The Christmas He Loved Her

by Juliana Stone

  “The wild, hot monkey sex, you dumbass, which reminds me…” She was grinning widely now.

  “Can we dial it down a bit, Lily?”

  “When are you going to tell your parents that you and Raine are sleeping together?”

  A strangled noise was his first inkling that he and Lily were no longer alone. His head shot up and he glanced toward the kitchen, where he spied Raine, one foot on the step leading into the family room, the other still in the kitchen.

  Her eyes were huge, her face stricken, and that’s when he noticed his parents just behind her.

  Oh Christ, this wasn’t the way he had wanted this to go.

  He shot a dark look toward Lily, who at least looked contrite and more than a little embarrassed. She wrung her hands and mouthed I’m sorry before nodding in the general direction of his parents and disappearing back from wherever she’d come from. That was Lily to a T: stir up shit—whether she meant to or not—and clear the hell out.

  Steven carefully set his jacket across the back of a chair, while Marnie made a big deal of doing the same. Snow clung to their hair and color was high on Steven’s cheeks, which any other time Jake would have been happy to see, but now? Now it meant something else entirely. The man was uncomfortable.

  He groaned inwardly and thought that he was definitely going to strangle Lily the first chance he got.

  His dad cleared his throat again, and his mother looked at Jake with an expression that was unreadable, which only made matters worse. He had no clue where her head was at. Hell, as far as he knew, she was still cooking up the insane idea of him and Lily together.

  Her eyes glistened, reflecting the twinkling lights on the massive Christmas tree in the corner, as an uncomfortable silence fell between them all.

  Jake hazarded another look at Raine and his heart twisted. Sure, they’d agreed to talk to his parents tonight and ease them into the idea of the two of them together. They wanted to start things out slowly. But now—he swore under his breath—now, thanks to Lily, that plan had been blown to shit.

  He strode to Raine’s side and glanced down at her. “Hey,” he said gently, “are you all right?”

  “I think so.” Her eyes were wide and she exhaled slowly. He could tell she was nervous and more than a little scared. Hell, he felt the same. What if his parents didn’t understand? What would he do if they didn’t support him and Raine?

  “Jake,” his mother said softly.

  His eyes never left Raine and he held his hand out. When Raine slipped her smaller one inside, some of the tension inside eased a bit. He stared down at her hand in his and thought that he could pretty much face anything, with her at his side.

  They both turned to face his parents, who’d stepped down into the family room. Steven’s hands were in his front pockets, while Marnie’s were clasped in front of her.

  “Mom, I can explain…” he began, and then stopped when he realized he didn’t quite know how to start. How did he explain what was in his heart, what had always been in his heart, without making it look like he’d betrayed his brother?

  “Marnie,” Raine said hesitantly, and then she too stopped, looking up at him for guidance, but he had nothing. Big fat zilch.

  His mother’s eyes glistened like diamonds now, and his heart turned over when he realized they were full of tears. Every negative thought he’d had over the last few days—every reason why he thought this would never work—was suddenly amplified, and he gritted his teeth, unsure how to proceed.

  “Jake,” his mom said again, her voice trembling.

  She crossed the room until she was inches from him and Raine, and shit, when the dam broke and her tears overflowed, he felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. He gripped Raine’s hand so tightly, he was surprised she didn’t yelp.

  Not that he’d let go even if she did, because right now he needed her more than anyone knew.

  Marnie let out a long, shuddering breath and wiped away her tears, and when Jake chanced a look at Raine, he hated that she looked so sad and lost. He rubbed his thumb against her palm and faced his mother. He’d make his parents understand. He had to.

  He glanced up at his father and grabbed what courage he could from the nod of encouragement and warmth in Steven’s eyes.

  “Mom,” he began, but stopped when she held up her hand.

  “Are you sleeping through the night?” she whispered hoarsely.

  What? He shot a look at his father, but the man was focused on his wife.

  “I’m not sure what you mean,” he said hesitantly.

  Marnie, stepped forward and reached for him. She slid her hands along either side of his face, cupping him gently as she studied him intently. For several seconds she did nothing but stare into his eyes, and then she looked away, toward Raine, and spoke softly.

  “Is he sleeping through the night?”

  “I’m not sure I understand, Marnie.” Raine glanced at him, obviously confused.

  “His nightmares,” Marnie said. “Are they gone?”

  He felt something inside him shift and held his breath as Raine answered softly, her hand squeezing his.

  “He doesn’t have any nightmares. At least none that I’ve heard.” She smiled tremulously and glanced up at him. “He sleeps…he sleeps all the way through.”

  “Oh, thank God,” Marnie whispered, her eyes closed. And then again, as she gazed up at him, “Thank God.”

  Her arms enveloped him in a hug that damn near broke him. Raine stepped away, and he was vaguely aware that she was talking to his father. But it was his mother who had all his attention. She clung to him, her soft warmth and subtle scent so familiar it made his heart ache.

  “I just wanted you back,” she murmured before slipping from his grasp. “I prayed every night that God would give you back to us, that he would heal you, and I had no clue that the answer was right in front of my eyes.” She sniffled. “How could I have not known?”

  He didn’t know what to say to that, so he just hugged her tighter, and the two of them clung to each other for the longest time. Mother and son.

  “It’s so good to have you back, Jake.”

  Marnie pulled away from him and wiped at her eyes before turning to Raine. “You are a gift, do you know that?”

  “I’m not sure what you mean,” Raine said carefully.

  Jake shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, exhaling as the wall of emotion and energy in him seeped out like air from a balloon. For the first time in forever, it seemed, he felt lighter.

  He was…happy.

  Marnie touched Raine’s cheek. “I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. I don’t believe that anything is random. And you…” She paused and wiped away another tear. “Raine, you are the glue that holds this family together. It was always you. Jesse knew that, and for a brief time you held him together. Do you remember the conversation we had a few weeks ago? You thought that maybe Jesse didn’t want to come home to you.”

  Jake watched Raine carefully, his gut a mess at the play of emotion in her eyes. There was love there. Love and sadness.

  “I remember,” she answered softly.

  “As much as it hurts to say this, I think I’ve finally realized that Jesse wasn’t meant to come home, and it’s foolish of us to even want to know the why of it. It just is. He wasn’t meant to.”

  Raine closed her eyes, and Jake’s heart damn near broke in two.

  “But Raine…” Marnie’s voice strengthened and Jake glanced at his father, who was busy staring at the ceiling, trying to control his emotions the way men do.

  “Raine, you kept Steven and me alive when we both wanted to crawl into a cave and never come out. You were our reason to go on.” She glanced at Jake, her eyes shiny. “When Jake was off fighting his own demons, you anchored him. I’m sure he didn’t even know it, but it’s why he came back
to us, and I believe you saved him.”

  Marnie enveloped Raine into her arms.

  “You saved this family. You’ve given your heart to each and every one of us, so how in the world can Steven and I not embrace what you and Jake have?” Her voice broke, but they all heard her whisper, “Because of you, he sleeps at night, and that’s good enough for me.”

  Chapter 24

  The Coach House was filled to capacity when Raine arrived later that evening with Jake and Lily. The three of them had made it to town in time to watch the Christmas parade of lights, and even though the only thing Raine wanted to do was escape back to the stone cottage with Jake, Mac was in town, and they’d agreed to meet him for a drink.

  With Christmas Eve looming the next day, the town was full to bursting with holiday cheer, and it was hard not to get caught up in it. The parade was always a highlight of the season, and this year was no exception. Kids ran up and down the sidewalk, excitedly waiting for a glimpse of Santa Claus, while parents kept a close eye, sipping hot chocolate and catching up with friends.

  Snowflakes fell from the night sky, illuminated like diamonds by the parade floats that moved down Main Street. It was perfect.

  “I’ll grab us something if you guys get a table.” Jake pointed toward an unoccupied table in the far corner.

  Raine nodded and slipped through the crowd, smiling and waving to several familiar faces. Lori was out with Brad Kitchen, and though the hairdresser did her best to hide it, her head swung like a pendulum as she looked from Raine to Jake and back to Raine. There had been a lot of similar looks cast her way as they stood along the parade route, Lily on one side of Jake, while she was on the other.

  She was pretty sure the rumor mill was already chugging full steam ahead, but it wasn’t as if she could hide the way she felt. Raine was in love. He’d held her hand off and on, and at one point she’d said something to make him laugh and he had surprised the crap out of her by planting a kiss on her lips.

  The night would have been perfect except for the third wheel who had insisted on coming along for the evening. Lily.

  Raine still wasn’t entirely clear on Jake’s relationship with the woman, though she trusted Jake when he said it was platonic. But still, the woman was gorgeous, a celebrity of sorts, and from what she’d seen, Lily totally had Jake’s back.

  Raine wasn’t threatened, but the two of them together made her kind of crazy. Did that make Raine a bad person?

  Marnie thought Raine had saved Jake, but Raine suspected Lily had had just as much to do with it, if not more. Lily knew things about Jake—things he hadn’t shared with Raine—and that was a bridge she wasn’t sure how to cross.

  Raine shrugged out of her jacket and slipped into the closest chair, smiling politely at Lily as she did the same. The blonde had changed out of her old jeans and sweatshirt and was dressed like a million bucks in a deep blue sweater, the kind that clung to her generous curves, and indigo skinny jeans tucked into leather boots that probably cost more than the average weekly salary for most folks around these parts. Her hair hung down her right shoulder, a platinum braid that was arranged as artfully as her makeup.

  Which was flawless.

  She was the kind of woman you’d love to hate, yet Raine sensed that the woman didn’t have her shit as together as she liked everyone to think.

  A few moments of silence passed between them, broken only by a rousing shout of “Hell, yeah” when Springsteen’s “Merry Christmas Baby” rolled over the crowd. The dance floor was full, and it was hard not to get caught up in the good vibes that were abundant and robust.

  “I was sorry to hear about your brother,” Raine said quietly, her eyes on Lily. This was the first that they’d been alone all evening.

  “Thank you,” she replied, a hint of waver in her voice, “but please don’t say it was for the best, or I might have to hurt you.”

  “I didn’t say that,” Raine replied.

  “No,” Lily said grudgingly, “it’s what everyone else said. I swear it was my father’s mantra.” Lily smoothed her braid. “He’d been in a coma for so long that everyone told me it was a blessing, that he’s in a better place, but they’re full of shit.” Her eyes hardened. “His place was here, and it’s not right that he’s gone.”

  Raine nodded, because she understood how the woman felt. “He served with Jesse.”

  Lily glanced over to the bar before leaning closer. “Blake thought the world of Jesse and Jake. He talked about them all the time. He told me that Jesse was intense and that Jake was a bit of a hell-raiser.”

  Raine nodded and smiled. “That sounds about right.”

  “He said that both of them were the kind of guys you wanted at your back when the shit hit.”

  Something flickered in Lily’s eyes and Raine swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling anxious and not knowing why. She shot a quick glance toward the bar, but the crowd was three deep, and Jake was nowhere near getting their drinks.

  “Jake means a hell of a lot to me, you know that, right?” Lily’s intense gaze touched something inside of Raine, and she was adult enough to acknowledge it and call it what it was. Jealousy.

  “Yeah,” she replied drily. “I got that.”

  “I love him.”

  Okay, the woman had balls. Raine cocked her head to the side. “Do you want to elaborate on that a little more?”

  Raine got the feeling that Lily was enjoying herself.

  “Sorry, that didn’t exactly come out right,” Lily said sweetly. “What I meant to say is that Jake was there for me when no one else was, and for that I’ll always be grateful. For that I’d do anything for him.”

  The angry green monster inside Raine twisted again, and as she gazed across the table at one of the most famous women in tabloid land, she wanted to dislike her. She wanted to thank her very much for whatever it was she’d done for Jake and to tell her to go home.

  But there was something in Lily’s eyes, something that told Raine all was not what it seemed. So she held her tongue and said nothing.

  “It means that I’ll do something for him even if I know it will piss him off.” She leaned forward. “Because I know he won’t do it for himself.”

  “That’s some kind of love,” Raine said carefully.

  “It is,” Lily agreed. “I wish it was more. I wish it could be more, but I’m not holding out hope for myself at the moment, and…” She exhaled and stared at her fingers, which tapped out a staccato rhythm on the table top. “Jake’s a one-woman kind of man, and he’s had it bad for you forever.” She glanced back up at Raine. “It killed him to love you the way he did, especially with the way things were left between the two of you after Jesse died.”

  Unease spread through Raine, and that hint of jealousy that hummed beneath the surface exploded inside her. It rushed through her veins, leaving green in its wake and a bitter taste in her mouth. Jake had told Lily about that night?

  Before Lily could say anything else, she reached into her pocket and withdrew something. “You need to have this. You need to know what he did for his brother and what he did for mine and the rest of the men in his unit, because he doesn’t get it yet.”

  Lily got to her feet and pushed the small package toward Raine.

  Raine stared at a brown leather box. It was small and fit into the palm of her hand.

  “What doesn’t he get?” she asked softly, her fingers caressing the smooth texture of the box.

  “He might think he’s happy and that he’s finally got the world by the balls, but he doesn’t. Nothing will work out for the two of you until you both face your past.”

  Raine couldn’t meet Lily’s gaze, because there was too much truth in the woman’s words.

  “He saved a lot of lives that day, and the one thing he didn’t think about was his own. He still doesn’t.”

  Lily’s words were bitter, and
something in her tone struck a chord with Raine.

  “What happened to you, Lily?”

  For a second she thought the woman was going to confide the inner turmoil that was so obvious on the carefully made-up face. But then, just like that, her cold mask slipped back into place and she was once more the imperious trust-fund baby.

  “There’s a letter in there from a guy named Baker. He served with Jesse, Jake, and my brother. It explains everything. It tells the story. The real story. The one Jake doesn’t believe in.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and moistened her lips, oblivious to the whistle that rang out behind her. “Read it, and when you think the time is right, you need to give him that.” She pointed to the package in Raine’s hands. “It belongs to Jake, and whether he knows it or not, he needs to own it. He needs to own his actions and he needs to realize that everyone else does too.”

  Lily paused and then whispered. “Even Jesse. Even the ones who are no longer here.”

  Without another word, Lily slipped through the crowd and left Raine staring after her, which was exactly how Jake found her several moments later.

  “Hey, where’s Lily? I wanted to introduce her to Mac.”

  Quickly, Raine slipped the package into her coat pocket and turned in her seat, her face spitting wide with a grin when she spied Mackenzie just behind Jake.

  “She left already.” She stood and was swept up into Mac’s embrace, laughing when he faked a kiss and murmured into her ear, “About time you two got things figured out.”

  Raine kissed Mac on the cheek, but didn’t reply. At this point she wasn’t sure about a lot of things. She glanced back at Jake. The only thing she was sure of was that she loved him so hard that it hurt, and the thought of them not working out wasn’t something she wanted to dwell on. Not right now anyway.

  She knew that Lily was right, except it wasn’t only Jake who needed to own up to his actions.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Jake’s hand slid along the small of her back as he eased her back into her seat.

  “Nothing, I’m good.” She paused, startled at the level of intensity she felt as she gazed into Jake’s eyes. She caressed his cheek and murmured, “I’m good.”