From Pemberley to Manhattan

by Laís Rodrigues

  CONVERSATION BETWEEN NAT AND DARCY

  ALSO KNOWN AS “THE TALK”

  NAT: So, what you’re saying is that, until we’re married, we can’t do anything improper.

  DARCY: That is correct, mada– I beg your pardon. Miss Nathalie.

  NAT: What do you consider improper, exactly?

  DARCY: Every intimacy only husband and wife should share.

  NAT: Like fornicating.

  DARCY: Please, do not say that. Why are you laughing, if I may inquire?

  NAT: Nothing. What about stripping?

  DARCY: If you mean to say, undressing, it is completely unacceptable.

  NAT: Kissing on the mouth?

  DARCY: Very inappropriate.

  NAT: Licking the earlobe?

  DARCY: Miss Nathalie, I believe you are laughing at me.

  NAT: Well, if you didn’t want us to do any of those things, why did you give such an Aww speech at the party?

  DARCY: I am not sure I understand what an Awny Speech is.

  NAT: It’s Aww!

  DARCY: Nevertheless, what is it?

  NAT: It’s a lovely, adorable, most perfect speech…

  DARCY: I beg your pardon, Miss Nathalie, but had we not just agreed kissing on the lips would be inappropriate?

  NAT: You said it’d be inappropriate, not me.

  DARCY: Remember what we have agreed on. No improper intimacies before a wedding. Or, at the least, an engagement.

  NAT: Maybe I’m reconsidering our agreement.

  DARCY: I will not reconsider it, Miss Nathalie. I have decided to behave as a true gentleman should.

  NAT: That makes me wanna kiss you even more! You’re so hot when you’re talking all self-righteous and aristocratic!

  DARCY: I am not hot, madam. I am just a little warm, something completely expected, considering the subjects we have been discussing and– Madam! I beg you not to do such a thing!

  NAT: If you call me madam one more time, I’ll jump all over you and do very inappropriate things involving my tongue and your body.

  DARCY: I beg your pard– Did you just say with your tongue?

  NAT: Uh-huh.

  DARCY: On my b-body?

  NAT: Uh-huh.

  [Darcy clears his throat.]

  [Darcy clears his throat again.]

  DARCY: Wha-What exactly would you do?

  [Nathalie whispers in Darcy’s ear. This author won’t reproduce her words here, for it makes things more interesting.]

  [Silence for about ten seconds]

  DARCY: Miss Nathalie, w-we shouldn’t.

  NAT: If you’re saying that, it means you really want to. I bet you’d love it if I put my tongue all over your–

  DARCY: Madam!

  [Nathalie then fulfills her promise to the letter. For five whole minutes. This author will leave the readers speculating what doing inappropriate things involving Nathalie’s tongue and Darcy’s body might entail. Yes, this author can be very evil sometimes.]

  DARCY: Miss Nathalie, we must stop!

  NAT: So now you wanna stop! When it’s your turn! You men are all the same, no matter when you come from!

  DARCY: If you must continue this way, Miss Nathalie, I will insist upon our marriage.

  NAT: And now you’re talking dirty.

  DARCY: Miss Nathal– What on earth are you doin– Oh, God.

  NAT: I’d much prefer Goddess, thank you very much.

  DARCY: I cannot concentrate…

  NAT: Good.

  DARCY: Please…

  NAT: Please stop or please continue?

  DARCY: I-I am not sure.

  ♥

  A FEW DAYS LATER

  IN A TOP SECRET LOCATION

  “They haven’t returned yet, sir.” If there was a supreme quality in Claude’s personality, it was his ability to focus. He wasn’t bright, nor educated, but the Professor favored him whenever he needed a man to keep an eye on something or someone. In that case, someones.

  “When was the last time they were seen outside the building?”, the Professor inquired.

  “They left early this morning, sir.” Claude had been there when the couple left precisely at seven forty-three A.M.

  The male had been wearing jeans, a white cotton shirt and a deep green sweater held in the crook of his arm. The female wore a long, sunflower dress, navy blue with floral print, and a jeans jacket and a white scarf around her neck to protect her from the chilly weather.

  Claude informed Lucca, the investigator responsible for following the couple during the day, since Claude should never leave his station, unless thus ordered by the Professor, as now had occurred. Otherwise, he’d still be patiently waiting for the couple’s return, from his hiding place, an apartment just across the street from theirs.

  “Do we know where they went?” The Professor didn’t care much about details, as long as his men did. Keeping up with his charges’ whereabouts was the minimum the entire team had to do.

  “After walking for a while at the Champ de Mars, they went to Gare de Lyon and took a train to Versailles, sir.” Claude had also been told they’d arrived there at ten twenty-four A.M., had had breakfast at a Café called Le Chevalier, and entered the palace at eleven o’clock with two paper bags in their hands, from the same Café.

  After taking a two-hour tour inside the palace, they went to the gardens, where they promenaded for an hour or so, before choosing a spot to have a picnic. They were very fond of eating outdoors, Claude had learned in the past weeks. The last time Claude had heard from Lucca, eleven minutes ago, they were still eating under a tree near the Petit Trianon.

  “Are they still in the palace?”

  “No, sir. In the gardens.” Claude was pleased for being able to give a good report. The Professor could be utterly mysterious, but he was also a good employer, besides paying them an impressive amount.

  “And we’re sure they haven’t fornicated yet?” Claude didn’t believe the Professor to be a pervert, but his interest in that particular charge was, at the very least, bizarre.

  “I am sure they haven’t… had sex in the apartment. Sir. Lucca and Adam gave the same report when the couple was out. No… Intercourse. The last… Romantic activity they publicly engaged in was the kissing at the party.”

  “Yes, a kiss that another three hundred thousand people have watched. So far.” Lucca had almost been fired for that slip, Claude remembered with a shrug. Lucca had noticed the couple was being followed by someone who most certainly didn’t work for the Professor, but he didn’t want to blow his own cover by approaching the suspect.

  Lucca remained close to them, in case the strange man did anything to hurt the couple. He watched him attentively as he broke into the house in Chatou where the couple had been invited for a costume party.

  After witnessing the stranger, who ended up being the female charge’s ex-boyfriend, being humiliated in front of the whole party, Lucca decided to go after Detective Brooks, only to make sure he wouldn’t return to retaliate.

  As Lucca went back to his original spying position, he discovered the couple together in an embrace, something he reported to the Professor immediately. He didn’t, however, detect the person in a black costume filming the entire scene with his cell phone.

  Now, both the lightsaber fight and the kiss were on YouTube, with thousands of new views every passing day. It was something the Professor hadn’t expected. He hated surprises.

  “What should we do, sir?”, Claude needed to know.

  “We go for Plan B.”

  ♥

  17 DAYS IN PARIS

  Fortunately for common sense and unfortunately for the readers, the couple eventually agreed on keeping things friendly with no benefits. Before they had dot-dot-dot and their romantic status became so complicated one couldn’t even find i
ts definition on Facebook, Fitzwilliam Darcy and Nathalie Estevez Brown settled on behaving as adults who belonged to different eras and, therefore, not with one another.

  Yet, they were still having some trouble sleeping, and Nat was still waking up in the middle of the night startled, crying a certain gentleman’s name. Well, people can’t control what they dream about, nor who they dream about. The gentleman in question, proving he deserved to be thus qualified, didn’t make any more jokes or provocations about the lady’s nighttime.

  Not many, anyway.

  “Is this your first time in Versailles, Darcy?”, Nat asked as they prepared their picnic. The visit in the Palace had been unforgettable, but tiring as well, as had been their walk in the park, and now Nat was famished.

  “As a matter of fact, it is not. I have had the opportunity of visiting this fine property back in my times”, he was using his aristocratic tone, one that he mastered very well. “I was invited once to a ball here, and danced with a very fine lady who told me how the people complained about not having bread to eat, and how she believed they should eat brioche instead.”

  “Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. And, by the way, many people say Marie Antoinette never even said that. Besides, when she lost her head – quite literally, I’m afraid – you were but a little child, were you not?” His smirk was answer enough. “So, I guess this means it’s your first time here.”

  “Yes, it is. I have been in Paris before, yet I had never had the opportunity to come to Versailles.” He offered her a melting-like-butter smile. Nat shook her head, as if the movement would exorcize the image from her mind.

  “We should go. There are a lot of places here I still wanna visit”, Nat told him. “Let’s find out what surprises await us in Versailles.”

  Little did she know the former home of Marie Antoinette would offer them more surprises than they had anticipated. And not all of them would be pleasant.

  ♥

  THAT SAME MOMENT

  NEW YORK

  “WHAT THE –”

  It was the third “WHAT THE” Fanny had yelled since she started watching the video. Someone had sent it to her via WhatsApp, and, at the beginning, it had been amusing enough, with the guy in a weird white armor fighting the dude in a white tunic. She wasn’t sure who the characters were, but she recognized them from the Star Wars movies the Estevez Brown siblings had forced her to watch a few times.

  The first “WHAT THE” happened as the camera was pointed at a woman dressed in a very sexy, very revealing bikini outfit. Fanny recognized her immediately as Nathalie. To her relief, Nat seemed very alive, and somewhat amused as well, even though Fanny could read some stress in her eyes.

  If she’s alive, why hasn’t she returned my messages? I’m gonna kill her!

  The second “WHAT THE” was said when the camera’s position made it possible for the viewers to see the guy in the white tunic’s face. It was Darcy, and he looked concentrated and very angry. Wow, who was he fighting with those weird light sticks?

  Finally came the third “WHAT THE”. It occurred as soon as the guy Darcy was fencing decided to take his helmet, after being humiliated by the hot British. It was Detective Doug Brooks, who now Fanny referred to as “the asshole who cheated on Nat”.

  “THEY’RE ALIVE!” Fanny yelled, as she heard Terry’s voice picking up the phone.

  “Good morning to you too, Fanny”, Terry wished sarcastically, since it was five in the morning and he had gone to sleep at one A.M. the previous night. Actually, he went to sleep that same day, so he wasn’t in his best mood.

  “Screw you!”, she answered, already annoyed at him for a reason he knew to be inexistent.

  “Oh, thank you. You’re always so kind.” He should end the call, but, as usual, he couldn’t be offended by Fanny’s mood variations.

  “Shut up and watch the video I just sent you.” She couldn’t believe she was the one who had found Nat! Now, all Terry would have to do was find out where the video had been filmed. That couldn’t be difficult, right?

  After a few minutes, she was tired of waiting, “So, what do you think? Where are they? How long before we can get there?”

  “I thought you told me to shut up”, Terry said calmly. And dryly.

  “Grrrrrrrrr”, Fanny literally growled.

  “Did you just growl at me?” Wow, Fanny could be sexy even when she was practically foaming.

  “Answer me. Now.” Fanny was dressing quickly; she had to buy flight tickets, tell her boss she’d need a week off, get her nails done (no way she’d travel without manicured hands and pedicured feet; one needed priorities in life), and order her nerd neighbor to take care of her plants (he always did it if she showed him some cleavage).

  “It’s not that easy, Fanny. They are in a garden, so there isn’t much to go on. I could get someone from forensics to try find out who was responsible for this video, but this isn’t an official investigation, so–”

  “So you’re telling me there isn’t much you can do”, Fanny was becoming frustrated. All she wanted to do was find her friend and figure out what was going on.

  “I’m really sorry, babe. I’d love to help you out, you know that. If there was anyone who knew her whereabouts…”

  There was someone. Fanny had an idea. “I think you can help me after all, my American version of Idris Elba. But you’ll have to be a bad boy.”

  Yes, she would find out where Nat was.

  ♥

  INTERVIEW WITH ROBERT ESTEVEZ BROWN

  TERRY: Do you know why you’re here, Bobby?

  BOBBY: It isn’t mine! I swear!

  TERRY: Are you talking about the weed I found on you or the pot plants I found in your room?

  BOBBY: I… Never saw it! It’s not mine!

  TERRY: Whose is it, then?

  BOBBY: It’s a conspiracy! Someone forged the evidence!

  TERRY: So, you’re saying someone grew marijuana plants in your room, without your knowledge, in the hopes an officer would come by some day, find out, and get you arrested for that?

  BOBBY: That’s a great theory!

  TERRY: It’s a terrible theory. You have beautiful eyes, you know?

  BOBBY: Huh?

  TERRY: Your eyes will be a major success where you’re going.

  BOBBY: Wh-Where I am going?! Where am I going?

  TERRY: Jail, dude.

  BOBBY: No! No way! I need a lawyer!

  TERRY: Look at where we are.

  BOBBY: Oh, we’re at this very nice and very deserted warehouse.

  TERRY: Exactly. And do you know how many lawyers come to warehouses like this one?

  BOBBY: Very bad lawyers?

  TERRY: Not even those, Bobby.

  BOBBY: Oh, my God. So I’m gonna became the next Miss Congeniality in jail? Is that it?

  TERRY: Well, there’s a way… We can make a deal… I need some information…

  BOBBY: Any deal, any information, anything!

  TERRY: Well, I know you’re not supposed to tell anyone, but I need to know your sister’s whereabouts. I know you don’t wanna tell me, but–

  BOBBY: She’s at La Burdo-something avenue, in Paris! I have the address! If you just let me check out my cell, I can–Ouch!

  [Someone hits Bobby on the head. Well deserved, this author believes.]

  FANNY: You little traitor! How could you give out your sister’s location like that?

  TERRY: But, I thought that’s what you wanted, Fanny!

  BOBBY: Fanny?! What… Why… Dude!

  FANNY: Yes, Terry, that’s exactly what I wanted, but you could be anyone! He couldn’t have known you were with me!

  BOBBY: So, you’re with this scary dude? Does it mean I’m not going to be Miss Congeniality in a jail somewhere?

  FANNY: Shut up, Bobby!

  TERRY: What do we do now?<
br />
  FANNY: We’re going to Paris.

  ♥

  Chapter 24

  17 DAYS IN PARIS

  PART II

  They were wandering through Marie Antoinette’ Estate, in a place called the Queen’s Hamlet, which had been inspired by the rustic architecture of Normandy, a small village where Marie Antoinette liked to receive guests and spend time with her family and friends.

  Unlike the rest of the property, this location was practically empty, only a few tourists walking here and there, besides Darcy and Nat, who couldn’t get tired of the magical charms of that part of Versailles.

  They entered a windmill, then a dairy, and finally one of the small cottages. Nat and Darcy hadn’t noticed yet, but the scattered people who were in those parts had left already. While they were admiring all details in a cottage, Nat blurted out, “What do you consider the weirdest thing in my century?”

  Darcy didn’t expect the question, but it somehow made him sad. He was eager to return to his sister, his friends, and his beloved Pemberley; yet, he didn’t know how his life would be like without his new friends, the television device, the modern food, and, especially, without Miss Nathalie. He pushed the thought aside and concentrated on her question. “There are so many things I consider strange in this era, I couldn’t select one to name the most bizarre.”

  “Our bathing suits, perhaps?”, Nat suggested.

  “Well, even though I was initially shocked by their lack of propriety, I must admit I… grew very fond of them. Particularly when a certain lady wears them”, he teased, his cheeks becoming rose for his forwardness.

  “Darcy, you’re making it difficult for me to being ‘just friends’…”, she teased back. “How about our scandalous literature?”

  That made him chuckle. “Yes, that was scandalous, indeed. Still, I learned one mustn’t judge other people’s taste.” Or lack of, he wanted to say in order to provoke Nat further, but her smile prevented him. She’d approved his answer, and that was good enough for him.

  “Someone seems to be getting very accustomed to our savage ways, Darcy…”, she joked, grinning.

  “Perhaps I am, Miss Nathalie”, he grinned back. “On the other hand, I just found out the answer to your interesting question. I believe the strangest thing in this century is how the walls can talk.” Noticing the confusion in her delicate features, he explained further, “As you recall them talking in the museum last week.”