*****
The sound of the garage door opening sent a surge of adrenaline through my veins, but I didn’t move a muscle. Anger no longer had me in its clutches, so Kira lucked out there. However, I couldn’t imagine this conversation concluding without there being some sort of explosion.
I listened as she came in through the back door, removed her shoes at the rug, and then entered the kitchen where she dropped her keys on the counter. While I sat there waiting for her to come into view, I wondered how I went all this time and didn’t know who she really was. Thinking back over the years, she played her hand very well, and I made it easier for her than I cared to admit.
The second Kira crossed the threshold into the living room she realized that I was sitting on the far end of the couch waiting for her. She clutched her chest and continued to stare. I could tell by that look on her face that Reina had already spoken to her and reiterated our conversation.
Her eyes darted to the left of me where four suitcases packed to capacity with more of my belongings than I’d arrived with sat waiting for my foreseeable exit. Confused, her eyes flickered back and forth between me and the bags.
“Wait…I thought we agreed that you’d stay the weekend so we could talk things out,” she said in a panic, trying to mask the worry in her eyes. “I know you’re upset at me right now, but AJ…clearly we’ve both made mistakes. Now, let’s just talk about this.”
She took several quick steps toward me, but I halted her dead in her tracks with one simple statement. “Five years.”
She stared at me and desperation filled her expression.
“Kira…you wanna know how long I’ve been sleeping with Sam?” I asked, tilting my head so that our eyes were locked.
She cringed at the question, as if she had the right to be offended. Instead of answering, she folded her arms across her chest.
“One week today,” I answered.
No response.
My throat tightened when anger began to return. “Now ask me how long you let me believe your lie.”
Like I expected, she didn’t respond, so I answered for her. “Hundreds of days compared to my seven.”
She lowered her head and couldn’t even look me in my face. “AJ…I swear I was planning to tell you before the wedding, I just…the time just never seemed to be right. Why do you think I’ve really been trying to change your mind about Reina? Trying to get you to see that she’s not what you thought she was? I swear I wanted to tell you.”
“Not according to your sister,” I shot back quickly.
Clearly, hearing my logic frustrated Kira. “I only backed out because…because I was scared to lose you!” She lowered her head and the tears that followed didn’t move me at all. “I swear I was going to tell you.”
“Do you have any idea what a huge mistake I just almost made trying to do right by you?” I asked. “Twice I would’ve lost Sam because of you.”
When I stood and started gathering my luggage, she became frantic. “Wait, wait, wait, AJ…we haven’t even had a chance to talk about this!”
I pulled away when she touched my arm, shooting her a warning glare. “We’ve already said far too much to one another anyway.”
She stared into my eyes, sensing the chill behind the gaze, the one that let her know that she may as well have been dead to me. This was something that I could never forgive. With each step that I took, with every foot of distance that I put between us, I replaced the newfound hatred with peace at the thought of finally, after all these years, no longer having anything holding me back from the only true love I’d ever known.
“AJ, wait!” were the last words I heard Kira speak as I closed the front door behind me and tossed my suitcases in the trunk of my father’s car. Never once did I look back. The few items that I couldn’t fit could be donated to charity as far as I was concerned. Anything I hadn’t managed to shove into these bags would be lost forever because I vowed right then and there to never go back…for anything.
Now that the truth had come to the light, I had this sick feeling like I should’ve known from the beginning who Kira really was – what she was capable of. So much time had been wasted thinking that she was the woman who’d saved me from drowning when I was at my lowest point. As it turned out, she was actually the one who caused all that hurt in the first place. I’d directed my hatred at the wrong sister for so long, but now all the animosity and disgust was aimed right where it should’ve been.
This day marked a turning point for me. I knew all too well what it was like being without Sam, and I wouldn’t go back to that lonely, broken place for anything in the world. Nothing and no one would stop us from being together now.
Nothing.
*****
Sam
“Alright, girl. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Ok, I’ll be around.” Angel yawned her response, which let me know that my hour-long rant about the future of me and AJ’s situation had drained her.
“Ok. Night.”
I set the phone on my nightstand and went back to the book I’d been trying to lose myself in before Angel called. It wasn’t working, though. All I’d thought about since watching AJ walk through the entrance at the airport was where would we end up when the wind died down and the dust settled?
I turned the page I’d just read without comprehending a single word, and was startled by a knock at the door. My eyes shifted back to my phone to check the time. At nearly midnight, there shouldn’t have been any uninvited visitors. The first thought that came to mind was a neighbor, or even Jason, maybe. However, when I looked through the peephole and saw the face of the last person I expected to be standing there, the biggest smile you could ever imagine crossed my face. Not even the uncertainty that we faced was enough to steal my joy. Whatever the reason, AJ was standing outside my door and I was both relieved and excited to see him.
I flung the door open and was attached to his neck less than a second later. His arms swallowed me up, lifting my feet a good six inches off the ground while we embraced. He looked completely exhausted, but happier than I’d seen him in a long time. I backed away a few inches and didn’t even give him a chance to say anything before giving him the long, deep kiss I’d been waiting for. Our lips stayed locked for quite some time, out there in the hallway for any passersby to stop and stare. Finally I released him and a smile the size of Texas spread across my face.
“I thought I wouldn’t see you until sometime tomorrow.”
AJ shrugged and smiled down at me. “I was gonna come by in the morning so I wouldn’t wake you, but…I couldn’t wait that long.”
“It’s fine; I was already up,” I smiled, unable to stop fidgeting with my hair, struggling to untangle my ponytail holder as I became painfully aware of my appearance. I looked like a hot mess because I wasn’t expecting him – old sweats from my alma mater rolled up to my knees; plain, white wife-beater with the straps of my black bra showing. I glanced down – at least my toes were fleshly polished.
“We need to talk,” AJ said, continuing to stare with that smile on his face. “I have something to ask you.”
Confused, I nodded, wondering what it was that he needed to say. There was urgency in his tone and I could even feel it in his touch. It finally dawned on me that I hadn’t yet invited him in. Taking AJ by the hand, I led him inside my apartment before closing the door behind us. The moment our eyes locked, my heart skipped a beat. He was definitely happy. So much so that he had me smiling and I didn’t even know what was going on.
“What’s up with you?” I asked.
He smiled back and landed one last kiss on my lips before speaking again. “I’m in love with you,” he confessed like it was the first time I’d ever heard him speak the words.
Still smiling, I made a face. “I love you too, but...we’ve already established that.”
Another kiss. My heart fluttered and AJ stared deep into my eyes. With both of my hands now in his I stood there not knowing what to think. That l
ook that he continued to wear was almost enough to have me floating on air, though.
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?” He beamed.
Was that what he wanted to ask me? Again, feeling confused, I gave him a look. “I’ve missed you too.”
He shook his head like I wasn’t understanding what he meant. “No…not just since I’ve been gone, Sam. I’ve missed you being mine,” he clarified. “I miss it just being us without all the outside interference. Just you…and me,” he added, pulling my right hand to his chest.
The memory of what that used to feel like – it just being the two of us – made my stomach quiver as the butterflies that he’d been giving me since as long as I’d known him started to flutter again. Unsure of what to say, I said nothing at all.
Looking at him in that moment, there was so much emotion behind his eyes that I could hardly stand it. “Sam…be with me,” AJ finally said, breathing the words out with a sigh of relief, as if he’d been waiting a lifetime to speak them. “Let’s make it like it was before. Better than it was before.”
The smile slipped away from my face as shock set in. Slowly but surely, I was beginning to comprehend what he was saying. Still, because I knew that if I was wrong, and got my hopes up, I’d have a breakdown right then and there, I wanted to be sure. “But what about –“
AJ shook his head and slowly repeated the words, “Just…us,” before I could even utter Kira’s name.
I didn’t realize I was crying before he ran his thumb across my cheek to catch the fallen tear. This all seemed so surreal that I had no words.
“Sam…it’s over. Kira and I are over. I –” My eyes were trained on his face when his sentence broke and he lowered his head. “I almost made the biggest mistake of my life today,” he admitted. Without him saying it, I knew that this was his way of confessing that he’d almost chosen to stay in his engagement. When I placed my hands on his cheeks and made him meet my gaze, he stared, waiting for me to speak.
“AJ…I. Don’t. Care. I don’t care,” I repeated. Whatever the day had taken him through that eventually brought him to my door didn’t matter to me at all. All that mattered was that he was here now. My mind ran back over the words he’d just spoken to me and I finally let them sink in.
Just us.
I’d almost forgotten how good, how easy we once had it. With AJ’s face still in my grasp, I moved in slowly and pressed my lips to his.
He was my chance to truly experience happiness again – something I thought I forfeited years ago…
He was the one I saw myself building a future with every time I’d ever dared to dream about it…
He was…my entire life.
Without him, I wasn’t living; I was just existing. There in his arms, regret, guilt, and uncertainty all melted away. I’d almost instantly forgotten that any of those feelings had ever occupied a space in my heart. Now, knowing that I’d finally have what was meant for me all along, there wasn’t room for any of that other stuff…just love.
I’d lost it all before and knowing how close I came to having it all slip between my fingers again, I promised myself that I’d make it my life’s mission to make this work.
I wouldn’t lose him. Not ever. If every waking hour had to be spent defending what we had, AJ and I would see to it that we got our happily ever after.
This love that we shared had been tried in the blazing hot fire time and time again. However, it didn’t burn to ashes like some may have expected or even hoped it would. No. When all was said and done, we were left with something solid and so rare that others would marvel at it for years to come.
I smiled against his lips while we continued to share the first kiss of many that we’d share as a couple. We made it.
We finally made it…
*****
Four Months Later…
“So…It’s been a while. Tell me how things are going.” Dr. Gill inquired, clearly impressed by the fact that I hadn’t stopped smiling since walking through the doors of her office. To be honest, I’d been smiling like that for months now.
“Things are…great, actually.” My cheeks tightened again when I thought about how much my life had changed and improved.
“That’s wonderful,” Dr. Gill replied, still looking me over in disbelief. “Well, last time you came to see me was about…” she paused to check the date on her notes and then her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “According to what I have here, it’s been almost two months?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” My visits had become far less frequent because I’d basically become a brand new person on the inside. Due to the fact that none of the ailments and issues that brought me to her office years ago still plagued me, I’d decided to make this my final appointment.
“Wow…Samantha, I am truly impressed by how quickly you’ve turned things around.”
Giving a nod of appreciation, I thanked Dr. Gill. “That means a lot.”
She gave a smile. “Well…don’t keep me waiting! Tell me what I’ve missed! Last time we spoke, you were getting ready to move. Has that happened already? Did you change your mind.”
“It happened already – I’m all moved in.”
Dr. Gill motioned with her hand for me to elaborate and I chuckled.
“It’s been about five weeks now, so I’m pretty much all settled in.”
“Did moving mean that you had to sacrifice your art studio? I know having that space really meant a lot to you.”
I shook my head and felt a warm, tingly feeling come over me when her question made me think of how thoughtful AJ had been. “No, that was actually one of the first projects AJ took on when we decided to merge.”
She smiled even bigger and set her pen down on her notepad. “Soooo…you’re okay sharing your personal space?” she asked.
I couldn’t help but to laugh, remembering many conversations Dr. Gill and I had in regards to my apprehension concerning Jason and I moving in together. But this was different. Moving in with AJ was one of the easiest decisions I’d ever made; it was like moving in with my best friend. We got tired of packing overnight bags and paying bills at two separate places seeing as how we’d spent every single night together from the moment he came back from D.C. On top of it feeling right, it just made good sense.
The final straw that made us put a plan into action, was one morning a couple months ago. I was rushing to get ready for work while AJ watched from the bed. Somehow I’d forgotten one of my pumps at my apartment that I needed for work. With not even five minutes to spare if I was going to make it home to get the shoe and get to work on time, I stared at AJ lying there naked, covered from the waist down by nothing but a thin sheet that did nothing to conceal what he had going on underneath it. I remember thinking to myself, if I didn’t have to trek all the way across the city for this one, stupid shoe, I could’ve managed to climb back in bed with him for a little while without being late.
The look on AJ’s face when I blurted, “We should move in together,” was priceless. His answer? “You literally just took the words right out of my mouth.”
When I retreated from the memory, Dr. Gill was watching, still with a smile on her face. “Look at you over there!”
I laughed when I realized how hard it was to hide my feelings. “I know…I just…I never thought I’d get here – to this place in my life.”
“Well, honey, if anyone deserves to get everything they always wanted, it’s you,” she replied. “And you’ve got a birthday coming up soon, too, am I right? It seems like I remember it being around Thanksgiving.”
I nodded. “Yup. My twenty-fifth.”
“Got any special plans?”
I gazed out the window beside me. “I do; I’m going home to visit my parents,” I replied. “AJ and I are getting on the road as soon as I’m done with our appointment. He’s actually meeting me here in a few.”
Shock crossed Dr. Gill’s face. “Going home’s a pretty big step for you.”
&nbs
p; She was right; it was…especially knowing that Antonio was now back in Fairfax, living under his mother’s roof again; however, knowing that AJ would be with me every step of the way gave me the peace of mind to make the journey.
“Well, you know what? Good for you. I mean, really.” She had that proud mom look in her eyes when she smiled. Standing to her feet, Dr. Gill put her arms out and I stood.
“Thank you so much for everything,” I said as we embraced. “I couldn’t have gotten through this without you.”
She patted my back. “Sweetheart, I hear you, but I don’t think I’m the one who you should be thanking. I mean, you did most of the work to get well all on your own, but…you and this AJ I keep hearing so much about – you two really have something special. I hope you hold onto it,” she urged, reminding me of a time not too long ago when I’d considered giving up. When we separated, I looked her in her eye and assured her that I was going to take her advice.
At the end of my half-hour session, Dr. Gill followed me out to the lobby of her office, and embraced me once again. I took a deep, cleansing breath as I rode the elevator down to the first floor and exited the building for the last time as her patient. The cool breeze hit my face and I felt freer than I ever had in my life. The only thing that pulled me away from the moment was the familiarly comforting voice that called out from up ahead.
“How’d it go?” AJ asked, unhinging his hands from his pockets as he pushed off from the side of his car where he’d been waiting. When he opened the passenger-side door, my grin widened and I climbed in.
“Good,” was the short version of a lengthier response that I saved for when he was sitting beside me with the engine running. “Bittersweet may be a more accurate description,” I clarified. “I mean…it’s nice not to need to come here anymore, but I’ll miss Dr. Gill.”
AJ leaned over to kiss me after pulling out into traffic, entangling his fingers with mine while I reflected on how far I’d come. As a true testament of where that journey had taken me, we were now headed to our hometown of Fairfax for the holiday – a place I hadn’t had the nerve to visit in years.
Exposed (Free Falling) Page 28
