by Anna Paige
“Pretty sure it is, Clay. Just drop it. It didn’t mean anything.” I unzipped the garment bag and pulled out my khakis and dress shirt, smoothing them out on the bed with my suddenly nervous hands.
He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nuh-uh. You didn’t just tell me about letting her drive, you stood right there and told me you’re in love with that woman. Seriously, hopelessly, share-your-fucking-muscle-car in love with her.” I glared at him through slitted lids and he chuckled, stepping in close and pointing an accusatory finger at my chest. “I should kick your ass for this, you know. Now I have to start my marriage by telling my bride that she was right. That’s a dangerous precedent to set, Spence.”
I creased my brow and started to argue, when what he said hit me. “What was she right about?” I had to know, what had she and Talia talked about? If anyone knew Talia’s heart other than me, it was Ali.
Clay stepped back and shrugged, still smiling. “She’s convinced that the two of you are meant for each other. Something about how you’ll heal each other or some shit like that. I told her she was crazy. I never thought you’d get serious about anyone again, not after...” He trailed off thoughtfully and cleared his throat. “I’m glad she was right, though. Truth is, I was kind of pissed when I thought you’d just had a fling with Talia. She’s just not the kind of woman you do that with. I really like her, have from the start. She’s an awesome person who’s taken a lot of hard hits. She deserves to be happy.” He tipped his head at me. “So do you, fucker.”
I picked up my duffel and removed my shaving kit, deciding at the last second to take one more pass at my beard. I wanted everything perfect when I saw her again. I set it aside and grabbed Clay by the arm, turning him toward the door. “Tell Ali I agree about Talia deserving happiness but I’m still not sure she will ever want that with me.” I paused as I walked back into the hall. “All I can do is try—and believe me, I am—but in the end, the choice isn’t really mine to make and all the trying in the world might not be enough.”
Clay didn’t say anything further as I escorted him out of the room and left him standing in the hall, shutting the door behind him. He meant well, but he had to go.
I couldn’t let him see how terrified I was that I would fail at this.
CLAY’S PROPERTY LOOKED the same as the last time I’d seen it, which should be expected considering the amount of time I’d been spending in the area in recent weeks. No one was privy to that except Clay, Brant, Teach, and myself. Working on Clay’s present to Ali had become my obsession, giving me an outlet for my frustration. .
The ‘fancy schmancy’ wedding—as Ali had taken to calling it—was a week away so I’d been busy with the final details. Clay was presenting it to her after the formal wedding to give us more time to tie up loose ends. I was planning to head over after the ceremony today to work on some finishing touches while everyone else went back to have a small gathering at the home of Teach and Marilee.
And maybe I was looking forward to making an early escape so I didn’t have to hold it together in front of Talia all evening.
I desperately wanted to make my move but it wasn’t time yet. One more week. Just one week left before my life changed forever, one way or the other.
Thankfully, since the wedding here in Denson was so small, they had chosen not to adhere to the usual ceremonial rituals. There had been no uncomfortable rehearsal or gathering the night before, just all of us meeting up at their favorite spot in the world. We would all gather at the willow, save for Ali and her father Jeffrey, who would make their entrance via the narrow lake path once we were all in place.
Teach had gotten himself ordained and would be performing the ceremony. It was a touching gesture that had thrilled Ali. Clay had been the one to suggest it and no one told Ali until after Teach had gotten his certificate.
Clay liked to surprise his bride-to-be. A fact that would be glaringly clear at their wedding reception next week. She was in for the surprise of her life with this one.
We stood under the willow facing away from the altar, Clay to my right, Brant to my left as we waited for the ladies to arrive. Odd how Clay was the one taking the plunge but I was standing there with my heart in my throat. I wondered how Talia would react to my presence. Would she avoid me? Look right through me? Would she feel the same overwhelming pull that always pulsed through me when she was nearby?
Talia, Gran, and Marilee all stepped into the clearing, partially obscured by the low-hanging branches of the willow as their soft chatter and laughter floated across the lake on a breeze. Her laughter was a painful squeeze in my chest and I had to take a deep breath to combat the urge to rush over to her.
Clay leaned into my side, nudging me with his shoulder. “You okay? You’re kinda pale. I’m the one who’s supposed to be freaking out.”
“I’m good. Skipped breakfast this morning is all. Got busy and forgot,” I tossed out, not for a minute believing he bought that line of bull.
He didn’t comment further, thank goodness.
I peered between the swaying branches and finally got a good look at her. It was like someone had a strangle hold on my throat, cutting off my air, as I took in her pale blue cotton dress and gorgeous flowing curls that ran down her back.
She was stunning.
We locked eyes and for a brief moment her happy smile seemed like it was for me. She continued talking to Gran and Marilee, never looking away and her smile never wavered. When they approached the decorated arch where we stood, she looked down to avoid exposed roots and I felt suddenly cold, the same sensation one gets when stepping from beneath the warmth of the sun and into the chilly shade.
Look at me. Please, baby. Just look at me like that again.
She stepped over to face Clay, so close I could have reached out to touch her slender hand, but she looked only at him.
“Ali has been instructed to make her entrance in exactly five minutes. I could tell Jeffrey wanted a moment alone with her before we started.” Her expression was wistful as she looked around at the willow. “This is exactly how it should be, Clay. I’m so happy for you both.” Her eyes shone with unshed tears that she quickly blinked away. She reached up and straightened his collar, smiling at the open buttons at the top. “You take care of her, understand? She’s my best friend in the world and I won’t hesitate to kick your ass if you hurt her.” She swallowed thickly and looked down, trying not to cry.
Clay pulled her in for a hug, murmuring something in her ear. She looked at me over his shoulder and the tears surged forward. She pulled back and gave him a tense smile, whisking the moisture from her cheeks as she told him, “I know, Clay. I know.” She brushed at his shirt with a frown. “She’ll kill me if I get makeup on you.”
He took her hands in his and kissed the back of one of them. “Relax, Talia. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.”
She nodded and turned back to take her place at the other side of the arch, leaving room for Gran to step up and hug her grandson. He was bowed nearly in half to hang onto her, and she spoke into his ear so long that I was getting a sympathetic backache just watching him.
With him standing there like that, I had a direct view of Talia and Marilee. Talia had her back to me but I saw how she was intermittently swiping at her cheeks.
Dammit. I knew it was at least partially—if not entirely—because of my presence.
I swallowed hard and tugged at my own unbuttoned collar, which still managed to feel too tight, unsure how to help her, not knowing what to say.
Brant nudged me and spoke in a soft voice. “You going to go over there and do something about that, or would you rather stand here and suffer, forcing yourself to watch?’
I turned to face him, a sarcastic comment on my lips, when I got my first glimpse of the bride.
No one seemed to be aware that she and Jeffrey had made their way down the path and were about to cross the small meadow toward the willow. I cleared my throat pointedly and everyone’s head p
opped up and swiveled toward the bride. I caught a quick glimpse of Talia scrubbing the makeup under her eyes before Clay straightened and blocked my view.
Ali was looking at the willow, the silky white ribbons that ran from top to bottom of each branch, not quite as bold a statement as the lights had been the night of Clay’s proposal, but a day wedding called for a bit of improvisation. And she seemed to love the result. She was already crying when she and her dad stepped through the separated branches, which were held open like a curtain with more ribbon.
The venue was gorgeous, but it dimmed alongside Ali’s beauty. She was absolutely glowing. Her dress was simple, understated, and perfect. It flowed like water around her curves and fell in a wave straight to the ground. I couldn’t help smiling when she lifted the hem to mind her steps and I saw that she was barefoot.
She would get away with no such thing next week, but today she was just as she should be.
Radiant.
She smiled like she’d just won the lottery, and in a way I suppose she had. It wasn’t often that people found a love like she had with Clay, the kind of love that overcomes, overtakes, and endures. It was the kind of love that every heart secretly hoped for, to find that one person who was more than a lover, better than a friend, someone who was so much a part of you it was like you shared the same heart, the same soul.
A love like the one I had for Talia.
It felt like none of us breathed through the entire ceremony, except for Teach of course, who performed with the ease and grace of a man who’d done this his entire life.
When it was over, we all hugged and congratulated the bride and groom, gushing over how beautiful Ali was and reminding Clay that he was a lucky bastard. Everyone descended on them the moment it was over, and one by one we all moved away so they had a moment to breathe before heading back to the cabin to change.
The plan was for them to change at the cabin—Ali loved the dress, but wanted to trade it in for something more casual as soon as possible—and rejoin everyone at Teach and Marilee’s for a small reception.
My guess was the reception was going to be put on hold. The two of them could barely keep their hands and mouths off each other.
Talia kept her distance, talking mostly to Jeffrey, who looked a tad emotional at having to give his daughter away, even if he did get along quite well with Clay. I guess it was hard for him, as a father.
Letting go was never easy.
I could completely relate.
I congratulated Clay and Ali one last time and excused myself to ‘take care of some business.’ I saw Talia watching me as I walked toward the cars, the look on her face hard to read.
I wanted to go back and talk to her, convince her, touch her. Instead, I headed for my truck, excited to set off to the secret place where I’d spent the last eight weeks working toward something that, in the end, would change more lives than I could possibly count.
Too bad Talia had other plans.
I WAS ONLY a few yards from my truck when I heard my name being called out in Talia’s soft, breathy voice. I stopped but didn’t turn, trying to gather myself before facing her. I wasn’t ready for this. I needed more time to get everything together.
Including my head.
She drew nearer, the sound of her footfalls growing louder as she made it to the gravel-lined parking area. I could feel her eyes on my back as her steps slowed. She was hesitating because I hadn’t turned to greet her.
And I was hesitating because I had no idea how to greet her.
Sure, I wanted her back, wanted to fix this rift between us so badly it had become a burning obsession. But I also wanted to throttle her for putting us in this position, pitting us against each other when there was no reason for it.
I stood there for long moments, with her standing at my back, as love and anger warred inside me.
In the end, I let the anger win.
Not because I wanted to push her away but because I knew I could never move forward until we hashed this shit out.
Squaring my shoulders and pulling in a deep breath, I turned to face her.
The sun was at her back, casting her long blond hair in beautiful golden light. It glowed as the breeze lifted errant strands and sent them dancing around her face. Her lips were bare, no need for gloss or color when they were naturally the color of warm plums. And they tasted just as sweet.
Her dress stirred softly in the wind as she reached up to push the hair from her face, the thick row of bracelets on her wrist clinking together.
An image of Derek pushing her hair out of her face that day on the sidewalk snapped me out of my pitiful assessment of her beauty and I hardened my expression. “Is there something you wanted, Natalia?”
She flinched back slightly at my tone, looking wounded. She rifled through the slender clutch purse in her hand and pulled out a small floral envelope. I recognized it from her stationary set, the one she used to leave notes for Amelia. She handed it over to me and pressed her lips together in a sad smile. “I promised Cameron I’d give you this. Since he didn’t get the chance to thank you in person, he left this for me to deliver.”
I turned the note over in my hands, not looking at her as I tucked it into my pocket for later. “I gather that he enjoyed himself on his visit.”
“Very much,” came her soft reply.
I nodded thoughtfully. “Thank you for sending those photos. It was nice to see for myself that he was having fun.” I looked up at her then, my voice even and unaffected. “Did you?”
“It was one of the best weeks of my life.” She dropped her eyes to her clutch, whispering. “And also one of the worst, but that had nothing to do with Cam and everything to do with me.”
“I suppose it’s hard living a lie,” I said evenly.
Her head snapped up, her eyes wide. “What are you talking about?”
My anger surged anew at her obvious intent to continue with this farce. I spoke to her through gritted teeth. “I’m referring to the bullshit you spouted about choosing another man over me. The outright lie you told to end things because you didn’t have the guts to approach me with the truth.”
She hissed in a breath and averted her eyes, guilt and fear apparent on her face.
For a while, neither of us spoke and I vaguely regretted tipping my hand so quickly. She seemed to be scrambling, looking for something to say, whether a lie or the truth, I had no way of knowing.
I let the silence stretch out for a while and then casually said, “I take it you know better than to try to deny having lied to me about Derek. Probably a wise decision since I know exactly why you did what you did.” She looked up at me then, a deer in the headlights as I ground out, “Your new boyfriend came to my hotel and told me everything. I can’t even begin to tell you how great it was having to hear it all from him.”
Her gasp was low and lengthy. I watched her face go from shock to anger and back around to guilt in the span of a few heartbeats. Finally, she cleared her throat and looked up at me. “If he told you everything, then hopefully you can see why I chose to end it. I never intended for it to happen the way it did. I was actually considering not ending things at all, but when I saw you with Caleb…I don’t know, something inside me broke, and I felt like I would be being selfish if I didn’t let you go.”
I ran a hand over my hair, more frustrated than ever. “You mean after all these weeks the first thing you do is try to justify yourself to me? No apology, no remorse. Just ‘I had a good reason’?” I feigned laughter. “Unbelievable.”
“Do you think this has been easy for me? Do you honestly believe I haven’t been hurting too?” Her voice was stronger now, angry and affronted. “You’re so quick to judge but not everyone is as dialed-in as you. Not everyone is as certain of themselves, or as fucking infallible as the great Spencer Erickson. You’ve known who you are and where you wanted your life to go for years. Not everyone has that luxury. Sometimes entire futures change in the blink of an eye and you’re left spinning, not k
nowing where you’re going or how to get there. So you do the best you can, try to do what’s right, and hope for the best.” She tossed her hands up, clearly frustrated.
“You’re wrong. I’m no more certain of myself than anyone else. I used to be, once upon a time. Back before I fell in love with a woman that lied to me, robbed me of the future I wanted, and absolutely devastated me.” I huffed out a breath, watching her. “And no, I don’t mean Ivey. I mean you. I wanted a future with you and you threw that possibility—and me—away without even giving me the chance to fight for it. You took it all away without even consulting me, dammit!”
I ran both hands through my hair, not giving a damn that it would be sticking up everywhere. I was a breath away from pulling it all out. She was so fucking frustrating. I turned back to her, leaning down and dropping my voice. “I have been so lost, so cut off from everyone and everything that I couldn’t even find the courage to talk to my best friends about what was going on. I didn’t want them to hate you for breaking my fucking heart because, as much as I have a right to hate you, I don’t.” I held her gaze, watching tears well in her eyes as I spoke. “The only peace I had, the only person I felt I could talk to about this, was Amelia. I sat there on the grass at her grave and bared my soul to her, because she was the only one I knew of who could have possibly loved you as much as I do.”
Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she nodded, looking into my eyes—really looking—for the first time. “I know. The groundskeeper mentioned seeing you there.”
Damn. I hadn’t realized anyone had seen me.
No matter. I’d done what I needed to do to find peace and it had actually worked. Going there had given me the inspiration I’d needed, it had given me hope.
Shrugging off her announcement, I stepped back and continued watching her. “What do you think she would have wanted for you?”
She looked away, giving her head a soft shake as if she didn’t intend to answer.
