Great I was becoming sarcastic.
He sat me down at the table. My bottom healed quicker from Daddy's hand smacks than from Nanny's paddle. The whip marks on my back only hurt if I leaned back, which I wasn't planning on doing. The numb pain of them healing and pulling together was bearable in the meantime or I had just grown so used that it just didn't register as pain in my brain anymore.
A tray with my shot was waiting at the table.
“Amelia, lay your arm on the table. That's a good girl. Make a fist and open and close it again and again.” He tapped and then he rubbed the alcohol on it. Nanny came in just in time to see him give me my shot. It stopped her dead in her tracks. Daddy was pushing down on the spot where the needle had been.
“Good morning, Nanny.” He gave her a light smile.
“Good morning, Sir. Good morning, Amelia.” She was still very surprised by the scene that was taking place in front of her eyes.
“Good morning, Nanny.” I looked at her never taking my eyes off of her. Would she make it better or worse for me today?
Daddy finished up with me and I held my arm like he taught me last night.
“Amelia is a very sick little girl, Nanny. I had to give her penicillin. She will need it twice a day all week. You don't have to worry about that. I'll take care of it every morning and evening. But because she has a bladder infection she needs to be wiped with a fresh warm wash cloth every time after she goes to the bathroom. She needs to drink lots of water and she will need a nap today. You can try to teach her but if it doesn't work then send her right off to bed. She still has a slight fever.”
“A fever? Then she should be in bed,” Nanny protested, sitting up straighter. I was glad that she wasn't looking at me like that. “You of all people should know better than to send a sick child to school.”
He remained calm. “Nanny, I said you can try it. She was in bed all day yesterday. I want her moving around a bit today or she will end up with a lung infection too. We don't want that for our little girl.” They both turned and looked at me.
Thankfully the food came in then, taking the attention off of me. I was glad that talks, about how I was supposed to be wiped, were over with.
“Why is she getting her medicine in shots?” Nanny was still ticked. I needed to get her into a better mood before he left.
“She can't take them orally.” His answer was sharp. Again I was glad that it wasn't directed at me.
“I'd get her to swallow them.” Nanny gave me a mean look.
“That wasn't the problem, Nanny. They all came back up after she swallowed them. She was very brave about trying again for her Daddy but it isn't worth it. Either she gets shots or she can't eat and get stronger. Daddy thinks this is the best way.” He reached over and patted my hand. “Oh and no disciplining her today. If she does something wrong let me know when I get home this evening. I'll take care of it then.
“I'll be good,” I interjected.
“I'm sure you will be.” Daddy smiled at me as he patted my hand again.
We ate then. I couldn't eat much but he praised me for what I had eaten. He kissed me on the cheek and left then. I looked over at Nanny, waiting for her to take charge. My goal remained the same, do and say what I had to to not get hit.
“Time to go to school.” She rose from the chair and pushed it in.
I slowly got up. Not wanting to pass out. I pushed my chair in too. I went to Nanny. She took my arm as I came closer. She supported me so I wouldn't fall. She wasn't stupid. She probably understood better than I did what had happened.
Once I was sitting at my desk, my head cleared. Nanny stood in front of my desk as if this was completely normal. “We are going to start with history today.” She got out the heavy text book we were using. This was normally my job. She probably knew I couldn't lift the heavy book with the way I felt just now.
I raised my hand.
“Yes, Amelia.” She asked in a cold tone.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” I slowly took my hand down.
“Yes, of course.” She was still using her strict teacher voice.
I pushed myself to standing and waited for her to come get me. I leaned on her as we walked into my bathroom. She lifted my dress up and pulled my underwear down for me. She sat me down on the toilet and looked at me confused.
I blushed and waited for the pain that would come with the release.
“How did this happen?” she asked.
“I don't know, Nanny. It just did. It started yesterday morning.” I was afraid of saying the wrong thing. The last thing I wanted was more punishment.
Nanny didn't push the point. She got out a washcloth and got it wet and came back to me.
“I'm sorry, Nanny.”
“What for?” She honestly did look confused.
“For all the trouble I'm causing.”
“You aren't causing any trouble. Amelia are you really sick or is this a game between you and Daddy?”
“I'm really sick, Nanny. I think I even still have a fever.”
“Did Daddy take your temperature?”
I shook my head.
“That surprises me. Should Nanny take it for you.”
“If you want to.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Amelia, are you finished.”
I nodded and started to get up.
“Stay sitting.” She removed my underwear completely. “Just open your legs as wide as you can.” She knelt down on the floor in front of me. She cleaned me up that way. She stood and put the wash cloth in the laundry basket. Someone had emptied it while we were at breakfast. I had seen fresh washcloths in the drawer too. I was amazed at how quickly my room got cleaned every day. It was always perfectly clean and I didn't have to lift a finger.
“I want you to come with Nanny to bed.” She got a thermometer out of a drawer and was shaking it. She was walking back to my bedroom. I put my underwear back on and slowly followed her. I figured this was part of the test to see if I was sick. I tried not to be so dramatic but my head was spinning as I sat down next to her on my bed.
She had a hand behind my back pushing me over her lap in seconds. My dress went up and my underwear went down. “Amelia, you need to relax or it won't go in right. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Nanny.” I figured that she would do this the old fashion way. The over her knee was expected. Would she spank me if I didn't have a temperature?
“I said, relax, Amelia.” She sounded a little mad.
I took several deep breaths and then I felt her nudge it in. I waited for her to take it out again. I was so tired that my eyes drooped closed and I started drifting off to sleep.
“Amelia, I need to change you into something else. You have to get up again.” She was shaking me. I had fallen asleep.
I sat up with her help. “Do I have a fever, Nanny,” I asked her.
“Yes, you do. A very high one too. Nanny wants to change you into your pajamas so you can go to sleep. Would you like that?” She was already removing my shoes and socks.
“Yes, Nanny.” I sighed and tears came out too.
She removed my dress and then my blouse. She saw the marks from the horse whip. She looked at them for a bit as she removed my bra and underwear.
She came back with a clean pajama. When she was finished I got to go to sleep. I hoped I hadn't done anything to get myself in trouble.
Daddy was there when I woke up. Nanny was nowhere to be seen.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Saying that embarrassed me so much. He picked me up and the routine that had started was followed through. As he was wiping me he asked if had had anything to drink today.
“Not since breakfast,” I answered him honestly.
He grabbed me around the waist and held my right hand firmly with his left hand under my stomach. He started raining spanks on my bottom. So many I couldn't count. I had no fight in me. I just sobbed and took it.
He stopped and pulled up my pajama bottoms. I wet my pants then. I
was so afraid that he would horse whip me for doing something like that. He sighed loudly and pulled them back down and threw them in the wash. He lifted me up and stood me in the tub.
He cleaned up my little puddle without a word and then he turned to me. He got shower head out of its socket and pulled it over to me. He turned the water on and shifted it so it would come out of the shower and not the tap. I shook and cried as I watched him. I expected the worst.
“Open your legs wide.” He cleaned me up as if it were any other task. When he was done he brought me back to bed. “Now I want you to drink this whole glass of water. Can you do that for Daddy?”
“Yes, Daddy.” My hand shook as I took the glass. I drank it all greedily. I wanted more. He poured another glass and I drank that one too. I huge yawn escaped my lips. I had experienced too much in the last fifteen minutes. I fell back to sleep.
I woke up on Daddy's bed. He was asleep next to me. I slowly snuck out of the bed. I very quietly tip toed into my room and then into my bathroom. I had to go once again. I left all the lights off. I cleaned myself up with a washcloth just like he wanted. I washed my hands. I was just thinking about which bed I should go to when he flipped the lights on. I shaded my eyes against the invasion of the light.
He sighed as he pulled out the chair to my vanity table, which was built into the counter. He placed it in the middle of the room, just like Nanny had when she spanked me.
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I saw the rest of my life stretched out ahead of me. He would either be beating me or raping me. I felt so desolate and alone.
He sat down and waved me over. It went to him hoping that tired look in his eye would mean that he wouldn't be able to hit so hard. He pulled me over his lap. He didn't have to pull down my pajamas bottoms because I didn't have any on. My hands flew forward so I wouldn't come crashing down. He started in spanking me very hard. I quietly sobbed. There was no fight in me anymore. I was so unhappy.
Later when he stopped he pulled me up so I was sitting on his lap. I was crying silently with my head hung. I wanted to get away from him so badly but how could I when he kept me locked in here. I had to wait for an opportunity to run. I would then. I'd run and I wouldn't look back ever.
“Amelia, do you know why I spanked you?” He lifted my chin very gently with his thumb and finger so I was looking at him.
I shook my head. It didn't matter anyway. He was making up the rules as he went along. I had taken my blows for his imaginary crime that he had thought up for me.
“I want you to wake me if you need anything in the night. Do you understand?”
Do you understand, he asked me that all the time. The truth was that no, I didn't understand anything. Why was he so mean to me? Why hadn't he just let me be? Why did he feel within his rights to treat me this way? I nodded anyway. I had completely given up. “Daddy I have to go again.” I felt melancholy.
“Daddy will help you.” He swung me easily over to the toilet, where I peed right away not even feeling ashamed that he was there with me. I was used to it already.
He praised me and wiped me clean. He helped me wash my hands and held my hand as he led me back to his bed. I frowned the whole time. I would probably never smile again in all of my life. I laid in bed as still as I could. I was glad that he didn't want sex just now. I would have bawled the whole way through again.
He fell back to sleep. I had slept all day and my thoughts were stronger than my tiredness as I lay there next to him in bed wishing I was anywhere else. He had a cruel streak in him. And I was a nobody he could let that out on. My father wasn't going to check in on me to make sure that Brian was treating me well. No one was going to save me. There was no hope on the horizon. I quietly cried in my pillow so he wouldn't hear me.
Chapter 12 Finding Out The Whole Truth
She was sick. This was a chance for him to show her that he was in a position to take care of her. Sometimes she acted so much like a child that he thought that she meant it but other times it was quite clear that she was pretending. That hurt him but at least she was trying.
Brian had a feeling that she would take off given half a chance. He decided to be strict with her so she knew what was expected of her. If she behaved he would give her positive reinforcements. This was really all a case of child psychology.
***
I was sitting at my desk reading about World War II with Nanny. My fever had broke and Daddy insisted that I get going with my learning. He wanted an educated wife.
“I want you to write a summary about why Hitler raised up to be Fuhrer.” She gave me paper and a fountain pen. I was no stranger to them. I had lots of bad childhood memories involving them. I had terrible penmanship.
“Does this include scrap paper?” I asked looking at the little pile of paper she had given me. It wouldn't be enough, especially with all the mistakes that I would be making with my penmanship.
She smiled, “You can have as much as you need.” She left the room. I heard her open the door to her room but she didn't close it. I went to work on my outline. Writing essays had always been my strong point. I worked all morning until she came and got me for lunch. I had heard her coming so I turned the papers over so she could only see the white side.
We went down to lunch. I had to walk through my closet, then my bathroom and then through Nanny's bedroom; which looked a lot like Daddy's but much smaller, to get out into the hall to go down to lunch. They had me literally cornered in.
Nanny and I sat down to lunch. It was always very healthy, mostly vegetables. I ate what was put in front of me but I ate as little as possible. I had already decided to do what I could to die. I would get weak and then just let things run their course. I assumed that he would beat me too long once with that horse whip of his. I pictured myself passing out and not waking up again. A few tears escaped my eyes as I thought so callously about my own death.
“What's wrong Amelia?” Nanny leaned towards me a little with her fork still in her hand, held at a perfect angle to her body. The way she had instructed me to eat too.
“Nothing Nanny. I'm just not that hungry today.” I had only eaten half and I was still starving.
“Very well, but do sit up straight with your head held high.”
I moved so I was sitting as she wanted me. I lifted my cloth napkin off of my lap and laid it down next to my plate the way she wanted it done. I waited patiently for her to finish.
“I think I will ask your Daddy if we can use his movie theater for an educational movie. Would you like that?” She seemed in no hurry as she chatted with me.
“Yes, Nanny, I would.” I had really liked the movie theater. It had been so beautiful and the movie was so nice.
“Good then we can ask your Daddy this evening at supper.” She finished eating and then we went back up to my bed room. She took off my shoes and covered me up with an extra blanket. “You don't have to sleep you may read a bit but I want you to stay in bed for an hour. You will be taking naps for a while now until you are all better.”
“Yes, Nanny.” She smiled at me and left to go to her bedroom again. The door remained open. I laid in bed and wondered if she was also taking a nap. Maybe I could sneak past her and out of the house. If I made it to the street then I could call for help. Would someone help me? What if I didn't make it out? What would he do to me for trying to runaway. The word divorce had practically gotten me killed.
I spent the hour staring at the ceiling. It had been rococo style. White with a wooden border. It was very pretty. I was the jewel that lived in a jewelry box. My room was obviously for a girl. I just hadn't realized how young that girl was supposed to be. I thought of ways to make my life more bearable here. I wiped the tears away from my eyes. I remembered laying in my bed at my father's house and thinking along the same lines. I was always trying to please the others. Be it my father, the sisters at school and now Nanny and Daddy. I wondered what they would do if I became a real spoiled brat and really started pulling things and talkin
g back. I smiled and thought of things that I could do until I thought of Daddy's horse whip.
Nanny was on the phone talking to someone. I concentrated on her voice but I could only make out a few words like summer session, Amelia, appointment and visit.
I guessed it was for the school Nanny wanted to send me to. Daddy didn't look too convinced about it. Did I want to go? It would be a chance for me to get out of here. I felt that I was already depressed with the whole situation. Maybe it would be good for me? Maybe, if the other girls also had Daddy's like I did, I could make a friend who I could talk to. That would be so nice. I would really like that. We could visit the school and I could get an impression. If it was terrible then I would see that right away. If the girls were all mean snobs I would notice something like that even on a visit. I drifted off to sleep dreaming about a friend who would make my life bearable.
“Amelia, we still have work to do today.” She drew the curtains open and the sun came pouring in. I sat up and looked around. I looked at the clock. It had been two hours since Nanny had put me down for my nap.
“Good morning, Nanny.” I said the word morning very uncertainly.
“Yes, good afternoon, Amelia. Let's get some water into you so Daddy doesn't have to spank you again.”
I felt the heat race to my face. She knew about that? I guessed the two of them talked when I slept. That was not a good sign for me. If they were telling each other everything then I had to be very careful about what I said about the other one. Saying nothing seemed to be the cleverest thing to do.
I got up and went to the bathroom. I waited for Nanny to come in to clean me up. She did after a bit. She leaned against the doorframe and folded her arms over her chest. “Amelia, your fever is gone you can take care of yourself now.” She looked like she was deciding if she was mad or not.
Daddy's Sweetheart (Part 1) (Daddy's Sweetheart (Part1)) Page 13
