A Boy to Remember

by Cynthia Thomason

  “Well, sure,” she said. “I figured he’d be there.” She hoped Lizzie didn’t see the flush creep up her neck. “I’ll see Daniel then and I’ll reevaluate our relationship.”

  “Mom, you’re sounding like this is a clinical decision. It’s not. It’s emotional. You should act like your heart tells you to.”

  “Okay, Lizzie, I get it.” She’d be polite. They’d talk about Lizzie, the coming semester. And then it would be over.

  She didn’t think her heart could take another blow. Not that Daniel wouldn’t be a gentleman. He would be. But who knew what ramifications might have resulted from the announcement last night? Sure, her dad, Lizzie and Aurora thought she’d done the right thing, but in the next week the media might not drop the story. His opponent could play up the fact that Daniel had fathered a child outside of marriage, making him seem irresponsible. Maybe his career was ruined. Maybe he would have even more reason to hate her than just the secret she’d kept from him all those years ago.

  * * *

  ONE WEEK LATER, after spending Friday night in a nearby Columbus motel and armed with a detailed map of the extremely large OSU campus, Alex and Lizzie arrived at the dormitory, which would be Lizzie’s new home. An air of expectancy permeated the atmosphere. Excited freshmen helped nervous parents unload minivans and SUVs. Wheels on overused dollies rumbled along sidewalks. Volunteers watched for any new student who looked lost, and offered to help.

  In a way, the energy and anticipation reminded Alex of the day she’d arrived at Birch Shore so many years ago. Her life had seemed about to change that day, similarly as Lizzie’s did now. She’d experienced her first taste of freedom then, and Lizzie was ready, she admitted, to begin her own life as an adult, making her own decisions.

  “I hope my roommate is here,” Lizzie said, as she transferred a box of electronics from the car to the dolly. “We’re planning to walk over to the theater department this afternoon.” She scanned the huge campus and laughed. “Or maybe take a bus.”

  Next onto the dolly went the crates of Lizzie’s new linens and hair and skin products, followed by a box of her cherished stuffed animals. When the dolly was full, Alex locked the car until they could get back for the next load, Lizzie’s clothes. The women struggled with the cart, attempting to turn it around, when a voice from behind them said, “Can I give you ladies a hand?”

  Alex’s heart jumped into her throat.

  Lizzie squealed, “Daniel! You’re here. I only called you fifteen minutes ago.”

  Without telling her mother.

  “Of course I’m here,” he said, giving her a quick hug. “I couldn’t let you begin at my alma mater without my blessing.” He looked around the campus with a wistful expression and pretended to be concerned when he said, “Lizzie Pope has arrived. Ohio State will never be the same.”

  Then he turned to look at Alex. Her hand went involuntarily to her hair, which whipped around her face in a stiff breeze. The stylish braid she’d fashioned that morning was ruined. Dirt smudges dotted her white jeans. And she was quite certain her expression reflected abject terror.

  Meanwhile, Daniel, Mr. Calm, Cool and Casual, could almost have passed for a university student himself in blue jeans and a neat button-down shirt. Anticipating the windy weather, he’d crunched an OSU ball cap over his hair and donned a pair of aviator sunglasses. He smiled at Alex, that natural, easy smile that could melt ice—and her heart.

  “How are you, Mom?” he said. “Handling this okay?”

  She tried to smile, but her lips felt like plastic. “I’m pretty sure I started experiencing separation anxiety before I got out of bed this morning,” she finally managed to say.

  Daniel took the handle of the dolly and effortlessly guided it toward the dorm. “I’m following you gals, so lead the way.”

  Thankfully, Lizzie chattered nonstop through the dorm lobby and up the elevator. Several times Daniel glanced in Alex’s direction, giving her a knowing grin. How easily he’d slipped into parent mode, as if he was born to do the job. When they exited the elevator and Lizzie ran off to find her room number, he said, “Reminds me of another girl eighteen years ago.”

  Alex nodded, certain his thoughts mirrored her own. “But I was anxious that day, too,” she said. Until you showed up and made everything right. “Lizzie is only a ball of excited energy.” She smiled. “This was definitely the right decision.”

  He gave her a sympathetic grin. “All too often the right choice is the difficult one,” he said. “I’m proud of you, Alex, for allowing her to follow her dream.”

  “You’ll find out, Daniel. Just wait. She can be very persuasive. I didn’t so much allow as give in. Something you’ll understand soon enough.”

  He stopped pushing the cart and stared at her. “Do you know what you just did?”

  “No. What?”

  “You indicated that my relationship with Lizzie is for the long run.”

  “Hmm...” She had subconsciously done that. You’ll find out, Daniel. Actually, he would be geographically closer to Lizzie than she would be for the next four years. And it was okay. He’d already been a mentor to their daughter. Now he was taking a step up. “You’re her father, Daniel,” she said. “It’s a lifetime run, not a long one.”

  He touched her arm, and she felt an instant reaction of warmth and comfort. Unfortunately, his touch only made her want more—a kiss, an embrace, a comforting arm around her shoulders. She recalled the day at the covered bridge and nearly sighed out loud. There would never be enough Daniel in her life.

  “I’ll try not to blow it,” he said. “I don’t want to disappoint either one of you.”

  “You won’t,” she said. You couldn’t.

  * * *

  DANIEL WENT BACK for the last load while Alex and Lizzie began unpacking. This fatherhood stuff was so new, but he found himself wondering how he’d ever gotten along without it. Sure, having a kid was a major responsibility, but to his way of thinking, not having a kid was a major void. He prayed his connection to Lizzie would grow and develop into something wonderful. He’d never thought of himself as a nurturer, but if that was what the job demanded, he’d give it his best shot.

  For days after learning he was Lizzie’s father, he focused on the negative—the time he’d missed with her, the things he’d never see her do for the first time, the way Alex had chosen to leave him out of her life. Now that his attitude had mellowed and his anger had subsided, his expectations had steadily grown. He was a young man. He would have lots of time to see his daughter become what fate and determination would make her.

  Was this new Daniel ready to forgive Alex? Maybe he was already on the path to doing that. But he knew one thing for sure. He missed her. She’d become a part of his life as quickly and with the same emotional punch as she had back at Birch Shore. He’d seen her that day eighteen years ago looking lost, yet expectant, and he’d known there was something special about her, something he needed to explore. And he’d seen her from across the parking lot today, looking the exact same way—a young woman lost and expectant, and his heart felt full again.

  What she’d done back then was unforgivable. No one would deny that. He’d been cheated, robbed of years with his daughter. And yet, seeing Alex today, he knew she didn’t have an ounce of malice in her heart. She’d had her reasons for what she’d done, and she thought she’d been doing the right thing. Could he cross that line and totally believe in her? That remained to be seen. Would she let him cross it, or would her guilt keep them apart forever? That too was still a question for the universe.

  Daniel piled two large suitcases and a duffel bag on the dolly. Next to them, he stacked three large boxes. One of the boxes opened and a fresh, flowery scent drifted to his nostrils. A sweet, natural scent, perhaps Lizzie’s shampoo. So this was what it smelled like to be a father of a girl, he thought. He closed the
box again and headed back to the dorm, and realized that the last emotion he was feeling right now was anger.

  * * *

  WHEN MOST OF the boxes and cases were unpacked, and Daniel had stuck posters and mementos to the walls, Lizzie answered her cell phone. After a short conversation, she ended the call and told her parents, “That was my roommate. She’ll be here in an hour. I can’t wait to meet her.”

  Daniel looked at his watch. “Good. Just enough time for lunch. Let me take you ladies to the student union for burgers.”

  “That would be great,” Lizzie said, getting out her map. “I think it’s within walking distance.” She laughed. “Probably the only thing that is on this campus.”

  Daniel looked at Alex. “Okay with you?”

  Alex’s plan to escape to her car and head out of town was ruined. She couldn’t disappoint Lizzie. “Sure. Sounds good. A burger is just what I wanted.”

  They walked to the student union while Lizzie consulted her map and pointed out buildings of interest. Daniel stood in line to order and brought the burgers to the table. Alex managed to not focus on Daniel. She even ate her food, probably because she was famished. Lizzie downed a hamburger, an order of fries and a chocolate milk shake.

  “I read in a magazine that college freshmen tend to gain an average of ten pounds their first year,” Lizzie said. Staring forlornly at her empty food basket, she added, “I’m going to have to watch that.”

  They walked over to the dorm together, and Daniel announced that he had to get back to his office. The past hour had been pleasant but awkward, like strangers reconnecting after many years. Both adults had carried on polite exchanges. Alex wondered if that was because they were feeling connected again, even to a small degree. Or were they acting to keep up a front with Lizzie? What would she and Daniel be like alone? Would they be more natural? Would the tension be even greater? She couldn’t answer that question.

  “Mom, you might as well go, too,” Lizzie said. “Ashley will be here any minute, and we’ll want to go exploring.”

  The sting of dismissal brought tears to Alex’s eyes, but she was determined not to let Lizzie see them. The separation of mother and child was a natural phenomenon, and going through it was a part of growing up and letting go for nearly every species. Oh, but how empty that apartment in Chicago would feel from now on.

  “I’ll walk you to your car, Alex,” Daniel said.

  She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She hugged Lizzie, told her to study hard and hugged her again.

  “Mom, I’ll be fine. I’ll call you tonight. If you get tired, stop at a motel. Don’t try to drive all the way.”

  Now who was being the mother? “I will,” she promised. She pointed vaguely at the hallway. “Daniel, I’ll wait for you out...”

  He smiled at her. “I know. I’ll just be a minute.”

  She went into the hall but stayed close to the open door. Voices carried from the room. Lizzie thanked Daniel for helping out. Daniel made her promise to call if she needed anything, and then he amended the order to include, “Just call, okay? I’ll want to hear from you.”

  Lizzie protested in the little-girl way that still made her seem like Alex’s baby. “Daniel, I’ll be okay, but yes, I’ll call.”

  And then Daniel was in the hallway. He put his arm around Alex’s shoulders and led her to the elevator. Without his support, she feared she might have run back into Lizzie’s room for one more hug.

  The elevator doors opened, and thankfully, they were alone. Daniel kept his arm around her and said softly, “You did one heck of a job raising her. She’s strong and bright. She’ll be fine.”

  “I kn...know she will be, but I’m not sure about me.”

  His arm tightened, and her head fell to his chest. He rubbed her arm as she tried to control her sobs. “If anyone sees me like this...”

  “They’ll be seeing you and nearly all the other mothers,” he said, his voice tight. “And a few of the dads.”

  She laughed through a sob. “Daniel, I’m sorry...”

  “Stop it,” he said. “Now is not the time for apologies. Besides, you’ve already given me enough to last a lifetime.”

  The elevator doors opened and they quickly walked through the dorm lobby. Daniel kept his hand on her elbow as he led her to her car. “Are you going to try and drive the whole way?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get in a zone and just keep going.”

  “Remember what Lizzie said.”

  She got in her car. “Daniel...”

  “Yes?”

  The words she wanted to say became jumbled in her mind. Her emotions were swirling in her head until she couldn’t separate one from the other. Sorrow, guilt, love... She felt dizzy. Apologies mixed with longing, mixed with the loss of her other half. She didn’t know how to express what she wanted to say. “Maybe someday, you and I...” She stopped, suddenly exhausted and frightened of saying too much too soon.

  His knuckles brushed her cheek, a feather-soft, sweet caress. “Maybe, Alex. Maybe someday.”

  She started her car and drove toward the highway that would take her to Chicago, the last place she wanted to be. But when the traffic sign pointed west, she took an entirely different direction. She drove onto the ramp that would take her north. And she headed into the waning horizon.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  THE WIND BLEW strong across the causeway that connected the mainland of Ohio to Birch Shore. Alex gripped the wheel and kept going even though she knew many parts of the resort would be closed. Except for the hotel, everything always shut the day after Labor Day.

  In the growing dusk, she recognized silhouettes. The track of the roller coaster, the Ferris wheel, the gabled roof of the grand hotel where Daniel had made most of his tips. None of the rides were running tonight, and only a few rooms in the hotel glowed with light.

  Some people probably preferred to stay in the resort at this time of year—older couples or young marrieds grabbing a last weekend before the cold weather set in. School was back in session. The Midway, always dazzling during the season, was quiet, the beach empty. Even the food concessions were closed, leaving the few guests there to pay top dollar in the hotel restaurant or drive onto the mainland for a meal.

  When she reached the entrance to the hotel, Alex was stopped by a locked gate. She didn’t recall the gate ever being locked during the summer season. She drove up next to an intercom and pressed a call button.

  “Can I help you?” came a practiced female voice.

  “Yes. I’d like to come in and see a room.”

  “Certainly. So you don’t have a reservation?”

  “No.” Alex glanced at the darkened rooms. “Do I need one?”

  The woman chuckled. “You do not. I’ll buzz you in.”

  The gate swung wide and Alex parked in a spot close to the main double doors. She had no intention of renting a room, but perhaps she would go inside later and order a cup of coffee. For now, it suited her purpose to park, get out and wander, letting her mind crisscross the planes of her memory.

  She went around the hotel, stopping to glance in the dining room window. About a quarter of the tables were occupied, mostly by couples. The lighting was low, romantic, and Alex sighed.

  She walked to the dormitory where she and the other teens had stayed. Pelican House was still there, but it was obviously not used for the same purpose. Trucks occupied the front parking spaces, flanked by utilitarian golf carts. Perhaps the building was used for storage now.

  As she stood at the plain front door of Pelican House, she imagined the times she’d gone in at night, tired but filled with the wonder of being in love for the first time. In her mind, she traced her steps to her room, pictured herself going inside, greeting her roommate, talking until one in the morning. And then sleeping
soundly, anxious for tomorrow to come so she could be with Daniel again.

  She strolled along the building’s exterior until she came to the window of her room. Curtains and height kept her from seeing inside, but that was okay. She knew it wouldn’t be the same. Very little ever was. She turned up the collar of her long-sleeved blouse to protect her nape from the wind and stayed where she was, outside her room, for a while, trying to decide if this journey to the past was making her sad or happy. Probably both, she acknowledged. One fact was certain. She was alive again, the numbness of the past weeks at last leaving her body.

  And then she followed a familiar path between the birch trees to the shore. The canvas cabanas were stacked against the lifeguard stands. Deck chairs and lounges had been pulled back to the tree line and covered with tarps. For Birch Shore it was the end of a season. For Alexis Pope, it was the end of an era.

  A pain sliced into her chest when she saw the rugged form of the old wooden pier sticking up from the water, bathed in a rising moon. She couldn’t have prevented herself from going down there if she’d wanted to. And she didn’t. Despite the wind, the cold, the waves rushing a bit crazily to the shore, she kicked off her shoes and walked through the sand.

  * * *

  DANIEL DIDN’T UNDERSTAND what had gotten into him. He was supposed to attend a dinner for a Columbus circuit judge tonight, a stuffy affair where too many people would drink too much, and he would try to leave early. But he didn’t go to his apartment to change. Instead, he followed a sappy instinct to connect with his past and drove north to Lake Erie.

  On the way he called his father. “How’re you feeling, Pop?”

  “Pretty good,” Gus said. “I talked to Margaret this afternoon, and we’re planning our trip to the West.”

  “When do you think you might leave?”

  “Next Monday,” Gus said. “Taking a bus tour with a travel company. We’ll go through the central plains and into Montana and Wyoming. Margaret’s making all the reservations we’ll need. Should be gone about three weeks.”