A Boy to Remember

by Cynthia Thomason

  “What’s the matter, Daniel? Why did you ask about Lizzie?”

  He looked down at the ground, took a deep breath and then pierced Alex with an intense glare. She felt its impact down to her toes.

  His voice was coarse when he said, “A man shouldn’t have to explain why he’s asking about his own flesh and blood, should he, Alex?”

  She opened her mouth but no words came out. He knew! She didn’t mean for him to find out from anyone but her. Yet how could he have? Her hands started shaking and she clasped them to ground herself. “What...what are you talking about?”

  “Lizzie is my daughter, isn’t she?”

  When she didn’t answer he said, “Never mind. Nothing you could say would change how I feel right now.”

  “But why do you think...?”

  “I just know, and when I figured it out, it suddenly all made sense. The connection I feel toward her, the similarities in our personalities, our looks, like-minded goals. And that’s not even taking into consideration the calendar. But most of all, Alex, it explains why you’ve always been so protective of her around me, as if you would have been happiest keeping us apart. And now I know why.”

  Alex bit her lip to trap a sob that seemed about to tear her throat apart. When she’d managed to gain some control over her panic, she said, “Daniel, I was going to tell you today. You may not believe that, but it’s true. I couldn’t go on living with the lie.”

  “So eighteen years is your limit? You can only live with a lie that long?”

  She could hardly bear to look at him. His features were so unlike Daniel’s. His stare was cold, brittle. His stance was stiff, his back rigid.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “You can’t know how hard this has been. When I didn’t see you for all those years, the lie wasn’t so difficult to maintain. I could almost believe it myself. But then there you were, in the theater that day, and it all came crashing down around me. My perfect life, the beautiful family I’d built on a lie.”

  “If you’re expecting sympathy, Alex, you can forget it. I don’t care how hard this has been for you.” He exhaled a shaky breath. “I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that you didn’t tell me, or that you didn’t tell Lizzie. She believes that Teddy was her father. For seventeen years she bought into your story, your lie.”

  Alex reached out her hand and let it fall to her side. “Don’t tell her, Daniel, please. I have to think about the words, how to explain what I’ve done. I wanted to tell you before I faced her. Promise me you won’t take your anger at me out on Lizzie.”

  “Oh, I won’t,” he said. “Unlike you, I’ll make Lizzie’s feelings, her needs, my top priority.”

  “That’s cruel, Daniel. I know you’re angry, but you have to know that Lizzie has always been my biggest concern. Her needs are all I think about.”

  “Really? What about her desire to go to Ohio State and study drama? By shutting her out on this issue, are you more concerned with Lizzie’s needs or your own?”

  “I’m always thinking about what’s best for her.”

  “And I suppose a wealthy, successful doctor was better for her than a struggling college student with no prospects.”

  “That’s not the way it was. I never compared you to Teddy. You make it sound like I was some gold-digging opportunist who grabbed on to the first wealthy man who came around.”

  “Sometimes the truth hurts.”

  “Daniel, you can’t believe this. I had known Teddy practically my whole life. I respected and admired him.”

  “And how did you feel about me?” he asked. “What must you have thought about me not to even tell me that you were pregnant?”

  A sob tore from her throat. “I loved you, Daniel! From the moment I saw you at Birch Shore, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. When you paid attention to me I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. You picked me! You can’t know what that meant to a quiet, studious girl to have someone so charming...so talented...so full of life, want to be with me!”

  “You loved me?” His voice was flat, almost as if he was repeating a food order to a waiter. “So let me understand. Did you lie to the man you supposedly loved about being on the pill?”

  She bit her lip, tasted blood. “I did. It was wrong, but that night I wanted you in every way. I shouldn’t have lied.”

  “I’m not through. You lied about being on the pill, and then you lied each time I called you after we left Birch Shore. You lied when you said you were in love and going to get married?” He scoffed. “I assume that was a lie unless you truly loved both Teddy and me at the same time.”

  She could barely get enough air from her lungs to answer. “I never loved Teddy like I loved you.”

  She didn’t know if he even heard her. He was so quiet, his eyes cast down. After a long, torturous minute, he said, “That’s good to know, I guess. But Alex?”

  She swallowed, waited.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have stood by you. I would have helped you.”

  “Yes, Daniel, I believe you would have tried, for a time at least.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Daniel, if you had become a father at that time in your life, your future would have been much different from the way it’s turned out. Because I loved you, I considered what was best for you.”

  “You decided what was best?”

  “Listen! I deceived you into thinking I couldn’t get pregnant. That alone was enough for you to hate me. You would probably have lost your scholarship if you’d had to find a job to support the baby. I didn’t have those concerns. My family was willing to do what was necessary. And Teddy was willing to marry me knowing I was carrying someone else’s child.”

  He shook his head slowly. “Oh, no, Alex, you’re not going to get away with trying to show how sympathetic you were to my situation. You’re not going to come out looking like the compassionate one, the one who saved the poor lad’s life and set him on the path to fame. Because...” He drew in a long breath. “Because it wasn’t just your call! It was mine, too.” His index finger jabbed at his chest. “Mine! My baby, too. And you chose to leave me out.”

  His voice shook. “When I think about the years ahead if you hadn’t come back to Dancing Falls. When I realize you never would have told me...” He stopped, breathed heavily.

  “But I did come back. And now you know. We have to start from this day and go forward.” She was openly crying now. “We have to do what’s right for Lizzie. We have to protect her. Yes, I made a mistake, several mistakes, but Lizzie shouldn’t have to suffer for them.”

  “Nor should you, right, Alex?”

  “You can’t believe I’m not suffering.”

  “I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that you’re suggesting we don’t tell her.” His voice rose in disbelief.

  “Not immediately. I thought that maybe you would agree...”

  “No, Alex. I don’t agree. I’ve missed out on too much. I won’t miss out on one minute of the rest of her life!”

  She used the one argument she knew might reach him. “But Daniel, think about your future. What if your political opponents get wind of this story? The bright young senator running for national office has a child he never knew about, a child out of wedlock. You don’t know how the media could twist those facts.”

  “I don’t care. Do you think I’m worried about a political office over having a relationship, an honest relationship, with my daughter?”

  She took a deep breath, giving herself time to think. “This is so new, and I know the pain you’re feeling is real. But we have to be logical. We have to examine all sides of this issue.” She choked on her next words. “We can’t destroy Lizzie’s life to satisfy our own.”

  “That’s what you think I’m doing? You think I’m only concerned with my feelings, what I want
? This girl, our daughter, has been grieving over the loss of the man she believed was her father. Don’t you think she deserves to know that she has a real father, one who only wants to love her?”

  She knew he believed what he was saying, but he had to be realistic. “Daniel,” she said softly. “You can’t be a stand-in for Teddy. You can’t substitute one father for another. It’s not like Teddy just took a sick day. He was her father for her entire life!”

  Daniel stared at something unseen over Alex’s shoulder. If possible, his body seemed to stiffen even more. “Did Teddy adopt Lizzie officially?”

  “No. He didn’t have to. I listed him as her father on the birth certificate.”

  A sound much like laughter came from his throat, but it was bitter and cold. “This just gets even better.”

  “It made sense. Teddy was willing to raise her as his own. We’d gotten married. The names were the same...”

  “Only Pope wasn’t supposed to be Lizzie’s last name.”

  She threaded her fingers and held her clenched hands over her mouth, speaking through them. “So what are you going to do? You really hold all the cards, Daniel.”

  He looked up at the sky as if seeking some divine guidance and then stared directly into her eyes. “The last thing I want to do is hurt Lizzie,” he said. “But I’m not going to let you continue to live your lie under the pretense that this news will shatter her. I think Lizzie is stronger than you give her credit for. She has her own mind. She knows what she wants out of life and how to get it. She’ll be wounded, but she’ll be okay after a while.”

  Alex couldn’t argue anymore. She wanted to keep Lizzie from knowing the truth, for some time at least, but the resolute look on Daniel’s face told her that her wish was not to be granted. Her throat hurt from holding back tears. Her eyes felt scratchy from a lack of sleep. Her shoulders fell; her spine seemed to soften. She was done. The sin was hers. Now the decision was Daniel’s, as perhaps it should be.

  “What’s going on out here?”

  They both looked at the house as Lizzie stepped outside. The girl stared at her mother’s face. “Mom, what’s wrong? Are you crying?”

  She started toward them, but Jude flew out the back door to stop her. “Lizzie, honey, come back inside. Leave your mom and Daniel alone for a few minutes. I’ll fix you breakfast.”

  Lizzie didn’t seem to know which way to turn, as if she was aware that what was happening in the yard was huge, life-altering. “Do you want me to go back inside, Mom?” she asked.

  Alex looked at Daniel.

  “You should stay, Lizzie,” he said. “Your mother and I need to talk to you.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  DANIEL HAD NO idea how he was going to start this conversation. He just knew in his heart that the truth had to come out. For Alex, who said she had suffered for years hiding such a monumental secret, for Lizzie, who had a right to know her father. And for him, the person who might benefit the most from Lizzie knowing the truth. He had a daughter, and she was charming and witty and independent. He was just getting to know her and already he was proud.

  “Why don’t we all sit down?” he suggested, pointing to a conversation area on the lower deck. The setting afforded privacy, and yet the women would still feel the security of being near their house.

  “What the heck is going on?” Lizzie asked as she led the way. “Mom, why are you crying?”

  “I’m okay, honey,” Alex said. “It’s just an emotional moment for me.”

  The wariness vanished from Lizzie’s eyes, replaced with something almost like jubilation. “Oh! I think I know what’s happened. And I couldn’t be happier.”

  Daniel swallowed. Oh, no. Lizzie thought he’d talked Alex into letting her go to Ohio State. Or worse, she assumed he’d proposed to her mother. She thought they were going to be a family.

  Daniel waited until the women had taken seats next to each other on the floral love seat. He took a chair on the other side of a serving table. Lizzie folded her hands in her lap. She smiled, looking from one to the other. Alex looked as if it was the first day of hunting season, and she was the only deer in the forest. Yes, he was angry at her, but until this morning, he’d thought he loved her. It hurt him to have to hurt her.

  “Do you want to start, Alex?” he asked. It was only fair to give her the first chance to make this right. Truthfully, he believed she was too upset to begin the conversation.

  She straightened her spine, took in a long breath and said, “Thank you. I would.”

  Surprised, he sat quietly, waiting. He half expected that she would dissolve into tears before getting the first words out, but her strength and will impressed him. She was going to be able to do this.

  She took Lizzie’s hand. “Honey, you remember that Daniel and I knew each other many years ago, the summer I graduated high school, to be exact.”

  “Yeah, I know. Grandpa told me all about this guy you had such a crush on at Birch Shore.” She grinned at Daniel. “Did you know she had a thing for you, Daniel?”

  “I remember wishing with all my heart that she did. But yes, I believed that we made a connection that summer.”

  Alex smiled. “It was more than a crush for me,” she said to Lizzie. “I thought about Daniel all the time. I made up dreams of our future, how we would always be together.”

  “And here you are, close to living out those dreams,” Lizzie said.

  “Not exactly, sweetheart. I don’t want you to think that Daniel and I have made a decision to go forward with the relationship we’ve shared this summer.”

  “Well, why not? You two get along so well. You’ve had lots of dates. Mom, I haven’t seen you so happy in a long time.”

  Alex squeezed her eyes shut, took a moment to recoup. Daniel felt a sharp pain in his chest. His anger was fading fast in light of her suffering. He wished he knew a way to make this right for everyone without breaking anyone’s heart. But the only path to reconciliation, if there was ever to be one, was through the truth.

  “Yes, I’ve been happy,” Alex said. “So much about this summer has made me grateful. Your enthusiasm for the play, your grandfather’s joy in having you in his home again and seeing Daniel—all this has made me happy. But it also brought up memories that I’ve tried to bury for a long time.”

  Her voice hitched and Daniel’s heart thumped against his chest. “Do you want me to take over?” he asked.

  She shook her head and continued. “The summer I spent at Birch Shore was a turning point in my life. I was always the quiet, industrious one in our family. I wanted to achieve good grades, great things. I did whatever I could to keep from disappointing anyone. And then I went away to work for the summer and experienced a freedom I’d never known before. I was on my own, meeting new people, living in a dorm. I was exhilarated, excited, adventurous in ways I’d never been.”

  “And you met Daniel,” Lizzie filled in for her. “And he must have helped you realize there was another side to Alexis Foster.”

  “He did. He was funny and talented. He helped me adjust to being away from home. He showed me a different kind of life, one with sparkle and fun and opportunities.” She pressed on Lizzie’s hand with her thumb. “I fell so hard for him, honey. I’d never met anyone like him. The truth is, I loved him. I really did.”

  “Then what happened?” Lizzie asked. “Why did you marry Daddy? And what did you mean before when you said you might not have a relationship with Daniel after we leave here?” She looked at Daniel and back at her mother. “This is so confusing, Mom. You loved Daniel, but you married Daddy. Now you can’t have a relationship with Daniel.”

  Lizzie paused, thought a moment and then gave Daniel a piercing glare. “You didn’t feel the same about her, did you? You didn’t love Mom.”

  “That’s not the issue, honey,” Alex quickly broke i
n. “I did a terrible thing. I had a secret, and I kept it from Daniel. I kept it from everyone except Grandma and Grandpa and your fa... Teddy.”

  “What secret?”

  She looked at Daniel. He nodded once, encouraging her.

  “Daniel and I... We...” She rubbed her hand over her mouth. “Our last night at Birch Shore, we...”

  “What?” Lizzie stared openmouthed at Daniel. Her eyes widened. “You two did it! You made love?”

  Daniel had answered difficult policy questions. He’d faced media scrutiny without batting an eye. And yet this question from his daughter nearly toppled him. He nodded. “I loved your mom as much as she loved me, Lizzie. You have to believe that.”

  Lizzie focused on Alex again. “So you made love with Daniel and a few weeks later you married Daddy?”

  Alex didn’t speak. She just leveled an honest stare at her daughter.

  “So what was the big secret?”

  Daniel held his breath.

  “I was already pregnant when I married Teddy,” Alex said.

  Lizzie’s voice rose with shock. “You didn’t use protection?”

  “I was wrong not to plan carefully. But I wasn’t wrong about Teddy. He knew I was pregnant, and he married me anyway. He gave us a good life. He loved us. He cherished you, sweetheart.”

  “Daddy’s not my real father!” As if she couldn’t find a target for her anger, she glared at Daniel as though snakes had suddenly sprung from his head. “You got her pregnant and didn’t marry her?”

  Daniel started to speak, but Alex held up her hand. “I never told Daniel,” she said. “Remember, I kept the secret from him. I’ve always kept it a secret until we came back here.” She looked down, sat straighter. “I would still probably be keeping it a secret, except Daniel figured out the truth.”

  “How? How did he know and not me?”

  “There were clues,” Daniel said.

  “And Grandma and Grandpa?”