by Cat Crafter
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Diary of Zee
The Zombie
The Adventure Begins
John Zakour & Cat Crafter
Copyright © KC Global Enterprises Pty Ltd
All Rights Reserved
Dedication
To my buddy Felipe, he’s the coolest kid I know! Plus his love of Mining helped inspire me.
Table of Contents
Meet me
More about me
Home Sweet Home
You might be thinking…
My goal
The Preparation
The adventure begins
To Catch a Sheep
Now I’m Rolling!
Spider Yuck!
Moving Forward
Witch Way
No Bones About It
Sneaking through town
The search continues….
Ocean or No…
Sea Sick
Land HO!
When the stomach calls…
Oops….
Pigging Out
Master Scientist in the House
Zombies not like me
Peace talk
The Adventure Begins...
Meet me
BTW my name is Zee.
Cool, that rhymes. Who said all zombies were dumb!
Hey, I’m a zombie. Yeah, I know zombies aren’t supposed to really have names. We’re supposed to just lumber around, seeking brains, scaring villagers and doing other yucky things. But, I’m not your average zombie. While brains might be kind of appealing, I prefer other things, like chicken and tacos. Not sure why.
Maybe I was a super friendly villager before I became a zombie and it just stuck? Perhaps a witch put a spell on me? Maybe I was born like this? Not sure, zombies don’t talk much. So if I had a mommy and daddy zombie they wouldn’t have told me anything useful. They would have just moaned and groaned and stuff. I used to try to remember how I came to be…but I can’t remember.
I guess zombie brains aren’t the biggest or the best. Maybe that’s why we like brains? Whatever…it’s just the way I am. I’ve learned to accept it. I am what I am. I’m a zombie - a friendly one. Well, mostly friendly. I guess I can get a little angry at times like when an adventurer tries to clobber me with a sword. It’s nearly impossible to be friends with somebody trying to whack you. But trust me, I am the friendliest zombie around.
More about me
Before I get to my adventures, I thought you might want to learn more about me. Like well, how I learn. For some strange reason all zombies have to spend time in zombie school. As much as I appreciate learning stuff, it’s way too hard to learn anything from a zombie teacher. Mostly because they just moan, stagger and drool a lot.
Most of the teachers pretty much just hold out their arms and plod back and forth. Some of them mumble. Some of them fart. All the other zombies just copy them. It can get pretty loud and stinky. When you’re a zombie you believe coping is learning. Face it, we’re good at hanging around, but not all that bright or creative.
One teacher put together a little pretend villager from bricks for us students to mob. I had to give the teacher some credit, the fake villager didn’t look like a real live fleeing villager, so the teacher put a hat on its head to help sell the look. Somehow it worked. It made us think we were mobbing a real villager, well until we got close enough to see it was just a bunch of red bricks wearing a hat. Still it was a nice hat. And I guess it was nice to get some practice.
Pretty much the only thing I learned in school was that other zombies just aren’t very smart at all. Luckily, most zombies don’t have to be smart. After all, the job is pretty much…see villager, charge villager. Oh and try not to get hit by spikes, shovels or swords. Of course many zombies don’t pay much attention to that second thing. Sadly, most zombies are quite dumb. Not to brag, but I’m way smarter than most other zombies. But that’s not really saying all that much. Most zombies can’t even walk and chew gum! I can! Though I have to chew, stop chewing and then take a step. It really kind of slows me down. Guess that’s why you never see zombies chewing gum. Plus, it’s bad for our teeth!
Home Sweet Home
Another thing that separates me from other zombies is that I have a home. Most zombies just lumber around at night looking for villagers to scare or worse. It’s quite mindless. During the day most zombies hide under rocks or just walk around trees, letting the leaves protect them from the sun. Extra dumb zombies wander into the direct sunlight and burn. These zombies then pretty much always panic and run round and round as fast as they can. Which btw isn’t very fast. Most of them burn up but a few manage to bump into trees or rocks and get cover from the sun. Yeah, we’re not all that bright.
Sometimes I wonder, why do we burn up in sunlight? I mean come on, we’re zombies - not vampires. Now it makes sense that vampires would burn up in sunlight. After all they have cool vampire powers and can fly and hypnotize villagers and stuff. Man, if I was a vampire I’d make everybody think they were chickens. That would be fun watching villagers trying to lay eggs. Oh wait, sorry, I’m getting off the subject. The thing is that vampires have neat abilities…so it makes sense they would have some weaknesses. If it wasn’t for sunlight Vampires would rule the world. I think we can all agree that wouldn’t be good. But we’re just zombies. We have no cool powers. Heck, most of us aren’t much smarter than a rock. We’re not that hard to stop. Hit us with a stick a few times and we’ll run. Hit us with a sword and it’s pretty much game over. So, I’m not sure why we need to have another weakness. Plus, don’t get me started on why baby zombies don’t burn…it’s not fair!
But for whatever the reason, light is very bad for most zombies. Therefore, me being smarter than the average zombie, I found a nice home where I can stay safe from light. Not just light, but also crazy adventurers, skeletons, creepers and spiders. To tell the truth nothing scares me more than spiders!! You’ve got to admit they are way creepy! That’s why having a home sweet home is nice.
Actually, it’s not much of a home really. Just kind of a hole in the side of a mountain. I’ve heard adventurers call it a cave. Still it gives me safety.
Plus, it’s a great place for me to store all my prized possessions. I have a stick collection of three really strong sticks.
There’s a lot you can do with a stick.
You can make tapping sounds.
You can swat nasty icky spiders with them.
You can throw them and run and get them.
You can make marks on the ground or on walls with them.
You can even chew them if you like. Okay, maybe there’s not a LOT you can do with sticks, but they are still useful.
I also have my Pet Potato Pete. Pete the Potato doesn’t say much, cause well he’s a potato and most potatoes talk less than zombies. But Pete’s a good listener. I need that. And he is fun to hug.
Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve hugged a potato.
I found a sheep skin that I keep on the floor. It looks kind of pretty. I guess if I ever sleep, I can use it to sleep on. But being a zombie and all, I don’t sleep. But like I said, it looks pretty and breaks up the dirt look of my home cave.
I also pushed a big square rock into the middle of the cave. It’s there just in case I ever feel like sitting down.
Right now my rock is mostly used as a place to hold my helm. I can’t remember where I found this big wide helm. (Remember, even a super smart zombie like me isn’t all that smart.) But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is that if I put this helm on my head it protects me from the sun.
Yeah, it looks kind of silly because the helm has two large flaps that make me look like I’m wearing a bird on my head. But the important thing is that it keeps me from burning up in the sun. That’s a really good thing. Worth looking a little silly (okay - way silly)...to keep the sun off me.
I don’t want to look like a piece of burnt toast! The helm lets me adventure in the sunlight. When you are a zombie this is a big deal!
You might be thinking…
Okay I know you might be thinking: Gee Zee, if you really were a villager that got transformed into a zombie, then why don’t you try to get cured? After all, there are potions and golden apples that could cure you.
Before I get to my new adventure or quest or whatever you want to call it, I’ll explain it to you. You’re right, it is maybe kind of possible for me to be “cured” and no longer be a freaky green zombie. But here’s the trick. I like being a zombie. After all, being a zombie is all I remember and all I really know. Plus, if I did get cured I wouldn’t remember anything. I’d be a pretty useless villager. I’d most likely get turned into a zombie during the first zombie battle I ran into. Most likely if that happened, I wouldn’t be as smart as I am now. At least now I can do things like play with my sticks and hug my Pet Potato Pete.
So, I’d rather be a useful zombie than a hopeless regular villager. And you have to admit, being a zombie is kind of cool. We are really strong and it can be a lot of fun to watch villagers flee in terror. And I do like being the world’s smartest and friendliest zombie. Oh and green also looks good on me.
My goal
Now that you know a bit about me, it’s time to tell you my goal. I really want to find a buddy, someone to hang out with.
Zombies do better in packs. It’s just how we are. But here’s the tricky part, I don’t like hanging out with other zombies.
They are kind of boring.
They are almost impossible to talk with. In fact, it is totally impossible to have a chat with another one.
They fart a lot. Really smelly farts!
They just aren’t very friendly at all.
Most of them have no idea what to do when I am friendly towards them.
None of them appreciate my Pet Potato Pete.
And they might steal my sticks.
So you see, being friends or even just buds with other zombies just isn’t going to happen. Most zombies are pack monsters…but not friendly ones.
But I really need somebody or somebodies to hang out with. I get lonely being a zombie. Unfortunately, villagers are out of the question. Whenever I approach one they either run and scream, “A zombie! A zombie!” Or some brave adventurer shows up and tries whacking me with a sword. I assure you that is no fun at all. The good news is that for a zombie, I’m pretty quick and I can zig and zag. The bad news is being poked in the butt really hurts.
My quest is to leave my nice, damp cave in order to seek out a friend. I’ve heard mumbles and grumbles about an exceptional adventurer. One that is brave, smart and certainly farts less than most zombies. I believe this adventurer is called Sam or Sally or Steve. Truthfully all these names sound alike to my zombie brain. But whatever, somewhere out there...I know I can find this brave adventurer. I can reason with them, well at least prevent them from sticking me with their sword. Then we can become friends and go on adventures together.
Yes, that is my goal. I am going to make it happen. Yep, I’m probably the only zombie ever to believe in the power of positive thinking. Heck, I’m probably the only zombie ever to believe in thinking. I will find this brave adventurer and show them how teaming up with a smart (well not totally dumb) zombie can be a win for all!
Wish me luck! Hold on! I don’t need luck! I’m Zee - the world’s smartest zombie!
The Preparation
Okay, before I could leap out, or should I say, lumber out into the world, I needed to prepare. Luckily being an undead zombie has its advantages. For instance, I never really need to eat. Sure we zombies do occasionally munch on villagers, but that’s more out of fun and instinct than need. We can go forever without food. No food needed.
We also don’t need to sleep so that will help.
That’s the good news.
The bad news is that sunlight is really really REALLY bad for me. My trusty helm is needed. It shields me from sun, letting me travel by day and by night. Which is actually good news. The more I travel, the more likely I am to find an adventurer to hang out with.
More bad news…the world is filled with icky things like CREEPERS and SKELETONS and SPIDERS. There is nothing worse than spiders! They are creepier than creepers and that’s saying something.
That means I must bring my sticks with me. Spiders and other icky things respect a good hit with a stick. I’ll carry on with my stick in my hand. I’ll shove the other two in my belt. Not sure how I got this belt, but I’m glad I have it. Not only does it keep my pants from falling down, it gives me a place to hold my sticks.
Finally, I’m going to need company. That’s where my Pet Potato Pete comes in. Yeah, he doesn’t talk much, but like I said, he listens really well. Plus he understands me. And he never argues with me!
My first idea was to carry Pete around on top of my head so he could see where we were going. After all, potatoes have a lot of eyes.
Sadly though, Pete kept falling off my head every two of three steps. Good old Pete never complained but I knew that all that falling couldn’t be good for him. Not only that, but it slowed me down having to stop and pick him up. I’m a zombie on a quest. I don’t have time to be any slower than I already am. I figured Pete would have to settle for riding along in my pocket. Sure it was a little cramped, but good old Pete didn’t complain at all! Man, I really like Pete.
When I was walking out of my home sweet cave, I noticed a rock on the ground.
I picked it up and put it in my other pocket. It’s nice to have two pockets. You never know when a rock might come in handy. Maybe I can make some rock music with it?
The adventure begins
Looking off in the distance I saw that I could go in three different directions.
Straight ahead to a big green blocky forest. To the south, I saw water - lots and lots of water and I knew there was a village just out of sight near that water. Villagers and water aren’t a good mix for me, but maybe there was a brave and friendly adventurer there? To the north, I saw a desert…a dry, brown, yucky dessert. I had to choose. Life (and near life) is filled with choices.
Part of me said: Zee, ya know there is a fourth choice. You can turn back and go into your nice safe cave. Sure it smells a little, after all it is a cave. But it is safe and home.
I thought about it, at least as much as zombie can think. Yeah, that little voice had a good point. My cave did make me feel warm and fuzzy. I would return to my cave…someday. Just not today. Today wasn’t about warm and fuzzy. Today was about challenging myself, finding a new friend and going on an adventure.
I headed towards the trees. After all, zombies like green things.
The square sun was shining bright, but my nifty helm protected me. I walked and walked and walked. I felt beads of sweat or zombie slime dotting on my flat head, but I kept walking and walking. I stopped for a little rest. The forest still loomed off in the distance. Turning my head around to look over my shoulder I could still see my cave. To tell the truth it was pretty close. Yep, this was going to be a long process.
That voice inside of me spoke up again: Ya know Zee. Our Cave is looking more and more comfy now. Isn’t it? The voice paused to let that sink in. Wouldn’t it be easier just to head back? Think of how much fun it is to tap our sticks on the w
all of the cave. Tap Tap Tap. We can make music? We can draw something with them? See no sun, no walking, just fun.
The voice had a good point. It would have been easier (and much quicker) to turn around and walk back. But today and the future wasn’t about easy! I wanted adventure and more.
I kept walking forward. And walking and walking. Zombies are nothing if not persistent. After much walking, I turned my head just to see if I could still see my cave. I couldn’t. That made me smile! I had made progress. The green thick forest still was a long way away. Man I wish I had a chicken to ride, I thought.
Those lucky chicken riders have it easy. Then again, they are baby zombies and I’m not a baby zombie. I would most likely squish any chicken that I tried to ride. Sure, I’d get a nice snack out of it, but it wouldn’t help me get anywhere faster. I needed something bigger.
