The Christmas He Loved Her

by Juliana Stone

  Jake pushed her back until she was on that god-awful pink blanket. Until she lay back, with her legs spread, with the most vulnerable part of her exposed to him. He stood over her and stared down at the woman who would break him.

  Because that’s exactly what was going to happen, and Jake was no more able to stop that from happening than he’d been able to stop everything else that had happened to him over the last few years.

  Including the last time he’d been with Raine. But he wouldn’t think about that now.

  He fell to his knees, his hands on her stomach.

  He’d been heading here—he positioned himself between her legs—right here, forever, it seemed, and right now in this moment, he didn’t want to think about the consequences.

  Jake bent over and gently kissed her, his tongue tasting her mouth, his lips cajoling a response. Her hips jerked up toward him and she pleaded into his mouth, “Please, Jake.”

  He leaned close to her, one hand on her hip to hold her steady as the head of his cock slid into her wet sheath. “There’s no going back now, Raine.”

  He was at the edge, poised and ready, when her hands slid into his hair and she yanked him so that she was able to look into her eyes.

  “I want this, Jake.”

  Moisture glimmered in the corners.

  “I want you,” she whispered.

  And then her mouth was on him and he was buried deep inside.

  For a second he stilled. He let her body adjust to his size and length, and he reveled in the tight, hot wetness that surrounded him.

  Slowly he began to move, smiling when she would have hurried things along.

  “Not so fast, Delgotto.”

  She made a noise in the back of her throat. “Edwards,” she gasped as he thrust into her again. “I can’t take this much longer.”

  He rested most of his weight on his elbows so that he could look down as he rocked into her. So that he could watch the play of emotion across her face and anticipate her reaction as he carefully controlled their pace.

  “Jake,” she cried out, her eyes dark and wet and so hauntingly beautiful, he was sure he’d see this in his dreams.

  He captured her mouth as he increased his rhythm, his large body sliding in and out of hers, his tongue doing the same. When he knew she was there on the edge with him, when her body began to shudder and the walls of her vagina clenched so tight around him that he couldn’t hold back, he groaned into her.

  He worshipped her with his mouth, with his tongue and his hands, and with one last hard, intense thrust, he came.

  Jake had no idea how long they stayed that way, with him buried deep inside her. All he knew was that he didn’t want to lose this connection. He was afraid that if he withdrew, it would be gone forever. He caressed her face and stared down into eyes that he would never forget. Ever. Not as long as he lived.

  And eventually, when he couldn’t stay that way any longer, he rolled to the side, grabbing the pink blanket and Raine in one motion. He carried her over to the sofa and tucked her into his arms.

  There were no words. There was only the cocoon they had built around themselves, and Jake didn’t want to think about the aftermath of their actions. For the moment he was content to hold and cherish the woman he loved.

  He held her, listened to her breathing and her heartbeat. He gazed into the fire as outside the storm continued to rage, and eventually his eyes closed, and Jake Edwards fell into a dreamless sleep.

  And that was something he hadn’t done in years.

  Chapter 18

  They say that all good things come to an end, but for Raine, this “end” wasn’t something she wanted to face. If she had her way, she and Jake would disappear inside this paradise they’d found and maybe, somewhere in the near future, they’d venture out. But for now? Right now in this moment, here was good. Here was where she wanted to be.

  Here was everything she thought she’d never find again.

  The storm had raged for two entire days and nights, pounding Crystal Lake with a torrent of freezing rain, and when that had finished, several feet of blowing, drifting snow had been unleashed. It was the first real snowstorm of the season, and for some, it wasn’t exactly appreciated or convenient. Roads weren’t safe for travel, businesses were closed, and appointments were missed.

  But here, nestled inside this stone cottage, she and Jake had survived on leftover Chinese food, chips, beer, and sex.

  She’d supplied the Chinese—thank God Yin’s had left extra. Jake had grabbed a stash of chips and beer from the main house.

  And the sex. Oh God, the sex. It had been incredible. No, it had been mind-blowing and intense…and heartbreakingly tender.

  Raine lifted her head from Jake’s shoulder and glanced out the window, blinking rapidly at the bright play of sunlight that fell into the room. She had never in her life felt this sated. This complete.

  Should she feel guilty? Guilty that deep down inside her soul, where she’d been broken, she was finally at peace? How could this feeling be wrong? She thought of Jesse and of the life they had shared. She thought of their love.

  This was different. It didn’t in any way negate what she’d had with her husband, and it certainly wasn’t just about the sex—though that was nothing to complain about. It was about all the other stuff. The quiet looks, the tender touches. The way Jake anticipated her mind and body without even knowing. And now…now she wasn’t sure where to go or how to react.

  Where did you go from this place? This place of contentment and aching muscles and warm flesh.

  Jake moved slightly, burrowing deeper into the comforter he’d taken from his truck—the one they’d been using as their bed. The last of the firewood had been put on a few hours ago, and the flames flickered, dancing warmly. The shadows they cast provided an endless amount of amusement for Gibson, and she smiled as the puppy jumped up the wall in an effort to catch one.

  Raine relaxed and settled into his shoulder once more, moving her hips slightly as she did so. Her lower half was tucked between his legs and—she smiled—his erection was already saying hello.

  Jake’s eyes were still closed, and judging by the long, even breaths, she thought that he was still asleep. After the night they’d had, he should be. She took the moment to enjoy watching him unobserved—a bittersweet sort of thing—because being with him like this, lying so close that his heartbeat seemed to be a part of her, reminded Raine of a past that she’d tried so hard to forget.

  And yet for the first time since Jesse died, Raine felt as if she could grab hold of some of those memories without pain. Or regret.

  For as long as she could remember, the Edwards boys had been a part of her life, and she had loved them so much that it sometimes hurt. Her love for Jesse had been solid and reliable…and safe. But Jake, he’d always touched something wild inside her—he got her, while Jesse took care of her.

  She was starting to figure out a few things, and it was those things that scared the crap out of her. Jake Edwards touched her deeply—maybe more deeply than any other human being. Ever.

  Including Jesse.

  The thought fell into her head and she froze, her stomach rolling as a wave of guilt washed over her. How could she even think such a thing? Jesse had been her world for years. He’d been her rock-solid base, the one she could always count on. In some ways, he’d been the mother she’d never had, and for that she’d been grateful. In a world where stability meant everything to her, Jesse was her safe harbor. He’d allowed her to truly belong to something she’d always wanted.

  A family.

  A family that included his best friend and twin, Jake. She thought of her teen years and that brief moment when she’d been so infatuated with Jake. Man, he’d broken her heart when she was fifteen and she’d caught him with Rebecca Stringer.

  “You were mine,” she whispered.

&n
bsp; Heart pounding, Raine let out a long, labored breath as her fingers traced a path from Jake’s forehead and lingered next to his mouth. Slowly she reached for him and pressed her lips to his, moving languidly over him.

  Maybe it was never an infatuation. Maybe she’d been in love with Jake her entire life as well.

  Her eyes widened at the thought. Was it possible? Could she have been in love with both Jesse and Jake?

  How screwed up was that?

  “Hey.”

  She realized Jake was awake, his warm brown eyes now open, their depths clear and staring at her with concern. “Everything all right?”

  No.

  She nodded yes.

  Her eyes drifted back toward the window and she sighed. “The storm is over and I’m not sure I want to leave yet.”

  Jake slipped his hands around her and buried his head in her hair. “Unfortunately, there’s this pesky thing called life and responsibility.”

  His hands slid to her breasts and she smiled.

  “There is that,” she murmured, her hands now buried in his thick waves as he moved and tossed the blanket off them.

  For several moments she stared into his eyes, trying to read him, but couldn’t. Something had changed. She felt it. Just the thought of the outside world was enough to crack their delicate environment.

  And that was something she wasn’t ready to give up, not yet anyway. Cool air rolled over her skin, but she didn’t feel it. She felt nothing but a need and desire to connect to Jake. To keep whatever it was they had alive as long as she could.

  She reached for him and with a groan slid her mouth across his cheek as his hands cupped her hips and moved her between his legs. His erection was heavy, thick and full, and she ached at the thought of him inside her.

  “Jake,” she breathed, her voice shaky with emotion.

  “I know,” he answered, and she kissed him as if she were dying. As if there were nothing in the world except Jake. As if the connection between them were the only thing that mattered. His hands caressed her skin, lingering here and pressing there, finding her pleasure points and toying with her until she was mad with desire.

  In the space of a few short days, Jake had learned exactly what she needed, what she wanted and craved, and he played her with everything he had.

  There were no more words. No soft sighs of contentment or whispers of need. There were only straining bodies, slick wet skin, and moans of pleasure. They made love with an urgency that fed on an undercurrent of desperation or maybe sadness. Raine felt it, but she was too weak to fight it. She was too weak to do anything but take what Jake was giving, and for Raine, it was life.

  He’d brought her back to life. Not just with his body, but with his mind and spirit. Here in this cocoon they’d built over the last few days, she’d laughed and cried and laughed some more. They’d argued the way they always had, from politics to music to last Monday’s football game. Her soul was no longer asleep. It was awake and hungry and full of need.

  When Jake thrust into her that last time, his body shuddering in release, Raine held him close, listened to his frantic heart, and was more afraid than she’d ever been.

  “Jake,” she whispered into his neck.

  His cell went off and he swore, the ringtone a blues riff. “Shit, hold on.”

  He slipped from her arms and padded across to the kitchen, her eyes following in his wake. His tall, muscular frame was something else—holy hell, was it ever—but her eyes lingered on the scars near the small of his back. Scars that were a testament to the fact that this man was, or rather had been, a soldier. A soldier who’d given a hell of a lot for his country and a soldier who had lost so much.

  The ringtone told her it was his mother calling, and just thinking about her mother-in-law was enough to kill the buzz that she’d been floating in. It made it think of her own mother, and of the twenty or so text messages Gloria had sent over the last week or so. Marnie and Gloria meant reality, and reality meant…

  At this point, Raine wasn’t sure what it meant anymore, other than complicated.

  “Christ, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

  Her head snapped up and she watched him. Jake’s shoulders were hunched forward, and he rubbed the back of his neck slowly while listening to his mother. She heard him swear again before he turned and caught her watching.

  The look in his eyes was fierce, and she swallowed thickly, turning her eyes away and settling on Gibson instead.

  “Ma, I’m not…there’s no way in hell… I can’t…I just can’t.”

  The rest of his words were lost as he walked over to the kitchen window, obviously wanting some privacy. She was dying to know what had him upset, but it wasn’t her place to ask, so she remained silent.

  He tossed his cell onto the table and stared down at it, brooding. Everything about his posture screamed tension and anger. It was so far away from where he’d just been.

  She had a bad feeling about this.

  “Everything okay?” she asked hesitantly.

  “Yep.” His answer was brisk, and the bad feeling in her stomach tripled.

  Jake pulled on his jeans, stretched out his shoulders, and rolled his neck. When he turned to her, no longer were his eyes filled with mischief and desire; they were curiously devoid of emotion.

  God, had her world changed already? Had complication dared to infiltrate her space?

  She pulled the blanket up to her chin. “What did your mother want?” she asked, hating that she wanted to know so badly.

  Jake’s jaw clenched, and for one second something so bleak and painful crossed his face that she sat up and pushed her hair from her eyes, suddenly more than just a little concerned. “Jake? Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah,” he answered, “I’m good. Everything’s good.”

  But it wasn’t. No way in hell was it.

  “The roads are open, so I’m going start chipping away at the ice out there. It’s going to take a bit to get the vehicles clear.”

  He put on his shirt and yanked his boots over his feet. Gibson nipped at his hands, and after a tussle with the puppy—which basically meant Gibson rolled onto his back and Jake scratched his belly real good—he rose and crossed the room to stand by the sofa.

  Suddenly everything about their situation seemed awkward, and Raine couldn’t help the blush that stained her cheeks. In the harsh light of day, she felt like she was doing the walk of shame, and that was ridiculous.

  “I’ll let you know when your car is done so you can go home.”

  She nodded but didn’t answer. She didn’t trust the lump in her throat.

  I don’t want to go home.

  His hand caressed her cheek, lingering near her mouth. “You look beautiful, like this.”

  She cleared her throat. “Like this? You mean all crazy hair and no makeup and in bad need of a shower?”

  “No,” he said softly. “Like a woman who’s been loved. A woman with swollen lips”—his finger slid inside and he cocked his head to the side—“and a hickey on her neck.”

  “What?” She wriggled away. “Are you serious? I have to help out the youth meeting on Wednesday night. Oh my God, I don’t even know if I own a freaking turtleneck. I—”

  His grin told her he was bullshitting, and she punched him in the arm, then settled back to watch him head for the door, calling for Gibson to follow him out. He’d just yanked the door open when panic hit and she grabbed the blanket around her and flew over the wooden floor, her bare feet making no sound.

  “Jake!”

  He turned and she shivered at the gust of cold air that slipped into the cottage.

  “You planning on helping me in that?” he asked, a hint of a smile on his face.

  “Are we going to be all right?”

  The light in his eyes dimmed a bit, and her teeth chattered as her
body began to shiver uncontrollably. Whether it was from the cold was anyone’s guess, but she stood there like an idiot as Jake hiked the comforter up just under her chin.

  He kissed her forehead and stepped out into the brightly lit morning without saying another word.

  Raine didn’t know how long she stood there, staring at the door. But it was long enough that her vision began to blur, and angrily she wiped the wetness from the corners and set about getting dressed.

  Luckily, she’d brought an overnight bag, and even though her overnight had turned into a few extra days, always the practical girl, she had clean undies and socks. Once she was dressed in a plain gray sweatshirt and matching yoga pants, she threw her hair up into a clip—she didn’t need to look in a mirror to know how awful it was—and tidied up the living area.

  A steady stream of yipping sounded from outside—good to know Gibson was having a blast—and once she was satisfied with the way things looked, she grabbed her coat and bag, slipped into her boots, and headed out into the sunlight.

  Her car was running, and Jake was just finishing up chipping the ice off the back window. She tossed her bag into the back, grateful to feel the heat, because even though the sun was shining at about a thousand watts, it was freaking cold.

  “So,” she said, her breath floating in the air, small puffs that evaporated instantly.

  “So,” Jake answered.

  Gibson jumped at her and she scooped him into her arms, laughing as the puppy tried in vain to lick her entire face. In the end she was forced to throw him into the backseat, and even then he pushed his nose against the window, yelping happily, searching for a way back out.

  So many thoughts whirled in her head, but one stood out.

  “Am I going to see you later?” she asked, watching him closely.

  Jake hesitated, and the disappointment and hurt that rolled through her was instant.