Another Saturday Night and I Ain't Got No Body (A Page Turners Novel)

by Marts, Jennie

  Sunny looked over his shoulder to see two familiar women. One held a Frisbee and looked concerned, and the other intermittently clutched her chest and doubled over with laughter. Doing a double take, she realized ‘those gals’ were Maggie and Cassie. Cassie had said they would be around, but Sunny didn’t realize they would be watching her the whole time. She sent a glare at her two best friends, then changed her expression back to a smile when Phil turned back to face her.

  “They’re probably drunk,” she said sweetly. “What’s for lunch?”

  He placed the wicker picnic basket on the blanket between them. It was lined with a red and white checked cloth, and the price tag still hung from a little plastic ring around the handle of the basket. Nineteen ninety-nine. Not bad.

  Phil opened the basket and pulled forth two Mason Jars full of a thick green sludge. He handed one to Sunny. “You should definitely start with this. It’s a Spirolina shake. I made it myself. It's green algae powder mixed with soy milk and organic bananas. It will give you energy.”

  She unscrewed the lid of the jar, held it to her nose, and took a discreet sniff. It smelled kind of like seaweed and bananas. Phil watched her with an eager look on his face, as he waited for her to test his home-made concoction. She put the jar to her lips and took a sip. Sunny tried to keep her face neutral as the thick, gritty liquid filled her mouth. Swallow it. Don’t gag. You can do it. She gulped down the mixture that tasted like banana-flavored grass and put on her best smile for Phil. “It tastes…fine.”

  His face beamed. “I knew you would love it.” He twisted his mouth from side to side and handed her a napkin. “You’ve got a little something there on your lip.”

  “Oh, thanks,” she said, embarrassed. Sunny took the napkin and wiped the gooey green mustache from her top lip.

  Phil pulled more food from the basket, and she watched in dismay as he set small Rubbermaid containers of unknown substances on the blanket between them. Where was the fried chicken and potato salad? Where are the sandwiches and chips? What kind of picnic was this?

  He pulled the lid back from one container to reveal a super creamy yellow mixture, then handed her a little Ziploc of baby carrots. Okay, I can do carrots.

  “This is my own recipe for hummus. It’s sort of like a bean dip, but made with garbanzo beans. You’re going to love it.”

  She’d had garbanzo beans in salads before and knew they were kind of a bland little mushy bean, so she grabbed a carrot, dipped it in the hummus and took a bite. Her mouth exploded with flavor as the oily dip hit her tongue.

  “I put a lot of garlic in my hummus,” Phil said. “It’s so awesome for cardiovascular, and it has antibiotic properties that cross the blood-brain barrier. Some of my friends think I use too much garlic. What do you think?”

  Sunny swallowed the garlicky bite, then crunched more carrot around in her mouth to balance out the flavor. A lot of garlic was an understatement. I would be safe from vampires for weeks off that one bite.

  “You can definitely taste the garlic,” she said, noncommittally.

  “On the off chance we didn’t catch any fish, I brought along some sandwich fixin’s,” he said.

  Thank goodness. Finally, a sandwich.

  He pulled the lid off another container to reveal six slices of a thick, dense, dark brown bread. Then he pulled a small can from the basket, popped the top, and used the small ring to pull the lid back to reveal what looked roughly like a can of tuna. Okay, so it wasn’t turkey or roast beef, but she could handle tuna.

  “This is awesome. It’s raw sprouted-grain bread, and it’s not actually baked, but made in a dehydrator. And this,” he said, and gestured proudly to the little can, “is Tofuna. It’s tuna made from tofu. Isn’t that great?”

  What? Are you kidding me? Sunny watched as he spooned the oily ‘not-really-tuna’ meat onto a slice of bread and passed it to her. It looked like a spoonful of cat food on an old piece of rye bread.

  Again, she prayed not to gag as she took a bite from the corner of the bread. The bread sucked all the moisture from her mouth as Sunny tried to chew the thick, dense ball of fish-flavored particle board. She kept trying to chew it, but she was losing the battle.

  Phil watched her expectantly, and Sunny tried to smile while she chewed. Her mind said swallow but her throat said, “No. Gates closed. That is not coming through here.”

  Suddenly inspired, Sunny pointed to where the girls played Frisbee in an effort to distract Phil.

  He followed her finger, turned toward the park and…

  “Ah-choo!” Sunny fake-sneezed the hideous bite into a napkin.

  “Bless you.” He turned back to her.

  “Sorry, it must be these wet clothes.” In reality, the sun now beat warmly down on her bare shoulders, and it was quite stifling wrapped in the thick sleeping bag.

  “What else did you bring?” Sunny asked lightly, but what she really meant was, Please, let there be some regular food coming next out of that basket.

  “Last, but not least,” he said, and with a flourish, pulled out another Ziploc bag, “chocolate chip cookies.”

  Praise the Lord! Saved by the cookies.

  “Wait till you try these. They’re delicious. They’re made with carob chips so they have less sugar, and are much healthier than your standard chocolate chips.”

  Hold the phone. Was he telling me he desecrated all that is holy in the cookie world by using sub-standard chips in these cookies? Why would you put ‘healthy’ and ‘chocolate’ in the same sentence?

  At this point, Sunny was starving, and it was either eat a cookie or go back in for another bite of cat food and welcome mat-flavored Tofuna sandwich. I’ll take the damn cookie.

  Soo, it wasn’t as bad as she thought. The cookie portion still tasted like cookie, but the chips tasted like really old, vaguely flavored dark chocolate.

  “Not bad,” Sunny said.

  Phil thoroughly enjoyed the picnic food as he filled his mouth and talked around the bites. “I know this great place to go backpacking. You pack in and spend like four days hiking and camping in the forest. Do you like camping?”

  “Not really,” she answered.

  “Oh.” Awkward silence. “Well, how about hiking?”

  “Not really, sorry.”

  “Oh.”

  “I like to watch movies. And I love Survivor. So I like to watch other people camping on TV,” Sunny offered.

  “I actually don’t own a TV anymore,” he said. “All it ever has on it is unrealistic drivel and every show seems to have its own political agenda. It sucked at my brain cells and filled my time with meaningless babble.”

  Wow. Okay. I’m not sure what political agenda an episode of Friends would have, but he’s entitled to his opinion.

  “Watch out!”

  The words registered in her head, and Sunny recognized Cassie’s voice, but not fast enough to take action before a Frisbee sailed through the air and knocked her right on the forehead. Her head jerked back, and she tipped backwards. Sunny tried flailing her arms to catch herself before she fell, but she was tangled in the thick sleeping bag.

  “Are you okay?” Cassie asked, as she ran up to their picnic site. “Sorry, our Frisbee got away from us.”

  “Wow. That’s going to leave a mark,” Maggie said as she ambled up to the blanket.

  Sunny glared up at her, still trying to untangle herself from the heavy bag.

  “Oh, you need to cover that up there,” Cassie said, and stepped between Phil and Sunny. Reaching down to give Sunny a hand, Cassie simultaneously tried to rearrange the blanket that had flipped back when Sunny fell. Evidently, Sunny’s underwear were having self-esteem issues, because they sure kept trying to attract a lot of attention to themselves today.

  Sunny reached back to push herself up and felt a thick gooey substance squish up through her outstretched fingers.

  “Oooo. What is that?” Cassie asked, a horrified look on her face.

  “Oh, no,” Phil said. “You mus
t have knocked over your Spirolina Shake. Shoot, I didn’t bring any extra.”

  Sunny looked at the green goo covering her fingers and dripping onto her dress. Oh, shoot. That’s a bummer. Although I would rather wear the foul drink than actually ingest it.

  Cassie pulled her back into an upright position, and Sunny wiped her hand on a patch of unsoiled grass.

  “Are you all right, ma’am?” Cassie asked, innocently.

  Ma’am? Are you kidding me? She was older than me by six months. I’d give her 'ma’am'.

  “Yes, I’m fine.” Sunny harrumphed. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  Maggie smirked. “Sorry about the Frisbee. We just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

  “I’m fine, thanks.” Sunny rubbed at the sore spot on her forehead where she had been hit.

  Maggie picked up the Frisbee, and the two women walked sheepishly away.

  “They didn’t seem drunk,” Phil said.

  Sunny almost laughed, but instead, with a sigh, told Phil, “I should probably head on home.”

  “Okay.” He put the remains of the picnic back into the basket. “Do you want me to call you again?”

  “I don’t think so,” she said, softly. “I think you’re a really nice guy,” at this, his face fell, “and really cute.” His charming grin came back with that comment. “But I just don’t think we have very much in common. You are obviously an accomplished fisherman,” Sunny said, stroking his ego a little more, “and I would be good if I never see bloody worm guts again. You like to camp and hike, and I like hotels and television. You like to eat this awesome health food, and I love to eat pork chops and hot dogs and pizza and Cheetos… and I like my steak rare with the blood pooling on the plate.” His face had steadily fallen beginning with the word hotdog, but he positively blanched when she got to the bloody steak on the plate.

  “I see what you mean,” he said. “But today was fun.”

  For you! Her day had been anything but fun. She saw it as full of humiliation and awkwardness. But she had to kind of like this guy, with his healthy food and his positive spirit.

  Sunny laughed. “Yes, today was definitely fun.” She stood and duck-walked toward her car, the bulky sleeping bag still wrapped around her see-through clothing. He carried her sodden straw hat and pink sandals as he followed her to the car where she found a big, hooded sweatshirt. She pulled it on while he turned his back. The sweatshirt was still hot, but wasn’t that stifling sleeping bag, and it covered up her girls and the outline of her underwear now creeping up her left cheek.

  Phil turned back and gave Sunny a hug and a sweet, quick kiss on the lips. His lips were smooth, and he tasted faintly of garlic and chocolate.

  “Drive safe.” He pushed the door closed as Sunny started the engine and rolled down the window.

  “Thanks again for today,” she told him. “It was an unforgettable date.” They both laughed. “And thanks for the picnic lunch. It was very…thoughtful.”

  He waved as Sunny drove out of the parking lot. She could see Cassie and Maggie jog to Cass’s minivan, and then she caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. Oh. My. Gosh.

  Sunny’s hair had dried around her face in fly-away frizzy curls, and her mascara pooled in black smudges under her eyes. A two inch red mark ran along her forehead where the Frisbee had hit her. Groan. Too bad I didn’t have something stuck between my teeth or a boogie in my nose to round out the picture of the perfect woman.

  She could only laugh as she pulled out onto the main thoroughfare and headed for the nearest Sonic. Sunny’s mouth watered at the thought of greasy, hot tater tots and a hamburger covered in cheese and ketchup, followed with an icy Diet Coke.

  Phil the Fisherman had the dream of catching the perfect fish, but unfortunately this time, she was the “big one that got away”!

  23

  Sunny licked the last remnants of salt and tater tot grease from her fingertips and sighed with pleasure as she pulled into her driveway. Cassie’s van pulled in behind her, and she was sure the girl’s Styrofoam cups contained their customary cherry lime-ades. Sunny didn’t see the big appeal, but those two had been ordering them since they were teenagers.

  As she climbed from the car, Sunny heard a screen door slam and looked back to see Jake striding toward her.

  “How was the date? I was…” He stopped midsentence as he took in her bedraggled appearance. “You okay?” He tried to contain the grin that was valiantly working to pop out across his face.

  Maggie held her hand up to Jake in the halt position. She had spent two weeks filling in for the school crossing guard, so she had the position down pat. Sunny just thought she liked the power.

  “Not a good time right now,” Maggie said to Jake, her hand still in midair.

  Jake put his hands in the air and slowly backed away. “I get the message.” He smirked and headed back into Walter’s house.

  “Thanks, Mags.” Sunny threw her arm around her friend’s shoulder. “I think I’ve had enough drama for one day.”

  The three women walked into the house, and Beau went into a sniffing frenzy around Sunny as he took in the scents of pond water and Tofuna.

  “Why don’t you go hop in the shower,” Maggie said, in a moment of compassion.

  “Good idea.” Sunny trudged up the stairs, leaving her floppy hat lying limply on the coffee table.

  * * *

  Half an hour later, Sunny walked down the steps to the tantalizing scent of pepperoni pizza. She had spent twenty minutes just standing in the shower, the warm spray of water pulsating down her back.

  She had washed the last vestiges of mascara from her eyes, moisturized, and put on her soft cotton Capri pajama bottoms with the matching Tinkerbell t-shirt. Her hair was still wet, but it was clean and combed back from her face. Sunny had used the most scented shampoo she owned to erase the last scents of the lake water from her hair, and it now curled gently as it lay damp across her shoulders.

  “Wow, you look a lot better,” Maggie said, as Sunny walked into the living room.

  “Your candor constantly surprises me.” Sunny razzed her as she plopped down into the empty corner of the sofa. A pizza box, a bottle of wine, and three paper plates sat lined up on the coffee table.

  Cassie came in from the kitchen carrying three wineglasses and a corkscrew. “Maggie and I ordered pizza, and we put in your favorite Owen Wilson movie.”

  I just can't get enough of that guy’s curly, mussed blond hair and that crooked broken nose. I could eat the guy for breakfast and still be hungry for him at lunch.

  “Thanks, you guys are awesome. But I gotta tell you,” Sunny said, as she took a glass of wine from Cassie and a slice of pizza from the box, “you suck at Frisbee.”

  * * *

  Why can’t that be me that she’s wrapping her arms around? He watched Sunny embrace Maggie and Cassie at the door.

  He had seen them pull up earlier and silently cheered Maggie as she kept that creep neighbor away from Sunny.

  Night had fallen as he sat in his car and watched Sunny’s house. He had originally parked three doors down on the south side of the street, but now sat only two houses away on the opposite side. He had tried to stay in his original spot, but a thermos full of coffee had eventually sent him to the nearest gas station for a much needed break.

  Upon returning, he parked behind a white plumbing van on the street in front of the house next door to Sunny’s, which gave him the perfect vantage point to watch her front door while it partially concealed his black car from view.

  The light shone through the front windows, and he could see the women talking and drinking wine. The sound of their laughter floated to him through the open front windows. He closed his eyes and let the sound surround him, and he imagined Sunny’s laughter as a caress against his skin.

  His jeans became more uncomfortable as he imagined her caresses moving along his body and her whispered yearnings in his ear.

  The front door slammed, and he opened his
eyes to see the three women on the porch as they hugged each other goodbye. He didn’t know how long he had sat there dreaming of the time he would finally be alone with her. He watched her friends head to their car as Sunny stood on her front porch in her pajamas waving goodnight, her stupid yellow mutt running back and forth between the women.

  It was the same stupid mutt that ruined his chances with Sunny before. He needed to see her, to talk to her, to explain his feelings. Once she saw how much he cared for her, he knew they would be able to get past this misunderstanding and be together. He had to think of a way to get rid of that dog…

  * * *

  “Thanks again, you guys,” Sunny called, as Maggie and Cassie headed toward the minivan. “Tonight was fun. I’ll call you. Maybe we can get together again tomorrow. See a movie or something.”

  “I can’t.” Cassie simultaneously rubbed Beau’s head and clicked the key fob to unlock the van. “Tomorrow is family day. After church, we’re watching Matt play football in his Old Man’s League, then going for a hike to try to earn Tyler’s nature badge for Boy Scouts. I’ve also got to make four dozen cupcakes for Tiffany’s field hockey team. She’s got her end of the season party on Monday.”

  “Oh that sounds fun.” A twinge of jealousy nudged at Sunny’s heart. She wanted that family life that Cassie had with the husband, the kids, the cooking, and all the activities to fill her time. Well, maybe not the cooking and maybe not all the activities. Didn’t we just learn a valuable lesson today about me mixing it up too much with the outdoors?

  “How about you, Maggie? Are you free tomorrow, or are you hiking or making several dozen cupcakes?” Sunny asked.

  “As if.” Maggie huffed as she opened the passenger door, stuck one foot in, then leaned through the vee between the car and the open door. “I couldn’t make a cupcake if my life or even a date with Owen Wilson depended on it. Wait, for Owen, I would probably at least try.”

  Sunny laughed. “For Owen, I would put on an apron and be right there with you, whipping up the frosting.”