by Barbara Goss
“I know God, my mother made sure of that. My only comfort when she died was that I’d see her again someday.”
“And I felt the same when my father died,” she confessed.
“When I get my wheelchair, I want to start going to church again,” he said.
“It never dawned on me before, but how will you travel from place to place? How will you manage the wheelchair and a carriage?”
“I will be chauffeured. Nathan is having a second wheelchair made up for the mill, but I hadn’t thought what to do for church.”
“We could walk! There must be a church within walking distance,” she said.
“We?” he asked.
Nora blushed. “Oh! Sorry. It was a slip of the tongue. I meant nothing by—”
“Of course, ‘we’! I was just surprised that you said it without even thinking. That has to be a good sign…for me, anyway.” He chuckled. “Would it be professional behavior for an aide to accompany her patient to church?”
Nora smiled, despite herself. “Yes, it would be.” Nora reminded herself of her rule to never become too fond of her patients. It had been easier with the elderly patients than with this vibrant, handsome man who had such a lovely sense of humor. She’d begun to feel a tugging of her heart whenever she was near him.
Alex reached over and squeezed her hand. “You are so good to me, Nora. Please allow me to show my gratitude if I feel the need. I sometimes feel so full of appreciation and fondness for you that I don't know how else to express. Please don’t forbid me that small pleasure.”
Nora looked into his eyes and melted. His face appeared transparently sincere; she had no doubt of that. He lifted her hand and kissed it lightly. Her only answer was a nod and a smile.
“Do you think next time we come here we could bring something to feed those skinny ducks?” he asked.
She smiled. “I think we might.”
Every morning for a week, Celeste went to Alex’s room where Nora would find them both sitting in silence. Celeste always perched herself on the edge of the bed, and Alex was always turned away, staring out the window or sometimes doing a crossword puzzle from the newspaper. Nora thought she’d figured it out—Celeste was trying to wear down Alex’s resistance to her. Nora felt pleased that Alex had not given in. Celeste had already turned her back on him once, and now he was doing the same to her.
During Celeste’s fifth visit that week, Nora heard Sylvia's voice in the room as she approached it. Nora did not enter the room, but stood in the hall and listened instead. Though she knew it was definitely the wrong thing to do, curiosity had gotten the best of her.
“Alex! You are extremely rude,” Sylvia shouted. “Celeste has been here to see you every day this week, and you refuse to even acknowledge her. That’s unacceptable behavior. The poor girl is sorry. I can’t believe you are so ill mannered… ”
Sylvia went on and on with her reproach until Nora heard Alex yell, “Get out! Both of you! Now!”
Nora scampered back to her room. She hadn’t heard Alex’s voice that loud since that first day when she’d met him. She heard both women descending the stairs, and when she was sure they'd gone, she walked into Alex’s room. She could sense his anger upon entering. As was his habit, he sat facing the window.
When he turned to look at her, it was with a face filled with anger, and he was shaking his head. “The sooner we get out of this house the better.”
Nora nodded. “I agree.” She couldn’t help herself—she walked over and rubbed Alex’s back and shoulders to try to relieve his tension. “Time to cool off, Alex. They’re gone, and I doubt they’ll be back.”
“You heard?”
She nodded. “How could I not?”
Nora felt Alex’s tension ease.
“I’ve instructed Nathan to put a deposit down on the house we told you about," he said, visibly gaining back his composure. "We should be out of here in a few weeks.”
As she continued to rub his upper back, he whispered, “Please don’t stop.”
Nora massaged his neck as well.
“Ahh, you’re so good!” he whispered. “I have something to show you.” He pushed himself over to his pulley and pulled himself up and up to a standing position. He actually held the position for about ten seconds before falling back into his chair. “How about that?”
“I’m shocked,” Nora said. “That was fantastic. Did it hurt?”
“No, not at all.”
“I’m proud of you,” Nora said. Her words brought a smile of pride to Alex’s face.
Nora went down to the kitchen the following morning to get Alex’s breakfast and recognized the voices of Celeste and Sylvia engaged in a loud discussion in the dining room. Instead of entering the kitchen, she stood in the doorway and listened.
“But Sylvia," Celeste said, "Alex won’t even look at me, much less talk to me. I’m sick of going up there and sitting there like a pigeon on a statue.”
“Well,” Sylvia said, her voice carrying through the hall, “you aren’t supposed to just sit there—talk to him, apologize, tell him how much you’ve missed him and that you still love him, mushy stuff like that.”
“I tried. All but the apology—I never apologize!”
“Maybe you should try it, then.” Sylvia sounded angry. “What did you say to him?”
“I told him that I’d made a big mistake. I told him that I missed him and should never have left him for Nathan, and he still just sat there and pretended I wasn’t in the room. Isn’t telling him I made a mistake equal to an apology?”
“No! Now, you go right up there and apologize,” Sylvia ordered.
“But he threw us out yesterday—”
“We can’t give up. This is our only chance. Get down on your knees, if necessary. We need that merger.”
Tillie noticed Nora standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “Your tray is ready,” she nodded at the awaiting tray.
Nora grabbed the tray and quickly ascended the stairs. Should she warn Alex? Her better sense said to keep out of it, yet…
When she entered Alex’s room, he worked at his exercises. He didn’t see her at first, so she stood and watched. Again, he stood on his own, this time for several more seconds. After he had flopped back in his chair, he turned to her. “Did you see that?” he asked, with all the excitement of a child at Christmas.
“I can hardly believe my eyes.” She set his tray down.
He turned to her with a big smile. “I’ll be walking soon, you’ll see.”
“Alex, don’t get your hopes up too high, all right?” she said.
“And why not?” he asked.
“I don’t want you disappointed if it never happens. You have to be ready to accept life as it is right now. Then, if you should walk, it’ll be a bonus.”
“I see what you mean, but I won’t stop trying.”
“Never stop trying.” She smiled.
A light knock on the door interrupted them. The door was ajar and in seconds they saw Celeste walk into the room carrying a handkerchief, dabbing at her wet eyes.
“I’ll leave you,” Nora said. As she walked past Celeste, she smelled the pungent aroma of onions! She hoped Alex had a good sense of smell.
Nora went down to get her own breakfast and returned with it to her room. As she passed Alex’s door, she couldn’t help but overhear Celeste saying, “Please, Alex. I made a mistake. Haven’t you ever made a mistake? I am begging you to take me back. I will push you in your wheelchair to all the parties… I can handle it, now. It just took me time to get used to the idea.”
Feeling guilty for eavesdropping again, Nora went into her room and closed the door. She really didn’t want to hear Alex’s answer, if he gave her one.
When she heard Celeste’s high-heeled shoes clopping down the stairs, she opened her door and went across to Alex’s room. He was sitting before his window again, and didn’t turn around when she walked in. She went over to him and started to massage his shoulders.
Alex t
hrew his head back and sighed. “Hello, Magic Fingers!” He greeted her cheerfully, despite his unpleasant visitor, who’d just departed.
“Did Celeste upset you?”
“A bit. Onions are too expensive to waste like that,” he quipped.
Nora laughed. “So you smelled it too?”
He nodded. “She sounded so desperate that I almost felt sorry for her. Almost. It seems that she has herself in a predicament. She’s being pushed, I’m sure, by her father.”
“And by Sylvia. How much money is involved in the merger?” Nora asked.
“Big money for him, if I were to allow the merger. For us, it’s not needed. Our mill is making a great profit of its own accord. Our employees are happy; Phillip runs his mill like a prison warden. I can’t tell you how many of his employees have come to me begging for work. I've hired quite a few of them, which didn’t sit well with Phillip. I have to tell you, I don’t like the man and I will never merge with his mill.”
“Did Nathan ever have the power to merge?” she asked.
“He did. I gave him full power to run the mill and sign any papers, right after my accident. I was in no shape to do anything, and I didn’t care about the mill or anything else, for that matter, but after I heard he was courting Celeste, I took that power back. I like to rile Nathan by accusing him of stealing Celeste, but the truth is, he didn’t—she stole him. Now they’ve discovered Nathan doesn’t have the power to make the merger, and suddenly she’s made a big mistake and misses me. They must think my brain is crippled instead of my legs.”
“I overheard Sylvia giving Celeste her marching orders this morning. I don’t trust Sylvia, Alex. I hope we can move soon,” she stopped rubbing his shoulders and sat on the edge of his bed. “What would you like to do today?”
Alex sat and stared at her. “What would I like to do?” He laughed, “What I’d like to do isn’t professional behavior, I’m afraid.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Just thinking out loud.” Alex sighed. “I think we should list what we need to do and things we need to take for our move. If you don’t mind, I’d like you to go with Nathan to see the house so you know what’s needed. Nathan thinks that since the house is empty we may be able to speed up the process. It can’t be too soon for me. I can’t wait to try the new wheelchair.”
“I’d love to see the house. Let me get some paper and a pencil.” Nora moved towards the door. “And then we'll play Dominoes. I found the game in my closet, so get ready.”
11
Alex sat in his room thinking about Nora. What right did he have falling for her or any other woman in his condition? Nevertheless, each day, he found himself growing more and more fond of her. He’d begun to feel urges in his body he hadn’t felt since the accident, even when Celeste had sat on his lap.
Could his feelings for Nora be just appreciation? He strongly felt it more like affection than gratefulness. He wondered if he could possibly be in love with her.
After the accident, he’d often asked God why? He couldn’t perceive any reason why God would allow this to happen to him. Gradually he came to realize that maybe God had saved him from an even worse fate. He wasn’t dead, his brain still worked normally—he had much to be thankful for, instead of being angry with God for allowing the accident to happen. After all, it had saved him from proposing to Celeste. If that had happened, he would have made the biggest mistake of his life.
He wondered how much he really could have loved Celeste. Though he’d never been in love before, the feelings he had for Nora already ran deeper than the feelings he’d remembered having for Celeste. Celeste was a society butterfly, one of the most popular women in all social circles. Though attractive and alluring, he never saw or felt actual goodness in her the way he did in Nora. He saw nothing but compassion and generosity in Nora. She was kind, considerate, and he doubted she’d ever manipulate anyone, for all the good it would do him. In his condition, he hesitated professing his love for her, if that’s what he was, in fact, feeling. He never thought about Celeste night and day in the same way he did Nora. He’d never missed Celeste when they were apart the way he did on Sundays when Nora went to visit her mother. He’d never felt as moved by holding Celeste’s hand.
Why had he ever thought he'd loved Celeste in the first place? Alex thought that, with Nora, he finally knew what love felt like. He also knew he’d never felt it before her. Love was both bliss and burden; at least it was to a crippled man. What woman would ever want to be saddled with an invalid such as himself?
Nora and Nathan walked up to the house Alex had chosen. It was a two-story red brick house, with two dormer windows, at the front of the house, just under the roof. The exterior was impressive. From the city sidewalk, three concrete steps led to a private sidewalk that led to the house. The semicircular porch had two, round pillars on each side of the landing, with a white fence between the pillars. The single, front door had glass windows the length of the door on both sides. The transom window above the door looked inviting. Nora thought the windows would be sure to allow plenty of natural light into the entranceway. Behind the house and at the end of a wide drive along the right side of the house stood a carriage house, built with the same bricks, and a white, decorative balcony to match the porch on the house. Nora fell in love with the house at first sight.
Nathan used the key to open the front door, and he and Nora stepped into a large foyer with light gray tiles leading to a curved staircase opposite the front door. To the left, a large room loomed with two floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the street, and one large window on the side. A formal dining room on the other side of the entryway led to a large, modern kitchen. Behind the living room they found a library. Off the library and kitchen, stretching the whole length of the back of the house, was a den with a fieldstone fireplace, and French doors leading to a large, outdoor terrace. Upstairs, they found six bedrooms, one of which was a suite, complete with a water closet and balcony. Another water closet was situated in the hall between two of the bedrooms.
Back in the entrance, Nora made notes of what they’d need and what work had to be done before they could move in. She turned to Nathan and said, “I see a problem.”
“What?” he asked.
“The curved stairway—how do we build a ramp for Alex to get upstairs?”
Nathan examined behind the stairway. “We can have an elevator installed behind the stairs.”
“Perfect! Good thinking, Nathan.”
Nathan ran up the stairs. “Yes,” he called down to her. There’s plenty of space here for an elevator. I’ll put it on my list of things to order.”
They also decided the side door would be the best place for the ramp for Alex to enter the house, since it was a fairly plain entrance, without steps on the outside. However, there were three steps leading up to the first floor, once inside. Nathan pointed out that it would be simple to change the steps to a ramp. The doorways in the house were wide enough for a wheelchair. Most of the rooms had archways that would be wide enough for his wheelchair to pass through. He’d need a ramp to move from the house to the back terrace, though.
When they were done, they locked the house up, and got into Nathan’s carriage. Before he whipped up the horses, he said, “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“You may.”
“Is there more between you and Alex than companion and aide?”
“Why do you ask?” Nora said, hoping to stall until she could come up with an honest answer.
“He seems very protective of you, and the way he looks at you? I’ve never seen him look at anyone like that, including Celeste.”
“Are you sure?” Nora asked.
“Positive. He made me promise this morning not to take any liberties with you on our venture today.”
Nora laughed. “Did he really?”
Nathan nodded. “You can trust me, Nora. I’d want nothing more than for Alex to be happy. Honestly, I want him to walk again and one day to have a normal li
fe. I love my brother. So—you haven’t answered my question yet.”
“It’s a bit too soon for me to know the answer to that question. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something for Alex more than merely his companion and aide. To be honest, Nathan, I don’t know what that feeling is. It’s not sympathy for I know that, whether or not he walks again, he’ll be sure to have a fulfilling life.”
“I’m glad, because I think my brother is in love with you. I just don’t know whether he knows it yet.” Nathan started the buggy moving slowly.
“I think Alex feels gratitude, not love.” She paused a moment, then asked, “And what about you, Nathan? What do you want?”
“Me? All I want is to go to school and become a lawyer. After that, I’ll think about love and marriage.”
“You confuse me, Nathan. You kept saying you wanted Celeste to go back to Alex, but when she broke your engagement you were more hurt than elated. Why was that?”
Nathan stopped the buggy. “I wish I had an answer for you, Nora. I guess I’m confused about my feelings, too. I always thought she’d turned to me because I had control of the mill. I nevertheless enjoyed every moment with her, despite her shortcomings. It’s hard to explain. I thought she was using me, and I wanted her out of my life. Had I thought she really cared, I’d have wanted to keep her, and yes, marry her. It’s sad when you feel you’ve been used. Now I know how Alex must have felt.”
Nora reached over and squeezed Nathan’s hand. “Thank you for being so honest. I almost wish Alex would sign the merger, just to stop all these games.”
“Sometimes I wish that, too. When I could have signed, I hesitated. Although Alex had given me the power to sign, I knew he’d come to regret it if I did. I knew the only reason he'd given me the power, was as a result of his accident. For weeks afterward, he didn’t care about much of anything.”
“He trusts you, Nathan.”
“I know, and it’s a heavy burden to carry, especially with my mother and Celeste trying to coerce me against him.”
