by Aurora Rey
Regardless of the reason, Lia didn’t like it. Her days of being whatever Dani needed whenever Dani needed it were over. Lia tried to put it out of her mind, but found herself feeling unsettled. Finishing her chores didn’t help, nor did attempting to work. Not wanting to go to the café and try to make conversation, she grabbed her coat and headed out for a walk.
Lia walked and walked, losing track of time. Only when it began to grow dark did she realize how late it had gotten. Since she was supposed to have supper with Alex, she decided to walk there instead of heading back to her place. When she arrived, Alex was about to get in the shower.
“Help yourself to a glass of wine,” she said. “I’ll be just a minute and then I’ll finish dinner.”
Lia poured herself a big glass and curled up in the middle of the couch, patting the empty spot on her left so Murphy would join her. She sipped her wine and rubbed his ears. By the time Alex emerged from the bedroom, she was feeling significantly more relaxed. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, yourself.” Alex walked over to the couch and kissed her. “Stay exactly where you are. I’m going to check on dinner and I’ll be right back to join you.”
“Okay.” Lia remained where she was, content to let the dog and the wine continue their work.
Alex returned with her own glass of wine and flopped down in the empty spot on the sofa. She watched as Lia stretched her limbs and let out a sound that was a cross between a moan and a purr. After a few deliberate blinks, she locked eyes with Alex, and smiled.
“The wine has gone right to my head.”
Alex returned the smile, appreciating the curve of Lia’s back and the press of her breasts against the thin sweater she wore. “I know you’re a lightweight, but you’re still on your first glass. Unless, of course, you started before you got here.”
“Well.” Lia tapped her finger up Alex’s thigh as she spoke. “I did not have lunch. On an empty stomach, you could show me a glass of wine and I’d be tipsy.”
“Why didn’t you eat? Please don’t tell me you’re one of those women who forgets to eat.”
Lia guffawed. “I’ve forgotten a lot of things—why I walked into a room, what I wanted to do with my life, my own birthday. I don’t think, however, that I’ve once in my life forgotten to eat. Don’t you know me at all?”
Lia turned to Alex, leaning in and bringing her face very close. Alex was sorely tempted to kiss her, to revel in Lia’s looseness and lack of inhibition. For some reason, she didn’t. “So why no lunch?”
“My ex called and it put me in a weird mood. I went for a walk to shake it off and I lost track of time. Since I knew you were making me dinner, I decided I’d save myself for that.”
“I see. Well, dinner will be a little while yet. Let me rustle up something to tide us over.” Alex extricated herself from the sofa and went to the kitchen. She sliced some cheese and put it on a plate with a few slices of baguette and some olives. She considered whether she should press Lia about the conversation or simply let it go. After Lia’s revelation about how the relationship ended, there were things she wanted to know. Given how disinclined Lia was to talk about her ex, she thought that this might be her best opportunity.
Alex set the plate down on the coffee table and handed Lia a piece of bread and cheese. “So what about it put you in a weird mood?”
She hoped the question seemed light enough that Lia would perceive it as an invitation, and not a demand, to talk. It did the trick.
“I told you Danielle and I were together for about ten years.”
“You did.”
“And I told you that I ended it when she had an affair with her administrative assistant.”
Alex’s jaw tightened. She had an intense desire to punch the woman. Since she couldn’t act on it, she tried to set it aside. “Yes, you did.”
Lia seemed to be choosing her words carefully. “Well, after I found out, she apologized, she expressed regret. The regret, though, seemed more about disrupting the status quo. It was like the thing she valued most was how well our life together worked, certainly more than my heart or how much she’d hurt me.”
Alex thought about what Lia was saying, about this Dani’s obsession with status. “And that made it worse?”
“At first, yes. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that was how our whole relationship worked. It was for show. That made it easier to leave.”
“That makes sense. So what happened today?”
“She called me for seemingly no reason and said that she still cares about me.”
Alex’s insides clenched. She tried to keep her voice from sounding as angry and suspicious as she felt. “Cares as in wants you back?”
Lia shook her head emphatically. “No, it wasn’t like that. It was, I don’t know, nostalgic, maybe? Sentimental. Which is strange because Dani isn’t ever sentimental. I can’t decide what to make of it. It was a short conversation and there probably isn’t anything to make of it, but it was all rather strange.”
Lia’s statement was punctuated by a beeping from the kitchen. Alex picked up Lia’s hand and kissed it. “Don’t move.”
The beeping stopped and Lia heard the oven door open, the scraping of a heavy pot on the rack, and the door close again. Alex appeared back in the living room. She sat on the couch and looked at Lia. “Why are you so sure she isn’t trying to get you back?”
Lia rolled her eyes. “One, it isn’t her style. Two, I know for a fact that she’s been with at least half a dozen different women since we broke up. Three, she’s shown absolutely no interest in getting back together.”
Alex was far from convinced. In her estimation, this was just about the time remorse and regret would set in. She couldn’t imagine anyone in their right mind would let Lia go and not regret it. “If you say so.”
Lia squared her shoulders. “I have no interest in being with her, so it’s a moot point.”
That made Alex feel somewhat better. She stood and pulled Lia to her feet. “Good for you. Don’t let it, or her, get under your skin. Let me pour you another glass of wine and we’ll eat.”
“I’m sorry I was in a funk.”
“You’re entitled and I asked.” In the kitchen, Alex ladled beef bourguignon into bowls and carried them to the table. She grabbed the rest of the baguette, cut it into large chunks, and put it into a basket. She grabbed the open bottle of Cabernet and motioned for Lia to join her at the table.
“Thanks for listening.”
“Of course. You okay?”
“Yes. I spent a lot of time thinking I should be heartbroken. I mean, one is supposed to feel heartbroken in situations like this, right?”
Alex nodded, trying to follow Lia’s train of thought.
“The thing is, I didn’t. I was angry with Danielle and with myself, and I was sad. The sadness, though, was that I’d been completely ready to spend the rest of my life like that—not unhappy, but not really happy either. I was devastated that I didn’t know the difference, that I’d settled without even knowing it.”
Alex wasn’t sure she understood where Lia was coming from. On one hand, she was livid that Lia would judge herself for the fact that her ex turned out to be a liar and a cheat. She wanted to offer some comfort, a reassurance that Lia wasn’t to blame. On the other hand, she couldn’t help but thinking about her own choices in life and love, and what they said about her.
Lia scooped up a bite of the stew and sampled it. “Oh. Oh, this is amazing.”
That Lia was able to switch gears so easily made Alex smile. She was more than happy to turn the conversation from cheating exes and bad choices. “I’m glad you like it.”
“Like is a bit of an understatement. What you can do with food is dangerous.”
“It’s good to know I have a secret weapon.”
Lia looked at her long and slow. “As good as this is, it is most definitely not your secret weapon.”
Alex enjoyed the way Lia stared at her, what her words implied. It was ea
sy to let her shift the conversation, easier to focus on the spark between them. It was fine, really; she didn’t relish talking about the woman with whom Lia had spent so many years.
One thing was certain, she hadn’t been this taken by a woman in a very long time. It made her nervous. She felt like she was on the cusp of falling in love with Lia and she wasn’t at all sure that Lia was in the same place. Tonight’s conversation had, if anything, increased that uncertainty. The whole situation left her uneasy. Something about Lia’s past didn’t feel resolved and she had a gnawing sense that it was a feeling Lia shared, even if she didn’t want to talk about it.
Chapter Thirty-one
Spring was in the air and the sun was shining. Although it was entirely possible that they’d see more snow before it was all said and done, the whole town seemed optimistic and energized. When Lia left to get ready for her book group, she was nearly giddy, declaring that she wasn’t even going to wear a coat.
Alex decided she and Murphy would have a nice, long walk when she closed up. She might not wear a coat, either. It was probably too early to open windows, but she was tempted. She had a vision of making love to Lia, sunlight pouring through the windows and a breeze blowing in through the curtains. She was lost in thought when the door opened. When she looked up, a gorgeous blonde was standing in front of the register.
“Hey, stranger. Long time, no see.”
It was true. Alex hadn’t seen Sabrina since August. She’d come to Provincetown to tend bar for the summer, during which she and Alex had spent more than a few nights getting hot and heavy in Alex’s bedroom or skinny-dipping in the ocean. When they parted ways at the end of the season, it was with affection and no expectations. In truth, Alex hadn’t expected to see her again.
“Sabrina.” Grinning, Alex jogged around the bakery case to the opposite side of the register and gave her a hug. “You look fabulous. What are you doing here?”
“I came out to talk with a couple of the bar owners, try to line up a gig for the summer again.”
Alex frowned. “I thought you were going back to grad school?”
“I was, I mean, I am. I’ve got one more year to finish my master’s with teacher certification. I’m figuring this will be the last year I can spend my summer behind a bar and on the beach and I don’t want to miss it.”
Alex smiled. When they met, Sabrina had been accepted to a graduate program, but was nervous about returning to school after being out of college for almost ten years. It made her happy to know that Sabrina had figured out what she wanted to do with her life and was making it happen. “That’s awesome. Really, really awesome.”
“Thanks. It’s been a crazy year, but a good one. I couldn’t resist stopping by to say hello, and to see if you might be free for dinner tonight. I don’t have to head back until morning.”
It was clear from the tone in her voice that Sabrina was interested in more than dinner. At any other time in her life, Alex wouldn’t have hesitated. This time, she did.
“I’d love to.”
“But?”
The hesitation in her voice must have been obvious. “But only if you’re okay with just dinner.”
Sabrina looked at her. “You’re not dabbling in celibacy, are you?”
Alex looked away. “No, of course not.”
Understanding flashed in Sabrina’s eyes and she grinned. “You’re with somebody.”
“Well…” Alex wondered why it was so hard to be open about it. She wasn’t embarrassed to be in a relationship. It was more like talking about it might jinx it in some way.
Sabrina’s grin turned into a frown. “You don’t sound sure.”
Alex remembered just how perceptive Sabrina was. It was one of her best, if at times more infuriating, qualities. “It’s just, I don’t know. I haven’t really done the serious relationship thing, not in a long time, at least.”
“We’re going to have dinner and you’re going to tell me all about it.”
Alex nodded her agreement. “Sounds good, but only if I get to hear all about the adventures of grad school.”
“Deal. Squealing Pig, around seven?”
“See you then.” Alex waved as Sabrina left, then went back to cleaning the espresso machine.
*
Over dinner, Sabrina talked about her coursework and the student teaching she was slated to begin in the fall. She loved the classes, if not all of her classmates. “I can’t tell you how many twenty-two-year-olds I sit next to who have no interest in teaching. They’re just biding their time until they marry a dentist or an accountant. It’s so depressing.”
“Just think how much the experienced teachers and principals will be vying for you over those misguided girls.”
“I guess you have a point. They’re just such a waste of space, not to mention resources. I swear, one of them rolled her eyes at me when I used the phrase ‘make a difference.’”
“You could think of it as training for when you’ll have to deal with them as parents?”
“Okay, you’re officially not helping.” Sabrina punched Alex in the arm.
Alex shrugged. “I do what I can.”
Sabrina shook her head. “Enough about me. Tell me all about you and this new girl.”
Alex told her about how Lia appeared in her shop in early November, how she began coming nearly every day to work. “We chatted. I asked her out for drinks.”
“Like you do.”
“Sort of. I really hesitated at first. I don’t know if it was because she was getting out of a relationship or what, but she seemed different, unsure of herself.”
“Wounded, you mean.”
“Maybe, or at least out of practice. I didn’t want to make things messy, for her or for me.”
“So what happened?”
Alex thought about their first real date—the dinner, Lia’s dress, the garters, the insanely good sex. “She opened the door, and I guess I couldn’t resist.”
Sabrina let out a low whistle. “I’ve been there, my friend. I’ve been there. So are you officially an item?”
Alex cringed inwardly. “Yes and no. We discussed keeping things casual, no strings attached. She was in like a ten-year relationship, and she’s only here through the winter.”
“I sense another but.”
“But I’m not seeing anyone else, and I have no desire to. I’m pretty sure she isn’t either.”
“Are you in love with her?”
Stuart had been asking that very same question for the last month and a half. She’d yet to give him a concrete answer. There was no use denying, though; it wouldn’t change the fact of the matter. “Yes. I am.”
If Sabrina was taken aback by the confession, she didn’t show it. “Well then, I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks. I don’t know exactly where it’s all going, but we’ll see.”
When Alex and Sabrina walked out of the restaurant, it was 9:30. Sabrina, who’d sworn off drinking during the semester to help both her studies and her pocketbook, was just the slightest bit tipsy.
“I can’t believe two beers are all I can handle.”
Alex was surprised, too. The summer before, Sabrina could have easily kept up with her in the drinking department. “It’s quite adorable, actually. I’d feel better, however, if you let me get you back to your hotel. Are you at the Boatslip?”
Sabrina nodded. “They’re pretty empty still. Dylan gave me a room in exchange for covering the front desk for him in the morning.”
Alex smiled. Dylan, the manager, was a good friend. He was also a master at bartering. “That sounds like a good arrangement. I’ll walk you.”
Sabrina took Alex’s arm. “So chivalrous. Lia is a very lucky woman.”
They strolled down Commercial Street. Aside from another couple walking ahead of them, it was deserted. Alex thought about the floods of people that would descend in a couple months’ time. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she realized she wasn’t looking forward to the high seaso
n.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen the town so quiet. I love the bustle, and the income that comes with it, but this is really nice.”
Alex sighed. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”
They meandered down the street in companionable silence. Alex allowed her mind to wander to thoughts of the future. A future with Lia. It frightened her just how easy it was to imagine.
She and Sabrina were just past Spiritus Pizza when Lia emerged from a side street right in front of them, as though she’d been conjured from Alex’s thoughts. She must have tensed, because Sabrina let go of her arm and stood up straight.
“Lia.” Alex had done nothing that should make her feel guilty, but that didn’t seem to stop her stomach from shifting uncomfortably.
“Hi.”
Lia’s expression gave nothing away. Her voice was even. Unsure what to make of it, Alex said nothing. Lia said nothing. Seconds passed.
“Lia, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m Sabrina, an old friend of Alex’s. She’s been telling me all about you.”
Lia put out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”
Alex, who’d been holding her breath, let it out in a whoosh. “Sabrina drove out to see about lining up a job for summer and stopped by the shop. We were just catching up over dinner.”
Lia nodded. “That sounds very nice. I won’t keep you. Enjoy your evening.”
She turned and started walking in the direction of her house. Alex watched, wanting to call after her, but unsure of what to say.
When she was out of earshot, Sabrina said, “Was it just me, or was that awkward?”
Alex sighed. “It wasn’t you.”
Her thoughts turned to New Year’s Eve and the whole fiasco with Kim. In the nearly four months she and Lia had been dating, that was the only real fight they’d had. She had a sinking feeling that another fight was looming on the horizon.
