A Christmas Candle

by Katie Flynn

  Chrissie grabbed her hand and planted a kiss on her palm. ‘I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it,’ he wept. ‘I don’t want to go back to the flat when the war’s over nor I don’t want to go to Scotland. Oh, Auntie Bess, let me stay with you, please. I’m truly sorry I said what I did, and I didn’t mean a word of it.’ He turned round to face Eve. ‘I do love you, Evie, honest I do, and I s’pose Mummy does too, even if I’m her favourite.’ He turned to Uncle Reg. ‘Must I say sorry to every single person round the table,’ he asked hopefully, ‘or can I just say a big sorry to everyone?’

  ‘A big sorry will do,’ Uncle Reg told him. ‘As for being Mummy’s favourite, just you remember, young man, that there’s enough love to go round for everyone. Of course it’s meant to be spread evenly, but I bet most mums and dads, in their secret heart, have a favourite child. After all, you said yourself that you have a favourite parent! Now come and sit down and let’s finish our tea.’

  Now that he was back in the air, Hank hoped that the dreams – or rather the nightmares – would stop. They all started the same way: climbing into the ship with his crew and carrying out the pre-flight checks. Only then did the true nightmare begin, for he found himself in a strange aircraft with no idea what his checks should be. He was on his knees in the dark, gazing around him, a bit like Jonah in the whale, and he needed to get to the tail end. The tail gunner, a friend of long standing, would be waiting for him. Crouching, for there was not a great deal of head room, he made his way towards him just as the aircraft gave a warning shudder, someone shouted something, the ship speeded up and then smoothed out and he knew they were airborne. Someone near him muttered that it would be a fair while before they were over the target and he realised, with a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach, that several hours of boredom awaited him, as well as the fear which clutched at every heart aboard though not one man would admit to it.

  He was halfway back to the tail when he recalled that he was the skipper and should be up front. What use was he stumbling along in the dark of the fuselage? Time concertinaed; he was in his seat, they were over the target, he could see buildings below, and he turned his head to apologise to the co-pilot for his temporary absence. The person sitting next to him was Lily. She put out a hand and gripped his knee.

  ‘The bomb aimer’s bought it,’ she said quietly. She smiled at him, a very sweet smile. ‘We’re on the way home, dear Hank, and won’t need to keep radio silence once we’ve crossed the Channel. Will you be all right if I leave you? I won’t be gone long.’

  He heard the Messerschmitt before he saw it, seized the joystick and turned to the navigator.

  ‘How much further have we got to go?’ he said, and even as he spoke the Messerschmitt dived and Hank heard the rip of the bullets as they hit their target. Someone screamed – he thought it was himself – and then they were spiralling down towards the North Sea. He pulled himself to his knees – suddenly he was back in the fuselage of the mighty plane – and then the pain was such that he knew he’d been hit.

  Hank sat up and pushed a hand through his damp hair. Phew. The bed was narrow and he must have turned too suddenly on his still sensitive leg and woken himself up. He glanced at his wristwatch and heaved a sigh. It would be three hours before he could reasonably get up and start a new day, and he was sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep again. The curtains were drawn back, and when he propped himself on one elbow he could see there had been a frost during the night. The branches of the trees outside were white with it, and the grass too. Hank told himself he should think of home and see if that helped to calm him, but before he could even visualise the small farmhouse in Connecticut his head had fallen back on the pillow and he was fast asleep.

  Chapter Twelve

  Eve opened sleep-blurred eyes and took stock of her surroundings. She was in her little bed in the attic, which was now only occupied by herself and Miranda. Chrissie had moved into the small room at the foot of the attic stairs, the one which Johnny had once occupied, and Connie had gone home to Liverpool. Propping herself up on one elbow, Eve knuckled her eyes as she peered at the alarm clock which stood on the stool between her bed and Miranda’s. Two a.m. No wonder she felt so tired. She wondered what had caused her to wake up, but could think of no reason. Slowly, she lay back down and rolled on to her side. It had been eight months since she had returned from Norwich and an awful lot had changed in that time, not necessarily for the better.

  Eve had picked up her share of the workload with ease and thoroughly enjoyed throwing herself back into the daily routine. Once again she and Miriam would do one milking shift whilst Johnny and Miranda did the other. Chrissie too was getting to be a dab hand around the livestock and connected well with the cows, the pigs and the poultry. Eve smiled to herself, thinking that this was probably because at some stage or other most of the livestock had mistaken Chrissie’s golden curls for hay or corn. She had seen Daisy trying to grasp his locks with her long tongue and ending up licking the side of Chrissie’s face, causing him to giggle and squirm.

  Robin Maddon had stayed true to his word and wrote to Eve regularly, to Johnny’s obvious annoyance, telling her all about life in the army and how everyone believed that the war would soon be over. He never went into too much detail about how the war was affecting him or his friends, but she knew that he loved receiving her letters about life on Drake’s Farm. He would ask after the cows by name, and who had been champion milker that week. Eve was always eager to fill him in on all the details concerning the various animals, but quite early on she realised that she never mentioned Johnny in her letters to Robin, although she was not entirely sure why. She supposed it was because she thought Robin would not be interested in the human inhabitants of Drake’s Farm, as he had never met any of them.

  Then had come the day when everything changed for ever. It was a clear winter morning and everyone was eating breakfast when Auntie Bess had walked slowly into the kitchen, a handful of letters in her floury hand, and handed them over to their various recipients.

  ‘Two, no three, for our Eve,’ she had said as she passed the envelopes over Chrissie’s head to his sister. ‘One for you, Reg – looks like it’s from the Ministry – one for Connie, from your ma if I’m not mistaken, and one for you, Johnny.’ She turned to stare at him. ‘It looks official.’

  The room had fallen silent as Johnny fingered his letter before picking up a knife and slitting along the top of the envelope. He pulled out the sheet of thin paper within and read what was typed thereon, then placed it back in the envelope. When he looked up his eyes met a sea of expectant faces.

  His own face had been flushed, and he was beaming. ‘I’m in,’ he said, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice. ‘I’ve got a week before I have to go, but I’ve finally been accepted.’

  Uncle Reg had whooped and clapped him on the shoulder, and Auntie Bess had beamed at him. Chrissie had looked at him in awe.

  ‘Crikey, Johnny, just think. You’ll be flyin’ in one of them Spitfires soon, or a bomber! Wow!’ he said, his eyes sparkling with admiration.

  Johnny had looked proudly at Eve and Connie. ‘Not going to congratulate your old pal? All this time I’ve been hoping and praying, and now …’

  Eve had stood up and walked round the table to place both hands on Johnny’s shoulders. ‘If it’s what you want, then of course I’m pleased,’ she said, ‘but I won’t try to pretend that I’m not frightened for you, or that I won’t worry about you.’ She leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek, and as she did so she saw that he was looking past her towards Connie, his brows rising.

  ‘Well?’ he said.

  Connie shrugged. ‘Good for you! At least you’ll get away from this place, so it can’t be all bad.’ She stood up and headed towards the stairs, calling over her shoulder as she went, ‘I shan’t be here too much longer myself. My mother has written to say that I can come home now that it looks as though my auntie Cassie has found somewhere else to live. Her place was hit
by an incendiary bomb and she’s been staying with them ever since, but they think she’ll be gone soon. They’re hoping so – my father has reopened the shop and could do with my help.’

  Eve and Chrissie had exchanged glances, then Chrissie spoke up. ‘That’ll mean it’ll be just you and me, Evie.’ He looked perplexed. ‘We’ll be the only children at Drake’s Farm.’

  Eve nodded and sank back into her chair. All this change in one morning’s breakfast. She couldn’t quite believe it. It did seem that the war would soon be over, and she had always thought that the day peace was declared would be the best day of her life, but now she realised that it wouldn’t just be the war that would end, but her life as she knew it at Drake’s Farm as well. With Johnny leaving, the farm would not be the same. Yet the cows would still need milking, the hens and pigs want feeding, the horses need grooming … in fact there would be an awful lot more work to do when Johnny was no longer there. She had said as much to Auntie Bess.

  The older woman had shrugged. ‘We’ll cope, dear, we always do. If you remember, Eve, before you came to the farm there was only Lily, Miriam and Mabel here to help, and even with Johnny gone there’ll still be you, Connie, Chrissie and the terrible twins, so there’s no need to fret.’ She smiled at Eve’s concerned face. ‘Although I think it’s more the company you’ll miss than the help. Lord knows we all will. The farm is a livelier place for having a bunch of youngsters around, so you’re not the only one who’ll feel the impact when Johnny leaves.’

  Auntie Bess had stood up to start on the dishes, handing a tea towel to Chrissie as she did so. ‘I’ll wash and you can dry,’ she said. ‘Everyone moves on; that’s what happens in life. Our Bob has a sweetheart in France and from what I can gather from his letters it appears that she’s not keen on coming over here to live. What’s more, her father has a large farm and could do with Bob’s help …’ She shook her head sadly. ‘When this war does end it will be a wondrous day, but not without cost.’

  Now, lying in her small bed, Eve wiped a tear from her cheek. Auntie Bess had been right. Within a couple of weeks of getting his papers Johnny had left Drake’s Farm. They had had a farewell supper for him the night before he was due to catch his train, and when everyone had finished eating Auntie Bess had sent the children off for a walk around the farm whilst she, Miriam and Miranda cleared everything away.

  Johnny, Eve, Connie and Chrissie had visited each of the animals in turn, Johnny ruffling manes, patting the prickly hairs on the pigs’ backs and stroking the cows’ foreheads as he said his goodbyes. Once he had finished his farewell tour, he turned to the others.

  ‘Now what? How about a moonlight stroll down the lane?’

  ‘I’m not walking down that lane in the pitch dark! If you two want to go wandering around the woods at night, tripping over tree roots, that’s your lookout, but I won’t be coming.’ Connie had turned to Chrissie. ‘You’d better come back with me, ’cos Auntie Bess’ll be ever so angry if she thinks I’ve let you go wandering around at night with these two.’

  Chrissie had opened his mouth to object, but Eve had said quickly, ‘She’s quite right, Chrissie. Auntie Bess doesn’t like you being out after dark.’

  Chrissie had been about to argue, but thought better of it and followed Connie back to the house, dragging his feet a little but making no further protest. Johnny watched them go, then turned to Eve.

  ‘How about going to say goodbye to the badgers?’

  Eve had gaped at him. ‘Gosh, Johnny, I’d forgotten all about them! Do you suppose they’re still there?’

  ‘I don’t know – I haven’t been to look for months.’ He had smiled at her. ‘But let’s see, shall we?’

  They had turned into the lane and started to stroll down towards the stream when Johnny suddenly caught hold of Eve’s hand and gave it a friendly shake. ‘Do you realise, Miss Armstrong, that this is the first place we met, officially I mean? I don’t count the time at New Cross station.’

  Eve had smiled and squeezed his fingers. ‘Yes, I remember. Gosh, Johnny, how long ago was that now?’ She cocked her head on one side. ‘More than five years! But it doesn’t seem that long at all.’ She slid her hand from his and tucked it into the crook of his elbow. ‘I never thought the war would last this long, or that I would end up thinking of Devon as my home and not London.’ She looked up into his sparkling blue eyes and thought how he’d grown. ‘Do you see Devon as your home more than London too? Or is it just me and Chrissie?’ Before Johnny could reply, she continued, ‘I suppose it’s different for you, because your mother is very loving and homey …’

  Johnny had stopped walking and was looking at Eve with his head tilted on one side. ‘I’m sure your mother loves you, Eve; she’s just not what you’d call a typical mother. She’s more of a career woman.’ He ruffled her hair. ‘Who couldn’t love our little Evie?’ he said, a broad grin spreading across his freckled face.

  Eve had felt a hot blush spread up her neck and invade her cheeks, and she gave him a playful shove. ‘You haven’t answered my question. Do you see London as your home, or Drake’s Farm.?’

  Johnny had gazed through the bare branches of the trees at the silver moonlight as he considered the question. ‘Well, I guess if you can say that home is where the heart is …’ he looked down into Eve’s face, his eyes twinkling, ‘then I guess my home would be here. With Auntie Bess and Uncle Reg and you … oh, and everybody.’ He took Eve’s hand again and gave it a small squeeze.

  By now they were quite close to the badgers’ sett, and suddenly Eve stopped and pulled Johnny to a halt beside her, placing a finger to her lips and pointing between the trees. Shuffling his way along a narrow path, apparently unaware of their presence, was the badger. Slowly, Johnny pulled Eve down to crouch behind some saplings, his face alive with excitement and happiness, and they watched the badger out of sight.

  Eve had turned to her companion. ‘Well! How lucky was that? Oh, Johnny, he was so beautiful, and he looked so happy going about his everyday business, undisturbed by anyone or anything.’

  Johnny had nodded, placing a finger to his lips. They had started to make their way back to the stream when he stopped and bent down to pluck something from underneath a fallen log. Straightening, he twiddled whatever it was he had found round and round between his figures before lifting it to his nose and gingerly smelling it.

  Eve had pulled a face. ‘What are you doing, Johnny Durrell? I hope that’s nothing disgusting, what with you sticking it in your face like that!’

  He had held up a large tuft of grey-black hair. ‘Badger fur!’ he said triumphantly. He offered it to Eve, and she took it between her fingers.

  ‘Today was definitely our day for badgers,’ she had said, laughing. ‘Oh, Johnny, you are clever! Fancy you noticing that.’

  Now, Eve smiled at the memory as she lay in her cosy little bed. What were the odds, she wondered, of seeing the badger the very first time they went on an expedition together and the very last time too? It was as if she and Johnny were the real caretakers of the badgers; as though the badgers would only ever show themselves to the two of them. She knew it was nonsense, of course, but it made her feel as though she and Johnny shared a special bond.

  She snuggled further down between the bedclothes. Spring was not far off, but the nights were still chilly. Closing her eyes, she let her thoughts return to Johnny’s last night at Drake’s Farm.

  Once Johnny thought they were far enough from the sett they had congratulated themselves again on their good fortune.

  ‘I think he must’ve sensed it was your last night, so he came to say his goodbyes,’ Eve had said as they made their way back to the lane. ‘He was probably thanking us for keeping him and his family safe all this time, and wishing you well in your posting.’

  Johnny had grinned, and given Eve a nudge with his elbow. ‘You’re daft, you are, Eve Armstrong, but there ain’t a bad bone in your body.’

  Eve had returned his grin. ‘I won’t half miss you wh
en you’ve gone, Johnny. Not just because you’re such a help around the farm, but you’re good company too.’

  Johnny had placed an arm round her shoulders. ‘I promise I’ll come and visit whenever I have leave. I know I won’t be able to fly planes for a long time because I’m not old enough, but for now I’m just happy to do whatever I can to help send those bloomin’ Nazis back to where they came from.’ He looked down at Eve and raised his brows. ‘You know, if the war really is coming to an end as quickly as they think it is, it won’t be long before you and Chrissie leave Drake’s Farm too.’

  Eve had stopped short. ‘Well, it depends when Mummy and Daddy are demobilised – is that the word? – but I suppose you’re right.’ She looked appealingly into Johnny’s sparkling blue eyes. ‘Johnny, I’ve realised I don’t want to go back to London, or anywhere else for that matter. Drake’s Farm is my home, and Chrissie’s.’ She paused. ‘We’re not city people any more, we’re country folk, and Mummy won’t understand how we feel as she’s city through and through.’ She’ll expect me to be like her and get a job in an office sitting behind a desk all day, at the beck and call of some boss or other! Making him cups of tea and arranging his diary and typing his letters.’ She shook her head in frustration. ‘Oh, Johnny, I can’t! It’s just not me. I’d go bonkers, sitting indoors all day …’

  Johnny had smiled down at her and smoothed a hand reassuringly over her wavy locks. ‘Eve Armstrong, you’re worrying over nothing. Even if the war ends tomorrow, it’ll be a long time before your father is discharged from the Navy, and from what you’ve told me I think your mother may choose to continue working too, which would mean you’d have to stay at Drake’s Farm for a good while yet.’ He slid his hand into hers. ‘You and Chrissie have plenty of time ahead of you, because I’m sure Auntie Bess isn’t in any rush to see you leave. From what she said tonight she’s not looking forward to the thought of having no children at Drake’s Farm, so don’t you go worrying about what hasn’t happened yet.’