Down & Dirty: Dex (Dirty Angels MC Book 8)

by Jeanne St. James

  And now?

  She pushed away from him and out of the bathroom to give them more space, so she didn’t have to be so close to him. She couldn’t bear to be that close. Not right now.

  Brooke spun on her heels to stare at the man who followed her out of the bathroom. She should be angry at him. Pissed. But she had a difficult time holding onto even a thread of that anger. Even with everything that went on downstairs. Everything she heard while listening at the top of the steps when she promised to wait in his room. Everything she heard after she came back up, saying she’d once again wait in his room, but didn’t.

  She only had gone into his room once the meeting had broken up and Pierce had been removed from their clubhouse. When she knew Dex would come upstairs looking for her.

  The man who she’d been sleeping with, who she was beginning to feel something for, whom she trusted, had betrayed that very trust.

  She should be really pissed because he had betrayed her. He had gone behind her back and took things she didn’t give permission for him to have. “You took those diary pages against my wishes.”

  She needed to be pissed because it might push out the hurt his actions caused.

  He dropped his head, ran a hand through his already disheveled dark hair and blew out a long breath as he stared at the floor. “Yeah,” he said so quietly she almost wasn’t sure if she heard him.

  “Yeah?” she repeated, trying to encourage her own anger, fury. Anything but the deep ache in the pit of her stomach. “You took something that was mine, Dex, without my permission.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can you even look at me?”

  He raised his head and met her gaze. “I took ‘em. Had a good reason, though, babe.”

  “You mean what you thought was a good reason. I told you that you could read them, but no one else. No one else, Dex. Your word should have been enough proof for them.” She swallowed down the lump that rose in her throat. “You didn’t need to show it to everyone. You didn’t need to let them read my mother’s private words. The demons she spilled on paper in an attempt to wash them from her soul. That wasn’t for their eyes, Dex. It wasn’t. You knew I didn’t want anyone reading them.” Her breath hitched but she pushed onward. “You took them anyway. And you didn’t say a fucking word.”

  She felt it then. A flicker of anger. But with that hollow feeling in her heart, in her chest, a flicker wasn’t enough.

  He inhaled a deep breath but said nothing. Which was smart on his part, because she wasn’t done yet. Not nearly done.

  She needed to rid herself of that ache. That bone-deep disappointment in a man who came into her life when she least expected it, then flipped it and pinned it to the mat like a professional wrestler. “How’d you get my DNA?”

  His eyes widened slightly, but he quickly hid it by rubbing a hand over them. “Fuck,” he muttered.

  She tried to keep that clawing disappointment from her voice. “Think I wasn’t going to find that out? Your first mistake was assuming I’d go upstairs and wait. That was never going to fucking happen. What happened downstairs affected me also, Dex. I had every right to know what was going on, what would happen to the man who raped my mother.” Her voice cracked. “To the man whose demented genes created me.”

  “Babe.”

  She lifted a palm and shook her head. “No, Dex. Don’t babe me. I’m not your babe. I’m no one’s babe. Not now. Not ever.” She stepped up to him until they were toe to toe. “I’m going to ask you again and I want an answer. I want the truth. How did you get my DNA and when?”

  “It was just some hair.”

  “Hair,” she repeated. “How did you get my hair? Did you pull it from my head when I slept by your side? Did you take it from my brush when I wasn’t looking? Like the diary pages?” She couldn’t control her voice shooting up a few octaves. She hated losing control but right now, she needed that indignation to embrace her, protect her. Fill that hollow.

  “How?”

  “One of your hairbands.”

  “When?” Her breath hissed from her as she thought about when he had access to them since she rarely wore her hair up. “When you pulled it from my hair at the gun range?”

  He didn’t say anything, just avoided her eyes.

  “Dex, answer me. At the gun range?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When you fucked me? Is that why you did it? To distract me from what you were doing? Are you that fucking sneaky?”

  She spun around and stepped away from him. Her chest was tight, her stomach in knots. She was so disappointed. Everyone around her had disappointed her. Her mother for keeping that secret. Her brother and sister for not caring enough to help with her mother’s illness and estate. The man who she thought was her real father, for going along with her mother’s lie. And now, Dex. “You violated my trust.”

  “Know it. Had to be done. Didn’t have a choice, babe.”

  Babe!

  Just throw a babe on the end of a sentence and that made everything A-Okay in his book.

  “I’m going back to the motel tonight. Alone. And then I’m going back home tomorrow morning. Alone. Do you hear that, Dex? Alone.”

  He reached out but she stepped out of his reach. “Babe, you can’t. It’s too risky.”

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Dex. You don’t. You don’t have that right.”

  His head dropped back and he stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before his body heaved when he barked out a loud, “Fuck!”

  When he dropped his eyes to her, a sharp pain shot through her. He was hurting, too.

  Everything that went down tonight, it did affect her. But it affected him as well. It affected every one of the members of his club family. Every single one.

  Not one of those bikers didn’t hurt from what they heard tonight. Not fucking one was left unscathed.

  But they would get over it. Move on. Like she needed to do.

  She needed to put all this behind her. And she couldn’t do it by continuing to spend time with the man before her.

  She needed to get out of Shadow Valley, get away from the DAMC and get her life back on track.

  And she needed to get away from Dex that second, because she didn’t want to do anything but hide under the covers and cry. She wasn’t going to do that in front of anyone. Not even him.

  So she needed to get back to her motel room, close the door, turn off the lights and just allow herself to purge her tears, her sadness, her disappointment.

  Then she needed to pick herself back up and head home to Harrisburg and forget Shadow Valley even existed. Forget Pierce. Forget the DAMC.

  And, once again, she knew that would be impossible if Dex remained in her life.

  She grabbed her jacket she had thrown on a chair, made sure she had her car’s key fob, then moved to the door.

  She stopped and stared at it for a moment. However, that gave Dex just enough time to move up behind her. He planted his palms against the door on either side of her, caging her in. “Babe,” he murmured into her ear. “Brooke...”

  His warm breath made her hair flutter against her ear and neck, causing her to fight back a shiver.

  She had this crazy desire to turn around. To kiss him, to shove him onto his bed, make him submit to her and fuck him until she forgot everything that was said downstairs. Everything that happened with the Warriors back at her house. Everything she read in her mother’s diary. And for even a moment, forget the suffering her mother went through, not only thirty years ago at the hand of the man she faced earlier, but her suffering during her long battle with cancer.

  She should allow herself to simply enjoy the man who was pressed to her back right now. The one not saying much of anything, just waiting to see what she would do. Probably hoping that she’d stay and do the same thing she desired.

  But she didn’t do any of that.

  Instead, with tears burning in her eyes, she shoved the lock bolt open and twisted the lock on the knob. “I need tim
e to think, Dex. Some time to process. Just give me that, please.”

  She yanked opened the door, and he let her shut it behind her. As she moved down the quiet hallway, she heard him scream “fuck” behind the door.

  She forced her feet to keep moving forward and not stop until she got to her car.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Dex crab-walked his bike backward into the spot next to Brooke’s Beemer. He shut it down and yanked his bandana from the lower half of his face and pulled the goggles he wore during cold weather off his head. He shrugged off his heavy leather motorcycle jacket and threw it over his arm. Then he turned to stare at the door of Brooke’s motel room.

  A sliver of light peeked from between the two curtains that had been drawn together.

  She was awake.

  He had given her an hour before he followed. But that hour had been rough as fuck. He stopped himself multiple times from charging out of his room and chasing her the fuck down because there was no fucking way he was leaving her alone tonight.

  Even though she was one of the strongest women he’d ever met, he’d seen what tonight did to her.

  Hell, he’d seen what tonight did to everyone in that meeting. Especially Zak.

  He could only imagine how tonight was going to affect not only Diamond’s life, now that the truth was out, but how it might devastate Kelsea’s when she finds out who her father is. Or was. And heard some of the recently uncovered things her “father” had done in the thirty-five plus years he was an Angel.

  Dex stepped up to her door and raised his hand to pound on it when it was flung open.

  His breath caught as she stood in the doorway, wearing nothing but a clingy, silky robe. The light from the room caused a glow behind her that made her look surreal.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  She was so fucking beautiful. So sexy. So confident.

  He knew right then, right there, she was everything he needed in his life.

  Everything.

  She was the first woman to ever get him and he wasn’t letting that go. He knew that was rare and that he’d never find it again.

  “What the fuck are you doing here? I told you I wanted to be alone.”

  Her searing words, her anger hit him dead center in the chest. He was prepared for it, though. “Heard you.”

  “So when I slam this door in your face you’ll know why.”

  “Ain’t slammin’ it. I’m comin’ in.”

  She stared at him for a second. “No. You’re not.”

  “Comin’ in, babe.”

  “My name is Brooke.”

  “Yeah, babe, know what your fuckin’ name is.”

  “Then learn to use it.”

  A muscle popped in his jaw as he ground his teeth. She thought she was the dominant in their relationship and, yeah, he allowed her to be because he liked it in the bedroom. But there came a point where that shit wasn’t going to fly with him.

  Like now.

  “Want me to use your name, Brooke? Is that what you fuckin’ want, Brooke? Need me to use it to remind you who you are, Brooke? I can do that.” He pushed past her into the room, grabbed the door, ripped it from her hand and slammed it shut. He twisted the deadbolt and turned to face her. “But, Brooke, you ain’t kickin’ me out of this room. I’m fuckin’ stayin’. Got me?”

  She shook her head, her eyes narrowed dangerously. “No, you’re not.”

  “The fuck I’m not.” He flung his arms wide. “I’m standin’ in your room. I’m stayin’. Ain’t kickin’ me out of your fuckin’ life, Brooke. Not lettin’ that happen. Know shit’s twisted right now. Know shit’s upside down for you. But it ain’t just you. It’s all of us. We’re all damaged in some fuckin’ way.”

  She pressed a hand to her forehead and something crossed over her face. The strong Brooke that he knew and loved was crumbling before his eyes.

  Fuck.

  Did he actually love her or was that his dick thinking out loud?

  “My mother suffered twice, Dex. Twice. Once from that bastard’s hands and then she suffered again when she was fighting cancer. I watched helplessly when she withered away to nothing. I couldn’t do anything to help her besides be there for her. I did that, but it never felt like it was enough. I wanted to take that pain from her and I couldn’t. And then to find what I did... to figure out that she’d suffered badly in another way... I know I’m not the cause of it, but I was the result, Dex. And I had no idea. For thirty fucking years, I had no clue. I had no idea what my mother saw every time she looked at me. What if she saw that monster? What if I was the cause of her reliving that nightmare over and over?”

  Her whole body hiccuped and she covered her mouth with a shaky hand. She spun away from him and rushed to the other side of the room.

  She was heading into the bathroom. She was going to go in there, lock the door and shut him out.

  Fuck that.

  He rushed after her, wrapped an arm around her waist and yanked her backward until she slammed into him. “You’re not fuckin’ hidin’ from this. You’re not hidin’ from me. Fuck that shit.”

  She inhaled a shaky breath and then yelled, “I just want to be left alone.”

  “No.”

  She struggled against his hold, digging her nails into his arms. “Let me go and leave me alone, Dex. I don’t need a reminder of where I came from, who I came from and that’s nothing but what you are. A damn reminder.”

  Dex went solid against her. He tried not to take her words personally, because she was hurting and just lashing out, but it was hard not to.

  She clawed at his arms, but luckily, he wore a long-sleeved tee that protected his skin from her desperate attempts of escape. “Let me go!”

  “No,” he growled in her ear as she struggled against him.

  “I can’t do this with you. Not now.”

  “You’re doin’ this. You’re gonna let it all go an’ I’m gonna be here when you do it. Gotta get that toxic shit outta your system. It’s the only way to move the fuck on. Got me?”

  She let out a scream that pierced his ear drums. He grunted when she elbowed his gut and kicked his shin in an attempt to escape his hold.

  “You fucking bikers! You have to force yourself on women! You don’t care about the damage you cause!”

  “Ain’t the same thing, babe. Not forcin’ you to do anything but face the shit that’s eatin’ away at you deep down inside.”

  “You don’t know what’s eating at me. You don’t know shit.”

  “Bullshit. I know ‘cause I see you sufferin’. See it. Feel it, too, Brooke. Jesus fuckin’ Christ. You ain’t the only one sufferin’ so stop bein’ a selfish bitch.”

  Dex knew by calling her that, by poking at her deep-seated pain, she was going to snap. But it needed to happen for her to release that building pressure. To rid it from her system. And if he needed to take the brunt of her anger, then he was willing to do so.

  She froze in his arms. “I’m a selfish bitch?”

  His life flashed before his eyes, but he said it anyway, “Yeah.”

  “I’m the one being selfish?”

  He was playing with fire. “Yeah, you are.”

  “Fuck you, asshole. Fuck all of you. I can’t wait to get the fuck out of this goddamn town. I’m never setting foot in it again.” The tone of her voice had turned high, almost a shriek, enough to make him wince, but he wasn’t backing off. Not yet.

  “That ain’t gonna happen,” he murmured.

  “Says who?”

  “Says me.”

  “Then you’re talking out of your ass. Because I want nothing to do with you, your club, or Shadow Valley. I found out the shit I needed to and I’m... I’m done.”

  “Ain’t done. Not with me. Not with the Valley. Not with my club, Brooke. Ain’t done. You don’t want anything to do with the DAMC, but it’s too fuckin’ late. Got a sister who’s DAMC. Even though your father was a piece of fuckin’ dog shit, you’re now family. We a
ccept you as family no matter what, babe. You belong to me; you belong to this club.”

  “I belong to you?” she asked in a harsh whisper. “I belong to you?” She jerked against him. “I must have missed that memo. You can’t treat me like property. I don’t belong to anyone! Especially you!”

  He pressed his cheek to the side of her face and tightened his arms even more. “Babe, you do. You just don’t see it yet.”

  “I don’t belong to you.” This time it wasn’t a scream, it was a whimper.

  Her body went lax against him but he was still afraid to loosen his hold. It could be a trick since she was smart and cunning.

  But when her knees buckled, he held her up, supporting her weight. Her head fell forward and her body heaved.

  Jesus fuckin’ Christ.

  Sweeping her off her feet into his arms, he took two long strides to the bed and placed her down gently. Brooke covered her face as her body wracked with silent sobs. When she curled up into a ball, his stomach felt hollow, like it had been scooped out with a large spoon.

  He quickly shed his cut and took off his boots before sliding next to her, gathering her into his arms and once again squeezing her tight.

  His fucking heart squeezed because it was painful to hear her finally let it all out. The tears, the frustration, that bitterness she was clinging to. She probably wasn’t even aware of all that toxic shit she was hanging onto. But now that everything had come to a head tonight and there was nowhere else to focus, it was finally coming to the surface.

  “Everything I thought was my life was a lie,” came muffled from behind her hands.

  “Don’t let that asshole steal your real life away from you.” He gently pulled her hands away from her face and even though he was glad she was purging herself of all the shit buried deep down, seeing her red-rimmed eyes and her tears rolling down her face twisted his gut. “Loved your dad?”

  She blinked up at him in confusion.

  “Your real dad, not your sperm donor. You loved ‘im?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your mom?”

  “Of course,” she answered without hesitation.