Another Saturday Night and I Ain't Got No Body (A Page Turners Novel)

by Marts, Jennie

  “Ahhh, how sweet. Next page.” Sunny clicked the arrows leading to the next page.

  Their laughter died suddenly as the photos appeared on the next page.

  “What the heck?” Sunny stared at the top photo of the profiles and slowly reached out her hand to touch the picture of the almost familiar man.

  “Does this look like…?” she asked, incredulously.

  “Yeah, it totally looks like…” Maggie said as she leaned closer to the screen.

  “It is him,” Edna said. “That is definitely our Mr. Mysterious-Hottie-Neighbor.”

  They stared at the picture that was Jake’s face, yet somehow the photo was enhanced to make him look about twenty-five years older. His shaggy blond hair was trimmed closer to his head and shot with layers of gray. His face still looked tan, but had added wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. The picture was full length, and he was dressed not in his standard ratty t-shirt, jeans and flip-flops, but in khaki’s, deck shoes, and a polo with an actual cardigan tied around his neck. He looked ready to head out for a round of golf or at least lunch at the club.

  “Why is he dressed like that?” Piper asked. “He looks like a rich old guy.”

  “I think he’s wearing a Rolex.” Maggie’s nose practically touched the screen.

  “Gentleman61,” Cassie read his profile name. “Listen to this, it says: I am a kind, reasonably educated man looking for companionship. I enjoy golf, the theatre, and European travel. I am a widower with no family nearby, so I am looking for a refined woman who is well read and enjoys being treated like a lady. Contact me if you enjoy elegant dining and the finer things in life.”

  “Well, that sure doesn’t sound like Jake,” Piper said.

  “Oh, it’s him all right,” Edna said.

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because when Mr. Liar-Liar-Pants-on-Fire had that picture taken, he was standing in Walter’s living room.”

  21

  “Oh. My. Gosh. You’re right,” Sunny said slowly. “That’s Betty’s antique roll top desk he’s standing in front of.”

  “Maybe someone has the same desk,” Cassie offered.

  “Maybe someone also has the same hand-made cross-stitched wedding invitation framed and hanging on the wall above their desk too,” Edna said sarcastically, then pointed to the screen where about a third of a framed picture was visible above the desk.

  Sunny couldn’t read the lettering, but she could definitely see the design of the rows of colorful flowers that edged the inscription of the invitation. She knew Betty had spent almost a year working on that cross-stitch project so she could have it framed and present it to Walter for their thirtieth wedding anniversary. Sunny had heard the story many times, and the frame had held the same place of honor on the wall above the desk for as long as she had known them.

  “Why would Jake do this?” Sunny asked.

  “Maybe now that he’s killed Walter, he’s trying to take over his life,” Piper suggested.

  “Why would a young, good-looking guy want to take over the life of an old man?” Maggie asked. “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “There’s one way to find out.” Edna moved the mouse to click on the wink symbol.

  “Aaagh! Why did you do that?” Sunny shrieked and pushed back from the table. She went to the sink and poured herself a glass of water. It was so much easier believing Jake was a good guy. One click of a mouse could bring out the truth, then Sunny’s fantasy of she and Jake being together could come crashing down. “Now he’ll know I saw it.”

  “Exactly,” Edna said. “Now he’ll know we’re on to him.”

  “He’ll know Sunny’s on to him.” Cassie crossed the kitchen to put her arm around Sunny’s shoulders. “So we are purposely antagonizing a potentially dangerous man.”

  “Uh, guys, maybe you should come take a look at this,” Piper said from the table. She had turned the laptop toward her and had continued to scroll through the profiles.

  The women clustered around Piper. Sunny clutched her water glass until it almost cracked.

  Edna gasped as she recognized the photo Piper pointed to. “Why, that’s Walter,” she cried.

  The picture was of Walter from a few years back. It was also taken inside his house, but this picture’s background was his kitchen.

  Sunny looked at the picture of Walter from a new perspective as she took in his lean frame and the thick, full head of white hair he still had. The picture must have been taken by Betty because he was wearing a wonderful smile. Sunny sadly realized she hadn’t seen that smile on him in a long time.

  Piper sighed. “Ahhh, his profile name is Lonely1. That is so sad. His profile says: My wife died several years ago, and I miss the sound of a woman’s laughter. I am an ordinary guy who likes gardening and tinkering around in the garage. I have good table manners, know how to dance the Tango and am quite good at Bridge. I’m retired and am looking for companionship for playing cards or maybe going out to lunch.”

  “I never knew Walter was so lonely,” Sunny said softly.

  “I never knew he could dance the Tango,” Edna muttered.

  “Why do Walter and Fake-Jake both have profiles on this online dating site?” asked Maggie.

  “This top line says Walter last visited this site five weeks ago. That’s about the time he disappeared, isn’t it?” Piper asked.

  “Yes, it is.” Edna said.

  “So, we kind of have a little something to tell you guys.” Sunny and Cassie filled the others in on their afternoon of amateur sleuthing.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Edna said. “Who do you think you are? A couple of middle-aged Nancy Drews? Everyone needs to stop following this guy around. Now, we’ve got private investigators and blood-soaked shirts involved. What if Jake would have seen you?”

  “He didn’t see us,” Sunny shot back.

  “And who are you calling middle-aged?” Cassie wanted to know.

  “And who’s Nancy Drew?” Piper asked.

  “What kind of sheltered life have you led? Don’t you ever read?” Maggie asked. “Nancy Drew is a teenage detective who solved about a thousand cases and entertained young girls everywhere with her many mysterious capers.”

  “Oh yeah, I think I saw the movie,” Piper said, and this time Edna was the one who looked disgusted.

  “You’re not really upset that we spied on him. You’re just mad because we didn’t invite you along,” Sunny pointed out to Edna.

  Edna shrugged. “Well, why didn’t you invite me? I could have been your lookout.”

  “Ahh, honey,” Cassie said and patted Edna’s hand. “We were going to, but we knew you had bridge this week, and Zumba class, and we didn’t want you to miss them.”

  “Besides,” Sunny added, “most of the time it was totally boring. We sat around for hours, drinking iced tea and playing Words with Friends with each other.”

  “And trying not to think about how much we had to pee,” Cassie added.

  “Oh, all right,” Edna said, mollified. “But now I’m more confused than ever about what happened to Walter.”

  “So am I, but I’ve got an idea,” Maggie said. She took the mouse from Piper and winked at Walter. “If there’s a chance Walter is alive and out there somewhere, maybe he will wink back, and we can figure out where he is.”

  “You think he’ll answer through the World Wide Web of the Dead?” Edna asked. “Maybe he’s doing some online dating from the spirit world.”

  “He could still be alive,” Piper cried.

  “Of course he could. I’m sorry, honey.” Edna soothed the young girl who had grown so attached to Walter. “That was tacky of me, and, of course, you’re right. He could still be alive.”

  Bleep-bleep.

  They froze as the tiny message envelope appeared on the top of the screen.

  Sunny gasped. “Oh. My. Gosh. Walter is trying to contact us from the grave.”

  “He is alive,” Piper whispered. “I told you so!” She clicked on the
little envelope as the whole group held their collective breath.

  Then let it out in several relieved sighs and one nervous giggle as the message came up from Flyfisherman.

  Hello, Sunnygirl, the message read, I appreciate your interest and would like a chance to get to know you better. How about going on a picnic in the park with me this weekend? My number is 555-3276. Call me if this idea appeals to you. I look forward to hearing from you.

  “Soooo, not Walter,” Maggie said.

  “This night has been too crazy,” Sunny said.

  “It’s about to get crazier, because you are going to call this guy.” Cassie reached for Sunny’s phone.

  “What?” Sunny’s favorite word popped out again. “Are you kidding? I’m not calling…”

  But it was too late. Cassie had already set the phone to speaker and dialed the number listed on the screen. Sunny reached for it, but Cassie blocked her arm as the connection took, and they heard the operator’s well-known line, “Please enjoy the music while your party is being reached.”

  “I’ve got a peaceful, easy feeling, and I know you won’t let me down…” played from the phone, and then the line clicked and was answered with a pleasant, “Hello, this is Phil.”

  Sunny stared at the phone, her tongue frozen in her mouth. Maggie nudged her, and she stammered out, “Uh, hi. This is, um, Sunnygirl from the match thing…”

  “Oh, hi. That was fast. I just sent that email.”

  “Yeah, well, I was, uh, sitting at the computer and saw it come in.”

  “Cool. I liked your profile. I’m a dog-lover too. And I thought you had a nice smile, so I took a chance.”

  “Oh. Well, thanks. You have a nice smile too.”

  Cassie rolled her eyes, and Maggie mimed sticking her finger down her throat in a gagging motion.

  “Thanks. So my name is Phil, obviously.”

  “I’m Sunny.”

  “I know your profile, but what’s your real name?”

  “That is my real name.”

  “Oh.” Awkward silence.

  Maggie rolled her hand forward in a ‘keep-going’ motion as Sunny rolled her eyes. Really? You missed your calling as a professional mime.

  “So, a picnic, huh?” Sunny asked aloud to Phil.

  “Er, yeah, I was thinking we could go on a picnic at Prospect Lake. I could pick you up, or we could meet there.”

  “Okay, sure. I could meet you there. What could I bring?”

  “Oh, you don’t have to bring anything. I’ll take care of the food. I love to cook. I was thinking we could spend some time outdoors getting to know each other.”

  “That sounds nice, Phil. How about noon on Saturday at Prospect Lake?”

  “That would be great. Do you know where the picnic tables are over by the playground on the edge of the lake?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay, I will be waiting at one of the picnic tables at noon. You’ll recognize me, because I will be the guy with the picnic basket.” He chuckled.

  “Okay. I’ll see you then.”

  “Lookin’ forward to it. Bye.”

  “Bye.” Sunny hung up with a sigh and turned to glare at Cassie and Maggie. “Well, I’ve got another date now. Are you happy?”

  “Yeah, I’m happy.” Cassie giggled. “How about you, Mags? You happy?”

  “As a clam,” Maggie said, grinning. “How about you, Edna?”

  “Oh sure, I’m happy,” Edna said, distractedly, “but what I really want to know is, when did they make Nancy Drew into a movie?”

  * * *

  “…fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three…” The muscles flexed and strained in Jake’s bicep as he curled the barbell up to his shoulder again and again. His thoughts turned to Walter and the pain he had caused Jake’s mother. He could picture her sitting in her favorite rocker by the window in her bedroom with that far off look in her eye. He could remember the day he came in to her room and found her crying, the tattered photo album in her hand. The pages were yellowed and frayed from so much use, and as Jake approached, his mother snapped the book shut and quickly wiped tears from her face.

  “What are ya lookin’ at, Mama?” a nine-year old Jake had asked.

  “Nothin’, baby,” she had replied, putting a smile on her face for her son. “Nothin’ but the past.”

  Jake’s chest glistened with sweat as he threw himself into his workout trying to forget the painful childhood memories. There was nothing that hurt a son more than seeing his mother cry.

  Bleep-bleep.

  The identifiable chime of the email notice bleeped from the laptop that sat on the kitchen table, startling Jake back in to the present moment.

  He set the barbell on the floor and grabbed his water bottle. Tipping the bottle to his lips, he wrapped a towel around his neck and sunk into the chair.

  An errant drop of water ran down his chin, falling onto his chest as he pulled the laptop to him. He recognized the familiar symbol for the online match website. He had so many false hits, yet each time a wink came in, his heart leapt a little in hopes it was her.

  He clicked on the little envelope and waited for the email message to pop up.

  “Ho-ly crap!” He sighed as the profile of a familiar curly-haired blonde who: loves to walk her Golden Retriever and hang out with friends materialized before him on the screen.

  That’s great. If she saw my profile and recognized it, she’s probably come across Walter’s profile too. And that means she’d, no doubt, already told her posse of girlfriends about it. What’s she doing on an online dating site anyway?

  He clicked on reply and typed in a short message. I think it’s time we have a talk. How would you like some company next time you walk that Golden Retriever of yours?

  Then he picked up his phone and hit the number seven speed dial key.

  He listened to the ringing of the phone followed by a gruff, “Hello.”

  “Hey, it’s Jake. I think we’ve got a problem.”

  22

  The sun came through the kitchen window as Sunny peered through the glass at Walter’s house. Little motes of dust floated and danced through the air, catching the light, and her thoughts drifted to Jake.

  He seemed so kind and sweet when they were together, but every so often, she caught this distant look in his eye that seemed to suggest that he had seen things. Things she could never comprehend.

  Last night’s discovery of the Fake-Jake profile had her rattled. Even after eavesdropping on him at the private investigator’s office, she still wasn’t convinced that he had anything to do with Walter’s disappearance. His actions were like a see-saw of good and evil. On the up end was the way he had cared for her and come racing to her rescue after the attempted break-in, but the down end of the see-saw was filled with menacing over-heard phone conversations and too many unanswered questions.

  The phone rang, startling her, and Sunny turned from the window and reached for the receiver.

  “Hey, Cass,” she said, after checking the caller ID. She was letting all unknown and blocked callers go to the answering machine.

  “Hey, girl,” Cassie replied, in her ever cheerful voice. “You ready for your date with Phil the Fisherman?”

  “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “What are you wearing?”

  “It’s a picnic, so I’m wearing that cute white sundress with the little pink flowers and my pink mule sandals.”

  “Do they have a heel?”

  “Just a little one, about an inch or so.”

  “Those will be good. They’ll make you seem taller and your legs will look longer. I can picture you sitting on a blanket with your skirt swirled around your legs and a wicker picnic basket by your side. Do you think he’ll bring like, grapes and cheese and champagne flutes? Oohhh. Do you have like a big floppy straw hat you can wear?”

  “Take a breath there, girl.” Sunny chuckled at Cassie’s enthusiasm.

  “Sorry, I’m just excited for you. It sounds so romanti
c.”

  “We’ll see. You know he could be a total dud. Or a serial killer.”

  “Don’t even joke about that,” Cassie said. “And don’t worry, Maggie and I will be there as well.”

  “You what?”

  “Heck yeah. You don’t think we’d let you go on a blind date with a strange man by yourself.”

  “I don’t know if Phil’s planning on a date with three women. What if he doesn’t bring enough food?”

  “We’re not gonna be on the date with you, silly. We’re just gonna be in the park, you know, meandering around, reading magazines or throwing a Frisbee around.”

  Sunny laughed. “I would love to see Maggie throw a Frisbee.”

  “You won’t really even know we’re there, but we’ll be around watching if you need us. We’ll be like, your backup.”

  “Well, that will make me less nervous, knowing you and Mags will be lurking in the bushes watching me on my date. I should be really relaxed.”

  “It will be fine. We’ll be there a few minutes early. If you are in trouble or want us to get you out of the date, you need to text us a safe word or give us a signal.”

  “A safe word? Did you see that on a Law and Order or something?” Sunny asked. “And you accuse Edna and Piper of watching too much TV.”

  “Oh, shut up and think of a word.”

  “Okay. Okay. How about using ‘Beau’ as my word? I can try to get out of the date by claiming I need to go take care of my dog.”

  “All right, that’s good,” Cassie said. “And we’ll try to send you a text or do something to get your attention in the middle of the date just to see how things are going.”

  “Okay. I have to be there in twenty minutes, so I’m getting ready to take off.”

  “All right, I’m actually pulling up in front of Maggie’s house right now. We’ll see you over there. Good luck.”

  Okay, see you over there. And Cass?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Thanks, Friend.”

  “You’re absolutely welcome. Have fun on your date.” Cassie clicked off.