No Ordinary Noel

by Pat G'Orge-Walker

  Thirty-five-year-old former Mary Kay Cosmetic Consultant Shaniqua Burke walked slowly toward the take-out counter near the door to the Shanty. Shaniqua, a mulatto former beauty queen from New Orleans, attended the At Last Disciple Temple in Belton. She was a size six vixen in a red curly wig that framed her oval face and accented her big brown eyes. The false hair cascaded past her shoulders and stopped at breasts so big they blocked her hair from falling any farther.

  Shaniqua slowly pulled a stool away from the counter and laid her purse upon it. Then, as Nat King Cole’s “chestnuts roasting on an open fire” flowed from squeaky speakers, she slowly removed her fur wrap, and showed her true skills. She also showed her toned thighs and bared her snow-white teeth. Men and flies fell out around the Shanty, and she’d not even begun to speak.

  Her silent sermon was so good that even a few of the female doubters became converted.

  Shaniqua pretended not to notice that all eyes were upon her and she dropped a napkin from the counter. She bent over. If she ever decided to preach, she showed from where she’d take her text. When she stood again, Cheyenne had joined her.

  “Shaniqua,” Cheyenne said loudly. “Cut it out.”

  “I’m just trying to sell—”

  Cheyenne cut her off. “I know what you’re trying to sell. I see boxes of it upstairs.”

  Meanwhile the reverend wasn’t immune to a soul in need of saving, so he walked over and made his introduction.

  Cheyenne stood to the side to watch Lillie’s grandbaby in action.

  “Oh, I know who you are,” Shaniqua purred. “You’re that pastor who was crazy enough to turn down more than a million dollars.” She stopped and placed her hand on one hip. “I must say that you look like a million, so maybe that’s why you turned it down. I’d sure hate to think you were stupid.”

  Upon hearing the word stupid, the trustee got enough nerve and walked over to stand next to Cheyenne.

  “How are you doing, Miss Shaniqua?” Freddie asked with perspiration pricking his skin. “I really don’t need any more products. I haven’t used what I bought from you.”

  No one saw Bea, Alice “Grandma Puddin’,” and Sasha rush toward the Shanty door. Bea almost knocked Cheyenne over as she swooped up the purse and Shaniqua with it. Alice “Grandma Puddin’” held the Shanty’s door open, and Sasha used her cane to convince Shaniqua to leave.

  “Don’t nobody take out the trash no more?” Sasha hissed as she kicked Shaniqua’s fur out the door behind her.

  “We got yo’ back, Cheyenne,” Alice “Grandma Puddin’ ” snapped. “That heffa-fied niece of yours won’t be back to bother nobody.”

  “I didn’t need help with Shaniqua,” Cheyenne barked. “This was family business. I could’ve dealt with it.”

  “But ya didn’t and we did,” Bea replied angrily.

  Bea didn’t wait for a reply from Cheyenne. She turned away and received a high-five from Sasha. “Come on, Smurf,” Bea said as she led Sasha away, “we won’t stop lookin’ until we find yo teeth. That Shaniqua’s one problem we hafta keep on solving. Ya think that little hussy would leave Pelzer boys alone.”

  It took the reverend a moment to realize he needed to thank his busybody church mothers. He’d relaxed his guard a little too much and almost stepped into more drama. He could see his reputation sullied and the loss of confidence in the Promised Land if he’d proceeded to a place where lust had almost led him.

  Cheyenne quickly got over her disappointment in how her niece always acted and chatted with the trustee for a moment.

  Trustee Noel apologized to Cheyenne if he led Shaniqua on when he’d bought up her Mary Kay supplies. “I was only trying to help her make that quota she kept complaining about. She was your niece so I didn’t think anything more about it until she showed up here tonight asking for me. Brother Casanova told me what she really wanted and it wasn’t something I wanna give away all willy-nilly.”

  Cheyenne stepped back and looked at the trustee. She sized him up and down and then smiled. “You mean you ain’t never given it up willy-nilly or otherwise?”

  His complexion turned beet-red, and he fidgeted with the cap he still held. He wouldn’t answer her question directly, but said, “I think I might’ve misread Sister Betty. It didn’t go too well upstairs.”

  Cheyenne smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “I believe you need to go back upstairs and reread that book.”

  Chapter 34

  Standing with a cup of coffee in his hand, Reverend Tom squinted his eyes as he repeatedly looked out his window for any sign of Sister Betty.

  The celebration at the Soul Food Shanty had lasted well past midnight, although many people left earlier because they had to work the next morning. Elder Batty Brick took Bea away, hopefully back to her house. Brother Casanova complained, but finally gave in, and after shutting off his hearing aid, he’d taken Sasha away. Fortunately, Alice “Grandma Puddin’” had driven her Ford Focus. Once all the pots and pans were secured, there was enough room for Cheyenne in the Ford Focus, so she took Cheyenne back to spend the night at her house.

  Reverend Tom had driven home alone once Trustee Noel insisted and promised that he had a way of getting Sister Betty back home at a reasonable hour.

  The reverend turned and rekindled the fire in his fireplace. Before he returned to look out the window to see if she’d returned yet, he called her home again. And again, her answering machine picked up. He didn’t bother to leave a message seeing as how it would be no different from the other that he’d left. He could only imagine how a father felt about his children. At that moment, he worried about Sister Betty as though she were a small child.

  Trustee Noel, no longer in his oil-soaked casual suit, fingered the ring box in his pocket. The limousine he’d reserved to take Sister Betty back to her home still idled at a vacant spot on the Promised Land. They’d stopped there to see it in the moonlight and now it was almost sunup.

  The two had come together back at the Shanty and talked. They’d dispensed with the notion of puppy love and put their cards on the table. Sister Betty finally decided she’d accept his friendship, but not the ring. It was a bit too much, and too soon.

  The trustee heard Sister Betty say “not now.” In his mind, that didn’t mean the same thing as “not ever.” He decided to keep the ring in his pocket no matter what he wore and if the time came when they both felt the same he’d give it to her then.

  “Can you imagine how Mother Ide DeClare will feel when she no longer has to stay on the ground floor because she’s in a wheelchair and the elevator doesn’t work?” Sister Betty asked. “I can almost taste the freedom it will bring her.”

  “She, Alice ‘Grandma Puddin’, and many of the poor will be a lot better off once they’ve moved into the Promised Land.” Trustee Noel let a smile creep across his face. He suddenly started to giggle like a little kid. “You’ll never guess what I’ve done.”

  Sister Betty couldn’t imagine and wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. However, his silly laugh caused her to laugh, too, but only he knew why. “What did you do now?”

  “I got a hold of the apartment plans for the seniors building.”

  “That’s not bad. You would’ve gotten it sooner or later since you’re on the Selecting Committee.”

  “I know,” Trustee Noel said as his laughter grew. He only brought down the volume when the driver looked back, apparently thinking something was wrong. “You can’t tell anyone.”

  “I won’t. What did you do?”

  Trustee Noel leaned over and conspired. “I finagled with the selections and put Bea and Sasha in apartments next to each other.” Trustee Noel leaned back and slapped his bony knee. He had tears running down his face from laughing so hard.

  Sister Betty was worse. She grabbed a box of tissues, used them all, and still couldn’t stop the laughing tears.

  “Oh my goodness,” Sister Betty said through bouts of laughter. “Those two are gonna kill each other.”

 
“I know,” Trustee Noel replied. “Won’t that be a hoot!”

  All during the week, the reverend fussed at Sister Betty. When he wasn’t fussing about her coming home so late he fussed that she didn’t spend time with him like a good spiritual mom should.

  His church became vital and he made a promise at the New Year’s Eve Watch Night service that he would show his members and community how much God had reshaped the vessel.

  Chapter 35

  Reverend Tom spent a lot of time visiting the sick and the elderly. He’d always read his Bible, but once Bible study resumed in the new year, unlike in the past when he relied on a deacon or associate minister to teach, he took the responsibility. Every lesson he taught, he learned something, too.

  Out of everything that gave him pleasure, and there was a lot that did, the blessing of overseeing the Promised Land topped the list. It seemed the more he grew in God the less problematic the construction.

  The only ones that made complaints were the Cheater Brothers. They hadn’t enticed any of the members or Trustee Noel to return their savings to the Piece of Savings Bank. The Cheaters weren’t happy with the millions they made off the Promised Land. As far as the reverend was concerned, they needed to take that up with God, and he didn’t mean their Wall Street idol.

  Over the course of several months the Promised Land became more structured and businesses vied for an opportunity to open or expand in the facilities. The demand on the reverend’s time and input increased. Except for a dinner every now and again, church services, and a glance from their porches, he and Sister Betty were like ships passing in the night.

  Trustee Noel relaxed a little in pursuing Sister Betty as his love interest and enjoyed her friendship. It took him a while to convince her that moving out of the Soul Food Shanty apartment and into a huge house around the corner from her didn’t mean he was a stalker.

  He paid Porky a year’s advance rent on his old room before he moved out. Porky was fine with the deal until he discovered the trustee had subleased the room. Ole Sheffy, the wino, wouldn’t have to wait until the senior housing was complete before he had a roof over his head that didn’t have cars running on it.

  Trustee Noel promised God that he’d make a difference with the lottery money. He wasn’t satisfied with tithing and bailing out the church for the Promised Land. He wanted more for Pelzer. He became very interested in how he could make life better for the youth, and brought in young successful business people to talk to the youth about their entrepreneurial possibilities.

  However, of all the new and improved ventures Trustee Noel financed over the past year, there was one of which he was the most proud. Despite many naysayers, he expanded the church’s prison ministry. It took months, but many men and women, although physically incarcerated, finally accepted God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness. They learned they were not spiritually locked away from Jesus. Furthermore, almost ninety percent of these men and women used their time well. Some went on to receive high school diplomas, and others proudly accepted long-awaited college degrees. They’d become Trustee Noel’s seeds, planted for a fruitful harvest upon their release.

  Chapter 36

  Promised Land Open for Business

  “You know you’re wrong for that, Freddie,” Sister Betty had warned the trustee several months ago. He’d laughed it off again. She’d had a chance to think it over and believed that what he’d done would upset the balance of peace. But Trustee Noel didn’t listen and refused to separate Bea and Sasha’s names on the list to be neighbors.

  When the Promised Land opened three months later, Bea and Sasha ended up next-door neighbors on the second floor in one of the senior citizen residential buildings. Their bedrooms were so close they could hear each other snore. Yet, as much as they claimed to dislike each other they had keys to each other’s apartment. “It’s just in case . . . ,” they said.

  Because of the trustee’s prank, the building named LILLIAN SINCLAIR, after the Reverend’s famous grandmother, became more notorious than its namesake.

  It hardly seemed possible that it was Christmastime again. The Promised Land had become a mecca in Pelzer. Everyone found a way there for one reason or another.

  Christmas Eve brought particular joy and it showed. Earlier that evening the Christmas Pageant was held inside the new recreation center on the Promised Land. It went without a hitch. Normally the business side of the Promised Land along with the Health Care Center stayed open and busy until nine o’clock at night, but all the buildings decorated with their colorful lights and animated figures drew crowds late into the night. The cash registers inside the stores overflowed with money and store clerks raced to restock and keep up.

  Although it was dark, and the children were supposed to be home awaiting a visit from Santa, they gathered with the seniors and watched beautiful red, white, blue, yellow, and green lights flash MERRY CHRISTMAS from the Promised Land. It was a miracle. Cars hurried along Highway 29, no doubt to reach their destination before midnight. Yet they slowed down and some even honked their horns to show appreciation for the Promised Land lighted welcome.

  As peaceful as it was outside with Christmas carols provided by the youth choir singing a cappella, there was enough drama unfolding on the second floor of the Lillie Sinclair building to make it seem more like Halloween than Christmas Eve.

  After the pageant, Bea bounced around her living room as if she’d been stung by a wasp. She whooped, bucked, and almost collapsed before jumping up and starting all over again. “Oh Jesus,” she screamed. “Oh Lord!” She alternated between grabbing hold of the strap of her white angel costume that fell off one shoulder, and trying to pull the cinnamon-streaked wig back onto her head. Every time she hopped around each threatened to fall off.

  Next door, Sasha stood inside her shower stall. She hummed and danced a little side-to-side move, while lathered from neck to feet with her favorite body foam, Purple Delusion. She stopped everything when she heard a noise from Bea’s apartment.

  Sasha didn’t bother to rinse. She hopped out of the shower, hurried and put her ear to the wall. The noise sounded like moans, but she couldn’t tell if Bea was having a heart attack or if someone was attacking her. Either way, Sasha didn’t want to miss it.

  She threw a beach towel around her lathered nakedness, grabbed the key to Bea’s apartment, and raced next door.

  She didn’t knock or ring Bea’s doorbell. She jammed the key in the door and dashed inside, stopping short as soon as she saw Elder Batty Brick, dressed as Santa with a bow tied about his neck. He was kneeling on one knee while Bea stood over the man, jumping up and down, screaming like a banshee. She kept turning her ring finger side to side. Bea wore a diamond that dazzled on her finger.

  Neither Bea nor Elder Batty Brick heard Sasha when she first entered, but they certainly learned quickly that she was there.

  When Sasha saw the ring on Bea’s finger, she hollered, “You got a ring!” Then she pointed at Elder Santa Claus Batty Brick, still on one knee and she screamed again, “You gave that She-Rilla a ring!”

  It was enough to make Sasha drop her towel and with her body still covered with foam she looked like a miniature Mrs. Frosty, except with legs shaped like parentheses.

  It was more than enough to make Bea scream again. Sasha screamed even more and Elder Batty Brick simply tossed his Santa hat aside and reached for his glasses.

  In Bea’s one second of clarity, she thought either Sasha didn’t realize she’d dropped her towel or she’d tried to tempt Bea’s new fiancé. Either way, Bea saw it for its worst and almost crushed Elder Batty Brick as she stepped on his glasses on her way to kill Sasha.

  Sasha and Bea circled and tormented one another with accusations and faked punches. They would’ve hit each other for real, but Bea didn’t want to mess up the ring. She hadn’t had it appraised yet. And Sasha tried to save her foam and her assets.

  While Bea and Sasha pecked away in Bea’s apartment, Brother Casanova stepped off the elevator ont
o the second floor. He’d become accustomed to turning his hearing aid volume down or off whenever he was around Sasha, so he heard nothing unusual.

  Earlier that evening, Sasha had sent word she needed to see Brother Casanova and that she had a special gift. He didn’t have anything to do and after all, it was Christmas Eve. He didn’t want to be alone, and who didn’t like gifts?

  Brother Casanova had to pass by Bea’s apartment on his way to Sasha’s. If the door to Bea’s apartment wasn’t open, if Sasha hadn’t squirmed trying to avoid Bea’s grasp and now looked like a rabid bat with a bun on her head, and if Elder Batty Brick wasn’t dressed like Santa, he might’ve kept walking.

  A stunned Brother Casanova tripped over Bea’s WELCOME mat and piled into the room. Sasha had just rewrapped the towel about her embarrassment, but he ripped it away when he fell.

  Then they all went to kung fu fighting.

  Sister Betty, Trustee Noel, and Reverend Tom visited the first floor apartment of Alice “Grandma Puddin’.” She’d invited them for a Christmas Eve repast along with Cheyenne Bigelow. Unfortunately, Alice’s apartment was directly below Bea’s apartment.

  Reverend Tom had just spoken the word AMEN after blessing the food when paint chips from the ceiling fell into the bowl of mashed yams. Alice was certain she hadn’t added any marshmallows, but at her age, she wasn’t too certain. It wasn’t the first time there’d been noises coming from Bea’s apartment. There wasn’t peace and quiet on any given night since she’d started regularly dating Elder Batty Brick. Everyone ignored the hollering and sounds of furniture moving about.

  However, when Alice’s chandelier started swinging and a few pictures fell off the walls, it became a concern. No one wanted to get involved in whatever was happening in Bea’s apartment, but since they blamed Trustee Noel for being such a busybody in the first place, they insisted he go upstairs and see about it. The rest stayed behind and praised Alice for the new ingredient in the mashed yams.