Sammy in Thailand (Single Wide Female Travels #6)

by Lillianna Blake

  Max looked helpless beside me. He might be willing to defend me against the taxi driver or the waiter, but what could he say to an elderly woman? He wasn’t about to threaten to knock her out.

  The woman laughed, waved to me, then continued to walk past.

  I bit into my bottom lip to hold back the tears. Was this going to be my entire experience here? I’d lost quite a bit of weight, but to these people, I was apparently a giant. It didn’t make sense to me.

  Max rubbed my back and opened the door to the restaurant. “Just try to let it go, Sammy. We’ve got your meeting to get to.”

  I didn’t want to go to the meeting. I wanted to turn around and run back to the hotel so I could hide out.

  Max’s hand closed around mine and he tugged me inside.

  “Max, maybe we should reschedule.”

  He turned and placed his hands on my shoulders long enough to look into my eyes. “Shake it off. You’ve got this.”

  I frowned. That wasn’t exactly the pep talk that I’d hoped for. However, his stern tone cut through all the anxiety suddenly present within my mind and reminded me that I had a job to do. I couldn’t stand Kanda up just because my feelings had been hurt.

  “Okay, you’re right.” I nodded.

  Max looked into my eyes a moment longer, then gave my hand a squeeze.

  Chapter 4

  Together Max and I walked toward the table occupied by the woman I recognized only from her picture. Everything about her was delicate and fine, from the shape of her features to the smooth flow of her hair, to the tiny circles of her wrists.

  “Samantha!” She stood up as we approached the table.

  I waited for the look of horror to wash over her face. I waited for her to steal my chair and replace it with something more sturdy, or worse yet, for Kanda to grab a handful of my spare tire.

  Instead she smiled. “Welcome! I’m so glad to finally get the chance to meet you.”

  “Thank you.” I felt relieved as I sat down across from her. “I’m glad to see you too.”

  “Is the hotel okay? I wasn’t sure if you would like a smaller or bigger room.”

  “It’s perfect.” I began to relax.

  “Good. I’ve ordered something for us, I hope that’s okay.”

  I braced myself for the large plate of food but nodded. “That’s fine, thank you.” Max sat down beside me. “I asked my husband to join us. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all.” She smiled at Max. “Welcome to you too. Are you enjoying yourself in Bangkok so far?”

  Max shrugged. “We haven’t had much of a chance to explore.”

  Kanda raised an eyebrow as she looked between us. “Is something wrong?”

  “Not wrong exactly.” He frowned.

  “We’re adjusting to the difference in culture, I think.” I smiled at Max. “It’s really fine.”

  “Oh.” She stared at me for a moment, then her eyes widened. “Didn’t you get my e-mail?”

  “Just the one about the meeting today. Was there another one?”

  “Oh no, it must not have gone through.” She grimaced, and paused for a moment as the waitress brought our food.

  This time at least the portions were equal.

  “What was the e-mail about?” I picked at my food, afraid to actually eat, since it seemed to me that the staff might be watching.

  “Here in Thailand, it’s very unusual for someone to have even a little extra weight. So it’s a bit fascinating to people. Honestly, some can be very rude about it.”

  “So I’ve noticed.” I frowned. “Is it really normal to touch my stomach?”

  “Some of the older generation don’t have a lot of boundaries when it comes to that, I’m afraid. I’m very sorry if you’ve experienced that, but I can’t promise you that you won’t experience more of it. It’s not meant to be offensive in most cases—it’s more curiosity.”

  “Great.” I took a deep breath and reminded myself to keep my emotions in check. “I suppose I’ll just have to get used to it. But what I don’t understand is how I can have any fans here.”

  “Don’t doubt that, Samantha. I have people on waiting lists to join in on the book signing.”

  “But why? What could they possibly identify with if everyone here is so fit and beautiful?”

  She smiled and tilted her head to the side. “I’m sure you know that’s not the case.”

  “What do you mean? Every woman I’ve seen is gorgeous.”

  “You may see her that way, but she does not see herself that way. Many women are almost obsessed with their looks.” She brushed a hand along her forearm, then tucked it into her lap. “I think many women have identified with your blog the most—where you talk about embracing natural beauty and accepting ourselves for who we are instead of trying to become someone else. That’s a very powerful message here.”

  “Then I’m glad we’re here. I’m really looking forward to getting to know the culture a little better.”

  “There is a lot to discover. But people are very image based; just be prepared for that.”

  “I will be.”

  As we enjoyed another delicious meal, there was no doubt in my mind that I loved the food. We reviewed the plans for the book signing the following day, then she walked us to the door of the restaurant.

  “Listen, I don’t know how you would feel about this, but if you’d like to meet some lovely people you can join me at temple tonight. It’s a Buddhist service, but we are all very welcoming.”

  “Thank you, I would really enjoy that. We’ll be there.”

  “I will send you the information.” She patted my shoulder. “I’m so glad that you chose to come here. I do hope that you will have a good time.”

  “I’m sure that I will. Thank you, Kanda.”

  As soon as Max and I were outside, he shot a sidelong glance in my direction. “Temple?”

  “Yes.” I smiled, then noticed he wasn’t smiling.

  “Are you sure that’s something that you want to do?”

  “Sure. Why not?”

  “Well, we’re not Buddhist.”

  “No, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy spending time with people who are. I’ve learned a little bit about Buddhism and it seems like a very peaceful, loving religion.”

  “Religion.” He quirked a brow. “Not my strong suit.”

  “Sure, it’s not mine either, but it’s not like we’re signing up for anything. We’re just going to meet some other friendly people that might not fondle my belly.”

  “I’m not opposed to going, I just wasn’t sure why you wanted to.”

  “I’m open to anything that involves peace, meditation, and self-reflection.”

  “I love that.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “I wouldn’t mind having some meditation time with you.”

  “Ha, I doubt we’d be doing any actual meditation.” I poked him in the side.

  “I hope we wouldn’t be.” He kissed my forehead, then let me go. “Back to the hotel?”

  “No, I’d like to take a look around. I’m not going to let anything stop me from enjoying Thailand.”

  “Great.” He smiled again. “I’m so amazed by you. You are a very strong person.”

  “I don’t know about that, but I do know that I’m a very lucky person.”

  Chapter 5

  Max and I headed down the sidewalk toward a cluster of shops. Now that I understood why everyone stared at me and felt the need to point out my weight, it didn’t bother me quite as much.

  So I was a novelty here. I could live with that. I was proud of my weight loss and my body. The man beside me certainly didn’t have any complaints.

  Max opened the door to one of the shops and we stepped inside.

  As I browsed through some of the costume jewelry on display, I caught sight of someone staring at me from the corner of the shop. I tried to ignore it at first. I reminded myself that what people thought of me here didn’t matter.

 
When I glanced up again, she was still staring at me. I looked away quickly and bristled, as the last thing I wanted was another run-in with a tummy grabber. But when I forced my eyes to those of the watcher, I noticed that the person didn’t seem to be horrified by my presence. If anything, she seemed a little shy.

  She was very pretty and very slim. Maybe she was trying to figure out whether I was a real person or some kind of alien creature. I couldn’t help but giggle at the thought.

  My smile must have encouraged her, because she came walking over. I prepared my remarks in my head. When she pointed out how fat I was, I could point out that she appeared to need a few more meals.

  “Hello there.” She smiled as she picked up a necklace that I was looking at. “Do you like this?”

  “It’s nice.” I smiled. Maybe she wasn’t going to grill me about my weight after all. I noticed that there was something a little different about the woman, though I couldn’t put my finger on it. Her make-up was flawless and her skintight clothes fit like a glove. She was quite stunning.

  “But you’re not going to buy it?” She twirled it around a finger.

  “No, I don’t really need another necklace. I just thought it was pretty. Do you like it?”

  She scrunched up her nose and studied the jade-colored rocks. “It’s not really my color. I like reds more than greens.”

  “I see. Red does look very nice on you.”

  “Thank you.” She held the necklace up to my neck. “I think this would be just gorgeous on you. See how it stands out against your lovely skin?”

  “Thank you.” I smiled a little wider. “That’s a very nice thing to say.”

  “Are you sure you’re not going to buy it?”

  “No, I’m looking for souvenirs for friends back home.”

  “That’s very kind of you.” She nodded to me, keeping the necklace clutched in her hand as she turned to walk away.

  I wondered for a moment why she would want to buy it if she didn’t think that it suited her, but when Max walked up to me, I let the thought go. He rested a hand on the small of my back and looked toward the woman who’d walked away.

  “Was that an interesting conversation?”

  “It was a very pleasant one.”

  “She pulls it off very well.”

  “The skirt, you mean? She looks great in it.”

  “No, I mean the whole drag thing.” He lowered his voice. “Is that what it’s called here?”

  “What?” I blinked and looked from him to the woman. Then it struck me. The woman was actually a man. It wasn’t as if she was the first transgender woman I’d ever met, but it honestly hadn’t even occurred to me while we’d chatted. “Wow! I hadn’t even realized. She’s gorgeous.” I reached out to touch Max’s arm. “I don’t see anything here that I want to buy. You?”

  “A couple of magnets.” He held up a small paper bag.

  “Good choice.”

  As we prepared to leave the shop I noticed that the woman was still watching me. She followed us out of the shop and caught up with us at the corner.

  “Excuse me, please?” She smiled at me.

  “Yes?” I turned and smiled back at her.

  “Here, this is for you.” She pressed the necklace into my hand. “It belongs on that lovely neck.”

  “Oh thank you so much, but this really isn’t necessary.”

  “It is.” She patted my hand with the necklace in it. “You’re such a good influence, and I want you to know that you’ve done so much for so many without even realizing it, I’m sure. This is just a small token of my gratitude for the way you’ve changed my life.”

  “Me? I think you might have me confused with someone else.”

  She smiled and lowered her eyes. “No, I don’t. But please don’t think I’m some kind of crazy fan. It’s just that I heard Kanda was meeting you at the restaurant next to her bookstore. I wanted the chance to see you—to meet you. I know I should have waited until tomorrow at the book signing, but I just couldn’t.” She frowned. “I hope I haven’t upset you.”

  “Upset me? Not at all. I’m honored that you would want to meet me. Thank you for your support.”

  “You’re more than welcome. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night.”

  “Thanks again.” I smiled as I slipped the necklace over my head.

  After she walked away I looked over at Max. “How surprising was that?”

  “Which part?”

  “I wonder how she connected with my books.” I stared after her for a moment. “It means so much to me that it’s made such a difference to her.”

  “Maybe tomorrow night you can ask her.”

  “Good plan.” I nodded and slipped my hand into his as we continued to peruse the shops together.

  Chapter 6

  “Max, do you think this is okay to wear?” I smoothed the sleeves of my blouse down, then swept my gaze down along my skirt. I still wasn’t all too comfortable dressing up. The length of the skirt covered most of my legs. “Do you think it’s too tight?”

  “You look wonderful.”

  Max smiled and I smiled back, always grateful for his compliments.

  When we arrived at the temple, my stomach twisted. What if I said or did something wrong? Max was right to react hesitantly. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that I could offend or upset someone.

  Kanda greeted us outside. Her warm smile reassured me some, but I was still nervous.

  “Don’t you want to come inside?” She gestured to the door.

  “I do. But I’m not sure what to say or do.”

  “It’s pretty simple. Leave your shoes out here. It’s best to be as quiet as possible. Other than that, just follow my lead, and you’ll be fine. Remember, no one here is seeking to judge you.”

  “That’s a relief.” I squeezed Max’s hand, then released it. “Are you ready for this?”

  “Sure.” He met my eyes. “It’ll be fine.”

  I didn’t know what to expect, really, but what happened when I stepped over the threshold of the temple was nothing that I could have imagined. I was overcome with the sense of sacred space.

  Perhaps it was the monks that were already in meditation, or the towering walls and statues of Buddha that dotted the interior. Whatever it was, a hush fell over me—not just my voice, but deep inside of me. A sense of connection inspired me to be quite calm as Kanda showed us how to bow to Buddha.

  Soon we were settled on cushions with our legs crossed. It reminded me of one of my meditation or yoga classes, and yet it was so much more than that. It was a shared moment of reverence.

  I glanced over at Max and watched as his eyes roamed the statues and monks. It was clear to me that he was just as impressed as I was. I rested my hand close to his and he shifted his even closer to mine so that our pinkies touched. It was a moment that I wouldn’t have traded for anything.

  After the chanting and prayers, Kanda introduced us to some of her friends. None of them commented on my weight, or pointed out that I seemed far out of my element. I felt more comfortable with them than I had with anyone else since I’d arrived to Thailand.

  We stepped outside onto the temple grounds and watched as the children sang and danced together. My heart swelled at the thought that one day I might be watching my own child play like that. The thought made me a little dizzy.

  Max slid his arm around my waist to keep me steady as I swayed a little.

  “Are you alright? Are you ready to go back to the hotel?

  “I am a little tired.”

  “Okay, let’s get going.”

  We said goodbye to Kanda and our new friends, then hailed a taxi to take us back to the hotel. I rested my head against Max’s shoulder and closed my eyes as the taxi inched its way through traffic.

  “Wasn’t it beautiful, Max?”

  “Yes, it was very interesting.”

  “Have you ever thought about trying out a religion?”

  “Ah, not really.” He shrugged.


  “Really? Sometimes I long for something bigger than myself.”

  “What could be bigger than us?” He looked into my eyes and stroked my hand. “I don’t need to know the hows and the whys. All I need to know is that I’m with you.”

  “Aw, that’s sweet, Max. But what about the big things? Life and death? A moral code?”

  “I just follow my own instincts on that. Don’t you?”

  “Sure. But is that something that we can really teach?”

  “To who?”

  “To our children.”

  “Oh.” He glanced out the window, then back at me. “I don’t know. I think as long as we set a good example, they’ll get the idea.”

  I nodded a little but was lost in thought by the time we reached the hotel.

  What kind of role model would I really be to my future children? I was still trying to figure out how I could get my own two feet on the ground. The idea of being responsible for another living being left me feeling a little unnerved, to say the least. I pushed the thought from my mind as I looked over at Max, who grinned back at me and squeezed my hand.

  When we arrived back at the hotel we ordered in and shared a candlelit meal. It was a nice ending to an emotional day. Although it had been hard to ignore the stares, I’d begun to realize that learning to tolerate them was building my confidence.

  By the time we crawled into bed that night, I looked forward to starting the next day feeling more positive.

  Chapter 7

  I woke the next morning to Max’s fingertips trailing a path along my stomach. The sensation had to be the most beautiful thing I’d ever experienced. I kept my eyes closed and savored the way he stroked my skin. His delicate touch made me feel treasured. The scruff of his stubbled chin brushed across my cheek as he whispered in my ear.

  “I know that you’re awake, faker.”

  “I can’t help it. I was enjoying myself.”

  “I’m glad.” He snuggled closer to me. “We could just stay in bed all day, you know.”

  “I know.” I sighed and curved my body against his. “But we’re in Thailand. There’s so much to do.”