Counting the Days

by Hope Riverbank

  “Marilyn, you’re wrong. It doesn’t matter what you do to him, it still doesn’t warrant his beating you. Nobody has the right to hit you. Nobody! At Mike’s, if I’d been a little more aggressive that evening, maybe, just maybe, you would have given me a chance. And you wouldn’t be suffering all these years.” He paused a few moments and suddenly getting a bright idea, he said, “Leave him. Take Samantha and leave him. I’ll take care of you. We’ll run away. I have plenty of money saved. We’ll go to Europe or the Islands, somewhere far where he can’t find us. You’ll never have to worry about him hurting you or Samantha ever again.” He reached out and grabbed my hand.

  His hand holding mine felt so good and so right. I didn’t want to let go, I was in such a comfortable place. And then I realized that…oh no…Danny. I immediately pulled my hand away and looked up at the stage. And, of course, he was looking straight at us. Oh man, what am I going to do now? He’s been drinking so much tonight, for sure he is going to accuse me of flirting with Thomas and beat the life out of me. “Thomas, you shouldn’t have grabbed my hand. He’s going to kill me. It doesn’t matter what excuse I give, it will still be my fault and warrant a beating.”

  “I am so sorry. I swear, I wasn’t making a pass, I was just…” he paused and glanced quickly to the stage. Sure enough, Danny was still glaring. “Marilyn, please you’ve got to believe me, I never meant to cause you any harm.”

  “I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but you just don’t understand how stupid jealous he gets,” I replied, feeling myself beginning to panic. “He doesn’t know how to control his temper and he can be very cruel.”

  “If you want, I’ll talk to him about it. I’ll make some excuse,” he paused thinking. “I’ll tell him that I met a girl and that I was practicing my proposal on you.”

  “That won’t work. He’ll say that he believes us, but I’ll catch grief later when we’re home alone.” Danny was still watching us talk. I wish that I could just disappear or turn invisible or something. The band was winding down and playing their last song of the second set. Relax, Marilyn. It will be all right. Remember the plan. In a few days, this will be all over with. A new life is just ahead.

  Thomas looked back over towards the stage. “Well, I’m not going anywhere and I’m not afraid of him. I’m definitely not letting you go. Not again. So, let him bring it on.”

  “Thomas, please don’t say anything to Danny when he comes to the table. Let me do all the talking. I’ll think of something.” We both sat waiting in quiet anticipation. I stared at Thomas for a few minutes…he was beautiful. Breaking the silence, I asked, “Did you really mean it when you said that you’d protect me from him?” Even though I’d planned to leave in a week or so, I knew that it was not going to be an easy thing going at it alone. I know that I’m not strong enough, but with Thomas, this could be the blessing I’ve been waiting for. Looking at him intently, I thought to myself, I don’t deserve you, Thomas.

  With all seriousness, Thomas turned to me and replied, “Yes, I did, Marilyn.” This man was winning my heart and I knew that he could help me to quickly forget the last five and a half years of misery.

  My heart was beating so hard that I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. This can’t be happening to me. A kind, gentle, handsome man who, I might add, has been head over heels in love with me for years, is willing to make me, and Samantha, his for the rest of his life. I wanted to reach out, take him into my arms and hold him, because I knew that he would never let go. I’d be safe there in his arms. Even though I was petrified saying these next words, I forced myself to smile and said, “Thomas, please come by tomorrow while Danny’s at work and take us, Samantha and I, far away from here and from him.” After tomorrow, Samantha and I would be running for the rest of our lives. Now Thomas would also be running with us.

  He smiled back at me and immediately pulled out one of his business cards. He handed it to me and said, “Call me as soon as he leaves in the morning and I’ll be right over to pick you guys up.” He turned and looking towards the stage asked, “Do you want to go somewhere in particular? Or do you want me to pick our future whereabouts?”

  “Mexico…let’s go to Mexico.” I responded looking over at the stage. Pinch yourself, girl, because this can’t be happening for real. Am I dreaming? I must be.

  “Mexico it is.” The band finished playing and began coming down off the stage. Thomas turned to me and quickly said, “I love you, Marilyn.”

  I felt a warm sensation come over me. I smiled, and before I could respond, Danny was at my side. I quickly changed the conversation and said, “So, when do you plan on popping the question?”

  Thomas smirked, “Well, she’s agreed to live with me for a year or so before we get married. We’re hoping to save for a big wedding.”

  “That’s so exciting. Don’t you forget to invite us, right, honey?” I said grabbing Danny’s hand in an attempt to appear as if all is normal. Danny tightened his grip until I felt pain. I cringed, pulling my hand away from him and shedding a couple of tears, asked, “Honey, I’m getting really tired, can I take off now?” Danny grunted, shaking his head yes, and quickly disappeared into the crowd. No doubt he was either hitting the bar again or the dance floor. I’m sure he’ll find some floozy that will be more than willing to be felt up. His behavior tonight was definitely confirmation that I am doing the right thing by planning to get out of this relationship. He is never going to change and I deserve better. My daughter deserves better.

  “Do you want me to walk you out?” Thomas asked.

  “No, I’ll be okay. Besides if Danny sees you walking me out he’ll hit the roof. I’m hoping that he’ll get so drunk that he’ll leave me alone when he gets home. I’ll call you first thing in the morning,” I answered nodding my head. I picked up my bag and started for the door when I noticed Danny and stopped to watch him. He was on the dance floor practically having sex with this girl that he was dancing with. He didn’t even notice that I was watching. He didn’t even care that I was in the club and could see him. I turned around, walked back to the table, and asked Thomas to walk me to my car. Danny was so engrossed in his little love interest that he never saw us leave. Or so I thought.

  Outside Thomas was a perfect gentleman. We chitchatted about our morning plans as we walked to my car. “I’m so sorry you had to see Danny acting that way,” Thomas said apologetically. “I just don’t understand him. You’re so beautiful. Doesn’t he see that?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it. He’s been having affairs our whole relationship. It doesn’t hurt me anymore. And actually seeing him with another woman validates my moving on,” I commented, moving in closer to Thomas to look up into his eyes. He was so tall and his eyes were so full of life and love. I reached up and moved his bangs from his face, and I could smell his cologne. The waves of his hair were so soft and he smelled scrumptious. I ran my fingers around the outline of his face and around his lips. Electrical chills ran down to my fingertips. I slipped my hand around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. Fireworks.

  After we kissed a bit, I glanced at my watch and noticed that it was early. The band had at least two sets left to play. “It’s not even 12midnight yet, and the bar doesn’t close until 3:30am,” I said to Thomas, “Do you want to go grab a bite to eat?”

  “Sure. You want to go to the diner in Dix Hills. It’s the closest place,” he responded with a smile from ear to ear.

  “The diner sounds great. Let’s go,” I grabbed his hand and we got into my car.

  “Are you sure you want to take the chance? I mean, Danny could be watching,” he asked looking around to see if anyone was watching. “We’ll be together tomorrow…actually we’ll be together in a few hours.”

  “I know, but I’m just not ready to go home yet. Besides, Danny never leaves the bar earlier than four in the morning. So, we’re pretty safe,” I said, as I leaned over and kissed him again. I started the engine and began to drive. Thomas and I held ha
nds all the way to the diner. I felt like a kid. A giddy little girl with a crush. I felt so loved and safe in his company.

  We sat and talked for hours. He was so attentive and sweet. I couldn’t believe that I’d passed up on such a loving and kind man for the monster that I married. I loved how he hung on to every word I uttered as if each sentence made a difference in the scheme of things. For the first time in my adult life, someone was actually listening to me. Someone was actually laughing with me and not at me. Most of all, someone was actually talking to me and not down at me.

  I was quickly falling in love.

  The Last Day

  We left the diner at around 2:30am. On the way back to his car, Thomas and I confirmed the details of our plans for the morning. For fear of running into Danny, we parked around the corner to say our goodbye. His hugs and kisses made me feel at ease with the decision to leave with him in the morning. I was a little heartbroken knowing that I had to leave the safety of his arms to go home. He assured me that after today, Samantha and I would be safe, never to be in fear of getting battered ever again.

  All the way home, I could still feel his tender kisses on my lips. His scent was on and around me. It was around 3:30am when I arrived home and after swearing her to secrecy, Jenny and I spent the next hour talking about everything. I told her about the conversation Thomas and I had at the bar, about Danny’s behavior at the bar, about going to the diner and about my plans with Thomas to leave. She seemed genuinely happy for me, but it was visibly noticeable that she was also frightened for me. So, I assured her that all would work out smoothly, and Samantha and I would be more than all right. Around 4:30am, I sent Jenny to Samantha’s room to rest in the spare bed for a few hours before she leaves. I told her that I’d wake her up around 8am so she wouldn’t be late to work.

  The next hour or so, I laid in my bed and daydreamed about my evening with Thomas. I was on cloud nine and happier than I’ve been in years. When Thomas and I kissed, he displayed such deep feelings of love and compassion that for the first time in my life, I felt tenderness come from the man and not from me. A tenderness and compassion that was full of passion. Thomas loves me with every facet of his soul. With every kiss and every hug, he loved me. I know that when Thomas and I finally do make love, it will be the most wonderful feeling I’ll ever experience. I couldn’t wait.

  All these years, making love with Danny was always cold and brutal. It’s never self-sacrificing on his part and it’s always about his pleasure, not mine. He never thinks about me nor does he even consider me as a sexual being or entity. I’m just there. My main purpose is to spread my legs whenever he requests. That’s it. Those days will soon be over.

  I looked up at the clock…it’s almost 6am. If Danny comes home today, it won’t be for a few hours still. He rarely gets home before 8am, so I got up and began fussing around our bedroom when my thoughts wandered back to Thomas. Life and love with Thomas is going to be a pleasure filled with total bliss. I know that Samantha will be happy too. She’ll finally feel safe and out of harms way with Thomas around. Our journey would be a new experience for the both of us. One that, I’m happy to say, will be pleasant and serene. I couldn’t wait. Just a few more hours and I’ll be free.

  I thought intensely about our plans for the morning and started getting things in order for our great escape. In a few hours, Danny would be on his merry way to work and we, Samantha and I, would be on our way, never to look back again. It’s very scary, but knowing that in a few hours I would be free, was exhilarating. I felt relief in a way that I haven’t felt in years. Finally, I was going to be out of this never ending nightmare.

  I was in the shower when Danny arrived home well after 7:30am. I heard him banging things around in the bedroom indicating that he was in his usual drunken state. If all goes well, he’ll follow his normal routine, which is to change his clothes and go straight to work. My being in the shower was not out of the norm because I’m usually up around six every morning. So, he shouldn’t get suspicious.

  I started to wash my hair when I heard Danny enter the bathroom. I cheerfully shouted a good morning to him. He stood in the bathroom not saying anything, just watching. I began quickly rinsing my hair, when suddenly he drew the shower curtains and began shouting at me. He was so drunk that he was incoherent. He was speaking gibberish mumble jumble that didn’t make any sense.

  He looked like he’d gotten in a fight or something. Whatever. I could tell that he was extremely irritated about something…and with him that could be practically anything. “Danny, what’s the matter?” I asked hesitantly.

  “I’ll tell you what’s the matter with me,” he said and continued, “You left with Thomas.”

  “Danny, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said looking around frantically to see if my towel was in reach. Of course not, it was on the counter on the other side of the bathroom.

  “What do you think I am? An idiot?” he stammered. “I saw you leave with him.”

  “He just walked me out…that’s all,” I answered. I was frozen with fear. He’s so drunk and angry I didn’t know what to do. Should I try shutting the shower off or not? For fear I would get blind-sided, I decided not to turn my glance away from him.

  “Liar! I looked for him in the bar all night and he was nowhere to be found,” he said trying to keep his balance, “and then coincidently, he showed up around 3am, trying to act like if he’d been in the bar all night.”

  “I swear, Danny, he wasn’t with me,” I responded, reassuringly trying to calm him down, but he was too drunk and inconsolable.

  “What do you take me for? A fool?” he screamed flailing his arms.

  I flinched. Oh no, not today, please. “No Danny, I don’t think you’re a fool,” I responded respectfully.

  With that, he smacked me flat across the face and began screaming obscenities at me. This can’t be happening. Not today. “Danny, please, you have to believe me…Thomas didn’t leave with me,” I cried.

  “It’s okay, I took care of his sorry behind,” he said quieting down.

  What did he do? “Danny, what do you mean by that? What did you do?” I asked beginning to tremble.

  “You know all these years, I put up with your crap. I can’t stand looking at you or even touching you…but I still do. I only have sex with you, because you’re an easy lay. Let me tell you, over these last years I’ve had sex with girl after girl and each one of them was a better lay than you will ever be.” He paused and took a swig of the beer he had in his hand. “That doesn’t stop me though from giving you everything you need…everything!” he said, turning away from me and started to pace back and forth. I couldn’t move. I was frozen solid with fear. All I could think of was, not today. Of all days, why today?

  With all my guts, I retorted a response, “Danny, you have been a very good husband and you have given us everything we need, but I know that you’ve been unhappy for a long while. Let me finish showering and we can talk more about this over a cup of coffee or something.”

  He was shaking his head before I finished talking and turned back facing me. “Now you’re patronizing me. You don’t understand, so let me make this clear. I only let you live because Samantha needs you. And believe you me, she would quickly forget you if you disappeared. I’d find her a new mother, one that would love being with me, no matter what.”

  “Danny, please, you can’t mean all that you’re saying,” I said loudly, wishing that Jenny would hear us talking and wake up.

  He looked at me with contempt and disgust. “You repulse me. I hate you with every fiber of my soul…and your behavior last night proved to me that you are Puerto Rican trash. A true and blue spic, and my daughter is not going to be raised by a whore.” He turned around and began walking away.

  “Danny, what are you going to do?” I asked in a panic. I turned momentarily to shut the shower off and unbeknownst to me, Danny had turned around and was instantly on top of me.

  He grabbed me by the hair and
began yelling and screaming that I was not going to ruin Samantha. He slammed me into the shower wall and broke the beer bottle over my head. The glass shattered all over the bathroom and inside the tub. He still had me by the hair and as he jerked me around, I could feel the shards of glass slicing through my feet. Blood was running down my body from my head. I must have been bleeding a lot, because it was splattered all over the shower curtain.

  I tried screaming as loud as I could for help and pleading with Danny to stop. It seemed to feed his anger and he began pummeling me with punches to my face and body. I reached for my clothes and struggled to get dressed while he beat me. I could hear Jenny outside the bathroom door, screaming, trying to get in; and when I hollered that she get Samantha out of the house, Danny punched me in the mouth. I began screaming for help at the top of my lungs, “Someone, please help…anyone.”

  I was bleeding all over and was beginning to feel woozy and light-headed. Danny screamed that he was going to kill me if Jenny took off with Samantha, and he left the bathroom. With my last bit of strength, I ran after him and attacked him, clawing away at his face and body. I punched him with all my might. He batted me away like you would a mosquito, sending me flying across our bedroom.