Undead Alchemist

by Kat Cotton

  Then the orb began to glow. A silvery-purple color. Some alchemist’s trick.

  “You did it,” Philbert said.

  “Bullshit. It’s a trick, right?”

  “No trick. That was you.”

  I looked at Nic and Kisho. What the hell was going on here?

  “So, say this was me and not some trickery. What’s the point? I walk into the Council and make them all purple and glowy. They’ll be screaming and bowing at my feet to get rid of the purple glow? I don’t think so.”

  “There’s much more to it. You’ll know what to do when the time comes.”

  “Yeah, people say that shit to me all the time, but it’s not so true.”

  Nic snorted again. “She has powers? This is not going to end well.”

  “It’s not going to start well, either,” I said. “This is bullshit. I’m human, and no made-up powers are going to help us. Let’s just stick to the original stupid plan. We go in to the Council, I say I’m handing over the alchemist. We wait for a miracle to happen and rescue Fleur. That works for me.”

  “Clem, you need to accept who you are. You can’t deny your destiny,” Fern said, putting her arm around me.

  Like hell. I flung her arm off me. “I have no destiny,” I said. “I’m nothing.”

  I didn’t want to have this discussion. With that, I walked out of the room. Screw them all. Maybe I didn’t want to rescue Fleur, because that would mean more people saying stupid things to me. I wanted to be alone.

  Chapter 42 Motivation

  EVEN THOUGH I HAD LEFT that room, I had nowhere to go. I walked back down that destroyed lab. At least I could be alone there.

  Sure, I could go along with these plans, but I had two issues. Either the alchemist was lying about my abilities and I’d be putting myself and the others into a world of danger, or he was telling the truth, and that would open a door I wasn’t sure I wanted opened. But could I leave Fleur to the mercies of the Council? And, realistically, I could not stay in these underground tunnels forever.

  My boots crunched on the broken glass. The place really was a mess.

  I grabbed a broom and began sweeping up. It might be a worthless thing to do, but it kept me busy. I had to work out this crap in my head. I mean, special powers might be nice, but to accept them, I’d have to accept that everything I knew about myself was a lie. Not human. How was that even possible?

  Someone grabbed me, and I screamed.

  “Damn you, Nic. You scared the fuck out of me.”

  My heart pounded like crazy. I’d been stupid coming here alone. If Nic could sneak up on me like that, anyone could.

  “Clem Starr,” he said, and looked at me.

  He really looked at me, like he was seeing me for the first time. I wanted to stare him down, but I looked away. I didn’t like all that looking.

  “Spit it out. You want to say snarky shit. So, say it, and then leave me in peace,” I said.

  I leaned against the workbench, arms folded, waiting for him to reply. He leaned on the workbench beside me, our arms slightly touching.

  “What’s so good about being human, anyway?” he asked.

  “If I need to explain, you’ll never understand.”

  “Good one, but I’m not falling for that bullshit. I was human once, you know. It wasn’t so great. You’re so frail, so weak. You get sick and old and die. Those aren’t fun things.”

  “All my life, all I wanted was to be normal. To have a normal family and a normal life. I’d see those kids at school with their mothers waiting at the school gate and envy them so hard. I was always the odd one.”

  Nic snorted. Then he laughed. Then he snort-laughed. “Clem Starr, you are so full of it. You never wanted that at all. You’ve been watching too many sappy movies.”

  I punched his arm. “You don’t know what I wanted.”

  “It’s been a long time since you left school. Sure, you grew up in an orphanage, but you’ve had control of your own life ever since. You could’ve had a normal life. Got an office job. Married. Had kids. But you didn’t. You became a demon fighter. That’s not the act of someone who wants a normal life. That’s the act of someone who loves money and cake. Don’t lose sight of those things, Clem.”

  He turned to me with a smile. A smile like a blanket being wrapped around you on a cold night. Like the way I imagined a mother’s arms would feel hugging you when you’d fallen down. A smile like the smell of cake baking.

  “That’s who you are, Clem Starr. A greedy glutton. It doesn’t matter if you’re human or not. You’ll always be that.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “That’s not a very inspiring pep talk.”

  “It’s not? I don’t think you see the pivotal point here. No matter what you are, you’re our Clem.”

  “But I’m a monster. I kill those things. All the non-human things out there.”

  “You don’t kill me, and you don’t kill Kisho.”

  He smiled again. Damn him and his pretty smiles.

  “Sometimes I’ve really regretted that, too. You, I mean, not Kisho. It’s different for you, Nic. You had a human life. You had parents and I don’t know what else. Even if you’re a vampire now, your life wasn’t a lie.”

  No one had told me what I was, but vampires were different from other paranormals. They’d had a human life. They were still human in some ways. I couldn’t believe my humanness had never been a real thing.

  “Well, what about Kisho?” Nic said. “His dad was an evil mastermind, and Kisho had to help kill him with the help of his unicorn-hybrid half-brother. At least your life isn’t that fucked up.”

  Nic giggled. It wasn’t funny, but I giggled too. I guessed it was a bit funny when you put it like that. I started giggling too. We exchanged glances and bit our lips. Then we laughed again.

  I put my hand over his. In his own way, he was trying to help. Then I almost pulled my hand away in shock.

  “You’re warm,” I said.

  “I am sometimes,” he said. “I don’t understand it myself. I figure it’s the warmth of my personality flooding through my body.”

  “Or maybe all that hot sex you’ve been having.”

  I put my head on his shoulder for a while. As much as I loved Kisho, there was part of me that Kisho would never understand. Nic totally got that part of me. If I had had a brother, I imagined he’d be a lot like Nic. Well, not that time we’d had sex. There was nothing sibling-like about that. But we had something similar at our cores.

  “It’s not like you have to change anything,” he said. “You just have to accept who you are. You aren’t a monster. You’re not evil or bad. Just annoying.”

  “Wow, Nic. I can see why you make the big bucks as a motivational speaker.”

  “I know it can be tough. It might’ve been a long time ago, but I had to go through the whole transformation process. It took me a long time to deal with that. It’s not like you go from being human to vampire without any struggles, but then one day I realized that, like it or not, this is my life now. You can’t reverse vampirism. Then I began to see the positives. I’ll never lose my perfect skin. I’ll be this beautiful forever. I’m sure there’ll be positives for you, too. I have no idea what these powers of yours are, but you can probably make money out of them. And you really love money.”

  He grinned at me. “You know you can’t fight this. It’s not like you have any other option. You can stay in this room sulking like a little a bitch for the rest of your life, or you can accept that you have awesome powers and go out and fight those Council bastards.”

  “We don’t really have a chance against them, do we?”

  “Who knows? As long as we can get those cuffs off you and free this woman, we can get out of this city and go somewhere safe. That will buy us some time. Then we can eat cake and make plans to bring those bastards down. We can’t let them keep getting away with this.”

  I shrugged, but I followed him when he left the room. I had no idea what we’d do, but w
e did have to fight. There was no other choice.

  Chapter 43 Council

  PHILBERT AND I STOOD at the reception desk in the swanky foyer, people rushing around us. They swiped their way through the security gates on the right, then stomped across the marble floor to the massive glass doors that opened onto the street. Office hours were over. Just another typical office building in a big city.

  “If you don’t have a specific appointment, I can’t let you in. Sorry. That’s just how it works,” the sharp-faced receptionist said.

  The magic Philbert had done on my cuffs must’ve worked, because I’d walked straight into the lion’s den and no zaps. I tried thinking the worst thoughts possible about the Council, but nothing. I imagined blowing up the building and taking out that stupid Baldy. No zaps. I imagined raiding their secret files. Nothing. I thought about finding the secret head of the Council and taking them down. I got a bit of a tingle from that, but I wasn’t sure if that was from the cuffs or from the thrill of doing it.

  The receptionist yawned. “You can wait over there,” she said, indicating a couple of leather benches to the left of us.

  The glossy brochures on the massive coffee table between the sofas told visitors a bunch of lies about the Council, and that massive vase of expensive lilies hid the scent of evil. I would not be sitting there.

  “You don’t understand,” I said. “I was told to bring this guy in. He’s, like, a public enemy, and here I am with him. So just let us see that guy Baldy. Barry. That’s his name. Call him. He’ll tell you.”

  “If you mean Mr. Talbot, he’s a very busy man and can’t deal with anyone who’s just walking in off the street.”

  She didn’t even look up. She just kept tapping away on her keyboard.

  Frustrating flooded through me, the kind of frustration that usually ended with me punching someone. Punching would definitely not help this situation.

  “Excuse me, young lady,” Philbert said. “We need to speak to someone in authority. I’m a vampire, and I’ve committed serious crimes.”

  I leaned back against the reception desk. Nothing we said would work. But we needed to create a distraction. Doing that in the lobby might work out better for us than being taken to Baldy’s office. Just one door to get through to make our escape.

  Miss Slack Pants behind the desk actually made things easier for us.

  I watched the Council worker bees leave the building. Most of them looked like they could work anywhere: an insurance company or a law office or an IT company. They didn’t exactly have evilness stamped on them. Hell, half of them probably worked in the accounting section or the mail room and had no idea what the Council did. Not the real stuff.

  People kept streaming through the lobby, most of them rushing out with their heads down. None of them the person I was searching for.

  Finally, I spotted him. A businessman in a suit, looking like all the others. Well, maybe a heap prettier, but he kept his head down. He rushed, as though he’d left something important back in his office and had to retrieve it.

  Nic.

  That suit really did look good on him.

  He’d just needed to find someone with so few fucks about their job that they’d happily be thralled and hand over their work pass. By the looks of it, that hadn’t been too difficult.

  Nic got near the security gates. There were a couple of guards still on duty. They might get all officious and ask to see the photo on his pass.

  I turned around to face the receptionist. This was the moment. She’d get Clem Starr, full force. “Listen, bitch, get that fucker down here. NOW!” I screamed, but she still didn’t look up.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of those security guards move in my direction.

  I planted both my hands on the edge of the reception desk and hoisted myself up so that my face was right in hers. She had to have some kind of panic button under that desk. I’d sure as hell make her use it.

  “Listen to me. We need to see Baldy. Or Lycra Shorts or that other guy. Are you deaf?”

  Both security guards rushed toward me now.

  “This woman isn’t going to relent,” Philbert said.

  “She’ll relent. I need to see him.”

  I wondered if I’d have to pull my knife. The receptionist might be a complete bitch, but I didn’t like doing that kind of shit to civilians.

  I didn’t need to. Nic had gotten through the gates. He was inside the Council. The distraction had worked.

  A security guard grabbed me and dragged me off the reception desk. I swung at him, squirming in his arms until I got free. The other guy had a walkie-talkie out. Yeah, buddy, this was a code red situation happening right here.

  As we scuffled, the receptionist grabbed her handbag and high-tailed it out of there, her high heels clicking at a furious rate across the marble floor. Probably the smartest decision she’d ever made.

  Soon, the lobby swarmed with Council troopers.

  This was the bit I’d feared. Philbert had said he could handle this, and I had to put my trust in him because I couldn’t fight all these troopers on my own.

  A couple of them came at me. I moved to attack but realized that would be showing my hand way too soon. Instead, I screamed, as though the cuffs were still working. As the troopers got closer, I fell to the floor. I kept screaming and flinging my hands around. Maybe I was overdoing it a bit, but it kept the troopers from attacking. Why bother fighting someone who was already out of action?

  Meanwhile, Philbert moved away from the desk. He needed to be in position for his thing.

  The troopers didn’t back off for long. They got closer, trying to grab me. I rolled into a ball and kicked out at them. I didn’t want them to actually get me. I just needed to distract them long enough for Nic to get Fleur out of there.

  Once Philbert got the signal that they were safe, he’d do some alchemy magic and we’d scram. Still not the greatest plan, but we had to pray it would work.

  I kept kicking. How long would it take that damn vampire? I couldn’t kick forever. My thighs burned and my back hurt. At any moment, one of them would manage to get hold of me and drag me off. More and more of them surrounded me.

  Then some sort of buzz went through them. The troopers fell back and parted, leaving a clear path through the lobby. This wasn’t in our plans at all, but it did give me a reprieve.

  Or did it?

  When I looked up, the four of them walked toward me, troopers on either side: Baldy, Gone to Seed, Lycra Shorts and the mayor.

  They looked down at me, lying there on the floor with my legs in the air and my skirt ridden up around my waist.

  I smiled. “Good afternoon, guys,” I said. “Nice to see you.”

  Shit just got real.

  Chapter 44 Glass

  “CLEMENTINE, GET UP off the floor and cover yourself up,” the mayor said.

  Crap, we were screwed now. We’d never get out of here. Fleur might be freed from the cell, but I’d be in there instead.

  “Aren’t those cuffs working?” Lycra Shorts said to Gone to Seed. “She shouldn’t be able to kick like that.”

  No point pretending any more.

  “These cuffs?” I said, holding up my hands. “Yeah, I got used to them. It’s kinda pleasant now. Especially in this cold. Gives me a nice buzz to keep me warm.”

  Lycra Shorts gasped.

  While they were distracted, I stood up and brushed myself off. “So, guys, what’s up? Anything exciting happening in the world of demon fighting?”

  They all scowled at me, except for the mayor, who gave me a slight grin that the others couldn’t see. What was up with him? Friend or foe?

  “Clementine…”

  “Not much? Well, I’ll be off, then.”

  I started walking to the door, but Lycra Shorts grabbed me halfway there.

  I moved away. “Hands off, buddy. I hardly know you.”

  “Where’s the alchemist?”

  So, they hadn’t noticed Philbert yet, than
kfully.

  “I thought you were no longer interested in him. Anyway, I’m off the case, so I’ll get out of your hair. Well, not yours, Baldy. I know you’re busy men, very important and all that.”

  I gave them a little salute and kept moving in the direction of the door. No one stopped me.

  This breezy attitude wouldn’t fool anyone, but I needed to buy some time. I didn’t want to look at Philbert, not even a side-eye glance, but he had to get moving. Even if Nic hadn’t escaped with Fleur yet, we had to get out of there.

  Gone to Seed gave a signal to the troopers, but before they could swoop in, the fun started.

  A boom resounded through the lobby. Someone shrieked as smoke billowed around us. People swarmed in a mad panic. As far as I could see, most of the troopers had hit the floor. Council training in a bomb situation.

  Without direct orders, those troopers weren’t sure how to react. I had about thirty seconds of panic time to get out of there. I ran for the door with my eyes stinging from the smoke.

  Someone grabbed my foot, and I stumbled. Hell, the doors to the building would auto-lock soon, if Philbert’s assessment of the building was correct. The building would be in total lockdown. I needed to get out before then.

  I kicked out, freeing myself. Philbert grabbed my arm.

  Already, the troopers stirred into action. Every second was vital.

  The doors were still opening. A few workers had gotten out. We had time. We could do this.

  The doors slammed shut.

  Fuck. Too late.

  Together, Philbert and I turned to face the lobby full of troopers.

  “You lose, Ms. Starr,” said Baldy. But he was lying face-down on the floor, so his words lacked threat.

  “Don’t fear,” Philbert said.

  He grabbed something from his pocket and quickly drew a symbol on the doors, then he put his hand to the glass. I covered my head as a high-pitched screech almost destroyed my eardrums.