Winter's Harbor

by Aurora Rey

  When she got home, she had a good hour before Lia was due to arrive. She rooted around in her closet, finding a small square box. She put the keys inside, adding a little bow. She hoped it wasn’t overkill. She returned to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. When Lia knocked on the door at seven, Alex was nervous, but it was more excitement than apprehension. At least, that’s what she told herself.

  Lia was in a great mood. She’d finished two projects ahead of schedule, the weather was amazing, and her girlfriend was cooking her dinner. Her life was so much more than she expected when she arrived in Provincetown five months prior. When she arrived at Alex’s and was greeted with a kiss that made her weak in the knees, it felt like icing on the cake.

  She set down her things, bent down to say hello to Murphy, then looked up at Alex. “Tell me, darling, how was your day?”

  Alex chuckled. “That’s funny, considering I’ve only spent about three hours of it away from you.”

  “You have a point. How was your drink with Stuart?”

  “It was good. He sends his regards, as always.”

  “He’s such a good guy. I love that y’all are friends. I hope you told him hi for me.”

  Alex smiled, but seemed fidgety. “I did. Dinner will be quick. Sit with me for a minute?”

  “Happily.” Lia got the distinct feeling something was up.

  When they were both seated on the couch, Alex took one of Lia’s hands. “Before we eat, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  It was good to know she was right about these things, that she was tuned in to Alex, but the choice of words made her nervous. Try as she might to not let it, her mind always seemed to jump to the worst case scenario. “Okay.”

  Alex got up and walked over to the corner where her desk was. She returned to the sofa and handed her a small box. Based on the size, Lia thought it might be a bracelet. The thought of a gift was nice, but it didn’t go with the serious vibe Alex was sending off.

  “Did you get me a present?” She hoped her voice sounded lighthearted.

  “Sort of, just open it.”

  She opened the box and found a key chain of Pilgrim’s Monument. Attached to it was a pair of keys. She looked at it, then at Alex.

  “One is for the loft, the other is the main door to the shop. I want you to have them. I’d like you to consider moving in with me.”

  Lia was speechless. In the back of her mind, she’d been worrying for months about what was going to happen at the end of April. She’d had momentary fantasies about living with Alex, but she hadn’t given any serious thought to what it would mean to move in with her. “I…Wow.”

  “I know we haven’t really talked about the future, but your lease will be up soon. Finding digs in Provincetown for the summer is a challenge, to say the least.”

  On one hand, Alex’s offer was exactly what she wanted. On the other, it felt like Alex might be doing it for all the wrong reasons. That terrified her. She wasn’t sure which sentiment would, or should, prevail. She didn’t want to say that out loud, but she knew she had to say something. “I love your place, and I love being with you.”

  “Which is exactly why you should be here all the time.”

  Lia smiled. As much as she wanted to say yes and to launch herself into Alex’s arms, she hesitated. It was not the kind of decision she should make lightly. And if Alex was only doing it to be nice, or because Lia didn’t have any other options, that had disaster written all over it. “It’s very tempting.”

  “But?” Alex looked queasy.

  “There’s no but. It sounds really amazing. I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful.”

  She saw Alex stiffen. Something she said had been the wrong thing. “I don’t want you to feel grateful. I’m not doing it as a favor.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean it that way.”

  Alex didn’t seem convinced, but she took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from. This isn’t me trying to help out a friend. It’s me wanting to be with you.”

  Lia wanted to believe her, trust her. The promise of it, and the risk, was almost more frightening than the prospect of moving in together. “I know.”

  “I hope you really do, and you’re not just saying it.”

  “I do. I just need a little time to think. I try not to make big decisions on the spot, you know? Impulsivity has not been my friend.”

  “I understand. It’s a big step.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I sprang it on you pretty suddenly. I’ve been thinking about it for days, so you should have a little time, too.”

  “You have?” The assertion was reassuring.

  Alex smiled. “I have. And it truly is a big decision. You need to be sure it’s what you really want. Why don’t you let it sink in and we can talk about it tomorrow?”

  “That sounds like a great plan.” Lia took a deep breath and felt her heart rate begin to slow. “Thank you.”

  “Tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous, the warmest day we’ve had all spring. Let’s plan to go for a walk on the beach after I close the shop. If you’re ready, we can talk logistics and then you can decide.”

  “Deal.”

  “In the meantime, I’m starving. You?”

  “Famished.”

  Lia relaxed enough to enjoy the linguini and clams that Alex cooked, as well as the lemon tart pilfered from the case downstairs. Her mind, however, never stopped turning over Alex’s proposal. For a moment, her heart would swell and it would feel like the easiest decision of her life. Then the nagging voice in the back of her mind would start casting doubts and it felt like the hardest.

  They finished dinner and went to bed early. Lia stayed awake for a long time after they made love. She looked around the room, barely lit with the light of the moon and streetlights. Home. If she was being honest with herself, she felt more at home at Alex’s than she had for much of the time she spent living with Dani.

  When she finally slept, Lia dreamed that she was back in the Manhattan apartment, trying to prepare a meal. She was upset and frustrated because she didn’t know where anything was, couldn’t find the pots or ingredients or utensils she needed. It was like being in the home of a stranger. She woke with a start, feeling agitated and uncertain. She blinked in the darkness, letting the familiarity of Alex’s room slow her racing pulse.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  There was something magical about the first open-door day of the season. With the sun shining and the temperature creeping above seventy, Alex propped open the door to the bakery and let the salt breeze blow in. Although it wasn’t quite warm, the promise of summer was in the air. It was her favorite time of year. Lia was enamored with the warm spell, too, showing up wearing a sundress and sandals. As nice as the weather was, it wasn’t quite warm enough for open doors or sundresses. A little before three, she decided she should go home to change into something warmer for their walk on the beach.

  Alex was walking to the door to flip the sign to “Closed” when a woman walked in. She was tall and thin and stunning, one of those women who simply looked expensive. She wore a blue and white checked shirt, white pants, designer sunglasses. Even her hair looked expensive—cut and styled perfectly to look sporty and androgynous without screaming butch. Really, though, it was the shoes. Thanks to Jeff’s semi-unhealthy obsession with footwear, Alex knew a Gucci driving loafer when she saw one. They were white with blue trim and had the signature gold buckle. Had Jeff been there, he would have drooled.

  “Could I get a latte?”

  When the woman spoke, Alex tore her gaze away from the shoes and looked again at her face. Angular jaw, deep gray eyes, diamond stud earrings. Alex got the sense that she was the kind of woman who was used to getting her way. “You caught me just in time. What size?”

  “The largest you have, to go. Extra shot, nonfat.”

  “Coming right up.”

  Alex set the espresso mach
ine to brew and started steaming a small pitcher of milk. “Are you in for the weekend?”

  “Sort of. I’m here to see someone.”

  Alex added the hot milk to the cup. “Well, I hope you spend some time outside. You don’t see weather better than this in early April. That’ll be five-fifty.”

  The woman pulled a ten out of her wallet and handed it to Alex. “This is a cute place,” she said, gesturing vaguely.

  “Thank you. I’m the owner.”

  The woman took the cup, offering Alex a nod and a disinterested smile. “Thanks.” She turned and walked out the door without waiting for her change.

  Alex rolled her eyes. If there was one downside to living and working in Provincetown, it was the onslaught of detached rich people who came to play. She knew that it was the influx of those people that allowed her and the rest of the town to earn their livelihoods, but still. It was like winter—a little shocking until your blood thickened up a bit.

  Alex came out from behind the counter again, this time flipping the sign and locking the front door. She whistled through her cleaning routine, thinking of sunshine and walking along the water’s edge with Lia and Murphy. If they got there before sunset, it might still be warm enough to walk barefoot in the sand.

  Alex thought about a summer full of walks on the beach, of blustery falls and winters huddled inside, and so much more. Since asking Lia to move in with her, she had been able to picture it so easily, and want it desperately. She hoped Lia was coming around to feeling the same.

  *

  When Lia heard the knock on the door, she was surprised. She wasn’t expecting Alex for another half hour at least. She started down the stairs. “Come in,” she called.

  She jogged the rest of the way down with a smile on her face. She’d been thinking about Alex’s proposal nonstop and was feeling more and more certain of her answer. The sight of Danielle standing in her kitchen made her come up short.

  Dani smiled at her. “Hi.”

  Lia looked at the woman she’d spent nearly ten years with, the woman she thought for so long was her future. Dani was, as always, impeccably dressed. Although it was likely she’d just spent the better part of the day traveling, her clothes didn’t seem the least bit rumpled. Lia tried to will herself to be calm. “What are you doing here?”

  Dani laced her fingers together and held them at her waist. Lia imagined it was how she stood when presenting an investment strategy. “You stopped taking my calls.”

  “I’ve been busy.” Lia hated herself for lying, and for sounding defensive.

  Dani either didn’t detect the tone or chose to ignore it. “Your lease here will be up soon and I wanted to discuss how we can move forward.”

  Lia wondered if Dani realized she sounded like she was looking to broker a deal. “I haven’t decided what I’m going to do at the end of the month. I’ll let you know when I do so you’ll have my address.”

  “Lia, I want to work things out. I want you to come home.”

  What? She was dumbfounded. Either she’d been completely oblivious or Dani had completely lost it since the last time they’d spoken. Lia thought back to the weird conversation they had about laundry, the two other phone calls in the middle of the day. There had been a vaguely flirtatious tone, but Dani hadn’t even hinted at a reconciliation. The whole thing had started to make her uncomfortable, so she’d let the last couple go directly to voice mail.

  “Dani, when I left, it was a permanent decision. There’s nothing to work out.”

  “I’m here to apologize, to make you see that we should be together. I know the whole Tracy situation was embarrassing for you.”

  Now she’d heard it all. “Embarrassing? Are you serious? You betray my trust, you break my heart, and you’re worried about it being fucking embarrassing?”

  Dani took a deep breath. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Really? Because I think it’s exactly what you meant. I think our whole relationship has been more about how it looks than how it feels.”

  *

  Alex walked up the street to Lia’s, noticing the sleek silver Lexus parked in front of the house. She wondered if one of the two empty apartments had been rented for a quick getaway weekend. The temperature was in the mid-seventies and it was forecast to be sunny all weekend. Such conditions often inspired a last minute wave of winter-weary New Englanders into town.

  She headed up the driveway, clutching the bouquet she bought on a whim from the florist she passed on the way. She knocked lightly, but didn’t wait for a response. They’d done away with knocking for the most part, aside from a way of announcing their arrival. When she stepped inside, she saw Lia as well as the woman from the café.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

  She could feel the woman’s eyes on her; it was a cool assessment. She wondered if the woman even realized she was the same person who’d made her coffee an hour before. Not likely. There was an awkward silence while she waited for Lia to speak.

  After what felt like an eternity, Lia said, “Alex, this is Danielle.”

  “Oh.” She was stunned, but kept her tone cool. “Hello.”

  “I wasn’t expecting her. She arrived from New York this afternoon.”

  “Pleased to meet you.” The woman’s posture was ramrod straight. Her tone made it clear to Alex there was no pleasure in it whatsoever.

  “You too.” Alex’s reply was equally chilly. She still wasn’t over the shock that this glamazon was Lia’s ex, or that she was standing in the middle of Lia’s apartment.

  “I came to talk with Lia about our future.”

  “Alex, could I talk to you outside for a moment?”

  You mean as opposed to asking her to wait outside? It was what Alex wanted to say, but it was petty and possessive and she refused to give Lia’s ex the satisfaction of seeing her ruffled. “Sure.”

  Without another word, Alex walked out the door she’d just entered. Murphy followed without so much as a hand signal. He was no dummy.

  Lia stepped outside and closed the door behind her. “I’m so sorry.”

  Alex gaped at her. A sick feeling that was part anger and part something she didn’t recognize bubbled up inside her chest. “Why is your ex in your apartment? How does she even know where you are?”

  Lia put a hand on her arm and she promptly brushed it away. There was a pleading look in her eyes. “I asked her to forward my mail. She showed up to talk about what’s going to happen when my lease ends.”

  Alex realized the other feeling jockeying for position was panic. “You mean she’s here to get you back.” Unwilling to think about what that might mean, she shoved it aside and focused on the woman standing in front of her, the woman she loved.

  “I’m telling her it’s over, that it’s been over. I just…I might not have…it’s possible I wasn’t clear enough about that when I left.”

  Alex tried to ignore the throbbing in her head, as well as the wave of nausea that had taken over her stomach. She needed to get away before she said something she’d regret. She thrust the flowers into Lia’s hand. “I shouldn’t be here. You do what you need to do.”

  Without another word, she turned and walked briskly down the driveway.

  Lia called her name, but to no avail. She watched Alex and Murphy disappear out of sight. She felt like she could vomit. There was little she hated more than having people upset with her. Having to deal with Dani was one thing. Having Alex mad at her too was overloading her conflict-avoidance systems. As tempted as she was to chase after them, she couldn’t just leave Dani standing in her living room.

  “Fuck,” she said under her breath, then headed back inside.

  She set the flowers down on the counter and turned to face Dani, who was standing exactly where Lia had left her. “Why are you really here? What do you want?”

  “I miss you. I miss us. I wanted to talk you into coming home with me, but mostly I wanted to see you, to talk.”

  She couldn�
�t decide if Dani was being sincere or strategizing her next move. It amazed her how many times she took Dani’s words at face value when, in reality, Dani was really just trying to maneuver—or manipulate—the situation to get what she wanted. Dani took her silence as an invitation to continue.

  “Look, I didn’t mean to barge in on you like this. I really did just want to see you. Will you have dinner with me tonight, for old times’ sake? No strings attached.”

  Lia still wasn’t sure whether or not she believed her. It occurred to her, though, that once Dani left, she might not ever see her again. No longer heartbroken, she found that fact to be bittersweet. So, she agreed. “Sure, let’s have dinner. But let me be clear, this is not about getting back together.”

  “Perfect. I’ll pick you up at six.” Before she could decline the offer of a ride, Dani picked up her keys and her Ferragamo sunglasses and walked out the door.

  Lia looked at her watch. It was just before five. She wanted nothing more than to run to Alex’s place. She was really wound up, though, and the last thing she wanted was to get into a fight or, worse, get overly emotional. And she needed to deal with Dani once and for all. She tried calling, but Alex didn’t answer. She drafted a text, agonized over the wording, then finally hit send.

  I’m so sorry about earlier. I had no idea she would show up. I’m going to have dinner with her tonight, to get the closure I didn’t when I left. I hope you can understand.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Lia expected Dani to take her to one of Provincetown’s posh restaurants. When they drove by everything in the center of town, Lia didn’t know what to think. When Dani pulled into the driveway of a residential building in the East End, Lia was beyond confused.

  “What are we doing here?”

  Dani’s smile seemed cunning. “Dinner. I promise. Trust me.”

  Lia snorted.

  Dani sighed. “Okay, fine. Bad choice of words. We are here for dinner, though. Come on.”

  Lia followed her up a short path. It was a newer building, three stories. If Lia had to guess, she figured it housed six or eight high-end condos. Dani followed the path to the side of the building and started up a set of stairs. Lia almost refused to follow her, but didn’t want to seem petulant. At the top, Dani slid a key into the lock and then pushed open the door. She gestured for Lia to enter.