to sign the papers with. He’s a logical man, but in that hairy ass chest of his is a heart of gold.

  “So two stable people, two good jobs.” Joseph’s voice carries a bit.

  “We just started seeing each other.” Even though my voice is harder than it should be he’s unaffected.

  He throws his hands up comically. “I’m just saying, you seem happy lately.”

  I don’t get where he’s coming from. I didn’t pressure him on marriage and babies. Bro code and all. “I’m doing fine.”

  “Yeah. There’s fine, and then there’s happy. You're happy.”

  My lips part to say something back, but I don’t know what he wants from me. I just don’t want people making a big deal of this and expecting something. It’s just fun. For fuck sake, just let us be happy.

  “A wife would look good on you.”

  “You’ve lost your mind,” the words spill out of my mouth.

  “You still got that ring?” he asks me. Susanne’s ring. An engagement ring I spent all of my savings on. Thinking about it now, half a carat and as simple as they come, there’s not much to it. Just like the relationship I had with the woman who wore it.

  “No,” the lie comes out easy. He snorts, like he knows I’m lying as he tosses his empty beer can into the trash then almost grabs another. But he stops himself. Instead he tells me, “I have to get home.”

  Finishing the last bit of mine, I toss my beer can in the trash and leave the rest where they are. “I need to get going, too.”

  The wooden stairs creak as we walk up the rickety steps. When he opens the door at the top, I flick the light switch off and the afternoon daylight filters down the stairway.

  Almost time for work. Always working.

  That day off with Grace made me realize how much I’ve been sacrificing. And what I could be doing if I wasn’t at the bar all the damn time.

  It’s not an option yet, but I finally let Maggie go through applications for a manager. The memory of her broad smile and how she shoved my chest in victory makes me huff a short laugh that gets my brother-in-law’s attention.

  “Let me know if it quits again,” Joseph tells me as he heads to the front door, not breaking his stride.

  “Will do.” With my arms crossed, I stand in the foyer with him as he slips on his boots. “You coming on Sunday?” He missed the last two family dinners. I know he doesn’t need anyone nagging him, I’m just curious. I don’t hold it against him.

  “Yeah, I should be able to. I think we’re getting into the flow of things.” I can see the hint of relief in his expression.

  “Alright then,” I comment as he reaches in for a quick hug.

  “See you Sunday,” he says, turning to leave.

  “See you Sunday,” I repeat, shoving my hands into my jean pockets and watching him go. My voice is lowered, and I’m not sure if he hears me or not. But it’s alright.

  Joseph shuts the door behind him, and I head upstairs to grab my wallet and keys so I can get going, too. As I shove the wallet into my back pocket, my eyes flicker to the dresser.

  I don’t even think about walking over and pulling out the top drawer where the ring is. It just happens.

  The small diamond twinkles. It looks brand new, as if my ex never even wore it. The thought makes me happier than it should. I wish I’d never given it to her. I felt obligated to. As I stare at the ring, the memories come flooding back.

  I was her first, and her high school sweetheart. Not that there was anything sweet about her. We had some alright moments, but I felt chained to her. After all, everyone knew what we’d done.

  They expected us to stay together. They expected all the little boxes to get checked off, and for us to do what we were supposed to. Her cheating on me was one of the best things that could’ve happened. It gave me an out. A heavy weight lifts off my shoulders as I realize how true that statement is.

  And how fucking sad it is, that I would’ve married her, even knowing I never really loved her. Maybe back then I thought that was what life was supposed to be. But right here and now, no. I didn’t love her; not like I know how to love now. She damn sure didn’t love me.

  As the thought hits me, my phone beeps in my back pocket.

  My first thought is that it’s Grace. I’m surprised by how disappointed I am when I see it’s Cheryl.

  Did Joseph leave yet?

  My poor sister. All alone with little Miss Evie. I can just imagine her rocking their baby girl while sending this text and listening to her baby girl cry. It’s all a phase, but I already know she’s going to miss it when Evie’s over it. Maybe not the crying, but the wanting to be held. Hell, Joseph may miss it even more.

  Just left. I type the message and add, Love you, just as she sends back her response.

  Thanks. Love you too.

  The trace of a smile picks my lips up, but then I see the time. Shit. I have to get my ass going. The ring flips back and forth as I roll my fingers over the thin band, making my way out.

  There’s no way in hell I’m not getting married. My ma would kill me. Just the thought makes my steps down the stairs lighter. I’m not getting any younger. And it’s about damn time I had someone in my life. Someone like Grace. I don’t know if she’s the one. My heart flips at the thought of her in a white dress.

  I w
ant her, I know that much. But I don’t have to know any more than that. She’s mine for now, and we’re both enjoying ourselves. That’s what matters. There’s no need to put a label on it.

  I grab my jacket off the coatrack and slip on my boots. She should be at the bar tonight, but she’s got a thing with my sister first. A deep chuckle vibrates up my chest. I’m sure she’ll have plenty to say about that.

  Before I get in the car, I slip the ring in my pocket, knowing the church right up the street has a donation bin. I’m tossing the ring in there before I get to work. I need it gone and out of my life. There’s no way I’d give this ring to my wife. All this ring represents is my past. It was meant for Suzanne.

  I never wanted her back. That ring was just a reminder of what I was going to end up with.

  I’ll never settle. As that thought passes through my mind, I realize I should’ve thrown that damn thing away a long time ago.

  Grace

  Peeking at my phone again, I read the text from Charlie’s sister, Ali. It was sent to all the women in the bridal party.

  Let’s meet at 1 p.m. at Monique’s Bridal! There will be champagne. :)

  With a deep breath in I stare out my car window and take in the view, namely Monique’s Bridal Shop. It doesn’t take long before I see a gaggle of girls come around the corner, and spot Alianna in the middle of them.

  A mix of emotions are running through me, but I shove them down and get out of the car, crossing the street toward them with my keys jingling in my hands.

  Ali spots me nearly instantly and I keep the smile plastered on my face. “Oh, it’s Grace!” She calls out, “I’m so glad you came!”

  She hugs me, and it only eases the anxiousness of meeting new people and being in her bridal party – which still makes me feel like I’m crazy for agreeing to do it. She has to be the crazier one though, right? How awful that I’m thinking that as I pull away and wave to the other women who are obviously her friends and far closer to her than I will probably ever be.